Home > Fiction > FF – Pre-Worn

FF – Pre-Worn

Here is my story for this week’s Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. The photo comes courtesy of Sarah Potter.

I nearly did a serious one this week, thinking about cobwebs in the brain or some such in an attempt to look past the picture, but it didn’t quite pan out…

(On a hunch I Googled “knackered” and discovered it’s British slang, so if you haven’t heard it before, it means worn out/tired out/damaged by use.)

Copyright Sarah Potter

 

Billed as a perfect complement to their Pre-Worn-LookTM sweaters and ripped jeans, comes Distressed ShoesTM. CEO of Frightful ClothingTM, Matt Moronik explains:

“Who wants to wander down the high street in their Pre-Worn-LookTM clothes wearing brand new-looking pearly-white trainers? People would laugh.”

That’s not why people are laughing, Matt. Moronik goes on:

“For a limited period, pre-order our Pre-Worn-LookTM Shite ShoesTM and get a can of cobweb-substitute absolutely free!”

So there you have it. A world gone mad. Don’t I feel silly in my immaculately-pressed shirt and perfectly-creased trousers.

Next week, the CEO of Pre-KnackeredTM Cars explains his new range, Already-CrashedTM.

 

  1. September 20, 2017 at 7:18 pm

    Wow, I wonder who would buy them! Really crazy ones 😛

    Liked by 1 person

    • September 20, 2017 at 7:33 pm

      Me! I’ll take a pair 😉

      Liked by 1 person

      • September 20, 2017 at 8:09 pm

        Good to know. Enjoy them 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      • Adam Ickes
        September 20, 2017 at 9:47 pm

        If you’re willing to pay top dollar and express shipping charges I can have you a pair in far worse condition in no time!

        Like

      • September 21, 2017 at 6:35 am

        The worse they are, the more I’ll pay 🙂

        Like

  2. September 20, 2017 at 7:30 pm

    I would guess they would sell well, but I doubt about cars… though I know that there is a market for rat-bikes usually running way better than they look.

    Like

    • September 20, 2017 at 7:35 pm

      I’ve not heard of those bikes. I bet they take people by surprise! As for the shoes – I’m perfectly capable of wrecking my own clothes…

      Like

  3. September 20, 2017 at 7:34 pm

    Dear Ali,

    I’ve always been baffled by the popularity of pre-torn jeans. I could’ve made a fortune back in the day repurposing my children’s clothes. Ah well…people are strange. (Faces come out the rain, when you’re strange.) Thanks to my Brit FF friends I knew knackered. Great word. Oh and loved your story.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

    Like

    • September 20, 2017 at 7:38 pm

      Dear Rochelle,
      I’ve never really seen the point, either. My “indoor-only” jeans are ripped, but they didn’t start out that way! People are indeed strange (I know the Echo and the Bunnymen version of that song best, thanks to the film “The Lost Boys”.)
      “Knackered” is a great word, and extremely well-used, you’ll hear it most every day over here.
      Anyhoo, I’m glad you enjoyed my story 🙂
      Ali

      Liked by 1 person

  4. September 20, 2017 at 7:59 pm

    The worn look in terms of clothing is not far-fetched at all … pre-ripped jeans is a perfect example. 😁
    As for ‘pre-knackered’ cars, why not? You wouldn’t worry about your car getting scratches and dents, since it already looks like crap. 😉

    Like

    • September 21, 2017 at 6:30 am

      That’s absolutely right about the cars. Sometimes I wish I had an old knackered out thing. Then I wouldn’t have to worry about getting it dinged!

      Liked by 1 person

      • September 21, 2017 at 2:08 pm

        Don’t forget that if/when you ever get another car. 😉

        Liked by 1 person

  5. September 20, 2017 at 8:05 pm

    That car idea is great. Nobody would want to steal it, and people would make way for you!

