Home > Fiction > FF – All That’s Gold Doesn’t Glitter

FF – All That’s Gold Doesn’t Glitter

Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Sandra Crook.

Boy, this week I had to cut out 47 words. And it shows 😦 But I’ve been horribly busy all day and I’m too tired to think. I hope I haven’t insulted Sandra’s gardening supplies.

 

Baz entered his grandfather’s yard. The old coot was dead. Britain’s Most Wanted, he’d called himself. True, the coppers had never found his last heist. So… where to look?

What had grandfather always said? β€œTat… or treasure?” And nothing said β€œtat” quite like old pallets full of weeds and flowerpots. Baz reached in, pulled out a small bag and emptied its contents – Β misshapen brown stones – into his hand.

He screamed. β€œWhaaaat! Old rocks?” Angrily he flung them away. As his car roared off it began to snow, the flakes covering the fortune in uncut diamonds he’d so carelessly discarded.

 

  1. August 1, 2018 at 8:20 pm

    And that just goes to show you have to know what uncut diamonds look like! Your story worked for me. πŸ™‚

    Susan A Eames at
    Travel, Fiction and Photos

    Like

    • August 2, 2018 at 8:24 am

      The first time I saw a picture of them I was very surprised! I’m glad you enjoyed it πŸ™‚

      Like

  2. August 1, 2018 at 8:34 pm

    Serves him right for being so greedy! πŸ™‚ Whoever cleans up that garden will get a nice surprise.

    Like

    • August 2, 2018 at 8:24 am

      Here’s hoping the gardening crew know what to look for πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

  3. August 1, 2018 at 9:27 pm

    Silly boy. Clearly his grandfather’s skills weren’t passed down the family line!

    Like

    • August 2, 2018 at 8:25 am

      His grandfather’s looking down on (or up at!) him muttering “stupid boy”!

      Liked by 1 person

  4. August 1, 2018 at 9:28 pm

    Clever.
    Baz is just too impatient.

    Like

    • August 2, 2018 at 8:25 am

      Yep, he should have kept them and asked someone who knows…

      Liked by 1 person

  5. August 1, 2018 at 11:20 pm

    Lovely end twist, Ali! You gotta know what it looks like before you can see it. πŸ˜‰

    Like

  6. August 2, 2018 at 1:05 am

    Ah, obviously he doesn’t know his treasure. well done!

    Like

    • August 2, 2018 at 8:26 am

      If it’s not glittering he isn’t interested πŸ™‚

      Like

  7. August 2, 2018 at 2:27 am

    if anything, what he doesn’t know won’t hurt. πŸ™‚

    Like

    • August 2, 2018 at 8:26 am

      True. Until news breaks of a massive diamond find by a construction crew at the site πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

  8. August 2, 2018 at 8:26 am

    Sounds like Baz needed the bag to be marked “HERE’S THE TREASURE I STOLE, BAZ, LOVE GRANDDAD.” A cautionary tale. Engage brain before you search for swag.

    Like

    • August 2, 2018 at 11:51 am

      Yes, something a bit more blindingly obvious is more Baz’s cup of tea πŸ™‚

      Like

  9. August 2, 2018 at 9:03 am

    I’m assuming the 47 deleted words were all a long string of curses by Baz when he found the “worthless” stones….

    Liked by 2 people

  10. August 2, 2018 at 9:05 am

    Hope you’re not so tired today, Ali. A la’ll gem of a story, without your usual humour, but tinged with poetic poignancy. I like. πŸ˜‰

    Like

    • August 2, 2018 at 11:52 am

      Well, got to work at 0630 so we’ll see how it goes πŸ™‚
      I’m glad you liked it – I couldn’t think of anything particularly funny I hadn’t done before.

      Liked by 1 person

  11. August 2, 2018 at 1:20 pm

    Oops. As an old saying in India goes- Only a jeweler knows the true worth of a diamond.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. August 2, 2018 at 5:14 pm

    Well, I can’t see where you cut 47 words – it all looks seamless. Great fun, Ali!

    Like

    • August 3, 2018 at 6:42 am

      Thanks! I had to do a lot of rewording to patch it all together again after the cull πŸ™‚

      Like

  13. August 2, 2018 at 5:28 pm

    I don’t think your story suffered at all! And what a dumbass… Maybe check to make sure before you chuck?

    Liked by 1 person

    • August 3, 2018 at 6:42 am

      Yes – why did he think his grandfather had carefully hidden a bunch of worthless old rocks…?

      Liked by 1 person

  14. August 2, 2018 at 5:53 pm

    HA! This is awesome. An entire book in just a few short paragraphs. Love it.

    Like

    • August 3, 2018 at 6:43 am

      Thanks! I’m glad you enjoyed it πŸ™‚

      Like

  15. August 2, 2018 at 6:35 pm

    Your story was effective. More words? Nah. It’s just fine. Too bad the grandkid was so dumb.

    Like

    • August 3, 2018 at 6:44 am

      For sure. Though it sounds like he was waiting around for the guy to die (some of the words which got cut, unfortunately) so he could help himself, so I’m not too bothered he threw them all way.

      Liked by 1 person

  16. August 2, 2018 at 7:10 pm

    At least, he didn’t dig around for all those carats!

    Like

  17. August 2, 2018 at 9:02 pm

    Note to myself: look up ‘uncut diamonds’ on Google. You never know when the knowledge comes in handy πŸ˜‰

    Liked by 1 person

    • August 3, 2018 at 6:45 am

      They do look like worthless brown rocks, I was very surprised the first time I saw a picture of them.

