Home > Fiction > FF – Old Soldiers

FF – Old Soldiers

Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Yarnspinnerr.

Not sure what I was thinking this week. I just wanted to do something silly. For a change heh heh. But with a sort of a grim background. Picture two retired and somewhat jaded English officers relaxing with drinks…

Copyright Yarnspinnerr

 

“What-ho, Cadwallader. Those thieves are back! Thought we’d shot ‘em all.”

“I say, Beamish, they’re lowering a grapple. Ingenious! They’re after the Ming.”

“I believe you’re correct, Cadwallader… they’ve missed the Ming!”

“And snagged your souvenir hand grenade.”

“What? Had that thing all through Flanders!”

“By Jove, the pin fell out.”

“Ha! The bounders’ll get a surprise, I’ll warrant!”

“Really, Beamish, you don’t think it’s still…”

BANG! SPLATTER! SPLASH!

“I say, old man, there’s an eyeball in my highball.”

“By good King George, there are scoundrel parts everywhere.”

“This won’t do at all. Reminds me of Ypres. I say, servant…”

 

  1. April 11, 2018 at 7:51 pm

    Taking it all in their stride with a good old British stiff upper lip!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. April 11, 2018 at 8:16 pm

    Ha ha – I enjoyed your humorous take on the prompt! Thanks for making me smile.

    Susan A Eames at
    Travel, Fiction and Photos

    Like

  3. April 11, 2018 at 8:17 pm

    Sounds like two old soldiers who haven’t learned to let go.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. April 11, 2018 at 8:59 pm

    I like they way they just keep calm and carry on despite the eyeball in the highball! 😀

    Like

    • April 12, 2018 at 7:37 am

      It’s the British way! Except for me, I’d scream and drop my drink.

      Like

  5. Trisha
    April 11, 2018 at 10:36 pm

    …”there’s an eyeball in my highball.” – I love it! 😂

    Like

    • April 12, 2018 at 7:38 am

      What a lovely coincidence that a body part which would fit in a glass rhymed with a family of drinks 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  6. April 11, 2018 at 11:05 pm

    An eyeball in my highball — too funny! And love the dry British humor about it, too, perfect!

    Like

  7. April 12, 2018 at 1:10 am

    This was so funny! Love the stiff upper lip and carry on, Mate, attitude.

    Like

  8. April 12, 2018 at 4:52 am

    Ha ha ha ha ha, that was really crazy. Eyeball in my highball indeed!

    Like

  9. April 12, 2018 at 7:44 am

    haha! This wasn’t silly at all! I enjoyed it very much!

    Like

    • April 12, 2018 at 12:13 pm

      Ha, thanks, I’m glad you liked it!

      Like

  10. April 12, 2018 at 8:22 am

    Well, looks like Beamish lost a cherished hand grenade, but picked up a shiny new souvenir to replace it…

    Like

    • April 12, 2018 at 12:14 pm

      That’s a much better (and less dangerous) talking point at their no-doubt interminable dinner parties.

      Like

  11. April 12, 2018 at 10:03 am

    Ha, ha. This reminds me of the Parsi’s in Mumbai who followed the religion of their ancestors the Zoroastrians of Iran and built a Tower of Silence where they left their dead for the vultures to dispose of. This way the Earth and Water they consider sacred were not polluted. In modern times tall buildings of flats were built on Malabar Hill not far from the tower. Vultures at times accidentally dropped an eyeball or another body part on a terrace.Whoops. 😀 — Suzanne

    Liked by 1 person

    • April 12, 2018 at 12:14 pm

      Yuk, I wouldn’t want to live there. Interesting bit of history 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  12. April 12, 2018 at 12:34 pm

    Dear Ali,

    An eyeball in my highball? Love it! This reads like an old Vaudeville act. Gallagher and Shean could’ve done this. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JYpmCJmUCoY (Enjoy). Well done.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

    Like

    • April 12, 2018 at 6:09 pm

      Dear Rochelle,
      Ha, well they have the correct hats for the parts anyway!
      I’m glad you enjoyed it 🙂
      Ali

      Like

  13. April 12, 2018 at 1:43 pm

    They’ll need fresh drinks after that shower!

