FF – Rustic Real Estate
Here is my post for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Piya Singh and I believe it is from a few years ago.
To read the other stories, click on the blue froggy.
Copyright Piya Singh
“How are we gonna sell this?”
“I’ve offloaded worse.”
“It took us three hours to get here – on foot. There’s no heating, no plumbing and no electricity. Hell, it doesn’t even have interior walls.”
“Ah, but if you turn the wheel at the front the whole cottage rotates, so you always get the sun! Very forward-thinking, Victorian inventors.”
“Yeah, pretty awesome, but a wheel requiring twenty people to shift?”
“Details, details…”
Picturesque period property, privacy guaranteed. Open-plan, “olde worlde” feel, benefits from all-day sunshine via unique rotational architecture. Ideal for “back to nature” commune of twenty plus. £750,000 o.n.o.
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Friday Fictioneers
draliman on life 
Haha… I would like to buy… Please give me the contact details of the seller😀
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I’ll pass them on to you. I’m on commission!
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Hahaha alright. Great take on the prompt!
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🙂
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Oh man, that advert, 😆
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There’s nothing actually untrue in there 🙂
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Location, location, location. 🙂
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Heating, plumbing, internet 🙂
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Wow!
That is an estate agent at his best.
Selling crap for gold.
🙂
🙂
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That would be the best tag line for an estate agent ever. “Ripoff and Sons, Selling crap for gold since 1976” 🙂
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🙂
:-):-)
I like that a lot, at least that would be honest.
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Their honesty might just be enough of a “unique selling point” to make them some real money!
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My thoughts exactly!
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This sounds better than any mansion… beside you can always add a conservatory (or?)
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There’s certainly room for expansion!
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Hee-heee-heeeee! Well, gotta have some imagination, huh?
Of course, I’m sure some American will turn it into an amusement park ride. Hey, why not?
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“Come visit the amazing spinning cottage!”
There’s a theme park for practically everything else, so why not indeed?
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😀
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That sounds like a very interesting property! Love the advert – that sounds like typical estate agent ‘spin’. Great story, Ali. 🙂
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Ha, “spin” :-). The first thing you need to research when buying a house is what the estate agent is trying hard not to say.
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Can you send me the contact details of this estate agent, for he has done great here.
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He has done a pretty good job. He can sell my house any day!
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Some overpaid corporate snob will buy it. And brag about the bargain they got.
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And never visit. It’s all about his “house in the country”.
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You’re missing your calling, Ali. You need to apply for a senior estate agent position 😀
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I think you’re right. I could make a fortune!
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The price of real estate these days, amirite, boyo?
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It’s shocking, just shocking!
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Rustic: the perfect word to describe this place! Great story!
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For sure – it’s a word to watch out for in a house listing. I’m glad you liked it!
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HaHa! In my experience “rustic” is real estate code for “if there is any plumbing at all, it is a long way from the main house!” 😀
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In this case I think you have to dig your own pit and carry water from the “nearby” stream 🙂
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LOL! 😀
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So clever, so creative, so funny! You never fail us, Dr. Alistair!
The idea of the wheel rotating the whole structure so that it can face the sun is brilliant.
Great real estate gag!
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Well, if it’s a water wheel it doesn’t seem to be facing the right way so what else could it be? 🙂
I’m glad you liked it!
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I always like anything you write.
🙂
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🙂
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£750,000 is totally worth a house that spins… to heck with the scenery or lack of a proper toilet…
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That’s what I thought. There’s going to be a bidding war for sure.
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Haha! The bidding has just gone UP! Okay, I’d love that “olde worlde” house too. Who should I talk to? XD
Clever take, Ali. As always.
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Everyone wants the little cottage! I could make some money here 🙂
I’m glad you liked it!
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I think I may have come across several of those estate agents just recently… Made me smile.
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They’re everywhere. Like “cosy” actually means 10 square feet…
I’m glad you liked it!
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Clever and funny, cool piece.
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I’m glad you liked it!
