Home > Fiction > Friday Fictioneers – Vera Versus the Devil

Friday Fictioneers – Vera Versus the Devil

Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted as always by Rochelle. This week’s picture was contributed by FF stalwart Sandra Crook.

I’ve had a very odd and worrying week, so here’s a very odd story to go with it, best I can summon up right now.

Meet my heroine, doddery old Vera, as she sits on the beach enjoying a nice cup of tea. Feel free to apply a Northern English accent to her words :-).

To read the other stories, click on the blue froggy.

Copyright Sandra Crook

Copyright Sandra Crook

 

“Look at them cliffs, dearie. Lovely view!”

“I CARE NOTHING OF VIEWS! I AM COME…”

“Nice cup o’ tea?”

“… TO, um, TEAR YOUR REALM TO SHREDS…”

“And a tasty biscuit?”

“… um, AND DRAG YOU TO THE DEPTHS OF, um, yes, thank you… WAIT! I CARE NOTHING OF BISCUITS…”

“What did you say your name was, dearie?”

“Um, YOU WILL BURN, um, ‘Satan’, Ma’am.”

“Ooh, I knew some Seytons once, from over York way, are you related? Strange bunch. Nice bit o’ Madeira cake? Fresh this mornin’.”

“Um, BURN IN THE FIRES OF… oh, what’s the point.”

“Ooh, where’d he go? Odd fellow.”

 

  1. November 25, 2015 at 8:48 pm

    Very creative and great title. Perhaps he’d prefer devilled eggs to biscuits? I hope your week improves Ali.

    Like

    • November 25, 2015 at 9:06 pm

      Devilled eggs might have swayed him 🙂
      Thanks, the worst is over I think.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. November 25, 2015 at 9:02 pm

    Very funny, Ali. Aww, so the cake almost tempted him. I guess the devil will have to go elsewhere. I hope things are looking up for you.

    Like

    • November 25, 2015 at 9:07 pm

      There’s no fighting tea and biscuits 🙂
      Things are looking better, thanks.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. November 25, 2015 at 9:04 pm

    Seems he was feeling a bit under the weather that day. 🙂

    Like

    • November 25, 2015 at 9:07 pm

      His heart wasn’t in it, poor fellow 🙂

      Like

      • November 25, 2015 at 9:09 pm

        Nope. Hope things Brighten for you soon alley

        Like

      • November 26, 2015 at 8:54 am

        Things are looking better, thanks.

        Liked by 1 person

      • November 25, 2015 at 9:09 pm

        Oh I hate autocorrect.

        Like

      • November 26, 2015 at 8:54 am

        🙂

        Like

  4. November 25, 2015 at 9:15 pm

    ha ha .Such great hospitality would surely drive the devil away! Great story.

    Like

    • November 26, 2015 at 8:54 am

      He was out of his element 🙂

      Like

  5. November 25, 2015 at 9:29 pm

    You see? Good manners can tame the Devil. I’ve always said more civility would cure much of what ails this world 🙂 Now, you’ve proved it.

    Like

    • November 26, 2015 at 8:55 am

      Certainly not what he was expecting 🙂

      Like

  6. November 25, 2015 at 10:00 pm

    Great scene! It seems even Satan’s no match for a Northerm woman and her insistence on cake and biscuits – and a nice cuppa, of course. You did very well with the northern accent. I could hear Vera’s Yorkshire twang as I read this. 🙂

    Like

    • November 26, 2015 at 8:56 am

      Thanks! No-one would be a match for Vera and her tea and tasty snacks and Satan is no exception 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      • November 26, 2015 at 2:12 pm

        Sorry about the two comments, Ali. I thought the first one hadn’t posted, so I wrote a second one. Please delete it, if you haven’t already.

        Like

      • November 26, 2015 at 3:01 pm

        Done that!

        Liked by 1 person

  7. November 25, 2015 at 11:31 pm

    Tea, biscuits and a beautiful day at the beach, Satan didn’t have a chance. Nicely done. Phyllis

    Like

    • November 26, 2015 at 8:56 am

      No, the idyllic scene really confused the poor fellow 🙂
      Thanks!

      Liked by 1 person

  8. November 26, 2015 at 12:38 am

    What the world needs is more tea and bickies! 😀

    Like

  9. November 26, 2015 at 1:36 am

    Ah ya made me laugh!

    Like

  10. November 26, 2015 at 3:36 am

    I’m laughing out loud. I love this perfect small story.

    Like

    • November 26, 2015 at 8:57 am

      I’m glad you enjoyed it, I like to make people laugh 🙂

      Like

  11. November 26, 2015 at 3:38 am

    Reblogged this on West Coast Review and commented:
    This story gets five out of five stars on West Coast Review.

    Like

  12. November 26, 2015 at 4:29 am

    My Gram always swore by the great magic in tea and cookies. Maybe you should have a few this week Ali.

