FF – Out of Date
Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Dale Rogerson.
I’m in a weird mood today so here’s a weird story. Click on the froggy to read all the other contributions.
Copyright Dale Rogerson
It appears to be a restaurant like any other…
“Superb meal, what-ho?”
“Top hole, don’t’cha know!”
“Ye-dishk’na ga… ulp, I meant, lovely…”
A diner stands and eviscerates the unfortunate. Yellow blood spurts…
… for this “restaurant” lies on a distant planet, a training ground for the infiltration of Earth. A century in preparation. Mistakes will not be tolerated!
They rise, adjust their cravats, top hats and monocles… they appear to be a century out of date! After all that preparation…
When they get to Earth they’ll look like a right load of dozy pillocks.
What a complete bollocks-up.
Invasion… cancelled.
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Friday Fictioneers
draliman on life 
Now hat was good! ❤
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I’m glad you enjoyed it 🙂
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If they stood for parliament they would blend in nicely!
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I did wonder if I could get a Parliament joke in there but I was having enough trouble with the word count as it was!
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Are you sure they didn’t actually arrive and now run the country?! 😉
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I have always had my suspicious about that Rees-Mogg fellow… 🙂
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Haven’t we all! 🙂
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🙂
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Steampunk aliens! Who knew?! 😀
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It takes all sorts, even out in space 🙂
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Need a software update.
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I expect their subscription to “Hitchhiker’s Guide” lapsed…
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Oops.
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Oops indeed. Lucky for us, though!
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Dear Ali,
Restaurant at the end of the Universe? 😉 I’m reading Douglas Adams right now and this put me in mind of the second book of his 5 book trilogy. Pillock is a good word. Picked it up from another Brit and it’s become part of my vocabulary. Thank you. Enjoyed your story. You made me laugh.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Dear Rochelle,
I’m glad you enjoyed it! “Pillock” is a good word. It’s funny without being rude or too harsh.
Hope you’re enjoying the Hitchhikers books 🙂
Ali
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LOL love it! Pillock is one of my favourite Brit words along with “have a stonkingly good time,” which these guys definitely didn’t 😀
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No, they certainly didn’t! I’m glad you liked it 🙂
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Awww, we just missed out on a rollicking invasion 😦
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A real shame, it would have been spiffingly good fun 🙂
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Their invasion may fail, but they’ll probably start a new retro fashion trend. And everyone will want to have their blood dyed yellow…
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They’ll be terribly confused when humans start copying them rather than running away in terror…
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Absolutely hilarious, I laughed like a drain!
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I’m glad you enjoyed it!
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That was a hoot!
And add me to the list who loves words. Pillock is grand.
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I’m glad you liked it! “Pillock” is indeed a grand word 🙂
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I will never look at blokes with cravats, top hats and monocles the same way again. Aliens! That explains a lot. Hilarious!
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Give them a wide birth. Alien or no 🙂 I’m glad you liked it!
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Haha, it looks like they need to brush up on current Earthen events (and fashion)!
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This is the problem when you live so far away 🙂
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Perhaps they either need to shorten their prep time or they need a location closer than 100 light years away…
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That’s what they get for believing everything they read in all those “hello, here we are” probes we used to send out before “Independence Day” was released and we thought better of it …
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And so the world is saved by our fashion sense. 🙂
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Who would’a thunk it 🙂
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Yes Dales right, this is a hoot,
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I’m glad you enjoyed it!
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darn, earth can heave a sigh of relief at least for now. enjoy while it lasts. 🙂
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A (short?) stay of execution 🙂
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Today I will try to add “a right load of dozy pillocks” to my conversations. This was fun.
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I’m trying to imagine people’s faces as you casually throw that one in 🙂 I’m glad you liked it!
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So of course, I had to look up “dozy pillock,” since it’s apparently a British piece of slang that hasn’t crossed the pond yet. I got quite an education 🙂
I think “stupid jerk” would be an adequate translation!
Loved the idea of the invaders looking so out-of-date. Great story.
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Yeah, pretty close, though it’s sometimes almost a term of endearment, when a loved one has done something silly. I’m glad you enjoyed my story!
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Yes that’s the trouble with the speed of light it is just not fast enough. Mind you they’ll fit in well in the house of Parliments London, with their top hats and monocles. Just say, they’ve been to a Royal Wedding.
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I did have an image of Rees-Mogg as I wrote the story!
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How racist, they didn’t want an invasion! 😀
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I’m sure that by 2050 they’ll look like the sixties generation 🙂
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Haha flower power!
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So the invasion to infiltrate the earth is cancelled! Only good news I heard in a long time.
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Yes, these days it’s nice to hear some good news isn’t it!
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I think the aliens might fit in quite well with some of politicians in the UK just now !
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Maybe they can give us a hand with the whole Brexit thing…
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Let me guess, their planet is ruled by committee? It’s no wonder it took so long their preparations are now obsolete. Good and entertaining story, Ali!
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Ha ha, that could be the reason! They’ll need to convene another committee to find out what went wrong… 🙂
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🙂
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I love the language…i didn’t understand most of it, but I loved it! lol
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Some of it was a bit British, but I’m glad you liked it!
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Even being a decade off would’ve made a big difference, let alone a whole century!
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At lease they won’t be turning up in hot pants, roller skates and huge hair 🙂
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Ah, ha, ha. That was great., Ali. Those aliens need a much better research man. Of course, if they land in LA, New York City, Las Vegas. or near one of the Disneylands, no one will notice. 😀 — Suzanne
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Or the British Parliament, as others have pointed out 🙂
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I sometimes watch the BBC TV station and it has been a bit weird lately at that. 😀 — Suzanne
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Who would have though… Earth is saved by our feeble fancy for fashion
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If they’d arrived during “disco” they’d have got a right shock…
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Ohh. Who knows! Maybe they’ve already perfected their best human imitations. Maybe they already walk amongst us, unknown to us! Great take on the prompt.
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There are plenty of places they’ll blend right in no matter what they’re wearing! I’m glad you liked it 🙂
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Humans are so focused on themselves, they never shut up that ‘top hole’; thinking and observing is not their forte. They won’t even notice.
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They’d be a mere curiosity, nothing more, as they went about their insidious task.
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Only you would know – and your readers 🙂
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