Sharing My World 2015 Week 29

July 26, 2015 20 comments

Here is my Share Your World for this week, courtesy of Cee.

share-your-world2

 

As a child, what did you want to be when you grew up?
Either a train driver, a secret agent or a football (i.e. soccer) player. Sadly I was totally rubbish at football (though the teachers at school were nice enough to let me hand out the half-time juice). Life got in the way of my train-driving aspirations! Secret agent was never really an option.

What was your favourite food as a child? Do you eat it now?
Chocolate. Yes! But not nearly as much. If I start eating chocolate I get addicted, so it’s only for special occasions.

If you were invisible, where would you go?
Ooh, the possibilities. Heh heh :-)

It would be cool to sneak into some of these government meetings to see what actually goes on.

Would you rather forget everyone else’s name all the time or have everyone forget your name all the time?
I already forget everyone else’s name. I’m really rubbish with names. They take a while to sink in and get etched into my brain. Then I’ll go to talk to someone I’ve known for months and their name will be gone. Gone I say!

That comes across as rude so I’d rather it was the other way round.

 

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Literary Lion – A Homonym Too Far

July 25, 2015 32 comments

Here is my contribution to Laura’s Literary Lion challenge, which has a 400 word maximum. This week the Literary Lion has supplied the prompt word “time”.

I had lots of ideas for this week and finally went for the maddest one :-).

Flowering thyme

Flowering thyme – image from Wikimedia Commons, attributed to user “Greenmars”

 

“Thyme. A king among herbs.”

This was the opening line of the presentation given at the Twelfth Annual Conference of Advanced Physics, Manchester by Professor Grint Bigglesworth.

Bigglesworth, a man so convinced of his own infallibility that “mistakes” were something which happened to other people. A man who, in his youth, had developed a theory which had made him impossible to ignore, much as everyone wanted to.

An appreciative laugh rippled through the audience. Biggleworth was slightly confused – he’d decided not to start with the standard opening joke – but carried on unperturbed.

“Used by the ancient Egyptians for embalming and by the Greeks as incense, today we use it…” he continued.

Had he taken a moment to think, he might have wondered why his allotted topic at a conference of advanced physics was a discourse on a small green plant. Had he looked at the faces of his audience (all inferior to him, as he believed), he might have noticed the grins of embarrassment. the nervous fidgeting. Had he insisted on a written copy of his invitation to speak, he might have noticed the spelling of the word “time”.

However, he did none of these things. And thus he continued extolling the virtues of thymus vulgaris for a full hour and thirty minutes.

He was instantly ruined. No-one would return his calls. No journal would accept his submissions. His university finally had an excuse to be rid of him.

And so on that day, a self-important blowhard was forever removed from the invitation list of every major scientific conference in the world. On that day, a self-righteous narcissist with all the social graces of a cucumber was denied access to all public forums. On that day, an annoyingly persistent serial letter-writer was permanently barred from publication in any respectable (and many less respectable) scientific publications, magazines and newspapers.

Was it an honest mistake, an insidious conspiracy or rampant stupidity that brought him to this? Do we care? Let us just sit, close our eyes, take a cup of tea and a chocolate biscuit perhaps, and be thankful.

 

Categories: Fiction Tags: ,

Friday Fictioneers – Draped in White

July 22, 2015 75 comments

Here is my story for this week’s Friday Fictioneers, a 100 word photo prompt hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Dee Lovering.

Don’t forget to click on the blue froggy to read all the other stories!

Copyright Dee Lovering

Copyright Dee Lovering

 

The residents of Clusterdale awoke one morning to find their little township draped in a thin layer of white.

Children were ecstatic. What fun they would have! Adults looked out of their windows suspiciously. It was too warm for snow, surely? It was mid-summer! Was this the effect of global warming? A new ice age?

Was the End come at last?

Children laughed, not understanding the worried looks on their parents’ faces.

Across town, fire fighters reeled up their hoses. The massive overnight explosion at “Walker Brothers Icing Sugar Packing and Distribution” would be talked about for years to come.

 

MFTS – A Nice Story

July 21, 2015 50 comments

Here is my contribution to Barbara Beacham’s Mondays Finish the Story. I apologise that this is my second flash fiction of the day, but I have been leaving things rather late this past week.

The supplied sentence to go with the prompt picture is in bold in my story, and you can read this week’s other contributions by clicking on the blue froggy.

2015-07-20-bw-beacham

Copyright B. W. Beacham

 

The petroglyphs told the story of an unusual event.

“By Jove,” remarked Pinkerton-Smythe excitedly. “Look at this, Pendergast!”

The two smartly dressed gentlemen perused the carvings.

“On the right,” continued Pinkerton-Smythe, “we have an attack by wild animals, see there?”

