Home > Fiction > FF – Stay Vigilant

FF – Stay Vigilant

Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Roger Bultot.

According to MS Word, “This language may be offensive to your reader.” You have been warned ๐Ÿ˜ฎ

Copyright Roger Bultot

Shoes. Comfortable. Keep your feet warm. Take you where you need to go.

But what if they donโ€™t? Occasionally, you get a well dodgy pair. They pull you into a pub, a gambling shop. They force you to kick some poor unsuspecting mug in the nuts.

Some shoes can be right proper bastards.

And what do you do then? You hang them. Hang them by the laces until they be dead.

It may seem harsh, but itโ€™s the only way.

Keep your wits about you. Are any of your shoes right proper bastards? If so, act now.

Stay vigilant. Stay safe.

  1. March 30, 2022 at 3:29 pm

    Who’s the poor little fellow hanging on to those shoes on the left? What did he do to upset you?

    Liked by 1 person

  2. March 30, 2022 at 3:58 pm

    I’ll have to retrain my trainers before they get me into trouble.


    • March 31, 2022 at 2:27 pm

      The retraining of trainers is not an easy prospect.


  3. March 30, 2022 at 4:08 pm

    Absolutely lovely, this whimsy


  4. Michael Humphris
    March 30, 2022 at 4:13 pm

    I right enjoyed reading this, great story telling


  5. March 30, 2022 at 4:16 pm

    My shoes gave me blisters. I reckon I’ve got some proper bastards!


  6. March 30, 2022 at 4:17 pm

    Ah! So the shoes DO make the man (or person).
    In that case, I much prefer HANGING onto shoes that make me a bastard ๐Ÿ˜


    • March 31, 2022 at 2:32 pm

      It’s much more fun that way ๐Ÿ™‚


  7. March 30, 2022 at 4:18 pm

    Very educational. And now I can now blame my shoes for the extravagant shopping spree! ๐Ÿ™‚


  8. March 31, 2022 at 1:44 am

    They can be dangerous to your health.


    • March 31, 2022 at 2:33 pm

      Barefoot’s the safest way to go.


  9. March 31, 2022 at 9:28 am

    Yep, I have a pair like that. They take me into shops and I am forced to buy completely useless items. Hell my trousers are worse! Fun read.


  10. March 31, 2022 at 11:26 am

    That’s a great story, Ali! Loved it. You’re getting better and better.


    • March 31, 2022 at 2:38 pm

      Thanks ๐Ÿ™‚ This one wrote itself as soon as I saw the hanging shoes ๐Ÿ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

  11. March 31, 2022 at 12:07 pm

    Dear Ali,

    Sure. Sure. Blame the shoes. Love the style and construct of this story. Bravo!




    • March 31, 2022 at 2:54 pm

      Dear Rochelle,
      Yeah, guv, it were the shoes, honest!
      I’m glad you liked it ๐Ÿ™‚


  12. March 31, 2022 at 12:30 pm

    The driver is going to have to raise their plow really high to clear out that gallows of rotten shoes….


    • March 31, 2022 at 3:00 pm

      Yes, but it has to be done. Once they’ve hung there a few days as a warning to other errant shoes…


  13. March 31, 2022 at 1:51 pm

    Oh, dear. Now how should I handle my flip-flops? Flip them by their flops?


    • March 31, 2022 at 3:00 pm

      In my experience flip-flops are pretty well-behaved ๐Ÿ™‚


  14. March 31, 2022 at 2:20 pm

    Even my furry slippers can be nasty, you won’t believe what they did the other day!


    • March 31, 2022 at 3:01 pm

      I’m not sure I want to know ๐Ÿ˜ฎ Furry slippers are notorious for going “off mission”.


  15. March 31, 2022 at 4:08 pm

    I told the judge it was the fault of the shoes. He did not believe me. Nicely done.


  16. March 31, 2022 at 4:59 pm

    like they say, if the shoes fit… great story. ๐Ÿ™‚


  17. March 31, 2022 at 6:11 pm

    This brilliant story reminds me of Anthony Burgess and his “Clockwork Orange” and the last (censored and excised in the US) last chapter. Well done!


  18. April 1, 2022 at 4:20 am

    Good prose poem, with some rhythms!


  19. April 1, 2022 at 12:35 pm

    Hm. I’ve had some bastard shoes like that. Recently though, it’s bastard mouses that drag me to online shops and make me buy useless stuff… maybe time to hang them, too.
    Brilliant story, love it.


    • April 3, 2022 at 5:53 am

      That’s true – mouses are the new shoes! And they come ready-equipped with a hanging cord.

      Liked by 1 person

  20. April 2, 2022 at 4:41 am

    The shoes made me do it! Killed a man โ€” shoes made me do it. ๐Ÿ˜€

    Liked by 1 person

    • April 3, 2022 at 5:54 am

      It’s a more common situation than many people realise ๐Ÿ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

  21. Lyn
    April 2, 2022 at 7:16 am

    And not just dragging to into the pub, but they team up with little pebbles (the sharper the better) to torture you when you least expect it and aren’t in the position to take off your shoe and remove the little b….r.


    • April 3, 2022 at 5:56 am

      Yes, they’re getting more clever, finding allies ๐Ÿ˜ฎ

      Liked by 1 person

  22. April 3, 2022 at 7:11 am

    I’m glad it’s only the occasional pair that are dodgy. I’ve always suspected mine of reproducing all by themselves. My shoe cupboard always seems to be chockablock and I have no idea where all those shoes come from. Truly.


    • April 3, 2022 at 4:27 pm

      See! See! While you’re asleep your shoes are taking you shoe shopping! Building the army!

      Liked by 1 person

  23. April 4, 2022 at 3:10 pm

    Oh, if only I could blame my shoes for all my evil inclinations!


  24. April 4, 2022 at 4:27 pm

    Brilliant advice. Thanks.


  25. April 4, 2022 at 8:35 pm

    Most of my shoes are right bastards, with very big teeth. Flip flops are best ‘cos they daren’t bite my toes while I’m watching.


    • April 6, 2022 at 5:57 am

      Flip flops are known to be amongst the least aggressive of their species.


  26. April 6, 2022 at 1:55 am

    It’s good to know the shoes are fault, not me, and how to correct the mischievous bastards. This is a very helpful and informative piece.


  27. April 6, 2022 at 7:42 am

    MOL…thank Cat I only have paws…MOL…Here’s some Pawkisses to proof it๐Ÿพ๐Ÿ˜ฝ๐Ÿ’ž


    • April 8, 2022 at 12:27 pm

      Phew. Watch out for paw mittens though ๐Ÿ™‚


  1. April 5, 2022 at 5:49 am

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