Home > Fiction > FF – Tales From The Battlefield

FF – Tales From The Battlefield

Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Todd Foltz.

I’ve been working my way through the “Sharpe” films recently. Based on the novels of Bernard Cornwell, they tell the tale of a soldier during the Napoleonic wars of the early 19th century, raised from the ranks to become an officer (but not a Gentleman, obviously).

 

“I say, by Jove, it’s hot enough to fry an egg out here!”

“Think I’ll try.”

Sizzle.

“I say, Sir, you may not be a Gentleman but by the Devil’s beard you shall act like one!”

“Calm down.”

“The cheek! Fetch your musket, Sir, we go to decimate the village yonder!”

“It’s farmers. Women and children.”

“They have defied the British Empire, Sir, and they shall pay, Sir!”

“I have a better idea.”

BANG!

“Ugh. You’ve killed me, Sir!”

“Yep. I’m off to warn them the English are coming. Fancy a fried egg while you bleed out?”

Fling! Splat!

“Urgghhhhhhh…”

 

  1. June 24, 2020 at 7:28 pm

    Come now, we can at least maintain our manners while fighting our wars against the natives!

    Like

  2. June 24, 2020 at 7:49 pm

    It generally wasn’t the English who were coming. They tended to put the Irish and the Scots in the front line

    Like

    • June 25, 2020 at 5:08 am

      Yes, I’d heard that. Treat them like scum, then on top of that, stick ’em in the front line.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. June 24, 2020 at 8:34 pm

    I think he was egged on.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. June 24, 2020 at 9:02 pm

    Good for him for warning the natives of our conquests. We’ve screwed so many things up in the past, possibly in part due to people like this.
    Or thats what I think…

    Like

    • June 25, 2020 at 5:11 am

      Yes, at least this is one village which stands a chance.

      Like

  5. June 24, 2020 at 9:21 pm

    Egg-ceptional story! Oh, the Sharpe series; when I developed a mad crush on Sean Bean!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. June 24, 2020 at 10:05 pm

    This is complete nonsense.
    Burst out laughing.
    Well done!

    Like

  7. June 25, 2020 at 12:35 am

    Dear Ali

    I’ve no clue on the Sharpe series. Reads a lot like a Monty Python scene. Funny…icky…but funny.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle.

    Like

    • June 25, 2020 at 5:16 am

      Dear Rochelle,
      I’m glad you liked it! The actual series itself is quite serious and gritty, as were the times it portrays.
      Ali

      Like

  8. June 25, 2020 at 12:59 am

    I love this, Sir: “Ugh. You’ve killed me, Sir!” It’s my favorite thing all day, Sir.

    I thoroughly enjoyed the abSIRdity of the tale. Well done, Sir!

    Liked by 1 person

    • June 25, 2020 at 5:19 am

      According to Sharpe, the “gentlemen” actually spoke like that. Amazing politeness while being murdered!

      Liked by 1 person

  9. June 25, 2020 at 5:21 am

    well, at least the natives had time prepare for their eventual doom.

    Like

    • June 25, 2020 at 5:22 am

      Yes, I doubt they’re going to escape but at least they know it’s coming.

      Liked by 1 person

  10. Lyn
    June 25, 2020 at 11:09 am

    D-man strikes again 😀

    Like

  11. June 25, 2020 at 1:55 pm

    I love the ending! Hahaha, I was wondering where you were going to go with it. Then he has breakfast before leaving! good one.

    Like

    • June 27, 2020 at 4:25 am

      You can’t beat a good fried egg 🙂 I’m glad you liked it!

      Liked by 1 person

  12. June 25, 2020 at 2:06 pm

    I say that’s marvellous old chap but this time the yolk is on him.

    Like

  13. June 25, 2020 at 2:38 pm

    What a fun, silly, story! Well done.

    Like

  14. June 25, 2020 at 3:59 pm

    Only a gentleman would leave a dying soldier with a last meal like that….

    Like

    • June 27, 2020 at 4:28 am

      Indeed! One must have values, or at least the appearance of them…

      Like

  15. June 25, 2020 at 5:20 pm

    If there only were more soldiers like this one..

    Like

  16. June 26, 2020 at 2:52 am

    Ugh. You’ve killed me, sir…
    Well, that’s what happens when you want to attack the vulnerable
    Good one, Ali.

    Like

    • June 27, 2020 at 4:29 am

      Yep, and good riddance to him. I’m glad you liked it!

      Like

  17. June 26, 2020 at 9:45 am

    Very comical characters!

    Like

  18. June 26, 2020 at 10:42 am

    Funny stuff, Ali!

    Like

  19. June 26, 2020 at 11:07 am

    Great dialogue, well done ole chap!

    Like

  20. Mike
    June 26, 2020 at 8:29 pm

    I smiled and smiled, loved the image you painted

    Like

    • June 27, 2020 at 4:30 am

      Thanks, I’m glad I made you smile!

      Like

  21. June 27, 2020 at 4:05 am

    Such insanity. I enjoyed it. Eat your heart out Monty…

    Like

  22. June 27, 2020 at 8:39 am

    A jolly good bash. A scene worthy of a comparison to a Monty Python sketch.

    Like

  23. June 27, 2020 at 11:20 am

    The main problem for the British soldiers in those days was they wore red uniforms. They were very easy to spot. Some of the crew in Star Trek had the same problem. Wear red and die. 😦 — Suzanne

    Like

    • June 27, 2020 at 3:47 pm

      Yes, it was very much “be as visible as possible and walk slowly towards the enemy”. I wonder if that’s why they chose red in Star Trek or if it was just a coincidence 🙂

      Like

  24. June 27, 2020 at 5:17 pm

    MOL..Egg Fiction…MOL😸Pawkisses for a Happy Weekend, Draliman🐾😽💞

    Like

    • June 28, 2020 at 4:42 am

      Maybe one week there will be mousie fiction 🙂

      Like

  25. June 28, 2020 at 1:28 pm

    Crazy humour as usual with a serious message, nicely done, sir.

    Like

  26. June 29, 2020 at 1:03 am

    I love your imagination and your humor.

    Like

  27. June 30, 2020 at 7:51 am

    “You’ve killed me, Sir!” Politeness taken to the extreme. I’d love to see this scene play out. 😀

    Like

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