Home > Fiction > FF – He Seemed Like Such a Nice Man

FF – He Seemed Like Such a Nice Man

Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Karen Rawson.

For some reason a very dark story occurred to me this week, sorry.

Copyright Karen Rawson

 

He glanced behind as his family struggled up the slope, grinning as his youngest fell and slipped into the muddy water. Lashing out he threw his wife against a tree. His eldest ran past and he tripped her, laughing as she tumbled down. He was free, free…!

Jerked suddenly awake, he hears the grating, whining voice of his wife even from inside his shed. The kids are arguing. Again. Plagued in dreams and wakefulness! Something snaps inside, white and red flashes in his brain. He grabs his axe and stalks towards the house.

“… he seemed like such a nice man…”

 

  1. May 2, 2018 at 8:02 pm

    That is dark. I’m sure many have had those thoughts, but fortunately few act on them!!

    Liked by 1 person

    • May 3, 2018 at 6:57 am

      I’m sure you’re right, but just very fleeting and forgotten in an instant, thank goodness.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. May 2, 2018 at 8:03 pm

    ouch, that bites…that dream was better than reality! great writing.

    Liked by 1 person

    • May 3, 2018 at 6:58 am

      For sure. A nasty dream but far preferable to what happened next. I’m glad you liked it!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. May 2, 2018 at 8:10 pm

    Ye gods, that was chilling! Nicely done.

    Susan A Eames at
    Travel, Fiction and Photos

    Liked by 1 person

  4. May 2, 2018 at 8:48 pm

    Frightening tale. A real nightmare

    Liked by 1 person

  5. May 2, 2018 at 8:52 pm

    Wow. Dark indeed. I’m impressed. The most scary part is that we’ve heard it so many times before… In the real world. Well done.

    Liked by 1 person

    • May 3, 2018 at 7:03 am

      Yes, far too many times. I’m glad you liked it, and thanks for the retweet!

      Like

  6. May 2, 2018 at 9:30 pm

    The neighbours always say that. 🙂 Good and scary!

    Liked by 3 people

  7. May 2, 2018 at 9:37 pm

    Spooky stuff!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. May 2, 2018 at 10:04 pm

    That’s pretty awful.

    Liked by 1 person

    • May 3, 2018 at 7:08 am

      The subject matter rather than the writing, I hope 😉
      A grim situation.

      Liked by 1 person

  9. May 2, 2018 at 10:26 pm

    Frightening and fabulous writing.
    Isn’t that always the way it goes, though? Tsk.

    Liked by 1 person

    • May 3, 2018 at 7:08 am

      Thanks! Nobody ever really knows what’s really going on inside…

      Like

  10. May 2, 2018 at 10:50 pm

    Either he was a nice man who was driven crazy by incessant dreams, or wow, his neighbors *really* didn’t know him very well!

    Liked by 1 person

    • May 3, 2018 at 7:09 am

      Probably the latter. I’m sure they appeared to be the perfect family.

      Liked by 1 person

      • May 3, 2018 at 12:37 pm

        He was doing a good job of acting, right up until he cracked? Ouch — that could be anybody , which makes it even more scary!

        Liked by 1 person

      • May 3, 2018 at 3:29 pm

        Definitely 😦

        Liked by 1 person

  11. Lyn
    May 3, 2018 at 1:07 am

    LOL You’re such a bad boy 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  12. May 3, 2018 at 2:16 am

    This is like a condensed version of The Shining 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  13. May 3, 2018 at 2:25 am

    Ugh!

    Randy

    Liked by 1 person

  14. May 3, 2018 at 5:52 am

    That’s always what’s said after the fact. Great story. Very chilling.

    Liked by 1 person

  15. May 3, 2018 at 9:38 am

    Wow! Hundred word horror!

    My FriFic tale is called Solace!

    Liked by 1 person

  16. May 3, 2018 at 9:56 am

    OMG, he’s really had a bad night hasn’t he? So dark.

    Liked by 1 person

    • May 3, 2018 at 11:41 am

      For sure. A bad night, a bad day, and on it goes.

      Like

  17. May 3, 2018 at 2:48 pm

    Dear Ali,

    Gasp! Sputter! When you go dark you don’t mess around. Sheesh. But you did it so very well.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

    Liked by 2 people

    • May 3, 2018 at 3:28 pm

      Dear Rochelle,
      I take no prisoners, me 🙂 I actually didn’t much like my story due to the subject matter but I was too short on time to think of something else. I like to publish on the day so I can read others’ stories without being influenced 🙂
      I’m glad you liked it, regardless!
      Ali

      Liked by 1 person

  18. May 3, 2018 at 4:56 pm

    Hokey-Smokes! Somehow it seems he got to kill his family twice! As Rochelle said when you go dark . . . Kudos!

    Liked by 1 person

    • May 4, 2018 at 7:11 am

      It’s a nightmare come true! Dark indeed.

      Like

  19. May 3, 2018 at 5:47 pm

    Bad night, bad day, bad man… too bad there was an axe there…

    Liked by 1 person

    • May 4, 2018 at 7:12 am

      Yes, if there hadn’t been he’d probably have calmed down before finding something else.

      Like

  20. May 3, 2018 at 6:26 pm

    “He seemed like such a nice man… but his family. His wife and kids were huge pains in the arse. Yeah, I can’t blame him for snapping… I’d’ve done them in already years ago. Excuse me, Mr. TV reporter, where are you going? I still have a lot to say about the family from hell… come back!”

