Home > Fiction > FF – Mission Failed

FF – Mission Failed

Here is my rather rushed story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Sandra Crook.

Copyright Sandra Crook

 

Barclay drew his boat up quietly to the bank near a lawn of sculptures which looked as though they’d been vomited randomly into place. High class venue. He saw cars near the mansion and smiled. No-one would expect him to sneak in by boat. He drew his gun.

Two at the door – blam! blam! Red sprayed. One more inside – blam! Right to the head. Too easy…

… until the hallway. Ten, all firing at once. Screaming, he fell in a pool of sticky red and groaned. He’d never get all this paint out. His mum was going to kill him.

 

  1. March 7, 2018 at 8:46 pm

    And just TRY getting that paint off your eyeglasses … or for that matter, your computer keyboard. Life is hell and paintballs are worse.

    Like

    • March 8, 2018 at 11:25 am

      You’re supposed to use goggles, but Barclay doesn’t seem the type.

      Like

  2. March 7, 2018 at 9:52 pm

    Mom is going to be real mad! Unexpected ending and wonderful story!

    Like

    • March 8, 2018 at 11:25 am

      No treats for Barclay for the foreseeable future! I’m glad you liked it 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  3. March 7, 2018 at 9:54 pm

    Ha-ha-ha I wasn’t expecting that! Well done! 🙂

    Like

  4. March 7, 2018 at 9:55 pm

    Almost not funny… at least until the paint was revealed. good write this week.

    Like

    • March 8, 2018 at 11:31 am

      It could have been a bloodbath but fortunately wasn’t. I’m glad you liked it!

      Liked by 1 person

  5. March 7, 2018 at 10:08 pm

    Be thankful it was just paint.

    Like

  6. Dale
    March 8, 2018 at 1:01 am

    Did he get the bruises that come with paintball… amazing how much that hurts!!

    Like

    • March 8, 2018 at 11:33 am

      He probably shouldn’t have shot that one chap in the head either!

      Liked by 1 person

      • Dale
        March 8, 2018 at 11:36 am

        Too true. Though you are supposed to wear protective gear…

        Like

      • March 8, 2018 at 12:58 pm

        Protective gear’s for wusses ha ha OUCH!

        Liked by 1 person

      • Dale
        March 8, 2018 at 3:04 pm

        Ha ha!

        Liked by 1 person

  7. March 8, 2018 at 3:28 am

    Fun story, you scared me for a moment but it ended with a laugh.

    Like

  8. March 8, 2018 at 7:03 am

    Ha ha ha. Great twist there.

    Like

  9. Lyn
    March 8, 2018 at 7:40 am

    Well done Ali, great twist 😀

    Like

    • March 8, 2018 at 11:37 am

      Surely you didn’t think I was killing all those people? 😉

      Liked by 1 person

      • Lyn
        March 9, 2018 at 12:45 am

        😮 Perish the thought… 😀 😀

        Liked by 1 person

  10. March 8, 2018 at 9:56 am

    Brilliant! Not the outcome I expected

    Like

  11. March 8, 2018 at 10:08 am

    This would be a great place for some paintball 🙂

    Like

    • March 8, 2018 at 11:38 am

      It would! Hiding behind trees, running through the hallways…

      Liked by 1 person

  12. March 8, 2018 at 2:27 pm

    Dear Ali,

    I’m laughing with relief. You took me gory to adorable in swell foop. Well done.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

    Like

    • March 8, 2018 at 4:35 pm

      Dear Rochelle,
      You can see the earlier part of the story in a new light once you realise he’s not some sort of homicidal assassin 🙂
      I’m glad you enjoyed it!
      Ali

      Like

  13. March 8, 2018 at 4:35 pm

    Paintball indoors… I think I’d be annoyed myself 😀

    Like

    • March 8, 2018 at 4:38 pm

      I’m sure it was overdue for redecorating 🙂

      Like

  14. March 8, 2018 at 5:01 pm

    Totally unexpected! I was fearing the worst. But thankfully it was just paint. However, that would still be enough to make his mum mad…sticky….

    Like

  15. March 8, 2018 at 5:46 pm

    Gave me quite the chuckle. Good story.

    Like

  16. March 8, 2018 at 7:03 pm

    What an amazing twist. 🙂
    I haven’t seen violence in your FF stories, so far, but with this one I wasn’t too sure until the very end.
    Superb storytelling.

    Like

    • March 9, 2018 at 7:46 am

      I’m glad you liked it 🙂
      Some of my stories have been a bit violent (but never in such an obvious way) but not recently.