    Like

  13. November 26, 2015 at 5:55 am

    Seyton’s say isn’t going to get any better. The next doomed realm on his list is Chad and Brad’s…

    Like

    • November 26, 2015 at 5:56 am

      That should be Day, of course. The devil made me typo…

      Like

    • November 26, 2015 at 8:59 am

      They’ll drive him back to Hell quick smart. Or he’ll join them for a toke and never leave…

      Like

  14. Lata Sunil
    November 26, 2015 at 6:21 am

    So funny. And liked the way the devil just gave up..

    Like

    • November 26, 2015 at 8:59 am

      Thanks! There’s no fighting Vera and her tea and biscuits 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  15. November 26, 2015 at 7:51 am

    And that’s exactly the way to deal with him. Such an original take on the prompt. Well done.

    Like

    • November 26, 2015 at 9:00 am

      Kill him with kindness. I’m glad you liked it!

      Like

  16. November 26, 2015 at 8:19 am

    I think the devil was getting bored 😀 Hope all is okay again, Draliman 🙂 Happy Pawkisses 🙂 ❤

    Like

    • November 26, 2015 at 9:00 am

      He could at least have stayed for a cuppa!
      Everything is looking better now, thanks.

      Liked by 1 person

  17. November 26, 2015 at 11:36 am

    Dear Ali,

    “I knew some Seytons…” this made me laugh out loud. I could just see this sweet, clueless old lady frustrating Lucifer himself. I’m sorry about your odd week, but it precipitated one of the most delightful stories on the list. Hope things are looking up for you.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

    Like

    • November 26, 2015 at 12:58 pm

      Dear Rochelle,
      I think such a lady would frustrate anyone with a “job” to do. Satan was no exception! I’m glad you enjoyed it, and thanks for such a lovely comment 🙂
      Things are getting back to normal, thanks.
      Ali

      Like

  18. November 26, 2015 at 12:00 pm

    Very amusing, sir.

    Like

  19. November 26, 2015 at 2:05 pm

    I’m please to hear, Satan copes with old ladies, as badly as the rest of us.

    Like

    • November 26, 2015 at 3:01 pm

      No-one is immune to flustered old ladies with cups of tea 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  20. November 26, 2015 at 2:10 pm

    a flustered devil. i love it…
    or God works in mysterious ways, His Vera to perform…

    Randy :’-)

    Like

    • November 26, 2015 at 2:59 pm

      He may well have co-opted Vera as his agent on Earth. It worked, anyway!

      Like

  21. November 26, 2015 at 7:00 pm

    i guess vera wins this round, but what about the next? i wonder. 🙂

    Like

    • November 27, 2015 at 8:00 am

      I reckon that with a nice cuppa in her hand Vera will always be victorious 🙂

      Like

  22. November 26, 2015 at 7:43 pm

    So do I hear that Satan gives in to the temptations… awesome images here.

    Like

    • November 27, 2015 at 8:00 am

      Thanks! That Madeira cake was the final straw.

      Like

  23. November 26, 2015 at 10:51 pm

    Hilarious, Ali. That is a great scene. She’ll never know who exactly she was talking to. She actually tempted Satan with the tea and biscuits and got away with it. He probably had the wrong person anyway. She didn’t seem the type to be taken by him. I would guess she had poor eyesight. I hope your day improved. 🙂 — Suzanne

    Like

    • November 27, 2015 at 8:01 am

      She out-tempted the master of temptation! She remains completely oblivious to this day 🙂

      Like

  24. Susan
    November 27, 2015 at 2:00 am

    Very funny story. I loved how Vera got the best of him. 🙂

    Like

    • November 27, 2015 at 8:02 am

      And she didn’t even realise. Just Vera being Vera 🙂
      I’m glad you liked it!

      Liked by 1 person

  25. November 27, 2015 at 12:00 pm

    Oh that’s cool! I have somebody I love and her name is Vera 🙂

    Like

  26. November 27, 2015 at 4:02 pm

    Loved it. The power of evil is no match for the complacency of the elderly. I like Vera. Hope to see more of her.

    Like

    • November 27, 2015 at 9:31 pm

      I was thinking maybe I could find another foe for her to inadvertently best, a sort of “Vera Versus” series.
      I’m glad you liked it!

      Liked by 1 person

  27. November 27, 2015 at 4:17 pm

    My money is definitely on Vera and my intention is to turn into a batty old lady – if I’m not there already. Fun piece. Reminds me of Terry Pratchett.

