Home > Fiction > FF – Bloody Tourists

FF – Bloody Tourists

Here is my contribution for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by C.E. Ayr.

Copyright C.E. Ayr

 

“Oh, how very ‘olde worlde’! Costumed inhabitants, old cars! I think I’ll try some of the ‘olde worlde’ ale! A pint of your finest, my good man.”

“’Ere. Free pahnd fifty.”

“Three pounds fifty? Surely you mean ‘a shilling and six pence, guvnor’?”

“Nah. I mean free pahnd fifty. Guvnor.”

“Oh, well, okay. Hey, this tastes just like regular ale! What about the ‘olde worlde’ experience?”

“Fine. Give it ‘ere.”

(sprinkle tinkle)

“’Ere. Olde worlde experience.”

“Aha! Urk, yeech, bleurgh! Yes, very olde worlde…”

*****

“Frank, you’ve been serving ages. Need a toilet break?”

“Nah, just ‘ad one. Har har. Bloody tourists.”

 

  1. September 2, 2020 at 7:21 pm

    Well that’s one in the eye for nostalgia

    Like

    • September 3, 2020 at 12:33 pm

      It was never how you remember it…

      Like

      • September 4, 2020 at 5:34 am

        Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be. 😳

        Like

      • September 4, 2020 at 7:35 am

        Yeah, I have nostalgia about nostalgia back in my day… 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  2. September 2, 2020 at 8:33 pm

    No wonder the pubs are spreading the pandemic with this sort of hygiene!

    Like

  3. September 2, 2020 at 8:40 pm

    hehehe! No doubt someone will find a way to make more money doing this. 😀

    Like

    • September 3, 2020 at 12:43 pm

      I don’t see why not. There’s a lot of people looking for an authentic experience. If you get a premium ticket they’ll even infect you with the Black Death 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  4. September 2, 2020 at 9:45 pm

    Very Chaucerian, Ali. Cheers 🍺

    Liked by 1 person

  5. September 2, 2020 at 10:15 pm

    Wow! Grim! But I completely get the Bloody Tourists bit. Good stuff

    Liked by 1 person

  6. September 2, 2020 at 11:49 pm

    I will not wonder how many times that has happened with me not knowing…

    Liked by 1 person

  7. September 3, 2020 at 3:51 am

    Everyone was very nice to us in Ireland. Even when I ordered irish coffee for breakfast. Garry said it was too early, but the bartender assured me it was NEVER too early. I totally agreed.

    Liked by 1 person

    • September 3, 2020 at 12:55 pm

      They are very friendly in Ireland.

      Like

  8. September 3, 2020 at 8:06 am

    Ha, I didn’t even need to get to the punch line to know how the olde worlde flavor was added. And truth told, it probably did taste better…

    Liked by 1 person

  9. September 3, 2020 at 10:50 am

    Brilliant Ali! Why didn’t I think of doing that when I was a pub landlord? My locals hated tourists invading their alehouse!

    Liked by 1 person

  10. September 3, 2020 at 1:15 pm

    That’s indeed “olde” world. I read the remote corners of some castles served that purpose. I bet some of the motes did also. Good one, Ali. 😀 — Suzanne

    Liked by 1 person

    • September 4, 2020 at 7:11 am

      Much tidier to use someone’s pint glass 🙂

      Like

  11. September 3, 2020 at 3:10 pm

    Dear Ali,

    All I can say is eeeeeeeeew! And hilarious.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

    Liked by 1 person

    • September 4, 2020 at 7:12 am

      Dear Rochelle,
      I hear it’s very clean, though quite gross 🙂
      I’m glad you enjoyed my story!
      Ali

      Like

  12. September 3, 2020 at 4:02 pm

    Old world new purrices…MOL…Great story, Draliman😸Pawkisses for a Happy Thursday🐾😽💞

    Liked by 1 person

    • September 4, 2020 at 7:24 am

      Yes, not very likely that an “olde worlde experience” would result in corresponding prices! I believe a shilling and six pence was only 18 old pence (18d), or 7.5 new pence (I assume). That would be a cheap pint indeed!

