draliman on life

Here is my post for Melanie’s Share Your World.

For the parents in the crowd: What would be the absolute worst name you might give your child? If you’re not a parent (I’m not), then what’s the worst name you could give your pet?
There are all sorts of awful names one could choose, so I’m going to pick the name Phoebe from Friends changed her name to in one episode – “Princess Consuela Banana Hammock”.

What mildly annoying curse might you wish you could curse annoying people with?
I think I’d pick a hilarious word and make them say that instead of quite a common word.

“Barman, I’d like a pint of your best picklespanks, please. No, I mean picklespanks. Picklespanks. Picklespanks. Dammit. Lime and lemonade.”

What’s the weirdest thing you did as a child?
I don’t remember doing anything “weird”, as such. I once had a little accident where I was swinging a golf club in the front garden. I let it go and it flew majestically through the air and smashed through the neighbour’s upstairs window. Heh heh.

Do you believe things happen for a reason or are random?
I believe things just happen. But believing “things happen for a reason” can help when something awful happens.

And finally, in the spirit of New Year’s: What’s a resolution (if you make them, I don’t) you’re making for the New Year? How confident are you in keeping it a reasonable amount of time?
I don’t make resolutions. I’m (a) too lazy to have to actually do whatever it is and (b) I don’t want to feel guilty about not doing it.

Here is my post for Melanie’s Share Your World.

What traditional Christmas decoration is actually a parasitic plant?
Tinsel. It eats away at your very soul even as it beautifies your tree.

No, that doesn’t sound right. Mistletoe, then.

Name something about this holiday season (whatever version you may celebrate) that most people like, but you dislike?
Mince pies. They’re full of mincemeat. I like mince. I like meat. Mincemeat is neither of those things. Mince pies promise both but don’t deliver. Damn you, stupid lying Christmas snacks.

What’s your favourite – or least favourite – song sung traditionally at this time of year?
On the radio and in supermarkets you can’t escape Jona Lewie’s “Stop the Cavalry”, from December 1980. It’s not Christmas until Jona Lewie fires up. It’s a real traditional Christmas song, all about being stuck in the trenches during the war and not being able to get home for Christmas.

Actually – it’s not really a Christmas song at all, is it. Hey hum.

In the song “Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer,” what “incriminating” evidence was found on Grandma’s back?
I’m vaguely aware of the song, I think it’s an American favourite. Given the title, I’m going to go with reindeer hoof prints.

Finally: What would you like to share with the world, if time or cost were no object?
I would like to share my plan for the end of violence. Everyone would get a games console and would shoot each other online instead. And if people got bored and decided to try some real-world violence, they would find that months of sitting on the couch eating snacks and playing games had eroded their health to the point that they were no longer capable of hurting anybody.

I have written to the UN but have sadly received no response.

Merry Christmas, everybody 🙂

Here is my post for Melanie’s Share Your (Merry) World.

What’s the worst topping you could put on popcorn?
Pretty much anything, as popcorn is the food of the devil.

To be fair to popcorn, as a little kiddie I ate far too much at a circus or fairground and was violently ill. Now, even the thought of popcorn makes me feel queasy.

In what country did Silent Night originate?
I want to say Germany. But that’s probably just because I’m so familiar with the German version (Stille Nacht). I shall now ask the font of all knowledge.

I was close! A German-speaking country – Austria.

How would you react if there was irrefutable proof that God doesn’t exist? How about if there was irrefutable proof that God does exist?
Ooh, I don’t like either of those scenarios. It would change the world in horrible ways. And according to Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, if the existence of God were proven, God would logically cease to exist!

People need something to believe and have faith in and many people choose God. If God’s existence were either proven or disproven (and everyone believed the proof), that’s the end of belief and faith in his existence.

That would set the cat among the pigeons and no mistake.

What is the scariest non-banned item you could take on to a plane?
I’m not entirely sure what’s banned these days, but the scariest item I’ve seen someone else take on a plane was one of those sticks to hold your hair up. It looked very sharp. How is that not considered a lethal weapon?

Here is my post for Melanie’s Share Your World.

What are the most important lesson(s) you’ve learned in life?
I’ve learned tons of really profound things. Don’t run with scissors. Don’t leave a heater balanced precariously on the edge of the bath regardless of how cold the bathroom is. Important stuff.

How did you meet your husband/wife or significant other? How did you know he/she was “the one”?
Ah, yes. My significant other. I wasn’t sure but everyone at work told me to go for it. So I did! How did I know my significant other was “the one”? When I saw those graphics. Magic! Me and my PlayStation 4 are very happy together, thanks for asking.

If you could take a year-long paid sabbatical, what would you do?
I’d get bored, I would imagine. And I’d feel guilty the whole time because getting paid for doing nothing doesn’t feel right.

What is your favourite thing to buy at a movie theatre concession stand?
One sec while I run that through the translator… ah, yes, the little shop in the cinema that sells coffee and popcorn.

Nothing. I buy nothing from the little shop in the cinema that sells coffee and popcorn.