Home > Fiction > FF – Worst First Date Ever

FF – Worst First Date Ever

Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Nick Allen.

This one’s a bit icky, to the point where I was going to change the last line, but I think it’s funny so it stays πŸ™‚

Just in case you can’t see it, the brand on the far left can is “Braime”.

Copyright Nick Allen

 

β€œAnd here we have a 1965 β€˜blue oil’…”

β€œRight.”

β€œβ€¦ and an original β€˜red’…”

“Ooookaaaay…”

β€œβ€¦ and this is a genuine 1932 tractor oil can… genuine! I bet you’re surprised, eh?”

β€œI am. Your dating profile didn’t mention any of this.”

β€œI don’t like to give too much away!”

β€œI really think you should have.”

β€œAnd my favourite…”

β€œOh, Christ.”

β€œβ€¦ β€˜Blue Braime’. Shall we move to the bedroom? Braime’s oil is smooth, sensual…”

(gagging)Β β€œUm, ah, is that my phone? my dog’s been abducted by aliens? gotta go, bye…”

Slam

β€œHuh. Looks like it’s just you and me tonight, Braime…”

 

  1. November 28, 2018 at 7:40 pm

    Well I’m glad you left the line in, because it made me laugh. (And surely we’re all adult enough to cope with gently naughty stories?)

    Susan A Eames at
    Travel, Fiction and Photos

    Liked by 1 person

    • November 29, 2018 at 7:56 am

      I always worry about offending people with delicate sensibilities πŸ™‚ I’m glad you liked it!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. November 28, 2018 at 8:15 pm

    Made me LOL! πŸ˜€

    Like

  3. November 28, 2018 at 8:25 pm

    Well left, it’s funny, oil give you that!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. November 28, 2018 at 8:27 pm

    She’s obviously just not ‘into that sort of thing’! πŸ™‚

    Like

  5. November 28, 2018 at 8:50 pm

    Spent a few nights myself with Braime.

    Like

  6. November 28, 2018 at 9:35 pm

    Delightful! What a great take on the prompt! Thanks for the laugh.

    Like

    • November 29, 2018 at 8:03 am

      You’re welcome, I’m glad you enjoyed it πŸ™‚

      Like

  7. November 28, 2018 at 10:00 pm

    LOL! Yeah, the last line needs to stay.

    Like

  8. November 29, 2018 at 1:23 am

    Well, at least he wasn’t left alone and dry. Bwahahaha!

    Like

  9. November 29, 2018 at 1:55 am

    EEEEeeeeeeww!! She got a little more than she bargained for. What a weird dude!

    Like

  10. November 29, 2018 at 2:41 am

    this story made my imagination ran wild. glad i read it on my lunch break at work. πŸ™‚

    Like

  11. November 29, 2018 at 5:19 am

    Ha ha ha, he’ll now be putting oil on troubled waters.

    Like

  12. November 29, 2018 at 5:53 am

    This guy is a narcissist to the extreme. It seems he doesn’t need anyone else. πŸ˜€ — Suzanne

    Like

  13. November 29, 2018 at 9:03 am

    Well, you can’t blame him after all. If he doesn’t oil it tonight, it’ll probably rust…

    Like

  14. November 29, 2018 at 10:20 am

    Looks like he’ll have to make do with second best! Delightfully different.

    Like

  15. November 29, 2018 at 11:37 am

    For me the funniest line was “your dating profile didn’t mention this’. Very dry responses! πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    • November 29, 2018 at 4:36 pm

      Just when she thought she’s seen it all πŸ™‚

      Like

  16. November 29, 2018 at 2:55 pm

    hehehe, loved it!

    Like

  17. November 29, 2018 at 4:55 pm

    Dear Ali,

    Well…hmmm…I think I’d be faking a call, too. Eeeew. That last line is a bit disturbing. Still funny.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

    Like

    • November 30, 2018 at 7:55 am

      Dear Rochelle,
      “Disturbing”, that’s the word I was looking for! She is well out of it.
      Ali

      Like

  18. November 29, 2018 at 6:01 pm

    Delightful!

    Like

  19. November 29, 2018 at 6:22 pm

    He’s a bit presumptuous and definitely an odd duck, but should keep looking. Maybe one day he’ll find another odd duck like him. Someone for everyone and all that. Clever as always.

    Like

    • November 30, 2018 at 7:56 am

      I’m not sure there are any ducks as odd as him but it pays to keep looking!

      Liked by 1 person

  20. November 29, 2018 at 7:12 pm

    haha, loved the dryly delivered, “β€œI really think you should have” especially. I hate it when my dog gets abducted by aliens.

    Like

    • November 30, 2018 at 7:57 am

      Those pesky dog-abducting aliens. The gov’ment oughta do somefink πŸ™‚

      Like

  21. November 29, 2018 at 9:45 pm

    This was great on every level – and to hell with the sensitive sensibilities πŸ˜‰
    Dating just ain’t what it used to be…

    Like

    • November 30, 2018 at 7:57 am

      It’s a real minefield these days πŸ™‚ I’m glad you liked it!

      Like

  22. Abhijit Ray
    November 30, 2018 at 3:51 am

    A great romantic evening, all oily and greasy!

    Like

  23. November 30, 2018 at 11:12 am

    Swipe left!

    Like

  24. November 30, 2018 at 12:10 pm

    Good laugh. Thank you for that.

    Like

    • November 30, 2018 at 1:13 pm

      You’re welcome, I’m glad you liked it πŸ™‚

      Like

  25. November 30, 2018 at 2:47 pm

    Perhaps there are somethings you shouldn’t share on a date, well not straight away. Love the excuse, My dog’s been abducted by aliens. Well you have to believe that one. Great piece of intense nonsense, really liked this.

    Like

    • November 30, 2018 at 3:33 pm

      I’m thinking there are also things you shouldn’t share on any date ever πŸ™‚ I’m glad you enjoyed it!

      Liked by 1 person

  26. November 30, 2018 at 8:35 pm

    The perils of dating strangers spun into a laugh out loud story. Let’s face it, who hasn’t welcomed a bit of Braime once or twice when the need arose?

    Like

    • December 1, 2018 at 4:43 pm

      I’m sure I don’t know what you mean πŸ˜‰

      Like

  27. December 1, 2018 at 2:56 am

    LOL I for one am certainly glad you left the line. It works with your story. Bravo.

    Like

  28. December 1, 2018 at 5:49 pm

    Bwahahaha!

    Like

  29. December 1, 2018 at 11:13 pm

    Eeewwww! Hahahaha!

    Like

  30. December 2, 2018 at 11:48 am

    The dog was abducted just in time πŸ˜‰
    I cannot be sure about the owner of this collection, but I like the way YOU used it πŸ˜‰

    Like

    • December 2, 2018 at 5:55 pm

      Yes, what a stroke of luck! I’m glad you liked it πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

  31. December 2, 2018 at 8:08 pm

    Ha… I think this is worse than showing the etchings…

    Like

  32. December 3, 2018 at 3:18 pm

    That last line ….ugh, Ali. I think I spit up a little in my mouth. :/

    Like

  33. December 3, 2018 at 4:20 pm

    I got up and looked at the bird feeder. It’s a bit tricky, sort of sharp left through the screen. I was not wearing my glasses, but I said, “Gee, that’s a REALLY big bird in the flat feeder.” It was a really big squirrel, is what it was, swinging joyfully side to side consuming all the seeds in the tray. THAT explains why there aren’t any on the ground. I considered pointing out to him that he’d had enough, time to move on, but he had a HUGE braiime and I pretty sure he’d listen about as well as the dogs. Which is to say, NOT. Pass the big oil can.

    Like

  34. December 4, 2018 at 3:04 pm

    LOL
    The ever loyal Braime
    A must-have for everybody πŸ™‚

    Like

    • December 4, 2018 at 4:46 pm

      When all else fails and the chips are down, there’s always Braime. That could be its advertising slogan!

      Like

  35. December 5, 2018 at 12:23 pm

    What a fun scene and, it seems to me, the obvious interpretation of the prompt!!! Great dialogue, and the last line fits the story perfectly.This guy seems to have plenty of fun canoodling (or whatever!) with his Braime. πŸ˜€

    Like

    • December 6, 2018 at 9:59 am

      He didn’t really need his date after all πŸ™‚ I’m glad you liked it!

      Like

  36. December 5, 2018 at 3:55 pm

    Ha ha, very good! It’s a sobering thought that somewhere out there in Rednecksville this may well be happening! πŸ™‚

    Like

    • December 6, 2018 at 10:01 am

      I can’t help thinking the local may have been in on the whole “chuck them off the train” thing…

      Like

  37. December 5, 2018 at 6:07 pm

    MOL…it’s all in the Braime…MOL πŸ˜€ Pawkisses for a Happy Day πŸΎπŸ˜½πŸ’ž

    Like

  38. December 6, 2018 at 10:30 pm

    Yep, about all you can do with that is to laugh, and leave. I am going to reblog this one for you.

    Like

    • December 7, 2018 at 7:56 am

      Ha, with “leaving” being the most important bit! Many thanks for the reblog!

      Like

  39. December 6, 2018 at 10:30 pm

    Reblogged this on Truth Troubles.

    Like

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