FF – The Watchers
Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. The photo was contributed by Ted Strutz.
Copyright Ted Strutz
The camera sat forlornly on the hilltop, still pointed skywards. A small hamper and flask of hot soup sat nearby on a blanket, laid out in an attempt to afford the user some measure of protection against the damp grass. A book on astronomy lay open, pages fluttering in the breeze.
Molly trudged up the hill. “Harold? Harold? Where could he be, the old fool?”
Concentrating on the flask, the book, the camera, she didn’t notice the still-smoking pile of ash…
There are things. Up there. In the stars. And they don’t like being watched.
Categories: Fiction
flash fiction, Friday Fictioneers
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draliman on life 
See? I told you. Something similar happened in my story, too.
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Yes! My guy didn’t even get to check his photos before getting zapped.
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This is awesome!
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Thanks, I’m glad you enjoyed it 🙂 A departure from silly stories for a change.
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Watch the skies! Keep watching the skies!
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Yeah, you too could be a pile of ash!
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Poor Harold!! Too many people are watching what they shouldn’t!
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Keep your head down. Talk to no-one…
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🙂
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Oh, a pile of ash! Pretty creepy. Maybe I’ll stop star gazing.
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I would. No-one likes to be unexpectedly incinerated from orbit 🙂
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Uh-oh. I hope Molly’s next move isn’t to gaze into the telescope to see what he was looking at!
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Ooh look, there’s a spaceship up… WHOOMP!
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I don’t think I’ll go stargazing for a while. This is really creepy, Ali. Good writing.
— Suzanne
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It can be very dangerous if you find yourself looking where you shouldn’t. I’m glad you liked it!
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OOooooooh
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Dum dum DUMMMM…
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It’s the government…it’s always the government
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Ooh, you conspiracy theorist, you 🙂
Who knows what they have floating around up there…
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Absolutely 😉
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A new explanation for the phenomena of forked lightning!
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And all this time we thought it was something to do with static in the clouds…
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Poor old Harold. At least it would be fast, eh? Nicely spun tale, Draliman
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Yes, I’m guessing it’s just “zap, whoomp” 🙂
I’m glad you liked it!
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There are worse ways to go!
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Well, then the aliens should just close the blinds, then! You can’t get mad at people for watching if you can be seen through the window at fifty light years away…
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Other excuses include “honestly, officer, there was a squirrel on the tree in front of her bedroom window and I wanted a picture for my blog…”
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He kept telling them there was something up there.Get job!
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Maybe they’ll believe him from the grave!
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maybe?
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Ominous. Lovely read.
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Thanks, I’m glad you liked it!
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Hahaha! Great story! Loved the ending!
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Thanks! They are there, you know… 🙂
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Yes, they are…. 😀
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Oh no – the aliens smoked him! That’ll teach them. Take that lung cancer back to their leader they will. Yikes, that sounds a bit like Yoda. 😱 Regret this I will.
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Wise in words, Yoda is. Assuredly their leader ill will become.
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Oh, dear! Closing the blinds! Great story! 🙂
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Blinds or no, the aliens have decided to take action! I’m glad you liked it 🙂
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Yikes!
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I know, right? And when they read my blog they’ll know I know they’re up there…
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Hehe, yep.
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If I suddenly go all quiet, grab a dustpan and brush and tidy me up 😦
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Yes, I will. Very respectively, might I add.
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Aw, fanks 🙂
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If the flask held Mountain Dew, that could have been me. I think I should go back to putting tin foil hats on my guests? (I can’t wear the hat- It messes with the polarity of my camera… I tell the guests.>)
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Well at least your guests will be safe 🙂
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he invaded their privacy. he had to pay for it.
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Exactly what “them up there” were thinking.
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I like the way you work to make the scene mundane before introducing your aliens. Alas, I fear humans are the ones we need to worry about. Unstable, self-seeking and possessing a terrifying number of ways of killing each other.
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I’m glad you liked the lead-in.
Yes, we are a violent bunch. Fear the murderous aliens, for they are us.
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Yikes!
That Harold, he was always smoking hot. I think I am going to be throwing my telescope in the bin now.
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I would. Just to be on the safe side.
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A change of direction for you this week. I hope she doesn’t go looking through the camera, or stirring up the ashes.
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Me too, nothing good would come of either.
Unusually, as soon as I saw the picture I knew what was going on 🙂
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Dear Ali,
Note to self: Be careful who you’re watching…you could make an ash of yourself.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Dear Rochelle,
Hee hee, very funny 🙂 And words to live by dum dum DUM…
Ali
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Ooh nicely creepy! I like!
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I’m too scared to watch the stars now. Just in case. Dammit 🙂
I’m glad you liked it!
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Oof! That was a sock in the gut! I wasn’t expecting it–very effective.
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I’m glad you liked it! No, he wasn’t just taking a nap in the car 😦
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I’m kind of glad I do my star watching with just my glasses on. 🙂
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That’s a lot safer, and there’s no photographic evidence 🙂
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…….and clothes.
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🙂
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Oh no, innocently watching the wrong thing and before you know it you”re a pile of ash. Very enjoyable read! =)
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Little did he realise the danger of his hobby 😦
I’m glad you enjoyed it!
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Creepy good story!
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Thanks, I’m glad you liked it!
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They really don’t like being watched. I wonder if Molly will put two and two together, or will Harold become a mystery disappearance? Poor Molly!
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I just hope that Molly doesn’t take a look through the camera too!
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zapped!
and I like how you paced this and led us to the ending – some things do not like being watched for sure.,
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And certainly not caught on camera. I’m glad you liked it!
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🙂
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Poor Harry…*gulp* Great story, Draliman! Pawkisses 🙂 ❤
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Poor Harry indeed. Let’s hope Molly doesn’t end up like him too 😦
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I’ve always thought so. : (
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Keep your head down and hope they don’t spot you…
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Like most of us 😀 Love the way you’ve told an awesome story practically just by describing a scene. You really are a master of flash fiction, my friend.
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Thanks for the lovely comment, and I’m glad you liked it 🙂
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Love the menacing last line. Great use of italics on the word ‘things’ – it somehow emphasises how utterly indescribable, and therefore alien, these ‘things’ are.
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Thanks, I’m glad you liked the italics there. That’s exactly what I was trying to portray.
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What a great read!
Wonderfully written, Draliman.
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Thanks, I’m glad you enjoyed it 🙂
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A gripping story – it starts so calmly, soup, rug, stargazing then BAM! Really gets the creeping mood . Well done
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I’ve almost scared myself into not stargazing 🙂 I’m glad you liked it!
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