Home > Fiction > FF – Out of Date

FF – Out of Date

Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Dale Rogerson.

I’m in a weird mood today so here’s a weird story. Click on the froggy to read all the other contributions.

Copyright Dale Rogerson

 

It appears to be a restaurant like any other…

“Superb meal, what-ho?”

“Top hole, don’t’cha know!”

“Ye-dishk’na ga… ulp, I meant, lovely…”

A diner stands and eviscerates the unfortunate. Yellow blood spurts…

… for this “restaurant” lies on a distant planet, a training ground for the infiltration of Earth. A century in preparation. Mistakes will not be tolerated!

They rise, adjust their cravats, top hats and monocles… they appear to be a century out of date! After all that preparation…

When they get to Earth they’ll look like a right load of dozy pillocks.

What a complete bollocks-up.

Invasion… cancelled.

 

  1. August 21, 2019 at 7:40 pm

    Now hat was good! ❤

    Like

  2. August 21, 2019 at 8:13 pm

    If they stood for parliament they would blend in nicely!

    Like

    • August 22, 2019 at 6:36 am

      I did wonder if I could get a Parliament joke in there but I was having enough trouble with the word count as it was!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. August 21, 2019 at 8:24 pm

    Are you sure they didn’t actually arrive and now run the country?! 😉

    Liked by 2 people

  4. August 21, 2019 at 8:37 pm

    Steampunk aliens! Who knew?! 😀

    Like

  5. August 21, 2019 at 9:31 pm

    Need a software update.

    Like

    • August 22, 2019 at 6:43 am

      I expect their subscription to “Hitchhiker’s Guide” lapsed…

      Like

  6. August 21, 2019 at 10:35 pm

    Oops.

    Like

  7. August 22, 2019 at 1:11 am

    Dear Ali,

    Restaurant at the end of the Universe? 😉 I’m reading Douglas Adams right now and this put me in mind of the second book of his 5 book trilogy. Pillock is a good word. Picked it up from another Brit and it’s become part of my vocabulary. Thank you. Enjoyed your story. You made me laugh.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

    Like

    • August 22, 2019 at 6:58 am

      Dear Rochelle,
      I’m glad you enjoyed it! “Pillock” is a good word. It’s funny without being rude or too harsh.
      Hope you’re enjoying the Hitchhikers books 🙂
      Ali

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Lyn
    August 22, 2019 at 1:38 am

    LOL love it! Pillock is one of my favourite Brit words along with “have a stonkingly good time,” which these guys definitely didn’t 😀

    Like

    • August 22, 2019 at 7:03 am

      No, they certainly didn’t! I’m glad you liked it 🙂

      Like

  9. August 22, 2019 at 5:08 am

    Awww, we just missed out on a rollicking invasion 😦

    Like

  10. August 22, 2019 at 10:05 am

    Their invasion may fail, but they’ll probably start a new retro fashion trend. And everyone will want to have their blood dyed yellow…

    Like

    • August 23, 2019 at 1:23 pm

      They’ll be terribly confused when humans start copying them rather than running away in terror…

      Like

  11. August 22, 2019 at 12:36 pm

    Absolutely hilarious, I laughed like a drain!

    Like

  12. August 22, 2019 at 1:15 pm

    That was a hoot!
    And add me to the list who loves words. Pillock is grand.

    Like

    • August 23, 2019 at 1:32 pm

      I’m glad you liked it! “Pillock” is indeed a grand word 🙂

      Like

  13. gahlearner
    August 22, 2019 at 1:40 pm

    I will never look at blokes with cravats, top hats and monocles the same way again. Aliens! That explains a lot. Hilarious!

    Like

    • August 23, 2019 at 1:32 pm

      Give them a wide birth. Alien or no 🙂 I’m glad you liked it!

      Liked by 1 person

  14. August 22, 2019 at 2:51 pm

    Haha, it looks like they need to brush up on current Earthen events (and fashion)!

    Like

  15. August 22, 2019 at 2:53 pm

    Perhaps they either need to shorten their prep time or they need a location closer than 100 light years away…

    Like

    • August 23, 2019 at 1:35 pm

      That’s what they get for believing everything they read in all those “hello, here we are” probes we used to send out before “Independence Day” was released and we thought better of it …

      Liked by 1 person

  16. Alice Audrey
    August 22, 2019 at 2:58 pm

    And so the world is saved by our fashion sense. 🙂

    Like

  17. August 22, 2019 at 10:21 pm

    Yes Dales right, this is a hoot,

    Like

  18. August 23, 2019 at 2:30 am

    darn, earth can heave a sigh of relief at least for now. enjoy while it lasts. 🙂

    Like

  19. August 23, 2019 at 4:06 pm

    Today I will try to add “a right load of dozy pillocks” to my conversations. This was fun.

