FF – Tales From The Battlefield
Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Todd Foltz.
I’ve been working my way through the “Sharpe” films recently. Based on the novels of Bernard Cornwell, they tell the tale of a soldier during the Napoleonic wars of the early 19th century, raised from the ranks to become an officer (but not a Gentleman, obviously).
“I say, by Jove, it’s hot enough to fry an egg out here!”
“Think I’ll try.”
Sizzle.
“I say, Sir, you may not be a Gentleman but by the Devil’s beard you shall act like one!”
“Calm down.”
“The cheek! Fetch your musket, Sir, we go to decimate the village yonder!”
“It’s farmers. Women and children.”
“They have defied the British Empire, Sir, and they shall pay, Sir!”
“I have a better idea.”
BANG!
“Ugh. You’ve killed me, Sir!”
“Yep. I’m off to warn them the English are coming. Fancy a fried egg while you bleed out?”
Fling! Splat!
“Urgghhhhhhh…”
Come now, we can at least maintain our manners while fighting our wars against the natives!
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Of course! Anyone for tea, it is 5 o’clock after all…
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It generally wasn’t the English who were coming. They tended to put the Irish and the Scots in the front line
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Yes, I’d heard that. Treat them like scum, then on top of that, stick ’em in the front line.
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I think he was egged on.
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Haha badoom-tish!
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Good for him for warning the natives of our conquests. We’ve screwed so many things up in the past, possibly in part due to people like this.
Or thats what I think…
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Yes, at least this is one village which stands a chance.
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Egg-ceptional story! Oh, the Sharpe series; when I developed a mad crush on Sean Bean!
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I bet you weren’t alone!
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This is complete nonsense.
Burst out laughing.
Well done!
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Thanks, I’m glad you liked it!
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Very much so.
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Dear Ali
I’ve no clue on the Sharpe series. Reads a lot like a Monty Python scene. Funny…icky…but funny.
Shalom,
Rochelle.
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Dear Rochelle,
I’m glad you liked it! The actual series itself is quite serious and gritty, as were the times it portrays.
Ali
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I love this, Sir: “Ugh. You’ve killed me, Sir!” It’s my favorite thing all day, Sir.
I thoroughly enjoyed the abSIRdity of the tale. Well done, Sir!
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According to Sharpe, the “gentlemen” actually spoke like that. Amazing politeness while being murdered!
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well, at least the natives had time prepare for their eventual doom.
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Yes, I doubt they’re going to escape but at least they know it’s coming.
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D-man strikes again 😀
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Yeah 🙂
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I love the ending! Hahaha, I was wondering where you were going to go with it. Then he has breakfast before leaving! good one.
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You can’t beat a good fried egg 🙂 I’m glad you liked it!
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I say that’s marvellous old chap but this time the yolk is on him.
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By Jove, I think you’re right!
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What a fun, silly, story! Well done.
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Thanks, I’m glad you liked it!
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Only a gentleman would leave a dying soldier with a last meal like that….
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Indeed! One must have values, or at least the appearance of them…
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If there only were more soldiers like this one..
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Indeed.
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Ugh. You’ve killed me, sir…
Well, that’s what happens when you want to attack the vulnerable
Good one, Ali.
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Yep, and good riddance to him. I’m glad you liked it!
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Very comical characters!
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Thanks!
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Funny stuff, Ali!
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I’m glad you liked it!
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Great dialogue, well done ole chap!
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Thanks, I’m glad you enjoyed it!
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I smiled and smiled, loved the image you painted
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Thanks, I’m glad I made you smile!
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Such insanity. I enjoyed it. Eat your heart out Monty…
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Thanks, I’m glad you liked it!
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A jolly good bash. A scene worthy of a comparison to a Monty Python sketch.
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Thanks, I’m glad you liked it!
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The main problem for the British soldiers in those days was they wore red uniforms. They were very easy to spot. Some of the crew in Star Trek had the same problem. Wear red and die. 😦 — Suzanne
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Yes, it was very much “be as visible as possible and walk slowly towards the enemy”. I wonder if that’s why they chose red in Star Trek or if it was just a coincidence 🙂
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MOL..Egg Fiction…MOL😸Pawkisses for a Happy Weekend, Draliman🐾😽💞
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Maybe one week there will be mousie fiction 🙂
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Crazy humour as usual with a serious message, nicely done, sir.
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Thanks, I’m glad you saw both sides.
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I love your imagination and your humor.
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Thanks 🙂
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“You’ve killed me, Sir!” Politeness taken to the extreme. I’d love to see this scene play out. 😀
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They were terribly polite back in the day. Apparently 🙂
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