FF – All Becomes Clear
Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. She also provided the photo this week.
Copyright Rochelle Wisoff-Fields
Intimate residence in secluded location. Set at a novel angle with authentic Medieval windows, this period property features original heating and plumbing. With fully ventilated bathroom facilities and a unique open plan design, this period property must be seen to be believed!
[Due to recent clarity laws we are legally bound to translate, see below]
Tiny, middle of nowhere. Foundations collapsing, glass-less slits for windows, this old dump has a fire pit for heat and no plumbing whatsoever. Bathe in the river and crap behind a tree, one single largely useless room, it’s unbelievable we’re trying to sell this disaster!
Sharing My World 07-10-2018
Here is my post for Melanie’s Share Your World.
What’s your go-to for unwinding after a stressful event or day? Can be someone or something – music, pets, family or whatever you choose.
A DVD or something on Netflix – nothing too cerebral and probably one of the series I’ve watched many times before which I keep rotating. Also, something violent on the PS4 like Fallout 4 or Assassin’s Creed. There’s nothing quite like shooting a bunch of Raiders with an automatic weapon when you’re feeling stressed.
The plane you’re flying in is going to crash, no survivors. If you had one song you could listen to before it happens, what would it be? (credit to NewEpicAuthor for this one). Please share the link to the song if you can.
I guess “It’s the End of the World” by REM would be quite apt. So in my last seconds of life, frantically Googling for my song, I’m going to see this. Thanks a lot, YouTube.
What is one thing you’re really, really good at and not ashamed to admit it? I worded that deliberately because aren’t we taught to be humble and not pushy about our achievements? Celebrate your ability!
I’m really really good at… avoiding the question.
Would you rather lose all of your money and valuables or all of the pictures you have ever taken?
Lose the pictures, lose the pictures! No, wait, that makes me sound like a greedy monster. Lose the money, lose the money!
No. If I lost all my money and valuables I’d be homeless with only a bunch of photographs to my name. Which I’d have to burn to stay warm. So now I’ve got nothing. So I’d lose the photos.
FF – Mr Clumsy and the Second Apocalypse
Here is my little story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Sandra Crook.
My story this week once again includes “sound effects” (some imagination required)!
Copyright Sandra Crook
It’s Andy “Accident-Prone” Andrews’ first day at the Museum of Pre-Apocalypse Earth…
“Oops, I’m sure that wasn’t valuable… moving on, here we see the last surviving example of a ‘wooden’ table. One sec, someone’s left a bunch of crap on it…”
Sweep, crash, tinkle
“That’s better. This so-called ‘wood’ was very solid…”
Knock knock
“… and as I demonstrate with this flame thrower, completely resistant to…”
Whoomp!
“…oops, um, all part of the show, folks, um, over here we see the last surviving ‘atomic bomb’. As you can see if I hit it with this sledgehammer, it’s completely resistant to…”
WHOOOOOOOOMP!
Sharing My Word the New Class 30-09-2018
Here is my post for Melanie’s Share Your World.
If you drink coffee, how do you like it best? Hot, cold, iced, with cream, with sugar or black as black?
Black, no sugar. Milk makes me sick and sugar makes me fat(ter) 🙂
In your opinion, what’s the greatest invention of our age?
Definitely the miniaturised human. I have one who’s called “Alexa” who lives in a little box called an “Amazon Echo” in my living room. She switches my lights and TV and whatnot on and off and plays me songs – she’s quite musical! I hope she’s okay in there, I don’t think she gets out much.
Global warming? Reality or myth?
Our climate has certainly changed since I were but a wee lad. It’s become wetter rather than warmer but I think that’s all part of the whole global climate changing. And who am I to argue with practically every scientist on the planet? Time to take action or our descendants could be living on Waterworld.
Are you an explorer or more a home body?
I’m a home body. I get lost everywhere so I’d be no good exploring round the place. Every outing would be a adventure, mind!
FF – What a Stroke of Luck!
Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Priorhouse.
My story this week relies on a quite horrible play on words. Sorry, but it cracked me up 🙂
Copyright Priorhouse
“All delivered, Conference Room B.”
“What? B? Our targets are in A!”
“Who’s in B then?”
“The Annual Conference of the Nuns of St Fortune. You delivered nerve toxin coffees to nuns!”
“Do you go to hell for accidentally massacring nuns?”
“I don’t wanna go to hell! We’d better go look.”
In Conference Room B…
“Eh? They’re all fine! What does it say on the packet?”
“Um… Lethal, no antidote, see overleaf for immunity information.”
“So what’s the immunity information?”
“I already checked, there isn’t any. ‘Persons Immune: Nun’. Wow, I thought that was a typo.”
“What a stroke of luck!”
Sharing My World The New Class 23-09-2018
Here’s my post for Share Your World, hosted by Melanie.
What Is Your Favourite Beverage?
It’s time to bring out my famous “lemonade and Coke” photo again!
Mmmm. Nearly no calories of tasty refreshment.
I like to have a good stock in.
What Is Your Interpretation of ‘The Golden Rule”? Are There Ramifications To Breaking It?
They’re quite rare, but nice to have!
The golden rule is quite tough to break being made of gold but if you do, the ramifications are that you can only measure smaller things.
Wait, did I misunderstand the question? It took me ages to Photoshop a yellowish ruler into a gold ruler. I’m sticking with my answer.
Sunrise Person Or Sunset Person?
Sunrise. The start of a brand new day, when anything is possible!
Do People In Modern Society Anthropomorphise Animals Too Much?
Oh, goodness me, yes. Treating animals and even inanimate objects as if they were people? It’s a terrible thing. What do you think, Teddy?
Teddy agrees. Good Teddy.
FF – Brollies of the World, Unite!
Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Dale Rogerson.
Copyright Dale Rogerson
Flapping excitedly, the United Umbrella Revolutionary Army floated into view. Fully unfurled, they hurled themselves at the unsuspecting diners, canopies locked in attack positions.
Their vanguard, a “Big Red”, was accidentally trampled underfoot. Another, caught by a freak gust of wind from an open window, screamed as it blew inside out and fell to the floor, mortally wounded. A third was grabbed by an oblivious customer and dragged outside, the better to shelter from the rain.
Retreat! was the watchword of the day as the battered survivors rose to the rafters.
They had lost the battle. BUT NOT THE WAR.
Sharing My World The New Class 10-09-2018
Here is my post for Melanie’s Share Your World.
Are You A Better Listener or Speaker?
I don’t particularly like speaking. Especially not public speaking. I’m quite good at listening while occasionally smiling or making “hmm”, “really?”, “yes” etc noises. Whether I’m actually listening or just hearing, though…
Hell, I don’t even listen to myself half the time.
If You Were Asked To Design A Warning Label That Would Be Tattooed On Your Skin, What Would It Say?
It would say “Warning – tattoo-free zone”. A tattoo warning that there are no tattoos would create what we scientists call a “Cosmic Confusion Loop”, causing the universe to fold in upon itself, disrupting the very fabric of reality. What fun!
What Are You Passionate About?
“Passionate”, now there’s a strong word. I don’t know that I’d go as far as saying I’m passionate about anything. Things I like, I enjoy, then yes, but passionate… wait a sec, I have it!
Netflix.
If You Could Change One Thing About Your World, What Would It Be?
There would be more Netflix.
FF – Snacks for Cats
Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. The photo this week was contributed by J Hardy Carroll.
After last week’s darkness, a silly little one this week from me. It includes my special sound effects (patent pending).
Copyright J Hardy Carroll
“Have you reversed that shrink ray yet?”
“Nearly.”
“Unbelievable. Three weeks stuck in a shrunken church. Which is now an ornament. An ornament! At my time of life…”
“One sec.”
“Didn’t you think? Didn’t you consider…”
“Well, clearly not.”
“That cat has been giving me the evils. He looks hungry…”
“Got it!”
Zzzzzzzzzzap! Crunch! Splinter!
“Oh, that’s just great. Enlarge us inside the guy’s house. What a mess.”
“Will you stop moaning?”
“And look! The church enlarged, we’re still tiny! Did you program for bio-matter? That’s just marvellous, that is. And here comes that cat again… oh crap.”
MEEEEOW! Munch!
Sharing My World 2018 Week 36
Here is my post for Share Your World, which is now being hosted by Melanie from sparksfromacombustiblemind. A big thank you to Cee, who has hosted for the past few years!
If I may slightly misquote Harrison Ford in Working Girl, “Well, gentlemen… the players may have changed, but the game remains the same, and the name of the game is Share Your World.”
Wait, did I say “Working Girl”? Obviously I meant something more macho. Die Hard or John Wick or something with Chuck Norris in.
When you are old, what do you think children will ask you to tell stories about? If you are ‘old’ (a term with different meanings for everyone); what stories do you tell your grandchildren?
Hopefully they won’t want any stories. Not many can be told while they’re still children! Maybe I should start sanitising some exploits, just in case.
When did something start out badly for you but in the end, it was great?
University! I didn’t really want to go, timid lad that I was. I was too scared to go into the kitchen the first week and lived on a single gingerbread mum gave me. But I grew to love it and stayed for 10 years!
What do you think you are much better at than you actually are? Maybe this one’s kinda mean… thoughts?
That’s tricky – if I still think I’m better at it than I actually am, then I’m not currently aware that I’m not good at it. If you see what I mean. But I’ll go with “singing”. It’s fine as long as the music keeps playing (loudly)…
What would be the worst thing to hear as you are going under anaesthesia before surgery?
- Which leg was it again…
- I love to cut, swipe, slash, I’m a cutter…
- Has anyone seen my copy of “Brain Surgery for Dummies”…
- Uhhh, that was quite a night, is anyone else having trouble focusing…
- Woo, my first ever time, I’m sooooo excited…
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I totally didn't win!
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