Home > Fiction > Monday’s Finish the Story – Shattered Dreams

Monday’s Finish the Story – Shattered Dreams

There’s a new(ish) photo flash fiction in blog town! It’s Mondays Finish the Story – not only is there a photo but the first sentence is written too.

We get 100-150 words, not including the starting sentence. Of course, I didn’t read the instructions properly and spent several desperate minutes cutting my story down to under 150 words including the first sentence. So I’ve put some words back in.

The first sentence is in the present tense, so I’ve stayed with that with some past tense in the middle. I hope it works okay.

This challenge uses the little blue froggy, so click on him to see this week’s other stories. I have put the provided sentence in bold in my story.

Sorry about the snow on my blog. I must have switched it on last year and I can’t be bothered to track down the setting right now. Because I’m lazy like that.

 

2014-12-01-bw-beacham

 

In the compound on the hill, lives a man with a dream. He walks up the marble path admiring his creation, already half-built –  domes rising, palm trees providing shelter from the baking sun.

“You’ll never do it!” they’d said.

“You’ve never amounted to anything!” they’d scoffed.

Yet here it was for all to see, rising from the barren sand.

It hadn’t been plain sailing. No-one would back him so he’d had to turn to “less reputable” sources of funding. People had warned him not to get involved with such people, but his dream would not die. Suffering cash-flow problems, he’d shrugged off the threats of his faceless investors. And besides, he would ensure that they would see amazing returns!

One day.

One day soon.

He opens the door, pushing past the pile of final demands on the doormat. Preoccupied with his dream, he doesn’t see the two shadows detach themselves from the wall and follow him silently up the stairs.

 

  1. December 2, 2014 at 8:44 pm

    That’s good! Now I want to know he got away some how. 🙂

    Like

    • December 2, 2014 at 9:34 pm

      You never know 🙂 He seems like the sort who manages to somehow get out of all kinds of scrapes.

      Like

  2. NotAPunkRocker
    December 2, 2014 at 9:00 pm

    Yikes! The setting and the story you wrote make it sound like an episode of “Breaking Bad”. Very good! 🙂

    Like

    • December 2, 2014 at 9:34 pm

      Thanks! I’m really gonna have to watch that 🙂

      Like

      • NotAPunkRocker
        December 2, 2014 at 9:35 pm

        Definitely, but finish Walking Dead first 🙂

        Like

  3. December 2, 2014 at 9:18 pm

    Shadows. Lethal shadows. Do you have a drone too?

    Like

    • December 2, 2014 at 9:35 pm

      I’ll borrow Garry’s after Santa’s been 🙂

      Like

  4. December 2, 2014 at 10:30 pm

    Ohh I like the ending. Makes you wonder what happens next? Did he know they were there? Are they there for good or evil? Maybe it’s his pets, lol. Good job!

    Like

    • December 3, 2014 at 8:02 am

      I think they’re there for evil but I like the idea of them being his pets. If it were a longer story I could build the tension, then it turns out it’s his cats and when he goes to bed someone emerges from under the bed and does him in. Ha ha 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  5. December 2, 2014 at 10:42 pm

    Great story! I like that with the figures lurking in the shadows! Thank you for participating in this new challenge and I hope that you return next week! ^..^

    Like

    • December 3, 2014 at 8:05 am

      Thanks! I think his number’s up 😦
      I hope to be back next week as well.

      Like

      • December 3, 2014 at 3:10 pm

        We shall see! The upcoming challenge is all wet! 🙂

        Like

      • December 3, 2014 at 3:53 pm

        I shall get my snorkel out ready 🙂

        Like

      • December 3, 2014 at 3:56 pm

        You will need it! 🙂

        Like

  6. Rosalind Nazilli
    December 2, 2014 at 10:56 pm

    Not looking good for him.. is it?

    Must say I am glad I am not the only one who cut words and then realised the title wasn’t included in the count..x

    Like

    • December 3, 2014 at 8:06 am

      I doubt he’ll be able to talk his way out of this one.

      I’m one of those people who does half a test and then goes back to read the “important instructions” 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      • Rosalind Nazilli
        December 3, 2014 at 9:43 am

        Lol..xx

        Like

  7. December 3, 2014 at 1:58 am

    Only the shadows know.

    DJ

    Like

    • December 3, 2014 at 8:06 am

      And I doubt they’ll be doing much talking.

      Like

  8. December 3, 2014 at 1:59 am

    Great story. I hope your MC succeeds.

    Like

    • December 3, 2014 at 8:07 am

      Thanks! He may have something up his sleeve yet.

      Like

  9. December 3, 2014 at 2:01 am

    Every time I read a story about someone lending money from “less reputable” sources it makes me want to scream at them. No good can come of such alliances, as your character is about to find out, I guess. I might have a go at this Mondays Finish the Story soon.

    Like

    • December 3, 2014 at 8:09 am

      He’s about to find out the hard way. I only hope he lives to regret his mistake.
      This is my first go at this challenge. I noticed several people I follow were doing it so I had a stab.

      Like

  10. December 3, 2014 at 3:16 am

    I think there are some reputable companies around here who will send lethal shadows to your home if you fail to pay your bills on time… it’s the latest trend in the collection industry!

    Like

    • December 3, 2014 at 8:14 am

      They will stop at nothing to reclaim their investment.

      Like

  11. Lyn
    December 3, 2014 at 8:02 am

    Shadows detaching themselves from walls and following you is never a good thing. Good story, D-man 🙂

    Like

    • December 3, 2014 at 8:20 am

      Nope. I think he’s about to regret his rather lackadaisical attitude to paying people back (especially “dodgy” people) 😦
      I’m glad you enjoyed it!

      Like

  12. December 4, 2014 at 12:14 am

    Great ending adds a delightful creepiness to the tale, well done.

    Like

    • December 4, 2014 at 8:34 am

      Thanks. After I have an idea I won’t even bother starting to write until I have a decent ending ready. I’m glad you liked it!

      Like

  13. December 4, 2014 at 1:47 am

    I really think your suspense inducing abilities are getting to be top notch. As I’ve mentioned before it’s my favorite genre (that and horror) and you’ve got a real awesome ability here. You should get going on a novel – you already sound pro!! 🙂
    ~ Andrea ❤

    Like

    • December 4, 2014 at 8:37 am

      Thanks!
      A novel is a whole different proposition though. I hear you’re supposed “plan things out” and “develop your characters”. Sounds like a lot of work 😦 🙂

      Like

  14. December 6, 2014 at 3:47 am

    I missed the snow, that is disappointing.
    Possibly the shadows were repossessing the place and the man was now a servant. Returned to his place of ridicule.
    I think, you are NOT to lazy to write a book, you are not ready or don’t want to. Maybe more snow?!?

    Like

    • December 6, 2014 at 6:43 am

      I switched the snow off, sorry 😦
      That’s true, maybe he’s in for a creepy time.
      Hopefully one day I’ll get going on a book. There’s no rush, I could do a little bit at a time.

      Like

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