    Liked by 1 person

    • May 4, 2018 at 7:13 am

      Just once I’d like to hear that sort of honesty in the news report… “and then he says I’ve had it with my family, can I borrow your machete? and I says no worries…”

      Like

  21. May 3, 2018 at 8:19 pm

    Oh My! The evil lurks within… well done!

    Liked by 1 person

  22. May 3, 2018 at 10:25 pm

    Where’s our gentle, funny, Alistair?
    That said, you did evil quite well, sir… you seem like such a jovial man…

    Liked by 2 people

    • May 4, 2018 at 7:15 am

      He is taking a little holiday in fluffy bunny land, but will hopefully be back soon 🙂
      I’m glad you “enjoyed” my walk on the dark side!

      Liked by 1 person

  23. May 3, 2018 at 11:03 pm

    Oh dear, that was dark! The poor family. A great way to make it even more intense through mirroring horrible dream with even more horrible reality.

    Liked by 1 person

  24. May 4, 2018 at 7:04 am

    Not nice enough though😅. Great take on the prompt, very dark and fun!

    Liked by 1 person

    • May 4, 2018 at 7:17 am

      Just on the “homicidal maniac” side of nice, unfortunately. I’m glad you liked it!

      Like

  25. May 4, 2018 at 8:17 am

    Wow. Brilliantly imaginative and bold writing.

    Liked by 1 person

  26. May 4, 2018 at 3:44 pm

    Dude needed to get away, but jail might not be the best please for the peace he’s looking for.

    Liked by 1 person

  27. May 4, 2018 at 7:22 pm

    Wasn’t he lucky to be able to make his dreams come true. Such black humour this week. One to re-read and think about/ worry about you. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • May 5, 2018 at 5:20 am

      Yes, such a lucky chap! No need to worry, I’m sure there will be comedy again soon 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  28. May 5, 2018 at 5:46 am

    Don’t they always say that after the deed…MOL 😀 Pawkisses for a happy day 🙂 ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  29. May 5, 2018 at 7:40 am

    Marriage and kids just don’t suit some people. Graphic, well-told story.

    Liked by 1 person

    • May 5, 2018 at 4:46 pm

      Thanks! He definitely should have stayed on his own. Maybe he’ll get a private cell.

      Liked by 1 person

  30. May 5, 2018 at 10:17 am

    Yikes – my MC has wandered into your story, or is it the other way around? Either way, it’s interesting we both opted for a grisly tale rather than our usual style. Nice one, Ali.

    Liked by 1 person

    • May 5, 2018 at 4:47 pm

      I noticed that! A bit of a change for us both. I’m glad you liked it!

      Liked by 1 person

  31. May 5, 2018 at 1:42 pm

    Wow, that is dark, Ali. Good writing, though. O_o — Suzanne

    Liked by 1 person

  32. May 5, 2018 at 5:28 pm

    Wow, when you said dark, you weren’t kidding! But maybe I should be the one apologizing, because it seems my picture inspired a lot of dark stories. Plus, I don’t want to get on your bad side 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    • May 6, 2018 at 5:17 am

      Hee 🙂
      I did notice there were quite a few dark ones this week. I’m sure it’s a perfectly lovely place 🙂

      Like

  33. May 5, 2018 at 9:49 pm

    Oh boy. Family life can drive you up the wall sometimes. Or worse apparently. Good piece!

    Liked by 1 person

    • May 6, 2018 at 5:22 am

      It can, but this chap seems to have some serious underlying issues. I’m glad you liked it!

      Like

  34. May 6, 2018 at 3:44 pm

    Using the tag “He seemed like such a nice man” is a very neat and economical way of describing the murder of his family. And using the dream as well as reality to enhance the impact of your story is clever.

    Liked by 1 person

    • May 6, 2018 at 6:34 pm

      You hear that phrase so often after a tragedy. I’m glad you liked my story and that you enjoyed the dream/reality thing. Thanks 🙂

      Like

  35. May 6, 2018 at 8:33 pm

    They say the quiet ones are the worst!

    Liked by 1 person

    • May 7, 2018 at 5:25 am

      Stuff’s just building up inside them…

      Like

  36. May 7, 2018 at 3:30 pm

    Isn’t that exactly what we hear when someone goes berserk and commits mayhem! Really good writing.

    Liked by 1 person

    • May 7, 2018 at 4:25 pm

      Thanks! Yes, nobody ever sees it coming. Nasty generally violent people generally just make nuisances of themselves, it’s the quiet ones who suddenly snap.

      Liked by 1 person

  37. May 8, 2018 at 3:22 pm

    Well, that was one of the darkest trips I’ve taken for a while. As others have said, we sometimes imagine ‘freedom’ from our responsibilities but often shy away from the reality of it – thank goodness! Dark, creepy – well done

    Liked by 1 person

  38. May 8, 2018 at 11:29 pm

    Geez…where did that come from?

    Liked by 1 person

  39. May 9, 2018 at 8:24 pm

    I believe he must’ve had a sadistic streak all along. Nobody turns into a sadistic killer overnight…or do they? This was seriously scary. Good writing!

    Liked by 1 person

    • May 10, 2018 at 10:06 am

      Definitely something wrong in his brain somewhere. How to tell, that’s the question…
      I’m glad you liked it!

      Liked by 1 person

  40. May 13, 2018 at 3:16 pm

    Wow! I do hope that this is one of those stories that is a dream inside of a dream?

    Liked by 1 person

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