    Like

    • November 27, 2015 at 9:31 pm

      There’s no beating Vera!
      Thanks – Terry Pratchett is one of my favourite authors. I always loved the way he had Death speak in capitals 🙂

      Like

  28. November 27, 2015 at 10:57 pm

    The world needs more Veras. This is brilliant. Not that I wish more worrying weeks on you (glad you say all is good now)–but a series of ‘Vera versus’ would be just the thing. Can you recommend a video or recording about the way of speaking for the poor Kraut here who isn’t all that certain about the dialects? Would be great if I could ‘hear’ her, too.

    Like

    • November 28, 2015 at 11:28 am

      A world full of Veras. 🙂
      The only thing I can think of off the top of my head is “Heartbeat” – a long-running series (finished now) about a policeman in 1960s Yorkshire. There are Yorkshire accents in that. Or if you’ve heard Sean Bean (Sharpe, Game of Thrones, Lord of the Rings) talk, he has a Yorkshire accent. I’m sure YouTube will have a Yorkshire accent somewhere too!

      Liked by 1 person

      • November 28, 2015 at 9:00 pm

        Thank you. Yes, I can hear Sean Bean. I’ll check out Heartbeat.

        Like

  29. November 27, 2015 at 11:39 pm

    Brill 🙂

    Like

  30. November 28, 2015 at 12:20 am

    Vera is a character with spunk. I would love to read more about her. 🙂

    Like

    • November 28, 2015 at 11:29 am

      I have one or two other ideas for a “Vera Versus” series already in my head 🙂

      Like

      • November 28, 2015 at 5:11 pm

        Excellent. I look forward to reading them.

        Like

      • November 30, 2015 at 8:13 pm

        I’ve just posted another one. Though it’s hard to beat The Devil. I should have worked up to Him 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  31. November 28, 2015 at 5:18 pm

    That was a most amusing tale, Ali.
    So happy to hear your week is back to normal.
    Makes one wonder if Vera was clued in all the way… they can be sneaky those old ladies!

    Like

    • November 28, 2015 at 6:20 pm

      There is always a possibility that she knows exactly what she’s doing 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      • November 28, 2015 at 6:53 pm

        I’m of the opinion she totally is.

        Like

  32. November 29, 2015 at 8:27 pm

    Excellent. Those pushy old ladies almost always get their way! …

    Like

    • November 29, 2015 at 8:44 pm

      They certainly do! Vera has a certain something against which no man (or thing) can stand.

      Liked by 1 person

  33. November 30, 2015 at 4:48 am

    Madeira cake is on this week’s menu. Since reading your story, I’ve read recipes for it. Yum…

    Oh! and your story is so silly great…hopefully, writing it lifted your week and your spirits.

    Ellespeth

    Like

    • November 30, 2015 at 8:16 am

      I’m glad you liked it! I’m rather fond of my Mum’s Madeira cake 🙂

      Like

  34. November 30, 2015 at 2:35 pm

    Innocence is always the best weapon against the Accuser of the Bretheren

    Like

    • November 30, 2015 at 4:01 pm

      Yep. Vera’s either too innocent or too oblivious to be corruptible.

      Liked by 1 person

  35. December 1, 2015 at 2:19 pm

    Hahahaha, loved it! Just loved it!

    Like

    • December 1, 2015 at 7:59 pm

      I’m glad 🙂
      I just posted a second Vera story too! I’m hoping to do a little series.

      Liked by 1 person

  36. December 3, 2015 at 6:38 pm

    She seems to be in her own thoughts, pissing off the other one!

    Like

    • December 3, 2015 at 7:44 pm

      She has no idea what’s going on, bless her!

      Like

  37. April 6, 2016 at 8:29 pm

    I missed these originally, it seems. This was funny, disarming, and charming, Doc Ali. Did the Devil end up throwing himself off the cliff in frustration? (one hopes) 🙂 I don’t off-hand know what a north English accent sounds like, so I’m imagining Hyacinth Bucket (Bouquet)’s voice for Vera’s role.

    Like

    • April 7, 2016 at 6:56 am

      I’m glad you liked it! I wouldn’t be surprised if he jumper off the cliff. Prolonged exposure to Vera can do that to you!
      Hyacinth’s accent is quite “proper” English. I don’t know if you have seen the actor Sean Bean in anything (“Sharp”, “Lord of the Rings”, “Game of thrones”, “Goldeneye”) but that’s the sort of accent 🙂

      Like

      • April 7, 2016 at 6:43 pm

        Oh yeah, I’ve seen him in a lot. Did you see the recent Frankenstein Chronicles he was the lead in? He was awesome, as was that series; much too short. Thanks for the accent tip . . . that makes sense that Hyacinth would use the ‘queen’s English’! Thanks again, Dr. Ali–happy Thursday.

        Like

      • April 8, 2016 at 11:44 am

        I haven’t seen that, I’ll have to watch out for it!
        Happy Friday to you 🙂

        Like

  1. November 30, 2015 at 8:10 pm
  2. December 7, 2015 at 8:15 pm

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