Home > Fiction > FF – Not Fit for Purpose

FF – Not Fit for Purpose

Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Sandra Crook.

Just in case, I should explain that in the context of a car, the “boot” is the UK English word for the “trunk”.

Copyright Sandra Crook

 

Marco exited the building followed by his minions, dragging between them two men, hands bound, sacks over their heads. Billy leapt out of the car.

“Over here, Boss!”

“Boys, chuck these scum in the boot and we’ll… what the hell is that?”

“Me new car!”

“Uh…”

“All the latest gadgets!”

“It has a boot the size of a peanut. We’ll never get ’em in there.”

“The old car was full of bullet holes.”

“Let ‘em go, lads. It’s their lucky day. Billy, inside. You ‘n me gonna have a… chat.”

“Ooh, great! Let me tell you about its amazing fuel consumption…”

 

  1. January 24, 2018 at 8:30 pm

    Not the vehicle of choice for kidnappers and terrorists.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. January 24, 2018 at 8:35 pm

    Ha.. not a Smart choice for this purpose… I think there are some limitation on speed as well

    Liked by 1 person

    • January 24, 2018 at 8:37 pm

      Haha 🙂
      No, I’m guessing it won’t outrun a police pursuit vehicle.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. January 24, 2018 at 8:56 pm

    Ha ha – that was hilarious and surprisingly believable! Thanks for making me laugh.

    Susan A Eames at
    Travel, Fiction and Photos

    Like

    • January 25, 2018 at 8:03 am

      I’m glad it made you laugh 🙂

      Like

  4. January 24, 2018 at 9:02 pm

    Small cars are not for everyone.

    Like

    • January 25, 2018 at 8:04 am

      Especially not mobsters. Probably wouldn’t make a great getaway car either.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. January 24, 2018 at 11:44 pm

    Fuel consumption. Right

    Like

  6. January 25, 2018 at 12:06 am

    Hm, methinks that’s not the chat he has in mind… Funny story!

    Like

    • January 25, 2018 at 8:04 am

      Everybody realises that except Billy…
      I’m glad you liked it!

      Liked by 1 person

      • January 25, 2018 at 1:21 pm

        People can be like that when they get so excited about their new tech toy (cars included) — they overestimate how interested everyone else is in their gadget, sometimes to dire effect!

        Like

      • January 25, 2018 at 2:05 pm

        I’ve never understood that. Look, it’s a watch! Connected to my phone! Hello?

        Liked by 2 people

      • January 25, 2018 at 5:32 pm

        I work in a university tech institute, so I get this constantly… (sigh)

        Like

      • January 25, 2018 at 8:16 pm

        I work in an IT department and have a watch connected to my phone 🙂

        Liked by 3 people

  7. January 25, 2018 at 3:36 am

    Love it! I can imagine the scene and the goofy grin on the face of the car owner. =)

    Like

  8. January 25, 2018 at 3:44 am

    i wonder what that ‘chat’ really means. if i were him i should be worried. 🙂

    Like

  9. January 25, 2018 at 4:20 am

    That was unfortunate for some and lucky for others. Hilarious, Ali. 😀 — Suzanne

    Like

    • January 25, 2018 at 8:06 am

      Yes, Billy’s in a spot of bother 🙂
      I’m glad you liked it!

      Like

  10. January 25, 2018 at 5:02 am

    Me thinks Billy is in trouble. That car of his is nothing but door. LOL D-Man, you’re a nut 😀

    Like

    • January 25, 2018 at 8:06 am

      Not the best choice for zooming around the place out-pacing police pursuit 🙂

      Like

  11. January 25, 2018 at 5:19 am

    Lucky for them. 🙂
    Wonderful storytelling, Draliman.🙂🙂

    Like

    • January 25, 2018 at 8:07 am

      Yes, they dodged a bullet this time. Probably literally 🙂

      Like

  12. January 25, 2018 at 8:34 am

    MOL…at least he took the car into account…MOL 😀 Pawkisses for a economical day 😀 ❤

    Like

  13. January 25, 2018 at 8:49 am

    Ha ha ha ha ha. Poor Billy is in for a rough time.

    Like

  14. January 25, 2018 at 8:52 am

    Yet one more feature in favour of the smart car. Good idea!

    Like

    • January 25, 2018 at 2:01 pm

      No room for your mobster mates or bodies in the boot!

      Like

  15. Martin Cororan
    January 25, 2018 at 9:58 am

    Finally, someone is addressing the real needs of the modern motorist!

    Like

    • January 25, 2018 at 2:02 pm

      I wonder what a mobster car salesman would be like? “Plenty of room in the boot for two bodies. Three if you chop ’em up.”

      Liked by 1 person

  16. January 25, 2018 at 10:34 am

    You can take them down alleys where police patrol vehicles wouldn’t fit!
    You’ve come up with a hilarious idea, Ali, and told the story with pace and humour. Loved it!

    Like

    • January 25, 2018 at 2:03 pm

      That’s a good point! All the police-evading convenience of a motorbike but covered in case of rain 🙂
      I’m glad you enjoyed it!

      Like

  17. January 25, 2018 at 11:43 am

    Can’t even run them over, it will probably damage the car. That’s a very clever and funny take on the prompt.

    Like

    • January 25, 2018 at 2:04 pm

      Ha, yes! Hey, your head’s dented my car 🙂 I’m glad you enjoyed it!

      Like

  18. January 25, 2018 at 12:42 pm

    Different priorities! A brilliantly different take.

    Click to read my FriFic!

    Like

    • January 25, 2018 at 2:04 pm

      I think Billy’s priorities may land him in hot water! I’m glad you liked it.

      Liked by 1 person

  19. January 25, 2018 at 1:27 pm

    Poor Billy’s heart will be broken when his boss tells him to get rid of the new car! 😉

    Like

  20. January 25, 2018 at 2:26 pm

    The car is glitzy and so tempting.. never mind not being practical 🙂 Good one

    Like

    • January 25, 2018 at 2:48 pm

      It is a little small 🙂 I’m glad you liked it!

      Like

  21. January 25, 2018 at 2:46 pm

    Hahahaha! The boot is the size of a peanut! I think they are cute little cars but I wouldn’t want to own one.

    Liked by 1 person

    • January 25, 2018 at 2:49 pm

      I’d only really want one if it was a second car, for zipping around town. I looked at them when I moved back to the UK, but for some reason they were all automatic rather than manual gearboxes, which I don’t want.

      Liked by 1 person

  22. January 25, 2018 at 3:20 pm

    Very clever take. Great read.

    Like

  23. January 25, 2018 at 4:42 pm

    Oh, Billy! So caught up with fuel consumption he can’t see his own end coming! Great take on the prompt

    Like

    • January 25, 2018 at 4:57 pm

      Hopefully he won’t see it coming… or maybe the Boss will just force him to swap his baby for a bigger vehicle 🙂
      I’m glad you liked it!

      Liked by 1 person

      • January 25, 2018 at 5:10 pm

        Haha! If he’s lucky he can trade up to a transit without getting killed 🙂

        Like

      • January 25, 2018 at 8:15 pm

        Let’s hope he thinks to say that before the Boss does something Billy will regret 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      • January 30, 2018 at 8:04 am

        Better work fast … 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  24. January 25, 2018 at 7:19 pm

    Very amusing, sir, I enjoyed this

    Like

    • January 25, 2018 at 8:16 pm

      Thanks, I’m glad you liked it!

      Like

  25. January 25, 2018 at 9:12 pm

    Hilarious! Although I don’t think all will be well for poor Billy. 🙂

    Like

    • January 26, 2018 at 7:51 am

      I think he’s in for a tough time 🙂

      Like

  26. Dale
    January 25, 2018 at 10:43 pm

    That was the best, Ali! I love where you took this. It’s a good thing Billy is simple and doesn’t understand his end is near….