    Like

    • August 24, 2019 at 6:55 am

      I’m trying to imagine people’s faces as you casually throw that one in 🙂 I’m glad you liked it!

      Liked by 1 person

  20. August 23, 2019 at 4:11 pm

    So of course, I had to look up “dozy pillock,” since it’s apparently a British piece of slang that hasn’t crossed the pond yet. I got quite an education 🙂

    I think “stupid jerk” would be an adequate translation!

    Loved the idea of the invaders looking so out-of-date. Great story.

    Like

    • August 24, 2019 at 6:56 am

      Yeah, pretty close, though it’s sometimes almost a term of endearment, when a loved one has done something silly. I’m glad you enjoyed my story!

      Liked by 1 person

  21. August 23, 2019 at 7:30 pm

    Yes that’s the trouble with the speed of light it is just not fast enough. Mind you they’ll fit in well in the house of Parliments London, with their top hats and monocles. Just say, they’ve been to a Royal Wedding.

    Like

  22. August 24, 2019 at 4:45 am

    How racist, they didn’t want an invasion! 😀

    Like

  23. August 24, 2019 at 8:22 am

    So the invasion to infiltrate the earth is cancelled! Only good news I heard in a long time.

    Like

    • August 25, 2019 at 4:18 am

      Yes, these days it’s nice to hear some good news isn’t it!

      Like

  24. August 24, 2019 at 9:19 am

    I think the aliens might fit in quite well with some of politicians in the UK just now !

    Like

    • August 25, 2019 at 4:21 am

      Maybe they can give us a hand with the whole Brexit thing…

      Like

  25. August 24, 2019 at 6:27 pm

    Let me guess, their planet is ruled by committee? It’s no wonder it took so long their preparations are now obsolete. Good and entertaining story, Ali!

    Like

    • August 25, 2019 at 4:26 am

      Ha ha, that could be the reason! They’ll need to convene another committee to find out what went wrong… 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  26. August 24, 2019 at 10:06 pm

    I love the language…i didn’t understand most of it, but I loved it! lol

    Like

  27. August 24, 2019 at 10:51 pm

    Even being a decade off would’ve made a big difference, let alone a whole century!

    Like

    • August 25, 2019 at 4:28 am

      At lease they won’t be turning up in hot pants, roller skates and huge hair 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  28. August 25, 2019 at 12:45 pm

    Ah, ha, ha. That was great., Ali. Those aliens need a much better research man. Of course, if they land in LA, New York City, Las Vegas. or near one of the Disneylands, no one will notice. 😀 — Suzanne

    Like

    • August 25, 2019 at 4:32 pm

      Or the British Parliament, as others have pointed out 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      • August 26, 2019 at 1:48 pm

        I sometimes watch the BBC TV station and it has been a bit weird lately at that. 😀 — Suzanne

        Liked by 1 person

  29. August 25, 2019 at 7:49 pm

    Who would have though… Earth is saved by our feeble fancy for fashion

    Like

    • August 26, 2019 at 3:49 pm

      If they’d arrived during “disco” they’d have got a right shock…

      Like

  30. August 29, 2019 at 12:26 pm

    Ohh. Who knows! Maybe they’ve already perfected their best human imitations. Maybe they already walk amongst us, unknown to us! Great take on the prompt.

    Like

    • August 29, 2019 at 6:27 pm

      There are plenty of places they’ll blend right in no matter what they’re wearing! I’m glad you liked it 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  31. September 5, 2019 at 4:31 pm

    Humans are so focused on themselves, they never shut up that ‘top hole’; thinking and observing is not their forte. They won’t even notice.

    Like

    • September 5, 2019 at 4:54 pm

      They’d be a mere curiosity, nothing more, as they went about their insidious task.

      Liked by 1 person

      • September 5, 2019 at 8:00 pm

        Only you would know – and your readers 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  1. No trackbacks yet.

Speak to me - I'd love to hear your thoughts!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

%d bloggers like this: