Archive
FF – Old Soldiers
Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Yarnspinnerr.
Not sure what I was thinking this week. I just wanted to do something silly. For a change heh heh. But with a sort of a grim background. Picture two retired and somewhat jaded English officers relaxing with drinks…

Copyright Yarnspinnerr
“What-ho, Cadwallader. Those thieves are back! Thought we’d shot ‘em all.”
“I say, Beamish, they’re lowering a grapple. Ingenious! They’re after the Ming.”
“I believe you’re correct, Cadwallader… they’ve missed the Ming!”
“And snagged your souvenir hand grenade.”
“What? Had that thing all through Flanders!”
“By Jove, the pin fell out.”
“Ha! The bounders’ll get a surprise, I’ll warrant!”
“Really, Beamish, you don’t think it’s still…”
BANG! SPLATTER! SPLASH!
“I say, old man, there’s an eyeball in my highball.”
“By good King George, there are scoundrel parts everywhere.”
“This won’t do at all. Reminds me of Ypres. I say, servant…”
FF – Not a Decoration
Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Dale Rogerson.

Copyright Dale Rogerson
People fled in terror as thunderous footsteps shook the ground.
“Giant! Giant!” they screamed.
The hideous beast, wearing an expression of rage, trampled everything, picking up cars and hurling them like toys. Everywhere, it saw puny, tiny humans running for cover.
Ripping the wall from a building, it paused and smiled, a twisted grimace of triumph. A woman screamed as the giant’s hairy hand came closer, but she was ignored. The hand grabbed a suspended artwork and the giant moved away, popping it on its head. As it left it could be heard muttering.
Damn humans. Always nicking my hat.
Pegman – Best Intentions
Here is my story for What Pegman Saw which this week takes us to the Gurara Waterfalls in Nigeria.

Copyright Eimantas Tamonis for Google Maps
“Ah, the power, the majesty…”
“Don’t jump, mate.”
“No, I’m just enjoying…”
“It’s not worth it. Lost your job?”
“You don’t understand…”
“It’s the wife, right? Shacked up with your best mate?”
“No, really, I just want some peace and quiet to…”
“It’s not worth killing yourself over.”
“Listen, you need to…”
“Just ‘cos he’s a stallion in the sack and you’re more of an eager hamster…”
“What? What? You… you…” shove
“Aaaargh… nooooot agaaaaaaain…” splash!
“That’s better. Ah, the power, the majesty…”
2 weeks later, after yet another stay in hospital…
“Oh, the gorgeous view…”
“Hey, lady, don’t jump, it’s not worth it.”
“Excuse me? No, I’m just enjoying…”
“It’s the old man, right? Shacked up with your best mate…”
FF – The Perfect Shot
Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Fatima Fakier Deria.

Copyright Fatima Fakier Deria
Hidden in his perch, he looked across at the chairs. Empty now, he knew that soon each would be occupied. He settled down to wait.
Hours past until at last he spied his quarry entering the garden. A clandestine meeting; it had cost much to determine the location.
Sighting carefully, he targeted the lead participant. A perfect shot.
A meeting of two Great Families. He smiled grimly as a dozen Kardashians and as many Baldwins took their seats.
He took the shot; then again, again, again.
Heh, he thought. Da tabloids is gonna pay big bucks for dese pics.
Pegman – Hunter and Prey
Here is my story for What Pegman Saw which this week takes us to Yellowstone National Park in America.

Copyright Blake Everson for Google Maps
Samuel crept silently through the trees, rifle held loosely in his hands. He had eschewed the traditional brightly-coloured hunter’s jacket for camouflage, blending in perfectly with his surroundings.
Carefully avoiding tourists and park rangers he moved silently through the caldera, at last spying signs of his prey. Footprints, small yet distinct – fresh. He peered through a bush… there! His quarry, resting in a clearing.
Raising the rifle to his eye, he sighted and gently, ever so gently, applied pressure to the trigger. A twang and he suddenly shot off the ground, caught in a net, his shot going hopelessly wide! Another of his quarries ran past and the pair disappeared, laughing, into the trees.
Finally he arrived home, having spent hours sawing through the net.
“Any luck, dear?”
“Grr. No. It’s true what they say. He is smarter than the av-er-age bear.”
Sorry, did you say Yellowstone Park? Oops.
[Note: I was going to pop a picture at the end but didn’t want to spoil the punchline, so if there’s anyone who didn’t get the reference, you can click here 🙂 ]
FF – You Too Can Make a Difference
Here is my little story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Björn Rudberg.

