FF – Exile
Here is my post for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo is from 2012 and was contributed by Jan Marler Morrill. It was suggested as a redo by Sandra Crook.
To read the other stories, click on the blue froggy.
Derek squinted, grunting in pain as the merciless sun reflected from the whitewashed buildings. On reflex he raised his hand to wipe the sweat from his brow but encountered only dried salt. What kind of hell was this?
How he missed the ice and snow of his homeland, how he dreamed of nights on watch, huddled in his furs as he guarded the Keep. How he longed to return! Surely the Order would take him back once he repaid his debt, once he brought proof of the Betrayer’s death? Drawing the dagger from its sheath, he slipped into the alley.
Speak to me - I'd love to hear your thoughts!
Click for a random post!
Woohoo!
I totally didn't win!
Share Your World
Friday Fictioneers
draliman on life 
Wow. A genuine cloak and dagger story 🙂 Over all, I think I’d rather be cold than cooked … but if I had a choice, take me to the Caribbean.
LikeLike
Me too. I don’t think I’d be able to handle extreme heat. Though the Caribbean does sound good about now!
LikeLike
You could do a whole lot with this!
LikeLike
It has possibilities!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Sure does 🙂
LikeLike
I guess we love what is familiar. This guy is trapped in so many ways, as much as the guy he is after. Have you even tried your hand at short (or long) stories? I love your FF stories.
LikeLike
He is trapped, this needs resolving one way or another.
I’ve never really delved into anything longer properly, though I’m working (slowly) on a couple of things at the moment. I’m glad you enjoy my FF stories 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
If only he could make his way inside that building on the left….. I think it has air conditioning!
LikeLike
Yeah, I noticed that. He should take a break in there. He needs to be at the top of his game for the upcoming slashing and stabbing.
LikeLike
We want a longer story!
Chants the masses.
Brilliant story.
LikeLike
I’m glad you liked it! There is definitely a back story and something still to come, should I write it…
LikeLiked by 1 person
You should, you should! 🙂
LikeLike
🙂
LikeLike
I suppose there are those who find a hot climate hard to tolerate. An opportunity to find out would be nice. I hope he completes his mission and returns to the cold if that’s what he prefers.
LikeLike
I’ve never been anywhere very hot, but I don’t think I’d cope.
LikeLike
Great story! Full of mystery.
LikeLike
Thanks, I’m glad you liked it! Many questions unanswered 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Textbook example of a great beginning to a fantasy story. Wow, Ali!
LikeLike
It would make a good start, wouldn’t it? Then maybe a flashback to explain some but not all. The Betrayer and his exile can wait until later…
LikeLike
I know the feeling… love a land of snow and ice myself… I’m not sure I want him to succeed though
LikeLike
Me neither, this Order sounds a bit suspicious.
I also prefer the colder end of the spectrum.
LikeLike
I’d like to see where this goes. My bet is they’ll never take him back, even with the proof he’s planning on getting.
LikeLike
Very likely. I get the feeling that once they’ve made a decision, it stays made.
LikeLike
Whoa! Although I’m not usually drawn to what I think of as a fantasy story, I like this VERY much. Thank you.
LikeLike
Thanks, I’m really glad you enjoyed it 🙂
LikeLike
A departure from your sometimes humorous and ometimes apocalyptic vision! I loved the sense of mystery you evoked, and want to know more. Who is he? What is the Order of which he’s a part? Excellent atmospheric details.
(Strangely, last night I wrote a story, not related to FF, which had a mysterious Order in it, as well. It must be in the air, this business of belonging to some sect or other! 🙂 )
LikeLike
Secret sects are all the rage! Many questions unanswered, I’ll let your imagination run riot 🙂
I’m glad you liked it!
LikeLiked by 1 person
🙂
Indeed.
And I did.
LikeLike
Nicely layered story. Derek should enjoy the heat while it lasts though. After all, winter is coming.
LikeLike
Thanks! I’m not sure there’s much of a winter where he is, though, at least not what he’s used to. Ah, the icy glaciers of home…
LikeLike
Sounds like he’s been dump’ed, perhaps he needs to evaluate whether he is working for the wrong group.🙂
LikeLike
Maybe he would be better off working for himself. Somewhere chillier!
LikeLike
Dear Ali
This is a little different for you. Always good to try something different. It’s been so hot here, I felt his pain in the most literal sense. Nicely done.
Shalom,
Rochelle
LikeLike
Dear Rochelle,
I wish it were hotter here, it being summer and all. But not as hot as where Derek is!
Thanks!
Ali
LikeLike
There’s more to this story, isn’t there…..???
LikeLike
Possibly, maybe somewhere in my head 🙂
LikeLike
This is great. It’s like the beginning of a great adventure. Why fantasy though, I wonder. Because of the dagger, the order, the keep? This could be SF as well, another planet, a mercenary-slave another time… more please. 🙂
LikeLike
The picture made me think immediately of a scene from David Eddings’ “Sparhawk” series which was fantasy, but also of the Crusades. Another planet would also work!
I’m glad you liked it. It does have possibilities for something longer.
LikeLiked by 1 person
The tension is palpable, and when he wipes his forehead the reader can really feel the heat. The last line leaves us wanting more–and that’s a good thing!
LikeLike
Thanks – I was going to have him wipe off the sweat but then thought if it had already evaporated it would give an even greater sense of heat. I’m glad you liked it!
LikeLike
Perfect settings for your story! This street is full of dark secrets I think 🙂
LikeLike
Me too – who knows what could be waiting around the corner?
LikeLiked by 1 person
Great capture of the setting in your story. Personally, I prefer the sun to the cold. Great telling, Ali. I bet he succeeds.
LikeLike
Thanks, he’s certainly motivated to succeed and get back to his homeland!
LikeLike
Oooo..I love the intrigue!
LikeLike
There’s quite a “twisted web” going on here!
LikeLiked by 1 person
And he’s off to get what’s his. I like the idea of cold-climate person in a hot environment. Sounds like something Ray Bradbury would have tackled.
Nice, Ali!
LikeLike
I hope the heat doesn’t slow him down as he “does what must be done”. I’m glad you liked it!
LikeLike
Wonderfully atmospheric. There are so many fascinating bits to this – the Betrayer, the climate, the Order. Great.
LikeLike
Thanks, I packed quite a lot in!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Good writing, Ali. I agree that it would make a great hook for a longer story, a thriller or mystery perhaps. 🙂 — Suzanne
LikeLike
I’m thinking ye olde adventure with maybe a hint of magic 🙂
I’m glad you liked it!
LikeLike
A wonderfully atmospheric story with lots of unanswered questions, Ali I love it! I don’t think I’d fare well in such temperatures, either!
LikeLike
Far too hot to be rushing round killing people. He should find a cafe and have a nice cool drink, possibly with an umbrella in it 🙂
I’m glad you liked it!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Reminds me of some of the settings of Game of Thrones. I like the contrast of the heat and the icy home he remembers!
LikeLike
He’s visiting King’s Landing from the Wall 🙂
LikeLike
It must be really hot in there…I probably get claustrophobic 😀 Great story! Pawkisses 🙂 ❤
LikeLike
Far too hot for me, and for you with all your fur 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Creative approach to the prompt! This looks like Santorini to me…I wouldn’t go there in the summer, as I loathe the heat as well.
LikeLike
Thanks! Yes, I’ve heard that the heat can get deadly in Greece even to people who live there and are more used to it.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh yes, I love this one. A great piece of historical fiction and I really like the description of the whitewashed walls reflecting the merciless heat. I hope he finds the Betrayer soon and the demanding Order take him back.
LikeLike
He hopes so too. He’s not one with the heat. I’m glad you enjoyed it!
LikeLike
I love it! Where is this?
LikeLike
I don’t know, the photo was contributed for the Friday Fictioneers challenge. It looks like maybe Greece or Morocco? Somewhere a lot hotter than here!
LikeLike