    Like

    • January 26, 2018 at 7:51 am

      It’s probably for the best 🙂
      I’m glad you enjoyed it!

      Like

  27. January 25, 2018 at 10:58 pm

    Dear Ali,

    LOL….Billy is clueless to the end, isn’t he? Love this. I don’t supposed the vic would fit under the bonnet?

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

    Like

    • January 26, 2018 at 7:52 am

      Dear Rochelle,
      He is! It’s probably better for him that way.
      There’s probably barely an engine under there 🙂
      Ali

      Like

  28. Lavanya
    January 26, 2018 at 3:20 am

    Just your average mobsters having fun at a getaway car! Loved the unique take.

    Like

    • January 26, 2018 at 7:53 am

      They do like to joke around, those mobsters 🙂
      I’m glad you liked it!

      Liked by 1 person

  29. January 26, 2018 at 3:28 am

    What a treat your story is! Thanks for focusing on the car. Your story made me laugh. Cheers!

    Like

    • January 26, 2018 at 7:54 am

      The moment I saw the dinky little Smart car I couldn’t resist 🙂 I’m glad you liked it!

      Like

  30. January 26, 2018 at 4:51 am

    I’m afraid poor Billy’s going to get fired from this job. Really well done and amusing take on the prompt, Ali!

    Like

    • January 26, 2018 at 7:54 am

      I’m afraid you’re right. I’m glad you liked it!

      Like

  31. January 26, 2018 at 5:36 am

    super fun and laughing with the comments too – like not outrunning the police – bah
    and just need to pimp this ride out a little – maybe some window tint (kidding)

    Like

    • January 26, 2018 at 7:55 am

      It could work with some pimping out… nah, they’d still get laughed at by all the other mobsters 🙂
      I’m glad you enjoyed it!

      Liked by 1 person

  32. January 26, 2018 at 10:03 am

    They’re going to have to make two rides. At least there’s no bullet holes to attract the attention.

    Like

    • January 26, 2018 at 1:00 pm

      I’m smiling at the thought of all those burly guys crammed into the tiny car, with one left behind with the other prisoner waiting for them to come back.

      Like

  33. January 26, 2018 at 2:15 pm

    Oh my! The boot of my car is plenty bigger than a peanut!

    Like

  34. January 26, 2018 at 8:29 pm

    They’ll just have to go into the midget kidnapping business, I guess…

    Like

    • January 27, 2018 at 5:17 pm

      A whole new sector and they’ve got it cornered.

      Like

  35. January 27, 2018 at 2:35 pm

    hehe this is great

    Like

  36. January 27, 2018 at 2:35 pm

    Reblogged this on Reblog Mixtape.

    Like

  37. January 28, 2018 at 11:51 am

    Such a shame, they don’t make henchmen like they used to huh?

    Like

    • January 28, 2018 at 5:32 pm

      I guess Billy wasn’t “fit for purpose” either.

      Liked by 1 person

      • January 29, 2018 at 6:40 am

        Maybe the manufacturers ought to recall the Billy models before this gets out of hand. Their clientele are not known for their patience and understanding.

        Like

      • January 29, 2018 at 8:09 am

        They broke the mould when they made the Billy series. Because it was useless.

        Like

      • January 29, 2018 at 2:06 pm

        They certainly did. Can’t see a way back for them now..

        Liked by 1 person

  38. January 30, 2018 at 2:50 pm

    Very clever and amusing!

    Like

  39. January 30, 2018 at 5:10 pm

    I like your story, most witty and entertaining – like the combo of gangsters and fuel consumption !

    Like

    • January 31, 2018 at 6:51 pm

      Thanks! Yes, in this world of expensive petrol even gangsters much watch their pennies 🙂

      Like

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