Home > Fiction > Friday Fictioneers – Cosmic Toilet

Friday Fictioneers – Cosmic Toilet

Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. The photo this week was contributed by Roger Bultot.

I’ve gone for a silly, rather juvenile story this week. If you’re not familiar with “Dr Who”, all you need to know is that he travels through time in a TARDIS which is stuck looking like an old police box since its chameleon circuit jammed, and it’s bigger on the inside than the outside.

Click on the blue froggy to see this week’s other stories.

Copyright Roger Bultot

Copyright Roger Bultot

 

“Wow, look, that could be the TARDIS. Like off Dr Who!”

“It’s a portable toilet.”

“No, let’s go inside to see if he’s in there!”

“Who?”

“The Doctor, of course!”

“It’s a portable toilet.”

“Hmm, it is a bit of a tight squeeze. And very dark.”

“That’s because it’s a portable toilet. Hey, what’s that noise?”

“I thought since we’re in a portable toilet I’d offload that curry I had last night.”

“Oh my God. Let me out!”

“Aaaahhhh, that’s better. Hey, the door’s opening. Oy, occupied!”

Creeeaaak.

“What the Hell are you two doing in my TARDIS? And what is that smell?”

 

  1. December 2, 2015 at 8:37 pm

    You did warn about the juvenile nature of the story …so no comments on that . If this is where the picture took you then that’s it, we just have to deal with it 🙂

    Like

    • December 3, 2015 at 7:35 am

      I’ll echo ansuman’s comments here. 🙂 🙂

      Like

      • December 3, 2015 at 7:41 am

        I give this a certificate “12” – not to be read by anyone over the age of 12 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

    • December 3, 2015 at 7:39 am

      The two things which immediately sprang to mind were TARDIS and Portaloo 🙂

      Like

  2. December 2, 2015 at 9:25 pm

    The Doctor would be extremely upset. I wonder how that would play in the series?

    Like

    • December 3, 2015 at 7:39 am

      I don’t think it would make the cut.

      Like

  3. December 2, 2015 at 10:17 pm

    Both you and Ted went the Dr. Who route. I MUST watch a Dr. Who movie (oops, showing my ignorance aobut a VERY popular movie.)

    Like

    • December 3, 2015 at 7:40 am

      See, I knew it was a TARDIS. Two of us can’t be wrong.

      Like

  4. December 2, 2015 at 10:18 pm

    Ugh, curry. I know a little about Dr. Who cause of the kid.

    Like

    • December 3, 2015 at 7:40 am

      Mmm, curry. I regret it the next day, though.

      Like

  5. December 3, 2015 at 4:20 am

    I laughed out loud just reading the title, let alone the story. Hilarious, Ali. Poor, poor Dr. Who. The Tardis may never be the same. How will he get women to ride along with him now? Well done. 😀 — Suzanne

    Like

    • December 3, 2015 at 7:41 am

      I think he’s out of luck in the companion department for a while 😦

      Like

  6. Lata Sunil
    December 3, 2015 at 10:47 am

    lolz

    Like

  7. December 3, 2015 at 12:10 pm

    Oh SHIT, that was hilarious… here in Sweden a toilet would be marked with a heart on the door… 🙂

    Like

    • December 3, 2015 at 12:53 pm

      I’m glad you liked it!
      That’s interesting about the heart on the door. I wonder how that came about?

      Like

  8. December 3, 2015 at 12:50 pm

    Thanks for the warning and I went there anyway! You are right, there is not a boy (and you all remain boys…) who doesn’t like “pipi caca” stories! Fun!

    Like

    • December 3, 2015 at 12:57 pm

      I thought it was only fair to warn readers! We boys love our toilet humour 🙂

      Like

  9. December 3, 2015 at 1:03 pm

    Dr who and toilet humour – genius!

    Like

    • December 3, 2015 at 2:04 pm

      Everything good under one roof 🙂

      Like

  10. December 3, 2015 at 1:22 pm

    Dear Ali,

    You gave us fair warning and I entered anyway. I think this story should be celebrated with spit wads. Well done.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

    Like

    • December 3, 2015 at 2:05 pm

      Dear Rochelle,
      Twas a silly mood I was in yesterday!
      Ali

      Like

  11. December 3, 2015 at 2:21 pm

    Who? Dr. Poo? I feel like being 12 again… LOL. BTW, in Bavaria, traditional outhouses (without running water)–what people used to have eons ago–there were also heart-shaped window openings in the doors. There is also a Bavarian proverb: when the butt hums, the heart is healthy (it rhymes in Bavarian). Maybe there’s a similar proverb in Sweden?