    Like

    • September 21, 2017 at 6:31 am

      Yes, they’ll know full well that I don’t care if I won’t fit through the gap and the only surviving wing mirror gets smashed off on their brand-new BMW 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  6. September 20, 2017 at 8:06 pm

    You’re getting a little too close to reality here, Ali. I’m afraid some car company CEO might take to your idea.

    But wait… Maybe we writers could put this to use? Maybe I could scan one of the classics, hit “Scramble words,” publish the results and sell it as a pre-written novel? Poets have already done this; they call it “found poetry.” So why can’t we?

    Liked by 4 people

    • September 21, 2017 at 6:31 am

      That sounds like a cool plan. I’ll put together a business plan – we could sell this 🙂

      Like

      • September 21, 2017 at 3:17 pm

        Oh great! We could invent a catchy British name — How about “Chutney Classics Unlimited”?
        You know, this idea is novel enough—pardon the pun–that it actually might sell. 😉
        Oh, but now that I’ve gone blabbed the scheme on the ‘net’ there’ll be so many generic versions popping up, Amazon will be flooded. 😦

        Like

      • September 21, 2017 at 4:32 pm

        Yeah, you’ve gone and blown it now 🙂

        Like

  7. September 20, 2017 at 8:13 pm

    Haha, love this. Why do teenagers buy jeans with loads of holes in them?

    Like

    • September 21, 2017 at 6:32 am

      It saves time in the long run 🙂 Start as you mean to go on.

      Liked by 1 person

  8. September 20, 2017 at 8:59 pm

    If “pre-crashed” were a real thing, I would have gotten a LOT more for my used cars!

    Like

    • September 21, 2017 at 6:32 am

      Just imagine the business opportunities…

      Like

  9. September 20, 2017 at 9:27 pm

    I think my feet would be seriously distressed wearing those shoes! Hilarious as always!
    Now I’m sorry I threw out my old shoes. I could have sold them to Matt Moronik! 😀

    Like

    • September 21, 2017 at 6:33 am

      He would’ve jumped on them. Or sued you for stealing his “idea” 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  10. michael1148humphris
    September 20, 2017 at 10:05 pm

    Thanks for the idea. I will now sell my old worn out shoes.😉

    Like

  11. Lyn
    September 20, 2017 at 11:14 pm

    You never disappoint with your quirky tales, Ali, and this one is right up there with the best of them. I’d make a fortune with my shoes, none are less than 5 years old, and my best “dress” shoes are at least 15 years old 😀

    Like

    • September 21, 2017 at 6:38 am

      My best shoes hail from 1999 🙂 I still wear a shirt from the late 80s (though the cuffs are a little frayed)!
      I’m glad you enjoyed my story 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  12. September 21, 2017 at 1:56 am

    And you could make a killing. Do you know how much those pre-torn jeans cost? Ridonkulous!
    Fun story. I always loved the term knackered… not to be confused with knickers…

    Liked by 1 person

    • September 21, 2017 at 3:19 am

      Good point, Dale — getting “knickered” sounds like a whole different story 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

    • September 21, 2017 at 6:39 am

      I have a pair of “naturally-ripped” jeans I wear about the house. I bet they wouldn’t sell for much, though 😦
      Definitely not be confused with knickers!

      Liked by 1 person

      • September 21, 2017 at 12:05 pm

        Well now see? If you wore them outside the house, you’d be so stylish..
        No, definitely not!

        Liked by 1 person

  13. September 21, 2017 at 3:18 am

    LOL, good one! Although yes, these days he would stick out like a sore thumb in an immaculately pressed shirt and creased trousers. 🙂

    Like

    • September 21, 2017 at 6:40 am

      The days of the impeccably-dressed gentleman-about-town are behind us. I’m glad you liked it 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  14. September 21, 2017 at 6:22 am

    Lol.. I am sure there is a market for this too. I have seen my son wearing very distressed flip-flops with his jeans to get a casual, lazy look. He would surely buy this. It also reminded me of the time pre-washed distressed jeans came into the market. My parents were aghast at why would anybody want to buy old jeans.

