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FF – Kidz

Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This weeks’ photo was contributed by Sarah Ann Hall.

(For non-UK persons, a “GCSE” is an exam taken at age 16.)

This might be a bit hard to read but I find some kids a bit hard to understand so there you go. Authenticity.

Copyright Sarah Ann Hall


“I wanna makes an impression in da interview so I smashes dis vase an I’s like coz dis one’s fake innit coz I has GCSE Art wot I almost passed an I sees from der faces it woz like a real one…”


“… an I’s like whatevs an dey’s like get out an I’s like talk to da hand an dey’s like priceless Ming an I’s like wot like in Flash Gordon an den dey frew me out.”

“So, you didn’t get the job, then, dear?”

“Nah. An I need an advance on ma pocket money coz dey sending me da bill innit.”



  1. November 1, 2017 at 9:04 pm

    For what its worth, mom should get the vase checked. Definitely more like 21st century Chinese tourist junk rather than priceless Ming 😀


    • November 2, 2017 at 8:08 am

      Yes, check the rubble before paying, for sure 🙂


  2. November 1, 2017 at 9:08 pm

    Sounds like our fellow needs a bit of an education in common sense, although that seems to be one of the most difficult topics to absorb.


    • November 2, 2017 at 8:09 am

      Let’s hope as he gets older he’ll absorb some. And start to talk properly, too…

      Liked by 1 person

  3. November 1, 2017 at 9:20 pm

    Haha, great language, I read it in a London ‘yoff’ accent. Really good.


  4. November 1, 2017 at 9:32 pm

    Dese youves got no common sense! 😀


  5. November 1, 2017 at 10:11 pm

    Sadly too lifelike!


  6. November 2, 2017 at 2:15 am

    😂 this really made me laugh. Heard that way of talking a fair few times. It’s when it’s mumbled it’s hardest to understand!


    • November 2, 2017 at 8:13 am

      It’s pretty rare where I live but I’m always worried if I hear someone talking like that I’ll start laughing and get beaten up 🙂
      I’m glad you enjoyed it!

      Liked by 1 person

  7. November 2, 2017 at 2:53 am

    Haha! I love the language in this. And if he smashed a Ming, he’ll be paying for that one for a very long time! Loved this one.


    • November 2, 2017 at 8:14 am

      Yes, I don’t think an advance on his pocket money is going to cover it, somehow! I’m glad you liked it.

      Liked by 2 people

  8. Dale
    November 2, 2017 at 3:19 am

    This was great! Loved the language (and man… did you ever get it right)


    • November 2, 2017 at 8:15 am

      Thanks, I’m glad you liked the dialect! It was quite hard to write, took lots of last minute editing 🙂


      • Dale
        November 2, 2017 at 11:53 am

        I can well imagine! No easy task!

        Liked by 1 person

  9. Lyn
    November 2, 2017 at 6:17 am

    Oh dear, I fink he needs to go back and redo his SATs Key Stage 2. You really worry about our kids. Even Ming the Merciless would be horrified by the breaking of the vase. You did a brill job on the lingo me old mate 😀


    • November 2, 2017 at 8:16 am

      Ming may have been Merciless, but I’m sure he enjoyed a good bit of culture 🙂
      I’m glad you enjoyed it!

      Liked by 1 person

  10. November 2, 2017 at 9:22 am

    Now I think I know who is writing all of those eloquent comments that end up in my Spam folder…


    • November 2, 2017 at 12:40 pm

      At least he has a backup career…


  11. November 2, 2017 at 2:51 pm

    This is like the old song “Another Brick in the Wall” by Pink Floyd that begins, “We don’t need no education”. Good dialect, Ali. 😀 — Suzanne


    • November 2, 2017 at 5:04 pm

      Ha, yes! Unfortunately he’s learning the hard way that he does need an education 🙂 I’m glad you liked it!