    Like

    • April 12, 2018 at 6:10 pm

      I certainly hope so, but who can tell with these two? 🙂

      Like

  14. April 12, 2018 at 2:26 pm

    Hahahahahaha! “an eyeball in my highball.” LOL! Great story, Ali!

    Like

    • April 12, 2018 at 6:14 pm

      I’m lucky I could find something relevant which rhymed! I’m glad you liked it 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  15. April 12, 2018 at 2:36 pm

    Eyeball in my highball. I may need to go and wash my imagination….

    Like

    • April 12, 2018 at 6:14 pm

      You’ll never look at a Scotch and soda the same way again…

      Like

  16. April 12, 2018 at 3:13 pm

    Great word smithy and a lovely take.

    Like

  17. April 12, 2018 at 5:24 pm

    I laughed and laughed. Well written. I can see the characters clearly.

    Like

    • April 12, 2018 at 6:15 pm

      Thanks, I’m glad it made you laugh 🙂

      Like

  18. April 12, 2018 at 6:34 pm

    How is it that you can turn a story of death and mayhem into a delightfully funny tale? Well done, old chap! Love the language. It made me feel like I, too, had a stiff upper lift!

    Like

    • April 12, 2018 at 6:47 pm

      Ha, it’s a gift 😉 It crops up quite a bit in British humour, I guess it’s based around the supposed unflappability of the British in tight situations – one must have one’s afternoon tea regardless, you know 🙂
      I’m glad you enjoyed it!

      Like

  19. April 12, 2018 at 7:07 pm

    funny, all soldiers never die, indeed. 🙂

    Like

    • April 12, 2018 at 7:31 pm

      For sure! I’m glad you liked it!

      Like

  20. April 12, 2018 at 8:04 pm

    “By good King George, there are scoundrel parts everywhere.” That had me chuckling.

    Like

    • April 13, 2018 at 7:52 am

      I’m glad you liked it! He seems more peeved than horrified 🙂

      Like

  21. April 12, 2018 at 10:57 pm

    As usual, hilarious and thought provoking!

    Like

    • April 13, 2018 at 7:53 am

      A bit of “desensitised to violence after all they’ve been through” hidden behind the funny 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      • April 15, 2018 at 2:41 pm

        You’ve got that sarcastic dark humor down to an art. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  22. April 12, 2018 at 11:46 pm

    Haha, very funny take on the stiff upper lip attitude.

    Like

  23. April 13, 2018 at 2:36 am

    Who wouldn’t love the olde eyeball in a highball!
    Yet seeing is believing, though never bat an eyelash that doesn’t belong to you.
    fun, fun, fun

    Randy

    Like

    • April 13, 2018 at 7:54 am

      It’s a bit like an olive I guess. Glad you liked it!

      Like

  24. April 13, 2018 at 8:47 am

    LOVE the voices!

    Like

    • April 13, 2018 at 9:44 am

      Thanks, I like doing upper-crust 🙂

      Like

  25. April 13, 2018 at 9:35 am

    You captured the voice of these two perfectly – love the eyeball in the highball!

    Like

    • April 13, 2018 at 9:45 am

      I don’t think he was so keen 🙂 I’m glad you liked it!

      Like

  26. Lyn
    April 13, 2018 at 11:06 am

    Spiffing old chap! Simply spiffing!

    Like

  27. April 13, 2018 at 12:32 pm

    Oh my goodness. An eyeball in my highball 🙂

    Like

    • April 13, 2018 at 6:09 pm

      I’m sure that’s supposed to be good luck or something… 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  28. April 13, 2018 at 2:31 pm

    Jolly good! Absolutely spiffing old chap. Where is Jeeves when you need him?