    Like

    • September 21, 2017 at 6:41 am

      Aha, Matt’s first customer!
      I remember being a bit confused as well. My clothes generally achieve that look after a little while for no extra cost!

      Like

  15. September 21, 2017 at 7:52 am

    I must confess to a degree of embarrassment when venturing out in my brand new sparkling white trainers… It could happen, I guess. But the cars… nah, don’t think so.

    Like

    • September 21, 2017 at 11:43 am

      I always get comments when my trainers are too sparkly-white. Sometimes I think about mussing them up a bit 🙂

      Like

  16. September 21, 2017 at 8:12 am

    Ha ha I’m sure this could be a thing.

    Like

  17. September 21, 2017 at 9:02 am

    Brilliant! And, thanks for the smiles this week . 🙂

    Like

    • September 21, 2017 at 11:43 am

      I’m glad you enjoyed it 🙂

      Like

  18. September 21, 2017 at 10:38 am

    Fashion is always ripe for parody, Plus it’s nice to hear the word ‘knackered’ once in a while 🙂

    Like

    • September 21, 2017 at 11:44 am

      Fashion and art – can’t go wrong! “Knackered” is a great word 🙂

      Like

  19. September 21, 2017 at 12:22 pm

    Oh, this is perfectly hilarious! Love it! I say this as I see a teen walk in with brand new jeans sliced and diced to look old… perfect waste of money, I think. Then I look down at my ‘well-worn, paint stained, too long cotton cheap pants. Not so different, except, I didn’t pay major $$$, I just worked everyday in them for a week. Lol!

    Like

    • September 21, 2017 at 12:26 pm

      Too lazy to properly wear them in, these youngsters 🙂
      I’m glad you enjoyed it!

      Like

  20. September 21, 2017 at 1:39 pm

    This made me laugh so hard!! Fucking brilliant! 🙂

    Like

    • September 21, 2017 at 4:29 pm

      We have much the same sense of humour, I’ve found 🙂
      I’m glad you enjoyed it!

      Liked by 1 person

  21. September 21, 2017 at 2:20 pm

    Oh man, I can only hope Pre Knackered™ Cars becomes a thing, because my 20 year old car will be worth a fortune then by the time I’m finally done driving it! I’ll use the profits from my sale to get a sleek new pair of Shite™ shoes….

    Like

    • September 21, 2017 at 4:31 pm

      I wise investment. Just be sure to truly knacker your car before trying to sell it.

      Like

  22. September 21, 2017 at 2:25 pm

    That seems like a brilliant idea. 😀 Turning fashion into a 360 degree would certainly bring in a new wave. And you could still charge more. 😉

    Like

    • September 21, 2017 at 4:32 pm

      Charging more for less is what this clothing revolution is all about 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  23. September 21, 2017 at 7:23 pm

    i think he can sell everything like the golden gate bridge. 🙂

    Like

  24. September 21, 2017 at 10:00 pm

    Ali, from the names to the products to the reactions this is a wonderfully clever story. (And I love the British word knackered as well as wonky!) Thanks for the laugh.

    Like

    • September 22, 2017 at 6:37 am

      I’m glad you enjoyed it 🙂
      Those two words are even better with “well” in front – “I’m well knackered”, “that picture’s well wonky” 🙂

      Like

  25. Life Lessons of a Dog Lover
    September 21, 2017 at 10:59 pm

    Great fun and very creative.

    Like

  26. September 22, 2017 at 9:55 am

    So glad you looked beyond those tatty shoes to discover al these Tread Marks! Great story, Ali.

    Like

    • September 22, 2017 at 11:41 am

      This goes way beyond just the shoes! I’m glad you enjoyed it.

      Like

  27. September 22, 2017 at 10:18 am

    Shabby chic is all the rage! Nice one.

    Click to read my FriFic!

    Like

    • September 22, 2017 at 11:41 am

      It is for sure. I’m glad you liked it!

