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FF – Exile

Here is my post for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo is from 2012 and was contributed by Jan Marler Morrill. It was suggested as a redo by Sandra Crook.

To read the other stories, click on the blue froggy.


 

Derek squinted, grunting in pain as the merciless sun reflected from the whitewashed buildings. On reflex he raised his hand to wipe the sweat from his brow but encountered only dried salt. What kind of hell was this?

How he missed the ice and snow of his homeland, how he dreamed of nights on watch, huddled in his furs as he guarded the Keep. How he longed to return! Surely the Order would take him back once he repaid his debt, once he brought proof of the Betrayer’s death? Drawing the dagger from its sheath, he slipped into the alley.

 

  1. July 6, 2016 at 11:30 pm

    Wow. A genuine cloak and dagger story πŸ™‚ Over all, I think I’d rather be cold than cooked … but if I had a choice, take me to the Caribbean.

    Like

    • July 7, 2016 at 5:48 am

      Me too. I don’t think I’d be able to handle extreme heat. Though the Caribbean does sound good about now!

      Like

  2. Lyn
    July 7, 2016 at 12:59 am

    You could do a whole lot with this!

    Like

  3. July 7, 2016 at 2:04 am

    I guess we love what is familiar. This guy is trapped in so many ways, as much as the guy he is after. Have you even tried your hand at short (or long) stories? I love your FF stories.

    Like

    • July 7, 2016 at 5:52 am

      He is trapped, this needs resolving one way or another.
      I’ve never really delved into anything longer properly, though I’m working (slowly) on a couple of things at the moment. I’m glad you enjoy my FF stories πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

  4. July 7, 2016 at 6:03 am

    If only he could make his way inside that building on the left….. I think it has air conditioning!

    Like

    • July 7, 2016 at 6:06 am

      Yeah, I noticed that. He should take a break in there. He needs to be at the top of his game for the upcoming slashing and stabbing.

      Like

  5. July 7, 2016 at 7:15 am

    We want a longer story!
    Chants the masses.
    Brilliant story.

    Like

    • July 7, 2016 at 10:22 am

      I’m glad you liked it! There is definitely a back story and something still to come, should I write it…

      Liked by 1 person

  6. July 7, 2016 at 8:18 am

    I suppose there are those who find a hot climate hard to tolerate. An opportunity to find out would be nice. I hope he completes his mission and returns to the cold if that’s what he prefers.

    Like

    • July 7, 2016 at 10:22 am

      I’ve never been anywhere very hot, but I don’t think I’d cope.

      Like

  7. July 7, 2016 at 2:36 pm

    Great story! Full of mystery.

    Like

    • July 7, 2016 at 5:16 pm

      Thanks, I’m glad you liked it! Many questions unanswered πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

  8. July 7, 2016 at 2:56 pm

    Textbook example of a great beginning to a fantasy story. Wow, Ali!

    Like

    • July 7, 2016 at 5:16 pm

      It would make a good start, wouldn’t it? Then maybe a flashback to explain some but not all. The Betrayer and his exile can wait until later…

      Like

  9. July 7, 2016 at 7:20 pm

    I know the feeling… love a land of snow and ice myself… I’m not sure I want him to succeed though

    Like

    • July 8, 2016 at 6:31 am

      Me neither, this Order sounds a bit suspicious.
      I also prefer the colder end of the spectrum.

      Like

  10. Adam Ickes
    July 7, 2016 at 9:01 pm

    I’d like to see where this goes. My bet is they’ll never take him back, even with the proof he’s planning on getting.

    Like

    • July 8, 2016 at 6:33 am

      Very likely. I get the feeling that once they’ve made a decision, it stays made.

      Like

  11. July 7, 2016 at 10:22 pm

    Whoa! Although I’m not usually drawn to what I think of as a fantasy story, I like this VERY much. Thank you.

    Like

    • July 8, 2016 at 6:35 am

      Thanks, I’m really glad you enjoyed it πŸ™‚

      Like

  12. July 8, 2016 at 5:53 am

    A departure from your sometimes humorous and ometimes apocalyptic vision! I loved the sense of mystery you evoked, and want to know more. Who is he? What is the Order of which he’s a part? Excellent atmospheric details.
    (Strangely, last night I wrote a story, not related to FF, which had a mysterious Order in it, as well. It must be in the air, this business of belonging to some sect or other! πŸ™‚ )

    Like

    • July 8, 2016 at 6:38 am

      Secret sects are all the rage! Many questions unanswered, I’ll let your imagination run riot πŸ™‚
      I’m glad you liked it!

      Liked by 1 person

  13. July 8, 2016 at 6:18 am

    Nicely layered story. Derek should enjoy the heat while it lasts though. After all, winter is coming.

    Like

    • July 8, 2016 at 6:40 am

      Thanks! I’m not sure there’s much of a winter where he is, though, at least not what he’s used to. Ah, the icy glaciers of home…

      Like

  14. michael1148humphris
    July 8, 2016 at 5:16 pm

    Sounds like he’s been dump’ed, perhaps he needs to evaluate whether he is working for the wrong group.πŸ™‚

    Like

    • July 9, 2016 at 11:04 am

      Maybe he would be better off working for himself. Somewhere chillier!