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Hilarious, Ali. The man is a super salesman with a great vocabulary. “Back to nature” is putting it mildly. I love the price. 😀 — Suzanne
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The estate agent reckon’s that’s just the starting price – it could go even higher!
You can’t beat an estate agent for sales patter 🙂
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Gosh darn, everyone must want that property. And the realtors could easily have asked for a million, not a measly 750K. Pounds. Not €. Not $. Hilarious.
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From the interest in the property just from this blog post, I reckon the estate agent could ultimately be looking at seven figures 🙂
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Hahaha! Although I like this old house it reminds me that realtors can make a trash heap sound like a castle. LOL!
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You definitely don’t want to buy anything “sight unseen” 🙂 Even their photographs make rooms look twice the size. I think they have a special lens or something.
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LOL! That is so very true!
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“How are we gonna sell this?”
“I’ve offloaded worse.”
I’m inclined to believe that. A good salesman can find a buyer for anything. And honestly, the place doesn’t look so bad. It’s quaint, secluded, has a great view, running water (of sorts) and I’m betting no pesky neighbors. Also, I’d guess zoning laws probably don’t apply. What a bargain! Where can I put in an offer? 🙂
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I agree, it looks like the ideal place for a nice quiet getaway (and I also agree that a good salesperson can sell anything!). If you want to put in an offer, you’ll have stiff competition from several other readers!
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Dear Ali,
It’s what we folks here in the States refer to as “a real fixer-upper”. Clever real estate agent.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Dear Rochelle,
It’s what we in the UK refer to as “a real dump” :-). No, we use “fixer-upper” as well! It’s all in the patter, sales-wise.
Ali
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Where do I hand in the deposit?
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Um… to me! Yes, to me 😉
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obviously, they need a realtor who can sell a dream. 🙂
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That’s what estate agents do. Of course, sometimes it turns into a nightmare (once you’ve parted with your cash) 🙂
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Haha. Oh, I love this one, Ali! This reminds me of a elf game I played where anytime during the game the board can be turned. It also reminds of this story where this guy was set to buy this beautiful house and right before he handed over the checked he asked, “This faces south?” and then he didn’t buy it! Just thought I’d share…This is a very creative piece. I think one of your best!
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Turning the board would certainly add a bit of a “twist” (haha) to a game!
A lot of people are dead set on a house facing the “right way” – I admit, I would quite like some sun in my living room at some point before 6pm, though it was not a deal-breaker for me.
I’m glad you enjoyed my story 🙂
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Great little amusing story with jokes running throughout. Love the way it has to be sold for a commune of 20 otherwise they can’t turn the house.
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I thought it would be a shame if the facility was there but the manpower lacking!
I’m glad you enjoyed it.
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ha ha. “commune of 20+” is a great marketing twist.
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I bet they’d get plenty of takers too 🙂
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Sold! – A super take on the prompt
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Thanks! It’s yours 🙂
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You could get by…with a little help from your friends.
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Yeah, your 19 friends 🙂
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Very clever – I like your thinking 🙂
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Funny. Having just suffered through a few months of real estate hunting, your story really made me chuckle.
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“Suffered” is definitely the right word. I’m glad you liked my story!
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A real bargain at the price, I’d say. What more could anyone ask than a rotating house, especially at this time of year? And ‘ideal for back to nature commune’ is a great description – but, somehow, it might prove a little far-etched when the hovel…er house…is actually viewed. A really fun read! 🙂
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When has an estate agent’s description ever matched reality?!
My next door neighbour is selling her house and the photo of her driveway (which is next to mine) makes it look like you could park two busses on it because they’ve used a weird angle and probably a special lens. Two (short) cars really close together, in reality.
I’m glad you enjoyed my story!
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That was fun… goes to show, you can’t always believe the sales pitch!
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When it comes to buying a house, you can’t ever trust the sales pitch!
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I like the way the cottage looks, but I wouldn’t want to live there all year round.
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No, it’s more of a “week away” type of a place.
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