FF – Bloody Tourists
Here is my contribution for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by C.E. Ayr.
“Oh, how very ‘olde worlde’! Costumed inhabitants, old cars! I think I’ll try some of the ‘olde worlde’ ale! A pint of your finest, my good man.”
“’Ere. Free pahnd fifty.”
“Three pounds fifty? Surely you mean ‘a shilling and six pence, guvnor’?”
“Nah. I mean free pahnd fifty. Guvnor.”
“Oh, well, okay. Hey, this tastes just like regular ale! What about the ‘olde worlde’ experience?”
“Fine. Give it ‘ere.”
(sprinkle tinkle)
“’Ere. Olde worlde experience.”
“Aha! Urk, yeech, bleurgh! Yes, very olde worlde…”
*****
“Frank, you’ve been serving ages. Need a toilet break?”
“Nah, just ‘ad one. Har har. Bloody tourists.”
Categories: Fiction
flash fiction, Friday Fictioneers
Well that’s one in the eye for nostalgia
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It was never how you remember it…
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Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be. 😳
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Yeah, I have nostalgia about nostalgia back in my day… 🙂
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No wonder the pubs are spreading the pandemic with this sort of hygiene!
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I know! They ought to be ashamed of themselves…
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hehehe! No doubt someone will find a way to make more money doing this. 😀
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I don’t see why not. There’s a lot of people looking for an authentic experience. If you get a premium ticket they’ll even infect you with the Black Death 🙂
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Very Chaucerian, Ali. Cheers 🍺
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Cheers 🙂
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Wow! Grim! But I completely get the Bloody Tourists bit. Good stuff
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Never be a tourist 🙂
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I will not wonder how many times that has happened with me not knowing…
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Best to live in ignorance.
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Everyone was very nice to us in Ireland. Even when I ordered irish coffee for breakfast. Garry said it was too early, but the bartender assured me it was NEVER too early. I totally agreed.
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They are very friendly in Ireland.
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Ha, I didn’t even need to get to the punch line to know how the olde worlde flavor was added. And truth told, it probably did taste better…
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Not a fan of ale, huh…?
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Brilliant Ali! Why didn’t I think of doing that when I was a pub landlord? My locals hated tourists invading their alehouse!
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You missed a trick there!
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That’s indeed “olde” world. I read the remote corners of some castles served that purpose. I bet some of the motes did also. Good one, Ali. 😀 — Suzanne
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Much tidier to use someone’s pint glass 🙂
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Dear Ali,
All I can say is eeeeeeeeew! And hilarious.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Dear Rochelle,
I hear it’s very clean, though quite gross 🙂
I’m glad you enjoyed my story!
Ali
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Old world new purrices…MOL…Great story, Draliman😸Pawkisses for a Happy Thursday🐾😽💞
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Yes, not very likely that an “olde worlde experience” would result in corresponding prices! I believe a shilling and six pence was only 18 old pence (18d), or 7.5 new pence (I assume). That would be a cheap pint indeed!
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it seems like a scene from the “back to the future movie.” 🙂
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Yes. Let’s hope those old cars can manage 88mph to get him home!
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Oh, good grief. What an experience that was to read. Well put.
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Thanks, at least the tourist got what he asked for, more or less 🙂
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You’re welcome.
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Why did I fear he did just that?
Ewwwww!
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That’s what you get for being a picky tourist 🙂
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Well-deserved!
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A well-written glimpse of reality!
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Thanks, who knows what goes on “behind the bar”!
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LOL! The imagination which has the largest collection of tourists.’ glimpses. A very enjoyable prompt, drailman. 🤔
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Reading this has made me so glad I don’t drink ale – ‘olde worlde’ or otherwise. It’s yuk, even without that extra, sprinkled ingredient. 😀
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I hear they also do a very authenticate olde worlde white wine… 🙂
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I’m sticking to soda. In a bottle. I’ll handle the bottle opener, thank you very much. Great service. Thank you, yes. All’s absolutely fine. Great people. I’ll take the crisps. In a bag … 😉
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Wise choices 🙂
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(Nodding vigorously)
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Now sir , this ale is rather Sweet and old. Can you top it up😉
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Yep, just give me half an hour… 🙂
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You’re taking the term “pissed” to new levels. Low levels.
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I’m sure I can go lower!
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All right. Now, I’m eagerly anticipating.
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Haha I think I now understand why we are turning into cashless societies. 😀
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Paying contactless still won’t save you from the “traditional” ale, though 🙂
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Think I’ll just drink bottled beer from now on 😀
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I would 🙂
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Thanks for a good laugh 🙂
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I’m glad you liked it 🙂
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Teehee! I’ll have to ask my son if he ever did this in his bar-work days! Mind you, when I was first allowed to legally drink beer, it was Double Diamond and your barman’s adulteration would have made it taste better…
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Wow, it must have been bad!
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Ew. It’s a great story, actually, and made me smile. Dealing with tourists can be a mighty pain! Still. Ew.
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Maybe he went a bit too far! I’m glad you liked it 🙂
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Very droll — the unedited version of The Good Old Days… hand washing is for wimps.
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The real story of how it was. The air was cleaner, the beer… wasn’t.
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Fun story, but ew.
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I’m glad you liked it, grossness notwithstanding 🙂
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Ha… I can see how you would do this with beer that is so light it just taste like water…
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Give it a bit of “body”.
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Guess it must have tasted just a ‘wee’ bit off!
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Ha ha, very good 🙂
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The olde worlde had no indoor plumbing… no thanks!!!!
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Same here – people who romanticise days gone by are missing a few important points!
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