  12. November 2, 2017 at 4:12 pm

    Ouch… that dialect would make impression enough without the need to crush that vase…


  13. November 2, 2017 at 4:26 pm

    Why do I feel sad at such a funny guy telling his story? The dialect is perfect. I can actually hear him. The sighs, though, say a lot without any words or dialect.


    • November 2, 2017 at 5:05 pm

      I think his mum has heard this all before, poor woman. I’m glad you enjoyed it 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  14. November 2, 2017 at 5:35 pm

    I beg your pardon? 😉


    • November 3, 2017 at 7:53 am

      I don’t know what he said either 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      • November 3, 2017 at 8:33 am

        Haha – you just transcribed his speech without understanding what he said. 😁


  15. November 2, 2017 at 7:40 pm

    Really loved this.


  16. November 2, 2017 at 8:54 pm

    Love the dialect in this. Plus I can see some body language. Perhaps a bit of shuffling, downcast eyes, a hip extended.


  17. November 3, 2017 at 9:11 am

    Brilliant, the dialect was spot on! A great tale too!

    Click to read my FriFic!


    • November 3, 2017 at 10:30 am

      Thanks, I’m glad you enjoyed it!
      Sorry, I don’t know why your comments always require approval before showing up 😦


  18. Moon
    November 3, 2017 at 11:11 am

    Congrats on writing in that dialect.🙂
    I feel bad for the mother and the boy too.
    wonder how much advance would be needed this time.


    • November 3, 2017 at 12:41 pm

      The dialect required much re-reading and editing 🙂
      I’m not sure how much a Ming vase costs but according to a quick Google search, anywhere between a hundred thousand and 53 million pounds should cover it.

      Liked by 1 person

  19. November 3, 2017 at 11:35 am

    Dear Ali

    So’s I’m finking ‘great dialect’ innit? That boy needs some serious discipline. Doesn’t sound very remorseful. Good bit.




    • November 3, 2017 at 12:42 pm

      Dear Rochelle,
      It’s not cool to sound remorseful. Maybe he feels guilty inside. The idiot 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  20. November 3, 2017 at 2:34 pm

    Being cool has a lot to answer for. Nice dialogue, Ali. Had to read it several times to get it all in.


    • November 4, 2017 at 6:41 am

      I had to write it several times to get it all out! I’m glad you liked it.

      Liked by 1 person

  21. November 3, 2017 at 3:29 pm

    It talks like my English is…MOL 😀 Pawkisses for a Happy Weekend 🙂 ❤


  22. Sarah Ann
    November 3, 2017 at 10:35 pm

    It took me a while to work out what the poor love was saying. I wouldn’t be sighing, I’d be throttling. Great story and characterisation – I don’t like the little tyke 🙂


    • November 4, 2017 at 6:43 am

      He’s not very likeable, is he? Hopefully good sense and linguistic skills will come with time… 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  23. November 3, 2017 at 10:38 pm

    Ah, kids!


  24. November 5, 2017 at 3:53 pm

    Hilarious! I laughed out loud at the phrase: … an dey’s like priceless Ming an I’s like wot like in Flash Gordon …

    Susan A Eames at
    Travel, Fiction and Photos


    • November 5, 2017 at 5:41 pm

      I’m glad you enjoyed it 🙂 You’re the first person to mention Ming and Flash Gordon. It’s been a few years I guess!


  25. November 6, 2017 at 2:13 pm

    Oh dear, I hope it’s not really Ming. It sounds like he needs sorting before too long, he’s a danger to himself.


    • November 6, 2017 at 4:25 pm

      It’s only a matter of time if he doesn’t sort himself out. I’m sure his heart’s in the right place…

      Liked by 1 person

  26. November 6, 2017 at 4:41 pm

    To get the job I guess the person hiring him would have to understand what he says 😀


    • November 6, 2017 at 8:24 pm

      That would definitely be a good start 🙂 ‘Cos I have no idea.


  27. November 8, 2017 at 12:20 am

    Cool voice in this one.


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