      Liked by 2 people

      • August 4, 2018 at 10:48 am

        Oh I though you were going to say ‘the first time I found one’ πŸ˜‰

        Like

    • August 3, 2018 at 6:24 pm

      Note written over here too

      Liked by 2 people

  18. August 2, 2018 at 9:56 pm

    Dear Ali,

    I’d say that Baz isn’t the brightest gem in the bag, Kudos to you for posting in the midst of working long hard hours. I always enjoy your stories and this one is no exception.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

    Like

    • August 3, 2018 at 6:51 am

      Dear Rochelle,
      For sure he’s not!
      I’m glad you enjoy my stories, it’s lovely of you to say πŸ™‚
      Ali

      Like

  19. August 2, 2018 at 11:16 pm

    What an asshat!! πŸ™‚

    Like

  20. August 3, 2018 at 1:38 pm

    I like the sense of suspense, and especially the ending. Reads like a modern morality tale as well.

    Liked by 1 person

    • August 3, 2018 at 2:42 pm

      Yes, something about greed and impatience, perhaps. I’m glad you liked it!

      Liked by 1 person

  21. August 3, 2018 at 5:47 pm

    I had no idea uncut diamonds were brown. I had assumed they were like quartz.

    Liked by 1 person

    • August 4, 2018 at 4:30 am

      Some are (I checked Google beforehand!). I also would have assumed they’d be the same as the finished article, just a bit rough around the edges. It’s amazing how they end up!

      Like

  22. August 3, 2018 at 5:49 pm

    I wouldn’t have known either! Good story. Your edit worked.

    Liked by 1 person

    • August 4, 2018 at 4:30 am

      Thanks! Some look like big chunks of brown sugar. It’s a good idea he didn’t try to eat one.

      Liked by 1 person

  23. August 3, 2018 at 6:23 pm

    Like that diamond ending – but my fav is the cultural dialect – coppers etc

    Like

  24. August 4, 2018 at 8:20 am

    I’m on my way! Nice one Ali

    Liked by 1 person

    • August 9, 2018 at 11:44 am

      Yoinks, somehow I missed your comment 😦 I’m glad you enjoyed the story, but you’ll have to join the queue of treasure hunters!

      Liked by 1 person

  25. August 4, 2018 at 11:06 am

    The man needs to get himself an education before he’ll ever get rich.

    Like

    • August 4, 2018 at 4:51 pm

      Who knows what other treasures he’s left behind in his various nefarious adventures?

      Like

  26. August 4, 2018 at 4:27 pm

    Ah, he’ll never know, and that’s why he’ll never make a great heist. Grandpa will roll in his grave. I do know what uncut diamonds look like, but only because I’m interested in rocks and stones in general. A great tale, and a lot of fun.

    Like

    • August 4, 2018 at 4:52 pm

      He’ll always be leaving the best stuff behind. Shame you weren’t there with him to identify the goods! I’m glad you enjoyed it πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

      • August 4, 2018 at 4:53 pm

        I’m afraid I’m too much of a coward to be a criminal. πŸ˜€

        Like

      • August 4, 2018 at 4:54 pm

        πŸ™‚

        Like

  27. August 5, 2018 at 6:56 am

    .Someone that stupid doesn’t deserve a fortune!

    Like

  28. August 5, 2018 at 7:26 pm

    Ha… you have have to be a proper genius… not just about crime.

    Like

    • August 6, 2018 at 7:00 am

      Yes, a bit of an all-rounder if you want to spot the diamond in the rough.

      Like

  29. August 5, 2018 at 9:40 pm

    A diamond in the rough is a good metaphor for your story before you cut those 47 unnecessary words. It is through the process of cutting carefully and expertly that you made it sparkle. Not sure your character will ever understand that, though, or have the patience to go through the transformative process, poor kid!

    Like

  30. August 6, 2018 at 3:56 am

    Maybe Grandpa should have planted 24 carrots next to the stones to give poor schmuck a hint. Nice one.

    Like

    • August 6, 2018 at 7:02 am

      Ha, he still probably wouldn’t have got it! I’m glad you liked it.

      Like

  31. August 7, 2018 at 9:32 am

    Well, honestly. I’m not sure whether criticise granddad for his poor education of Baz, or Baz for his crass stupidity. Or maybe granddad didn’t want Baz to have the diamonds in the first place? Pity they went to waste. There’s another story, or more, of what happened to the discarded rocks next…

    Like

    • August 7, 2018 at 11:44 am

      A bit of both I think. I don’t think granddad had much time for his idiot grandson! I reckon some passer by is going to get very lucky.

      Liked by 1 person

      • August 9, 2018 at 10:36 am

        Have you got the address?

        Like

      • August 9, 2018 at 11:44 am

        Yes thanks. Money money money… πŸ™‚

        Liked by 1 person

  32. August 7, 2018 at 2:09 pm

    Baz evidently isn’t a very nice, or very patient person. He doesn’t deserve the diamonds and I hope someone much nicer finds them. I like the idea of him being “Britain’s Most Wanted”. I bet he was a crafty old so-and-so.

    Like

    • August 7, 2018 at 6:41 pm

      Grandpa might have been exaggerating about the whole “Britain’s Most Wanted” thing πŸ™‚ I’m hoping some passer by stumbles on the diamonds.

      Like

  33. August 8, 2018 at 9:57 am

    Fun read.

    Like

  34. August 10, 2018 at 8:00 am

    Poor Baz… he could’ve become rich! He should’ve learnt more from ‘the old coot’.

    Like

    • August 10, 2018 at 12:01 pm

      He wasn’t willing to learn and now he’s going to stay poor πŸ™‚

      Like

  1. August 2, 2018 at 10:31 pm

Speak to me - I'd love to hear your thoughts!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

%d bloggers like this: