FF – Pilot Boats
Here is my story (sort of) for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This weeks’s nautical photo was contributed by Fatima Fakier Deria.
It’s a lot harder than you think to deliberately write something awful. My stories are getting ever madder bwahahaha.
To read the other stories for this week, click on the blue froggy.
Copyright Fatima Fakier Deria
The gloriously-restored ship sets sail, its canvas billowing majestically as the stalwart (yet horribly uninformed) helmsman steers erroneously to port. The graceful ship plows catastrophically into the harbour wall, its timbers splintering in majestic fashion. The gloriously-attired crew members fall into the fatally-cold (yet majestic) sea as the majestically glorious ship sinks gracefully to the bottom on its gloriously majestic (yet final) voyage.
This has been an advert for Porthmiggin Harbour Authority – always use a qualified Pilot – We’re expensive but so’s your boatTM
[Also, new PR intern required. Plain, simple language skills a must. Own thesaurus preferred. Apply within.]
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draliman on life 
I was going to the intern did a majestic job of describing the company’s work. But as they are advertising for a new PR intern I take it that ship has sailed. 🙂
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that should read “I was going to say”
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Hee 🙂
The intern did their best, but it’s hard to be descriptive when you only know three adjectives 😦
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Dear Ali,
This is one majestically awful story of majestic proportions. I mean this with the utmost awe (ful) and disrespect that a vertically challenged purple obsessed pygmy can muster. You have me laughing out loud. Love it!
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Dear Rochelle,
You wouldn’t believe how many edits I had to do to get it “just wrong” 🙂
I’m glad you enjoyed it!
Ali
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As an ad for pilot boats it is glorious, as a demonstration of the need for a new PR intern, it is majestic. And I could think of a few PR firms that would benefit from investing in a thesaurus or two!
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Heh, I’m glad you liked it! It’s amazing how many advertising brochures could do with, at the very least, a bit of a proof-read.
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What a majestic take on a majestic prompt😀👍
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Thanks for your glorious comment, I’m glad you liked it 🙂
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Oh what a clever and fun post – nice take on the prompt
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Thanks! It was a tricky one to get correctly wrong 🙂 I’m glad you liked it!
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Bottoms up to the captain and you.
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I’ll drink to that!
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Oh lordy… this definitely falls into the category of: Who would pay for that ad? This was awfully funny…
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One wonders if that was truly the best submission 🙂
I’m glad you enjoyed it!
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i guess it’s ok to splurge but not to skimp on the important things. 🙂
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Exactly. It’s like driving an expensive car with really cheap tyres.
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I think I have the writing skills to do advertisements for this company. I even have all the possums they need to serve as gloriously attired crew members for however many takes are necessary to get the commercial just right. What kind of salary should I expect?
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If you really do have an unlimited supply of stunt Busters – and I’m pretty sure you do – you could be looking at upwards of 50 acorns per possum per take!
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If this company owns the Titanic, I should be able to retire comfortably then….
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Putting a big boat in its proper slot in a marina is not for the fumble fingered!
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Nope. Best to pay for the experts!
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Glorious! Pawkisses for a gloriously day 🙂 ❤
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Thanks, pawkisses to you too 🙂
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Nice! (And majestic!)
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Heh, thanks 🙂
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Ha, ha. If that doesn’t get people to use an experienced pilot, nothing will. Hilarious, Ali. 😀 — Suzanne
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It’ all about grabbing people’s attention 🙂
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Yikes! You killed them all! Hahahahahaha!
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Fortunately they were only actors… 🙂
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Hahaha!
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That was gloriously majestic fun. Thans for the laugh.
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Looks like I don’t qualify as intern. Thanks for the laugh I meant…
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🙂
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I’m glad it made you laugh (in majestic fashion, I expect) 🙂
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Of course, what else. 😀
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Ha, loved the twist at the end.
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I’m glad you enjoyed it!
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Aha…scare tactic! 😉 Good one, Ali.
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I’d certainly hire them after that little horror story 🙂 I’m glad you liked it!
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Yep, they sure are good at brainwashing. Um, I mean advertising. 😉
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Wonderful stuff. Puts me in mind of the early writings of Adrian Mole, struggling to find adjectives to describe the Scottish landscape and its wildlife. Your writing soars majestically! 😀 Like a majestically soaring thing.
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Wow, it’s been ages since I read Adrian Mole! Sounds about right from what I remember, though.
I’m glad you enjoyed my majestically glorious writing 🙂
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Oh, that is hilarious. I can see this happening so much! Reenactors at the helm…scary!
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And all they had to do was cough up for a Pilot 😦
I’m glad you enjoyed it!
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As my friend says, “Always think twice before taking a cheap pill!” This was truly fun.
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It rarely pays to cut corners in these matters.
I’m glad you liked it!
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Truly “majestic” and amusing. Well done
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Thank you for your glorious comment 🙂
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Yes, there are always customer for that (especially in majestically cold water)
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The more majestic the water, the more customers!
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I’m a splendiferous righter, can Have the job please? Pretty please!!
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Singe on the doted lyne and the jobs yoors!
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Love the style and content of your story this week – very clever. A pilot is vital to stop your helmsman steering erroneously.
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I’m glad you liked it! Scrimp on a pilot, take a trip to Davy Jones’ locker…
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As a boat dweller, I’ll always go with the pilot and hope to save my home.
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Very wise 🙂
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Truely majestic and awesome (or awsum as they say these days).
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Thanks, I’m glad you enjoyed my glorious story!
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Very clever! I love ‘we’re expensive but so’s your boat’
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Quite a snappy strapline, I thought! I’m glad you enjoyed my story 🙂
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A deliciously majestic tale of an unfortunately fatal incident that could have been prevented had the passengers paid heed to the Porthmiggin Habour Authority advert. Not such a majestic ending for said passengers, despite the obvious allure of the majestically blue sea. 😀 A majestically fun story! 😀
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It’s very sad that they decided not to cough up the money for a properly-qualified pilot 😦 I’m glad you enjoyed it!
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LOL…Wonderfully described!
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Thanks 🙂
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