      Like

  28. September 22, 2017 at 6:36 pm

    What a great, unique take on the prompt! Very nice. :o)

    Like

    • September 23, 2017 at 5:53 am

      Thanks, I’m glad you liked it 🙂

      Like

  29. September 23, 2017 at 6:00 am

    ROFL – everything is trademarked! Or is it #tagged 😉 😀

    Like

  30. September 23, 2017 at 7:07 am

    Ha! This made me smile so much, especially when you see all those jeans with the worn/dirty patches on them – funny! Loved that your CEO was called Moronik – says it all

    Like

    • September 23, 2017 at 4:11 pm

      I remember many years ago ripped jeans were a “thing”. Never quite understood it, myself 🙂
      Yep, Moronik by name… I’m glad you enjoyed it!

      Liked by 1 person

      • September 25, 2017 at 6:17 am

        I never got the ripped jeans either – you’d see them stitched round the hole to stop it unravelling further! Crazy

        Liked by 1 person

  31. September 23, 2017 at 12:18 pm

    I read in Jack Ma’s biography that someone was selling bottled farts on Alibaba. There’s always a market for everything in this world. Good one, Ali(not baba)

    Like

    • September 23, 2017 at 4:11 pm

      There will always be someone willing to buy what they think will be the “next big thing”, no matter how silly it is. I’m glad you enjoyed it!

      Like

  32. September 23, 2017 at 12:35 pm

    Hilarious but in a weird way it makes sense. I love the cobweb spray. It would be perfect for Halloween. A confused spider might even move in. 😀 — Suzanne

    Like

    • September 23, 2017 at 4:12 pm

      Yes, those are real Halloween shoes. Pre-creepified 🙂
      I’m glad you liked it!

      Like

  33. September 23, 2017 at 12:36 pm

    Reblogged this on Musings on Life & Experience and commented:
    In a weird way, this makes sense.

    Like

  34. September 24, 2017 at 8:01 am

    I think those shoes are made for walking, Draliman… 😀 Pawkisses for an easy Sunday 🙂 ❤

    Like

    • September 24, 2017 at 10:20 am

      I wouldn’t want to walk in them, though 🙂

      Like

  35. September 24, 2017 at 11:36 am

    You and I went the same route this week with the pre-damaged look. I like the idea of the pre-smashed cars. It’s saves all that worry about getting the first little dent or scratch. Good one, Ali.

    Like

    • September 24, 2017 at 5:00 pm

      Exactly. I’m always waiting for that first ding…
      I’m glad you liked it!

      Like

  36. September 24, 2017 at 12:34 pm

    Nothing like having your shoes already broke in, and they no doubt go with the blue jeans that are bought these days already torn to shreds.

    Like

  37. September 24, 2017 at 6:19 pm

    Is is also possible to buy Recycled Toilet Paper – yes, really!

    Like

    • September 25, 2017 at 6:39 am

      Yes, it’s not as nice as the stuff you get from freshly-mown down trees, though 🙂

      Like

  38. September 25, 2017 at 4:06 pm

    Hilarious! I was looking through a catalogue of fall clothing for women the other day, and saw the latest version of worn-out jeans: Patched in a crazy-quilt pattern 🙂 Also something called step jeans, where you cut off a few inches on the front of each leg. We sure do spend a lot of time and energy on looking as if we spent no time or energy on our clothing 🙂

    Like

    • September 26, 2017 at 11:40 am

      It’s a lot harder to look “well-worn” than neat and tidy, I think 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  39. September 26, 2017 at 9:20 pm

    Shite Shoes and Pre-Worn-Look clothes – mornings have just got a lot easier!

    Like

    • September 27, 2017 at 5:55 am

      No more looking through the wardrobe for that perfect outfit 🙂

      Like

  40. September 30, 2017 at 10:49 am

    Great! Hilarious! So many ‘fashion victims’ still following trends blindly.

    Like

    • September 30, 2017 at 1:45 pm

      Thanks! Personally, I don’t care how fashionable something is, if I don’t like it I won’t wear it.
      I’m glad you enjoyed my story 🙂

      Like

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