      Like

  17. March 8, 2018 at 7:11 pm

    What? Nobody was killed or at least horribly maimed!?!? I guess I’ll just have to turn on the news to get my murder fix…

    Like

    • March 9, 2018 at 7:48 am

      I had a feeling you’d be a bit disappointed by the surprise twist!
      If it makes you feel better, a stunt possum on his way to a gig at SCT took a stray paintball to the head and was knocked backwards into the canal, never to be seen again…

      Liked by 1 person

  18. March 8, 2018 at 7:44 pm

    I’m smiling, smiling, smiling. Wonderful silliness, Ali. More of a Basildon Bond than a James, me thinks.

    Like

    • March 9, 2018 at 7:49 am

      He did display a certain amount of carelessness after all his careful planning. I’m glad you enjoyed it!

      Liked by 1 person

  19. March 8, 2018 at 9:41 pm

    A delightful twist at the end. I love the “which looked as though they’d been vomited randomly into place” because those rocks look just that way!

    Like

    • March 9, 2018 at 7:50 am

      That was the first thing which sprang to mind when I saw the photo. So although it didn’t really have anything to do with the story, I thought I’d bung it in there 🙂

      Like

  20. March 9, 2018 at 3:33 am

    oh what a relief! it was just kids’ play! but mom will probably kill her anyway for making a mess of himself. 🙂

    Like

    • March 9, 2018 at 4:47 pm

      Yes, dead one way or the other. Or grounded anyway!
      Sorry, your comment went in my spam for some reason.

      Liked by 1 person

  21. March 9, 2018 at 8:38 am

    Fun stuff!

    Like

  22. March 9, 2018 at 12:45 pm

    Ah, a paint gun battle. That would be a mess to clear up. Good writing, Ali. 🙂 — Suzanne

    Like

  23. March 9, 2018 at 1:06 pm

    Love the idea of sculptures being vomited randomly into place!. He was doing so well, perhaps a little over confident. This was so well set up to be an assassination, that turning into paintball was a fun relief.

    Like

    • March 9, 2018 at 4:45 pm

      He certainly won’t make it is an assassin. I’m glad you liked it!

      Like

  24. March 9, 2018 at 1:20 pm

    If it was my house I’d be angry too. Though I’d make the kid clean up and then throw the kid in a washing machine on a long cycle. Though I’d avoid the dryer and just hang straight on the line. Too much?

    Like

  25. March 9, 2018 at 2:09 pm

    Doesn’t feel rushed, great job!

    Like

  26. March 9, 2018 at 3:06 pm

    That’s a fun story, Ali.

    Like

  27. March 9, 2018 at 5:17 pm

    Great fun. I love a happy story 🙂

    Like

  28. March 9, 2018 at 5:29 pm

    Quite the party. 🙂 This sounds like something my son would do, right down to the pool of paint.

    Like

  29. March 9, 2018 at 6:43 pm

    You have a great way to switch a story into another direction, Draliman. Pawsome! Pawkisses for a Happy Weekend 🙂 ❤

    Like

    • March 10, 2018 at 3:43 pm

      I’m glad you enjoyed the twist 🙂 I hope you, granny and grandpaw have a happy weekend too!

      Liked by 1 person

  30. Trisha
    March 10, 2018 at 12:16 am

    Great twist at the end! I didn’t expect that at all.

    Like

  31. March 10, 2018 at 6:21 am

    That was a fun twist there, Ali. Cleverly done.

    Like

    • March 10, 2018 at 3:49 pm

      Thanks, a little twist at the end to dilute the violence.

      Like

  32. March 11, 2018 at 5:30 pm

    Paintball can be messy… you gave me an surprise there… I should have expected it coming from you.

    Like

    • March 11, 2018 at 5:42 pm

      I was never going to write a story that was just gratuitous violence start to finish 🙂

      Like

  33. March 12, 2018 at 10:15 pm

    Great twist!

    Like

  34. March 13, 2018 at 3:12 pm

    Great twist at the end to change the meaning of the whole story. I enjoyed the story.

    Like

    • March 14, 2018 at 7:58 am

      Thanks, I’m glad you enjoyed it!

      Like

  35. March 14, 2018 at 12:10 pm

    Paintball – fun! Nice build-up.

    Like

    • March 14, 2018 at 8:36 pm

      Nobody got hurt after all! Well apart from that chap he shot in the head. I bet that smarts.

      Liked by 1 person

      • March 14, 2018 at 9:50 pm

        ‘I bet that smarts’?? Autocorrect? 😀

        Like

      • March 15, 2018 at 7:55 am

        No, that’s what I meant 🙂
        I just looked up “smarts” as in “hurts” and it doesn’t specifically say it’s UK slang (whereas “smarts” as in “brains/intelligence” is US slang).

        Liked by 1 person

      • March 15, 2018 at 12:54 pm

        Ah, gotcha! Learned another British expression. 🙂

        Like

      • March 15, 2018 at 4:13 pm

        🙂

        Liked by 1 person

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