    Like

    • April 13, 2018 at 6:10 pm

      Off out to buy some extra strong bleach 🙂 I’m glad you liked it!

      Like

  29. April 13, 2018 at 4:31 pm

    Love how each line builds upon the last, growing even more and more hilarious!

    Like

    • April 13, 2018 at 6:11 pm

      Things did get ever-more catastrophic 🙂 I’m glad you enjoyed it!

      Like

  30. April 13, 2018 at 4:43 pm

    That was funny. It took me repeated reading to get it , but the build-up to the Splash, splatter was great.

    Like

    • April 13, 2018 at 6:11 pm

      I confused myself with who was speaking some of the time. I’m glad you liked it!

      Liked by 1 person

      • April 13, 2018 at 7:11 pm

        It wasn’t that. My second.languageness was showing. I had to look up words… 😀 grapple, Ming… still undecided about the Ming… but the eyeballl in the Highball is unmistakeable.

        Like

      • April 14, 2018 at 4:27 pm

        Ah, it’s “Ming vase”, a vase from the Chinese Ming dynasty. Typically quite expensive. I had to delete “vase” due to the word count 🙂 Nothing to do with Ming the Merciless from Flash Gordon 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      • April 15, 2018 at 8:39 pm

        Ah, I thought it might be but wasn’t certain. Thanks for clarifying. 🙂 Ming the Merciless does sound like fun, too, though.

        Liked by 1 person

  31. April 14, 2018 at 5:17 pm

    Oh, my goodness … an eyeball in his highball?! Love the voices as well. Well done!!

    Like

    • April 15, 2018 at 6:06 am

      It’s a shame his poor drink had to suffer. I’m glad you liked it!

      Liked by 1 person

  32. April 15, 2018 at 4:29 am

    An eyeball in my highball…good one!

    Like

  33. April 15, 2018 at 2:04 pm

    Brilliant dialogue, I loved the old chaps. Made of stern stuff and they enjoy a snifter. What more could a woman desire in a man though I imagine their anecdotes go on a bit too long sometimes.:))

    Like

    • April 15, 2018 at 4:38 pm

      I can imagine they never stop talking about their golden years 🙂

      Like

  34. April 15, 2018 at 6:24 pm

    Such wonderful voices giving so much information about these two characters. Wonderfully done. That eye ball in the high ball is disgusting!

    Like

    • April 16, 2018 at 7:48 am

      I’m glad you liked it! At least he didn’t mistake the eyeball for an olive…

      Liked by 1 person

  35. April 16, 2018 at 8:36 am

    I’d never heard of a ‘souvenir hand grenade’ before. Love the bloody humour! (But glad I don’t actually have to see the eyeball in the highball). 😁

    Like

    • April 16, 2018 at 11:41 am

      There’s plenty of souvenir weapons taken by soldiers from battlefields so why not a hand grenade? 🙂
      I’m glad you liked it!

      Liked by 1 person

  36. April 16, 2018 at 9:42 am

    Had me laughing from start to finish, even if some poor bounders got splattered all over the walls.

    Like

  37. April 16, 2018 at 4:26 pm

    A ripping yarn, indeed.

    Like

  38. April 17, 2018 at 3:49 pm

    ‘There’s an eyeball in my highball’ had me snorting! Very funny

    Like

  39. April 17, 2018 at 4:20 pm

    Hahah – this was hilarious and so vivid! i saw the eyeball 😀

    Like

  40. April 18, 2018 at 1:00 am

    Ha! Definite lol-moment with this: eyeball in my highball

    Well done!

    Like

  41. April 22, 2018 at 7:36 pm

    A spiffing tale, I can just imagine them, shades of Bertie Wooster !

    Like

    • April 23, 2018 at 7:19 am

      They do appear to have the same “completely unfazed” attitude about them!

      Like

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