Pendergast nodded.

“And here, look, concentric circles indicating the tribe’s wanderings to escape these attacks. Here they climb mountains in their trek – it seems as if they constructed ladders to help. We see them hunting as they walk, and here these squiggly lines, a river, undoubtedly.”

“I do see, old chap.”

“And here at last you see, bottom left, they arrive in a forest and make their home.”

“I say, this carving is exquisite! I must have it, Pinkerton-Smythe! You there, ten million for this!”

 

Five thousand years ago…

“Wumpa! What have I told you about doodling on your dad’s table top? He’ll be so mad! And where did you get that chisel? Put it back at once!”

“Aww, Mum, I bet it’ll be worth a fortune one day!”

 

Literary Lion – A Day in the Life

July 21, 2015 31 comments

Just under the wire (and in a hurry), here is my contribution to Laura’s Literary Lion challenge. This week’s prompt word is “king”. Sorry there’s no photo, I’m doing this in my lunch break and don’t have time to find something suitable. So, with very little proof-reading, here we go.

A Day in the Life

It’s not easy being King. Some days it feels like the whole world and his wife is after me for something. It’s always, “Sign this, Your Majesty!” or, “The palace sewers are backed up again!” Like I’m a plumber. I’m the King, dammit! Here we go…

“Your Majesty, Drimmen’s let his cows graze in moi fields again.”

I don’t care.

“I’ll send someone over. Next!”

“Your Majesty, the milk’s turned sour. It’s witches!”

Saints preserve us.

“You left it in the sun again, didn’t you, Breevor? Next!”

“Your Majesty, my daughter’s run off with the milliner’s son! What shall I do?”

How should I know? She’s your daughter.

“Prepare for a wedding. Next!”

And so it goes on. And on. And on. Day in, day out. Don’t I have people for this? It’s not right. Ah, here comes a royal messenger.

“Your Majesty, King Matchett of Greater Gribdovia has crossed the border! It’s war!”

At last, something I can sink my teeth into. Something Kingly!

“Call my generals, sound the alarms, bring me troop…”

“Whoops, sorry, your Majesty. Wrong piece of paper, he hasn’t crossed the border after all. Just a little novelette I’m writing. Ahem. I meant to say that the royal chickens have burrowed under the wire and escaped into the woods again. What shall we do?”

Buggerit.

 

Categories: Fiction Tags: ,

Sharing My World 2015 Week 28

July 19, 2015 25 comments

It’s time for my Share Your World post, with questions posed as ever by Cee.

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What is your favourite comfort snack food?
That would have to be chocolate, I guess! Ice cream works too. I don’t know that I’d call it comfort food, exactly. Sometimes my body just says, “hey, give me sugar, dude!”.

If you had to spend one weekend alone in a single store but could remove nothing, which store would you pick? (except food or beverage)
I guess a shop with video games and such. I’m sure that would keep me busy for a couple of days!

What was the largest city you have been to? What is the one thing you remember most?
London. I remember getting lost in Harrod’s, which is also the largest shop I’ve ever been to! I also remember how much I hate the underground (=subway). Too cramped, too many people all pushing and shoving.

Finish this sentence:  It has recently come to my attention that…
… my back garden is getting out of control. I guess that’s my job for this morning.

Categories: About draliman Tags:

Friday Fictioneers – Blow the Doors Off!

July 15, 2015 70 comments

Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Sandra Crook, and this week’s other stories can be found by clicking on the blue froggy.

I don’t usually do this, but the photo reminded me of the original “Italian Job” film. I apologise, but my “punchline” won’t work (at all) if you haven’t at least heard the famous Michael Caine quote. However, I’m very short of time this week and it’s today or never.

Here is a link to the quote on YouTube, which made me laugh once again.

According to the photo’s title, the photo is actually Dijon which is in France. Imagine them naming a town after a mustard :-).

dijon

Copyright Sandra Crook

 

“Wowee!” shouted Grant as Davies steered the Mini at speed through the narrow streets. “This is all a bit ‘Italian Job’!”

“Yeah!” yelled Davies as he manoeuvred around a bicycle, narrowly avoiding a street stall. “Whoa, that was close.”

“Watch out for those tourists!”

Davies screamed into a side-street.

“Boxes! On the right!”

Davies steered through the boxes, knocking them flying.

“Awesome!” shouted Grant as Davies screeched to a stop outside the newsagent. As they watched, the shutters came down.

“Dammit!” cursed Grant. “Too late. They’re shut.”

“Well,” said Davies, affecting a “Michael Caine” accent. “We could always blow the bloody doors off!”

 


Feel free to either groan or look blank, depending on whether or not you’ve seen the film :-).

 

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