FF – Vampires!
Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Dale Rogerson.
Sorry, but if you post a photo of garlic, how can I not think “vampire”?
Crash!
âArgh! How did you get in? Uninvited? Past the garlic? In the middle of the day?â
âUmmâŚâ
âYou blood-drinking nightcrawlers, you should be bursting into flames!â
âAh, I see whatâs happening here. Eh, lads?â
Yeah! Ha! Happens all the time!
âWeâre not vampires, dude!â
âYouâre⌠not?â
âNo! Wow, this is embarrassing! So sorry, mate!â
âI just thought⌠with all the bodies recently⌠drained of bloodâŚâ
âNo! Jeez. You thought⌠no! No, weâre a homicidal blood cult.â
âOh, phew… wait⌠what, now?â
Slice! Swish! Spurt!
âI canât believe he thought⌠aw, never mind. Everyone remember to bring their ritual mugs?â
Slurp
FF – Nuthead and Numbnuts Have a Picnic
Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Roger Bultot.

Copyright Roger Bultot
âHere we are, Nuthead! A nice picnic.â
âYes, Numbnuts, lovely. Is this where we meant to go? Never mind. Spread out the food!â
âFood?â
âDang!â
âI remembered the baby chair.â
âGood-oh. But that makes me think weâve forgotten something.â
âThe food?â
âSomething else.â
âThe baby! We forgot the baby!â
âOmygodomygodomygodâŚâ
âWait a sec. We donât have a baby.â
âOh, that’s a relief. I thought for a minute weâd left him slash her at the supermarket slash petrol station slash home.â
âPhew! Though we do have a baby chair.â
âBut why?â
âI forget. Letâs go home.â
âYes, let’s. Whereâs that again?â
FF – Spy Games
Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by herself!

Copyright Rochelle Wisoff-Fields
âLook, that altered ‘open’ sign. Thatâs the signal!â
âHmm. Are you sure, Sir? Maybe the neighbourhood kids…â
âYes! Come on!â
ding!
âHello, my good man. Ahem. The biscuits dunk well in the Darjeeling.â
âHuh?â
âThe biscuits dunk well in the Darjeeling.â
âYour mate… bit âoddâ is he? A sandwich short of a picnic?â
âUm, Sir, I donât think weâre in the right placeâŚâ
âNonsense! Iâm sure that is the correct counter-response. Um. Ahem. Yes! Here, my good man, the microfilm.â
âUm, okay.â
ding!
âBest put this with the others. Seven microfilms today! Maybe I better get my âopenâ sign fixed. Damn kids.â
Sharing My World 31-08-2020
Here is my post for Melanie’s Share Your World, co-hosted by Roger “Harry Potter” Shipp. This week we’re up to “The Goblet of Fire”.

Many local regions, especially rural areas where I live, have haunted houses. Have you ever spent the night in a house that was supposedly haunted? Anything âstrangeâ happen?
I’ve not heard of any haunted houses around here. Nearby we have “The Beast of Bodmin Moor”, so it’s probably best not to go there after dark. Though it’s probably just an escaped jaguar or tiger or something. Nothing to worry about đ
The Quidditch Cup (riding broomsticks while chasing a small ball) was a huge sporting event in the land of Hogwarts. What is the largest sporting event (or concert, etc.) that you have ever attended?
I can’t think of any large sporting events. I went to a few concerts while I lived in Germany way back when. The biggest were probably Paul Simon’s “Rhythm of the Saints” tour, and Iron Maiden.
When you go for a swim, do you prefer an ocean, the seaside lakes, or a pool?
What on earth’s a “seaside lake”? Not one of those, then. I swam in the sea a couple of times as a kid, but a pool sounds the best thing to me. Nice and safe.
Ron Weasley received a horrid robe to wear as formal wear to the Christmas dance at Hogwarts. Tell about the most âghastlyâ fashion statement that you have ever made.
Excuse me, I’m the very epitome of fashion. Jeans and a jumper never go out of style.
What is the last song you sang along to?
I tend to have songs going round in my head rather than singing aloud. Except in the car, and that would have been whatever was playing, I sing along in the car all the time.
What was your scariest nightmare about?
Like I can remember the details… I should have answered this in the 2 minutes after actually having the nightmare, after that the details float away. I’m just left with an uneasy feeling.
What food do you crave most often?
Either chocolate or cheese, depending on whether my body needs sugar or wants savoury.


Whatâs your grossest bug story?
I can’t think of anything in particular. Bugs are gross. end of story.

FF – Bloody Tourists
Here is my contribution for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by C.E. Ayr.

Copyright C.E. Ayr
âOh, how very âolde worldeâ! Costumed inhabitants, old cars! I think Iâll try some of the âolde worldeâ ale! A pint of your finest, my good man.â
ââEre. Free pahnd fifty.â
âThree pounds fifty? Surely you mean âa shilling and six pence, guvnorâ?â
âNah. I mean free pahnd fifty. Guvnor.â
âOh, well, okay. Hey, this tastes just like regular ale! What about the âolde worldeâ experience?â
âFine. Give it âere.â
(sprinkle tinkle)
ââEre. Olde worlde experience.â
âAha! Urk, yeech, bleurgh! Yes, very olde worldeâŚâ
*****
âFrank, youâve been serving ages. Need a toilet break?â
âNah, just âad one. Har har. Bloody tourists.â
FF – Children of Light
Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by J. Hardy Carroll.

Copyright J. Hardy Carroll
They called them âChildren of Lightâ.
They came from a far distant planet. And they glowed. All the time.
They were welcomed by the Humans. Light sources. Energy sources. Even circus performers.
Within a year they were everywhere. Homes, shops, businesses. Militaries. Governments.
Perfectly positionedâŚ
Fortunately for the Humans, the Children of Light were friendly and quite happy to be used as light bulbs.
But beware, Humans! I have learnt from this. For I am disguising my invasion army as useful widgets. And weâre a right nasty bunch of belligerent bastards. Your planet shall be ours!
See you soon.