Copyright Björn Rudberg
Nigel glares at the sign. He can’t understand. Others with disabilities pass with no problem. All races, creeds, colours and sexual orientation, all are welcomed with open arms.
Why is he any different? Why is he singled out?
The sign is clear. He turns and walks back the way he has come.
Have you been affected by Nigel’s story? Maybe, like Nigel, you were born with a single huge hand, or know someone who was. If so, please take to Twitter, using the hashtag “#iwasbornwithsinglehugehandsyndromeandfeelostracisedasaresult”. If you have any characters left, leave a message.
You too can make a difference.
FF – The Watchers
Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. The photo was contributed by Ted Strutz.

Copyright Ted Strutz
The camera sat forlornly on the hilltop, still pointed skywards. A small hamper and flask of hot soup sat nearby on a blanket, laid out in an attempt to afford the user some measure of protection against the damp grass. A book on astronomy lay open, pages fluttering in the breeze.
Molly trudged up the hill. “Harold? Harold? Where could he be, the old fool?”
Concentrating on the flask, the book, the camera, she didn’t notice the still-smoking pile of ash…
There are things. Up there. In the stars. And they don’t like being watched.
Pegman – The Future of Love
Here is my story for What Pegman Saw. This week we are visiting the Bahamas.

Copyright Slayde Kerner for Google Maps
“Oh, darling, it seems just yesterday that we walked hand in hand along the pristine beaches, so in love…”
“It was just yesterday.”
“… our hearts swelling swe..swe.. meep meep meep…”
“Oh, terrific.”
dial dial dial
“Hello. Is that Robo Inc? My wife’s broken down.”
“No problem, Sir!”
“But… I’m in the Bahamas. Miles from any engineer!”
… meep meep in love in love yesterday day day fzzzt…
“Don’t worry, Sir. With our new InstaBoot Remote™ service, we’ll have her up in a jiffy. Just 2000 dollareuropounds plus tax per month.”
“What amazing value! Sign me up!”
“Of course, Sir. One moment, please.”
… hand in hand meep BZZZZZZ…
“… BEEP! hello, my darling, why don’t we walk along the beach and make love in the waves?”
“Hooray! Thanks, Robo Inc!”
TRIAL InstaBoot Remote™ NOW!*
Robo Inc – Supplying, upgrading and rebooting your significant others since 2078.
*3 minutes free, minimum 20yr contract
FF – Mission Failed
Here is my rather rushed story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Sandra Crook.

Copyright Sandra Crook
Barclay drew his boat up quietly to the bank near a lawn of sculptures which looked as though they’d been vomited randomly into place. High class venue. He saw cars near the mansion and smiled. No-one would expect him to sneak in by boat. He drew his gun.
Two at the door – blam! blam! Red sprayed. One more inside – blam! Right to the head. Too easy…
… until the hallway. Ten, all firing at once. Screaming, he fell in a pool of sticky red and groaned. He’d never get all this paint out. His mum was going to kill him.
Pegman – A Busy Haunting
Here is my story for What Pegman Saw. I’ve missed a few weeks but I’m very busy at the moment. February/March is audits, budgets and all sorts!
This week we’re on the Clinton Road in New Jersey. This road is notorious for sightings of ghosts, Satanists, witches and even the Ku Klux Klan.
Of course, I bet they all like to come back after death and join the other ghosts… prepare to be terrified to your verrrry corrrre 🙂

Copyright Google Maps
Woo-woo!
“Oy! Who are you?”
“We are the ghosts of witches past!” said a witch.
“Well, we’re the ghosts of Satanists past and this is our week,” said a Satanist.
“Don’t think so,” replied a witch. “I’m pretty sure we’re up.”
Woo-woo!
“We are the ghosts of the Ku Klux Klan. Shudder in fear at… oh, it’s you.”
“Oh, great,” said a witch. “The bloody KKK.”
“It’s getting pretty crowded around here,” said a Satanist.
“There’s been a bit of a scheduling error,” said a witch, checking her diary. “We’re all booked in.”
“Well, we can work with the witches,” said a Satanist, “but everybody hates the KKK. Bugger off.”
“I’ve never been so insulted in my life!” said a Klanner.
“Pretty sure you have,” said a witch.
And so the KKK left in a huff, leaving the witches and Satanists, who had always been of the same mindset, to haunt the road in peace.





