draliman on life

Here is my contribution for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle, who also provided the photo this week.

I got to thinking what I would be doing if the weather looked that bad.

Copyright Rochelle Wisoff-Fields

Ring ring!

“Hello?”

“Beelzubub? Gabriel here. What’s the hold up? We’re standing here, swords aflame, looking like a load of numpties.”

“Never fear! We’ve made it really cold and miserable to keep the mortals indoors.”

“And?”

“We’ve built a video game called ‘Armageddon’. Everyone will play it ‘cos they can’t go out and when they click ‘Armageddon – Start Now’, we’re off! Angels vs demons smackdown! Yeah!”

“Starting a game called ‘Armageddon’ does NOT start Armageddon. Idiot.”

“Don’t you talk to me like that!”

“Go to hell.”

“Already there!”

Good job demons are so stupid or the Earth would be in a right mess…

Um…

Here is my contribution to Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Ted Strutz.

Copyright Ted Strutz

“So. Judgement Day.”

“Yeah. So this is death. I was expecting a bright light rather than an escalator.”

“Cutbacks, I guess.”

“I haven’t always been the best person. There was that speeding ticket. I swore at that little old lady…”

“I’m sure that won’t count against you.”

“…and then there’s all those people I murdered in the 70’s.”

“Whaaa… you’ll be on the way back down, mate. Here we are. Ooh, a questionnaire. No judgement by angels?”

“More cutbacks? A-ha! ‘Question 7: Did you murder anyone in the 70’s?’ I’ll tick ‘no’. And I’m in! Gotta love the cutbacks!”

Here is my contribution to Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Dale Rogerson.

Copyright Dale Rogerson

Detective Inspector Bardon looked across the scene. Crisp, white, beautiful. Like a Christmas card. Idyllic – apart from the body, the red-tinged snow.

“Back wound. Murder definitely happened here. Knife was driven in at close range. Only one set of footprints – the victim’s! How?”

High above, Jimmy ‘Jetpack Assassin’ Jameson hovered and laughed. His web ad had paid off. Plenty of clients, police always baffled!

“Hey, guv, just found this ad on the internet. Some joker calling himself the ‘jetpack assassin’!”

“Jetpack? Of course! Constable, grab the newly-issued ground-to-air missile launcher out the car, will you?”

Jimmy’s eyes widened in horror.

Here is my contribution to Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. The photo was contributed by Na’ama Yehuda.

My story is a bit surreal this week. So what’s new…

Copyright Na’ama Yehuda

The instructions said to use one on hands, eat the other. Let’s open this. Ooh, lovely, says “cream”, that must be for the hands.

Slather

So I eat this one. Tastes of antiseptic! That’ll be great for my stomach problems. Bit chewy though.

Three major surgeries later, and our hero is faced with a chainsaw and an elastic band.

I was told to snap one on my wrist to train myself against bad decisions and use the other to trim the hedge.

Ten minutes later…

Really hard trimming the hedge with this elastic band, especially now I only have one hand…

Here is my contribution to Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by J. Hardy Carroll.

Copyright J. Hardy Carroll

“It’s so beautiful in here, safe within the Dome.”

“It’s beautiful outside too, Dad!”

“Beautiful, but DEADLY. We got in here just in time. The atmosphere… TOXIC! The plant life… CARNIVOROUS!”

“But I can see people out there, Dad!”

“Monsters, sweetie. Cannibals! They’ll rip the FLESH from your BONES!”

“Whaaaaa!”

“Don’t scare the child, dear.”

“I’m only joshing! Look, I’ll pop outside. See? Perfectly… aaaaargghhh!”

“Hmm, looks like he was right after all. Back inside, kids. Looks like ‘Future EcoWorld Biodome’ is home now. Good job we dragged your Dad’s body back inside. Anyone for lunch? Tastes like chicken.”

“Hooray!”

Here is my contribution to Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by C.E. Ayr.

Copyright C.E. Ayr

The creature looked across the swimming pool to the people beyond. It could almost taste their flesh, sweet, succulent. A family enjoying an evening picnic – little did they know they would soon fill its belly! It crept forward slowly, carefully, then sped towards them, tripped, fell in the swimming pool and drowned…

What?

Wait a minute!

This won’t do. Where’s the grisly ending?

Who puts an unlit, unguarded swimming pool in the middle of a caravan park?

Let’s try again…

The creature, high from its success at swimming class, looked across the large, yet perfectly safe, puddle to the people beyond…

Here is my contribution to Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Rochelle herself!

Copyright Rochelle Wisoff-Fields

“You know that chap. Lenny. He’s got a telephone.

Like those ones your mam and pap had. Only older. Real old.

An’ it’s special. Connects ‘upstairs’. You know.

Angel HQ.

He’s got their ear.

He could use it to start the Apocalypse. Then end it. Reverse that ‘Climate Change’ whatsit.

Feed the starving. Home the homeless. Help the helpless. Just like that vampire with a soul. Buffy’s ex.

‘Angel’. That’s the one.

And what does he do?

Uses it to order pizza from that place down the street.

Some people don’t deserve a Hotline to Heaven.

Just sayin’.

Mine’s a pint.”

Here is my contribution to Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Sandra Crook.

Well, a photo of a war memorial wasn’t quite the Santa picture I was hoping for. Not even a snowman 😦

This isn’t a story. I’m not sure what it is. Merry Christmas and whatnot!

Copyright Sandra Crook

For King and Country!

Remember.

For freedom!

Remember.

For the security of our country!

Remember.

For the betterment of Mankind!

Worthwhile causes all.

But always remember.

What it cost.

Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Dale Rogerson. Click the frog and whatnot.

Copyright Dale Rogerson

“Um, darling?”

“Yes, my dearest?”

“I’m… I’m afraid I’ve had a small accident.”

“Accident, my pumpkin? What, pray tell?”

“Your… your… I’ve… I’ve split icing sugar on your gazebo model…”

“MY GAZEBO MODEL? Oh, why, God, why… wait, my little mince pie. It’s Christmas after all! Look, snow on the gazebo!”

“Oh, darling, yes! How pretty!”

“Yes, my precious ice cream sundae! Merry Christmas!”

“Merry Christmas, my darling! I love you!”

“I love you too!”

Smooch smooch slobber etc…

Afterwards…

“Darling, is now a good time to report on the horrible ‘forest fire’ which yesterday consumed your life’s-work London recreation…?”

Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Mikhael Sublett.

Well, I just hit “publish” instead of “preview”… bear with me… 🙂

Okay, I think I’m there.

Copyright Mikhael Sublett

“Yes! Will you look at that!”

“Perfect. At last, a combined kitchen/diner. Seems weird, bashing down a wall in the house but this is gonna look great for when Billy and Sarah come round for dinner. They’ll ooh and aah!”

“Yep! What do the instructions say next?”

“Let’s see… prepare the area… smash wall with sledgehammer… turn the page, ah, yes… but first, check the wall is not load-bearing. What’s that, then?”

KerrrrrrASH! Cough cough splutter

Ding dong!

“Hi Billy, Sarah, great to see you! Please, come through to our ultra-modern state of the art open-air kitchen diner…”

“Ooh!”

“Aah!”