    Like

    • December 3, 2015 at 7:40 pm

      Bavaria too, huh? I seem to recall from the occasional old Western film that the cowboys always sat in one with a crescent moon on the door.
      I’m glad you liked my silly little story 🙂

      Like

  12. December 3, 2015 at 3:10 pm

    As a Dr. Who fan, I can only say… LOVED IT! I completely missed the TARDIS connection in the prompt. Bless you for seeing what I could not. I’m still laughing as I type this (Thankfully no typos). Best story of the day!

    Like

    • December 3, 2015 at 7:43 pm

      The first thing I thought when I looked at the photo was “ooh, TARDIS” 🙂 The Doctor might have to regenerate after this unfortunate incident.
      Glad you enjoyed it!

      Liked by 1 person

  13. December 3, 2015 at 5:06 pm

    Silly and fun. It does rather more resemble a portapotty than a tardis.

    Like

  14. December 3, 2015 at 6:47 pm

    I was holding my breath reading through all the submissions hoping no one thought what I was thinking: TARDIS. But, no, there had to be other Dr. Who fans out there. There just had to be! 🙂

    Like

    • December 3, 2015 at 7:52 pm

      Hee, that’s a TARDIS in disguise if ever I saw one 🙂
      Plus we’re nearly at the end of the current series, I’ve started watching series 1 again, I’ve recently watched a load of Jon Pertwee Dr Who and I just bought a really cool Dr Who Christmas jumper from the BBC shop. So I currently have Dr Who on the brain!

      Liked by 1 person

  15. December 3, 2015 at 8:25 pm

    this story made my day. very funny. 🙂

    Like

  16. December 3, 2015 at 8:37 pm

    I hope the sonic screwdriver has a plunger, lol 🙂

    Like

    • December 4, 2015 at 7:54 am

      Hah, yes. It does do pretty much everything else (except “wood”) 🙂

      Like

  17. December 4, 2015 at 2:49 am

    Potty humor always funny. Wonder why?
    Dr. Who is a favorite, he’s be so pissed, and i’m sure the planet he’d leave these two on would befit their crime! 🙂

    Like

    • December 4, 2015 at 7:56 am

      Not the sort of person you want to upset, with all of space and time at his disposal for their disposal 🙂

      Like

  18. December 4, 2015 at 7:06 am

    I see I am too late with a Dr. Poo comment, so I’ll just do an appropriate Beavis & Butthead snicker at this tale…

    Huh, huh, huh! Huh, huh, huh!!!!

    Like

    • December 4, 2015 at 7:56 am

      You’ve gotta get in quick with stuff like Dr Poo 🙂
      Beavis and Butthead is an appropriate substitute.

      Like

  19. December 4, 2015 at 7:33 am

    Thanx for the ‘stuck chameleon circuit’ info. Watched a few of the Pertwee episodes and then Tom Baker, but never questioned why it was a Police call box. 😳

    Like

    • December 4, 2015 at 7:57 am

      I think he mentioned in a later series that he could actually fix it, but he’s grown rather fond of the shape 🙂

      Like

  20. December 4, 2015 at 8:41 am

    OMC I was MOL while I went to the port with your story… 😀 Pawkisses for a Happy Weekend 🙂 ❤

    Like

  21. December 4, 2015 at 10:50 am

    Oh my, I so wouldn’t want to be in that Tardis in that moment. 😀

    Like

    • December 4, 2015 at 3:21 pm

      I dunno – it is the TARDIS after all! Well, okay, maybe not right at that moment.

      Liked by 1 person

  22. December 4, 2015 at 4:02 pm

    Ah .. I do so love the Doctor .. and should have thought that that outbuilding resembled the TARDIS … how terribly embarrassing though for the lads that the owner of the TARDIS should return just then!

    Like

    • December 4, 2015 at 8:39 pm

      Yep – pretty bad timing for both the lads and the poor Doctor! The TARDIS used to be invulnerable but it seems any Tom, Dick or Harry can wander in and out these days.

      Like

  23. December 4, 2015 at 4:19 pm

    Love it… got to send this to my granddaughter!

    Like

    • December 4, 2015 at 8:40 pm

      Heh, I’m glad you liked it! Hope she does too 🙂
      We both went “Time Lord” this week!

      Like

  24. December 4, 2015 at 7:59 pm

    That was funny and fun. Curry offloads, indeed!
    Randy

    Like

    • December 4, 2015 at 8:41 pm

      That was the worst “morning after” food I could think of! I’m glad you liked it 🙂

      Like

  25. December 5, 2015 at 8:37 am

    hilarious……you always deliver! saw something or other coming…… and still a surprise. great work Ali ! 🙂 🙂

    Like

    • December 5, 2015 at 10:56 am

      I like that you know something’s coming… but what? 🙂

      Like

  26. December 5, 2015 at 7:33 pm

    Haha! Very funny. Yes, I’d be out of there too if someone was offloading their curry. That made me laugh.

    Like

  27. December 6, 2015 at 12:29 am

    You would fit in perfectly with the class I am teaching this year…. Not necessarily a compliment… they are seventh graders! (Such a potty mouth) Enjoyed.

    Like

  28. December 6, 2015 at 1:06 am

    Ya made me smirk. 😉

    Like

  29. December 7, 2015 at 12:27 pm

    Obviously he thought it was a Turdis and being a lav rat……

    Like

  30. December 7, 2015 at 5:38 pm

    It’s hard to deny that the image looks like a portapotty, so you took it where it was headed anyway! 😉 The image is so fabulous! Calls out for Sci-fi… and humor, apparently. 😉

    Like

    • December 7, 2015 at 7:32 pm

      Yeah, if that’s not a TARDIS disguised as a portaloo I don’t know what it 🙂

      Like

  31. December 7, 2015 at 9:57 pm

    Ha ha. i’ll never look at a portable loo in the same light again. Come to think of it, I’ll never look at the Tardis in the same way, either.; I understand the lad’s mistake completely. Who wouldn’t think a portable toilet looked like a Tardis? Your ending was excellent! (Those two weren’t Bill and Ted, were they?) 🙂

    Like

    • December 8, 2015 at 8:08 am

      Ha, they could be Bill and Ted 🙂 Anything that shape and size is a potential TARDIS I reckon!

      Liked by 1 person

  32. December 9, 2015 at 4:09 pm

    You are SILLY!
    I enjoyed that story — my silly, childish self, that is (and now I assume a mantle of dignity, and look ahead with a stern gaze).
    Hahaha!

    Like

    • December 10, 2015 at 5:32 pm

      It’s the sort of story you mustn’t admit to liking when in polite company 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  33. December 10, 2015 at 3:58 am

    ha ha ha.. trust me, this was simply superb! I am still smiling! Great read.. 🙂

    Like

  34. January 12, 2016 at 9:06 pm

    Who knew the TARDIS has a toilet. I guess it has to, though. Multiple toilets. Imagine! What’s the waste disposal system like on that? Does the Doctor, erm, offload the materials whilst swirling through space and time? Does it get made into a silly little cube, rather like a car-cruncher does with metal at a junkyard, and stored somewhere? Is there a heretofore unmentioned “Poop Planet” in the Whoniverse? If they have room for dinosaurs, the Titanic, the Slitheen, Daleks, the Silence, the weeping angels, the Rani, et al, I guess anything’s possible. (But ugh!) The world may never (want to) know the answer to where this planet lies!

    Like

    • January 13, 2016 at 8:51 am

      You’ve put way too much thought into the TARDIS’s toilet facilities! Top marks for mentioning The Rani, though. Classic Dr Who! I only remember the Doctor meeting 4 other Time Lords outside of Gallifrey, the Rani being one.
      There’s probably a huge room where it all gets stored and then he just jettisons the whole room when it full. Yuck!

      Like

      • January 13, 2016 at 3:38 pm

        Yuck is right! Thank goodness they don’t go into this unseen aspect in the TV or books (as far as I know, anyway).

        Like

      • January 14, 2016 at 12:30 pm

        I echo that 🙂 Films and TV as a whole are notoriously devoid of toilet-related activities!

        Like

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