      Liked by 1 person

  13. September 3, 2020 at 6:56 pm

    it seems like a scene from the “back to the future movie.” 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • September 4, 2020 at 7:31 am

      Yes. Let’s hope those old cars can manage 88mph to get him home!

      Liked by 1 person

  14. September 3, 2020 at 8:12 pm

    Oh, good grief. What an experience that was to read. Well put.

    Like

    • September 4, 2020 at 7:31 am

      Thanks, at least the tourist got what he asked for, more or less 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  15. September 4, 2020 at 2:20 pm

    Why did I fear he did just that?
    Ewwwww!

    Like

  16. September 4, 2020 at 7:14 pm

    A well-written glimpse of reality!

    Like

    • September 5, 2020 at 5:17 am

      Thanks, who knows what goes on “behind the bar”!

      Liked by 1 person

      • September 5, 2020 at 5:31 am

        LOL! The imagination which has the largest collection of tourists.’ glimpses. A very enjoyable prompt, drailman. 🤔

        Liked by 1 person

  17. September 4, 2020 at 8:46 pm

    Reading this has made me so glad I don’t drink ale – ‘olde worlde’ or otherwise. It’s yuk, even without that extra, sprinkled ingredient. 😀

    Like

    • September 5, 2020 at 5:20 am

      I hear they also do a very authenticate olde worlde white wine… 🙂

      Like

  18. September 4, 2020 at 9:12 pm

    I’m sticking to soda. In a bottle. I’ll handle the bottle opener, thank you very much. Great service. Thank you, yes. All’s absolutely fine. Great people. I’ll take the crisps. In a bag … 😉

    Like

  19. Mike
    September 4, 2020 at 11:38 pm

    Now sir , this ale is rather Sweet and old. Can you top it up😉

    Like

    • September 5, 2020 at 5:22 am

      Yep, just give me half an hour… 🙂

      Like

  20. September 5, 2020 at 2:01 am

    You’re taking the term “pissed” to new levels. Low levels.

    Like

  21. September 5, 2020 at 4:36 am

    Haha I think I now understand why we are turning into cashless societies. 😀

    Like

    • September 5, 2020 at 5:29 am

      Paying contactless still won’t save you from the “traditional” ale, though 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  22. Lyn
    September 5, 2020 at 6:44 am

    Think I’ll just drink bottled beer from now on 😀

    Like

  23. September 5, 2020 at 8:05 am

    Thanks for a good laugh 🙂

    Like

  24. September 5, 2020 at 11:29 am

    Teehee! I’ll have to ask my son if he ever did this in his bar-work days! Mind you, when I was first allowed to legally drink beer, it was Double Diamond and your barman’s adulteration would have made it taste better…

    Like

  25. September 5, 2020 at 5:01 pm

    Ew. It’s a great story, actually, and made me smile. Dealing with tourists can be a mighty pain! Still. Ew.

    Like

    • September 6, 2020 at 6:25 am

      Maybe he went a bit too far! I’m glad you liked it 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  26. September 6, 2020 at 5:19 pm

    Very droll — the unedited version of The Good Old Days… hand washing is for wimps.

    Like

    • September 8, 2020 at 5:03 am

      The real story of how it was. The air was cleaner, the beer… wasn’t.

      Like

  27. September 6, 2020 at 5:44 pm

    Fun story, but ew.

    Like

    • September 8, 2020 at 5:04 am

      I’m glad you liked it, grossness notwithstanding 🙂

      Like

  28. September 6, 2020 at 7:52 pm

    Ha… I can see how you would do this with beer that is so light it just taste like water…

    Like

  29. September 7, 2020 at 1:38 pm

    Guess it must have tasted just a ‘wee’ bit off!

    Like

  30. September 9, 2020 at 7:57 pm

    The olde worlde had no indoor plumbing… no thanks!!!!

    Like

    • September 10, 2020 at 7:30 am

      Same here – people who romanticise days gone by are missing a few important points!

      Liked by 1 person

  1. No trackbacks yet.

Speak to me - I'd love to hear your thoughts!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

%d bloggers like this: