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Archive for May, 2021

Sharing My World 24-05-2021

May 30, 2021 18 comments

Here is my post for Melanie’s Share Your World.

What are you most proud of in the last year?
I felt proud of making the decision to keep my current car due to low mileage rather than swapping for a new one (I use PCP finance so it’s generally a straight swap with a smallish deposit).

I felt less proud when the car dealership phoned me up about getting a new car and I immediately caved 😮

If you see a puddle on the ground, do you walk around it or give in to the child within and splash about?
Confucius say “he who jump in puddles didn’t have to spend all day making money to pay for shoes”.

Do you feel free? Why or why not?
Yep, I’m totally free. Form an orderly queue, ladies, no charge!

What life skills are rarely taught but are extremely useful?
I don’t know what’s taught these days. I don’t remember being taught any life skills whatsoever back in the 70s/80s, apart from maths perhaps.

A bit more “how to budget and manage your money” and a bit less “Henry the Eighth” and “types of glacier” might have been useful.

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FF – The Power of Positive Thought

May 26, 2021 74 comments

Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Miles Rost.

Copyright Miles Rost

“It is the power of the mind. The bug hasn’t seen the 30,000 volt warning. It believes it will be okay. Therefore, it alights on the cable and is unharmed.”

“Your logic is flawed, mate.”

“I too believe that I will not be harmed.”

“See, unlike the bug you would also be touching the ground, creating a potential difference…”

“I cannot be harmed!”

“… so you’d be killed, basically.”

“I grab the cable! I believe aaaaarrrrrrrgghhhhhhh!

bzzzz crackle fizz whooomp burn burn crackle burn

“Wow. That’s one heck of a blaze. Has anyone got any marshmallows?”

“Too soon?”

Sharing My World 17-05-2021

May 23, 2021 27 comments

Here is my post for Melanie’s Share Your World.

What inanimate object do you wish you could eliminate from existence?
That high curb. You know, the one around the corner. That I keep scuffing my alloys on. That can go. The bastard thing.

What tells you the most about a person?
Their eyes… the way you can look into a person’s very soul and be able to instantly tell whether they’re going to smile politely and wish you good day or stab you repeatedly in the kidneys until you hand over your wallet.

What is something you thought would be easy until you tried it?
Being in a relationship. It’s not all fun and roses, people! Apparently playing video games and watching TV all day is “not acceptable”. You have to “communicate” and “do stuff together”. I can’t be having with that.

What ridiculous and untrue, yet slightly plausible, theories can you come up with for the cause of common ailments like headaches or cavities?
Aches and pains. Many people think they’re down to old age. Not true! They’re caused by the high-pitched squeals of small out-of-control children. These squeals build up, reverberating around the world, gaining strength and ultimately causing our very bodies to vibrate, causing these pains.

Who knew?

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FF – Lesson Learned?

May 19, 2021 52 comments

Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Na’ama Yehuda.

Copyright Na’ama Yehuda

“Look there, Son, the remnants of New York, its skyscrapers gone, destroyed by GMMMGs.”

“GMMMGs?”

“Genetically-Modified Massively-Mutated Giraffes. See them on the horizon, towering over the destruction.”

“What happened?”

“Bred for food, but everyone loves giraffes. No bugger would eat them. They escaped and ran amok.”

Ooooh Gaaaaawd, we didn’t know. WE DIDN’T KNOW!

“As Mr Melodrama says, it was a huge mistake. Now we live at sea, starving. But never fear, once the genetically-modified massively-mutated dolphin programme reaches fruition, food for everyone!”

Huh. I love dolphins. I’m not eating dolphins.
Me neither. Not gonna eat Flipper.

Lesson NOT learned!

Sharing My World 10-05-2021

May 16, 2021 15 comments

Here is my post for Melanie’s Share Your World.

What do you believe but cannot prove?
I believe animals have morals, but I just can’t prove it 😮

Do animals have morals?
Goodness, what a complete coincidence, looking at the previous question! I believe that they do, but proof? No.

Is there inherent order in nature or is it all chaos and chance?
There’s order all over nature. Fractals are everywhere! But there’s loads of chaos and chance too, especially when humans are involved.

Where is your least favourite place in the world?
It’s more situations rather than places that come under the title “least favourite”. Like crowds and whatnot. Anywhere’s fine as long as the circumstances are good.

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FF – A Job Well Done

May 12, 2021 59 comments

Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Roger Bultot.

Copyright Roger Bultot

The smells of street cooking filled his nostrils. His mouth watered.

But he wasn’t there to eat. He had a job to do.

He slipped through the crowd, unnoticed, a ghost. Target in sight.

Sliding close, he slipped his hand into his pocket. So quickly that none noticed, he had written the ticket and slapped it on the bike.

Bike chained to railings, in contravention of city bylaw 1254 section 2 paragraph 4? Not on his watch.

The angry owner arrived.

“Sorry, mate, nuffin’ I can do, the ticket’s wrote now innit, guv’nor, more’n my job’s werf.”

Another job well done.

Sharing My World 03-05-2021

May 9, 2021 19 comments

Here is my post for Melanie’s Share Your World.

Would you rather be a super nice person and be depressed all your life, or be happy and a total asshole?
Aw man, can’t I be both? Another really tricky choice. I demand the right to be depressed and a total asshole.

Have you ever made someone cry?
I don’t know. Possibly. That kid didn’t look too happy the other day when I stole his lollipop, but I legged it so I’m not sure of the aftermath.

Are you a dreamer or a go-getter?
I’m a dreamer. Like, I’m always dreaming of this fantastic meal I’m going to cook for tea, but come teatime I can’t be bothered and make a cheese sandwich instead.

If you were in a band, what instrument would you play?
I’d play the drums. It would be a useful outlet for my constant desire to hit stuff.

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FF – Double Win!

May 5, 2021 56 comments

Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Ted Strutz.

Copyright Ted Strutz

For sale, one pre-fab house, £1000 ono complete with floor safe (broken)…

Three days earlier…

“Well, Baz? Did you get the safe?”

“It was bolted to the floor, boss.”

“Okay, so did you crack it in situ?”

“In where boss?”

“Did you open it and nick the contents?”

“Couldn’t boss. Too tough. So we brought it with us.”

“I thought you said it was bolted to the house?”

“Yeah. We brought the house too.”

“You what? Idiot!”

“What’ll we do boss?”

“Crack the safe and… stick the house on eBay. Double win! I take it all back. Nice job, Baz!”

“Thanks, boss!”

Sharing My World 26-04-2021

May 2, 2021 20 comments

Here is my post for Melanie’s Share You World.

Which would you rather throw away: Love or Money?
Well, love costs money, which I wouldn’t have since I’ve apparently thrown my money away to gain love.

Do you believe you should do one thing a day that scares you?
No! What would I try to scare myself on a daily basis? The calm, quiet life for me, thank you so very much indeedy.

What’s the last thing you do at night?
I always read my book before going to sleep, no matter what time it is.

If you could own a mythical creature (unicorn, phoenix, etc.), which one would you pick?
I’d quite like a dryad. She could look after the garden and make it all lovely. I wouldn’t “own” her though as she’s a sentient being. We’d probably end up getting married, I expect 🙂

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