      Like

  15. July 8, 2016 at 5:28 pm

    Dear Ali

    This is a little different for you. Always good to try something different. It’s been so hot here, I felt his pain in the most literal sense. Nicely done.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

    Like

    • July 9, 2016 at 11:05 am

      Dear Rochelle,
      I wish it were hotter here, it being summer and all. But not as hot as where Derek is!
      Thanks!
      Ali

      Like

  16. July 8, 2016 at 10:09 pm

    There’s more to this story, isn’t there…..???

    Like

    • July 9, 2016 at 11:06 am

      Possibly, maybe somewhere in my head πŸ™‚

      Like

  17. July 8, 2016 at 10:17 pm

    This is great. It’s like the beginning of a great adventure. Why fantasy though, I wonder. Because of the dagger, the order, the keep? This could be SF as well, another planet, a mercenary-slave another time… more please. πŸ™‚

    Like

    • July 9, 2016 at 11:07 am

      The picture made me think immediately of a scene from David Eddings’ “Sparhawk” series which was fantasy, but also of the Crusades. Another planet would also work!
      I’m glad you liked it. It does have possibilities for something longer.

      Liked by 1 person

  18. July 9, 2016 at 10:53 am

    The tension is palpable, and when he wipes his forehead the reader can really feel the heat. The last line leaves us wanting more–and that’s a good thing!

    Like

    • July 9, 2016 at 11:08 am

      Thanks – I was going to have him wipe off the sweat but then thought if it had already evaporated it would give an even greater sense of heat. I’m glad you liked it!

      Like

  19. July 10, 2016 at 8:47 am

    Perfect settings for your story! This street is full of dark secrets I think πŸ™‚

    Like

    • July 10, 2016 at 4:52 pm

      Me too – who knows what could be waiting around the corner?

      Liked by 1 person

  20. July 10, 2016 at 6:59 pm

    Great capture of the setting in your story. Personally, I prefer the sun to the cold. Great telling, Ali. I bet he succeeds.

    Like

    • July 11, 2016 at 7:08 am

      Thanks, he’s certainly motivated to succeed and get back to his homeland!

      Like

  21. July 10, 2016 at 10:46 pm

    Oooo..I love the intrigue!

    Like

  22. July 10, 2016 at 10:47 pm

    And he’s off to get what’s his. I like the idea of cold-climate person in a hot environment. Sounds like something Ray Bradbury would have tackled.

    Nice, Ali!

    Like

    • July 11, 2016 at 7:09 am

      I hope the heat doesn’t slow him down as he “does what must be done”. I’m glad you liked it!

      Like

  23. July 11, 2016 at 8:29 am

    Wonderfully atmospheric. There are so many fascinating bits to this – the Betrayer, the climate, the Order. Great.

    Like

  24. July 11, 2016 at 11:49 am

    Good writing, Ali. I agree that it would make a great hook for a longer story, a thriller or mystery perhaps. πŸ™‚ — Suzanne

    Like

    • July 11, 2016 at 3:51 pm

      I’m thinking ye olde adventure with maybe a hint of magic πŸ™‚
      I’m glad you liked it!

      Like

  25. July 11, 2016 at 12:02 pm

    A wonderfully atmospheric story with lots of unanswered questions, Ali I love it! I don’t think I’d fare well in such temperatures, either!

    Like

    • July 11, 2016 at 3:52 pm

      Far too hot to be rushing round killing people. He should find a cafe and have a nice cool drink, possibly with an umbrella in it πŸ™‚
      I’m glad you liked it!

      Liked by 1 person

  26. July 12, 2016 at 3:16 am

    Reminds me of some of the settings of Game of Thrones. I like the contrast of the heat and the icy home he remembers!

    Like

    • July 12, 2016 at 11:36 am

      He’s visiting King’s Landing from the Wall πŸ™‚

      Like

  27. July 12, 2016 at 9:13 am

    It must be really hot in there…I probably get claustrophobic πŸ˜€ Great story! Pawkisses πŸ™‚ ❀

    Like

  28. July 13, 2016 at 1:58 am

    Creative approach to the prompt! This looks like Santorini to me…I wouldn’t go there in the summer, as I loathe the heat as well.

    Like

    • July 13, 2016 at 8:20 am

      Thanks! Yes, I’ve heard that the heat can get deadly in Greece even to people who live there and are more used to it.

      Liked by 1 person

  29. July 19, 2016 at 2:15 pm

    Oh yes, I love this one. A great piece of historical fiction and I really like the description of the whitewashed walls reflecting the merciless heat. I hope he finds the Betrayer soon and the demanding Order take him back.

    Like

    • July 19, 2016 at 3:29 pm

      He hopes so too. He’s not one with the heat. I’m glad you enjoyed it!

      Like

  30. August 4, 2016 at 2:04 pm

    I love it! Where is this?

    Like

  31. August 4, 2016 at 5:50 pm

    I don’t know, the photo was contributed for the Friday Fictioneers challenge. It looks like maybe Greece or Morocco? Somewhere a lot hotter than here!

    Like

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