FF – What a Stroke of Luck!

September 26, 2018 69 comments

Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Priorhouse.

My story this week relies on a quite horrible play on words. Sorry, but it cracked me up 🙂

Copyright Priorhouse

 

“All delivered, Conference Room B.”

“What? B? Our targets are in A!”

“Who’s in B then?”

“The Annual Conference of the Nuns of St Fortune. You delivered nerve toxin coffees to nuns!”

“Do you go to hell for accidentally massacring nuns?”

“I don’t wanna go to hell! We’d better go look.”

In Conference Room B…

“Eh? They’re all fine! What does it say on the packet?”

“Um… Lethal, no antidote, see overleaf for immunity information.”

“So what’s the immunity information?”

“I already checked, there isn’t any. ‘Persons Immune: Nun’. Wow, I thought that was a typo.”

“What a stroke of luck!”

 

Sharing My World The New Class 23-09-2018

September 23, 2018 21 comments

Here’s my post for Share Your World, hosted by Melanie.

What Is Your Favourite Beverage?
It’s time to bring out my famous “lemonade and Coke” photo again!

Lemonade and Coke

Mmmm. Nearly no calories of tasty refreshment.

I like to have a good stock in.

What Is Your Interpretation of ‘The Golden Rule”? Are There Ramifications To Breaking It?
They’re quite rare, but nice to have!

The golden rule is quite tough to break being made of gold but if you do, the ramifications are that you can only measure smaller things.

Wait, did I misunderstand the question? It took me ages to Photoshop a yellowish ruler into a gold ruler. I’m sticking with my answer.

Sunrise Person Or Sunset Person?
Sunrise. The start of a brand new day, when anything is possible!

Do People In Modern Society Anthropomorphise Animals Too Much? 
Oh, goodness me, yes. Treating animals and even inanimate objects as if they were people? It’s a terrible thing. What do you think, Teddy?

 

Teddy agrees. Good Teddy.

 

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FF – Brollies of the World, Unite!

September 19, 2018 65 comments

Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Dale Rogerson.

Copyright Dale Rogerson

 

Flapping excitedly, the United Umbrella Revolutionary Army floated into view. Fully unfurled, they hurled themselves at the unsuspecting diners, canopies locked in attack positions.

Their vanguard, a “Big Red”, was accidentally trampled underfoot. Another, caught by a freak gust of wind from an open window, screamed as it blew inside out and fell to the floor, mortally wounded. A third was grabbed by an oblivious customer and dragged outside, the better to shelter from the rain.

Retreat! was the watchword of the day as the battered survivors rose to the rafters.

They had lost the battle. BUT NOT THE WAR.

 

Sharing My World The New Class 10-09-2018

September 16, 2018 17 comments

Here is my post for Melanie’s Share Your World.

Are You A Better Listener or Speaker?
I don’t particularly like speaking. Especially not public speaking. I’m quite good at listening while occasionally smiling or making “hmm”, “really?”, “yes” etc noises. Whether I’m actually listening or just hearing, though…

Hell, I don’t even listen to myself half the time.

If You Were Asked To Design A Warning Label That Would Be Tattooed On Your Skin, What Would It Say? 
It would say “Warning – tattoo-free zone”. A tattoo warning that there are no tattoos would create what we scientists call a “Cosmic Confusion Loop”, causing the universe to fold in upon itself, disrupting the very fabric of reality. What fun!

What Are You Passionate About?
“Passionate”, now there’s a strong word. I don’t know that I’d go as far as saying I’m passionate about anything. Things I like, I enjoy, then yes, but passionate… wait a sec, I have it!

Netflix.

If You Could Change One Thing About Your World, What Would It Be?
There would be more Netflix.

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FF – Snacks for Cats

September 12, 2018 85 comments

Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. The photo this week was contributed by J Hardy Carroll.

After last week’s darkness, a silly little one this week from me. It includes my special sound effects (patent pending).


Copyright J Hardy Carroll

 

“Have you reversed that shrink ray yet?”

“Nearly.”

“Unbelievable. Three weeks stuck in a shrunken church. Which is now an ornament. An ornament! At my time of life…”

“One sec.”

“Didn’t you think? Didn’t you consider…”

“Well, clearly not.”

“That cat has been giving me the evils. He looks hungry…”

“Got it!”

Zzzzzzzzzzap! Crunch! Splinter!

“Oh, that’s just great. Enlarge us inside the guy’s house. What a mess.”

Will you stop moaning?”

“And look! The church enlarged, we’re still tiny! Did you program for bio-matter? That’s just marvellous, that is. And here comes that cat again… oh crap.”

MEEEEOW! Munch!

 

Sharing My World 2018 Week 36

September 9, 2018 32 comments

Here is my post for Share Your World, which is now being hosted by Melanie from sparksfromacombustiblemind. A big thank you to Cee, who has hosted for the past few years!

If I may slightly misquote Harrison Ford in Working Girl, “Well, gentlemen… the players may have changed, but the game remains the same, and the name of the game is Share Your World.”

Wait, did I say “Working Girl”? Obviously I meant something more macho. Die Hard or John Wick or something with Chuck Norris in.

When you are old, what do you think children will ask you to tell stories about? If you are ‘old’ (a term with different meanings for everyone); what stories do you tell your grandchildren?  
Hopefully they won’t want any stories. Not many can be told while they’re still children! Maybe I should start sanitising some exploits, just in case.

When did something start out badly for you but in the end, it was great?
University! I didn’t really want to go, timid lad that I was. I was too scared to go into the kitchen the first week and lived on a single gingerbread mum gave me. But I grew to love it and stayed for 10 years!

What do you think you are much better at than you actually are? Maybe this one’s kinda mean… thoughts?
That’s tricky – if I still think I’m better at it than I actually am, then I’m not currently aware that I’m not good at it. If you see what I mean. But I’ll go with “singing”. It’s fine as long as the music keeps playing (loudly)…

What would be the worst thing to hear as you are going under anaesthesia before surgery?

  • Which leg was it again…
  • I love to cut, swipe, slash, I’m a cutter…
  • Has anyone seen my copy of “Brain Surgery for Dummies”…
  • Uhhh, that was quite a night, is anyone else having trouble focusing…
  • Woo, my first ever time, I’m sooooo excited…
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FF – Flawed and Forgotten

September 5, 2018 76 comments

Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Gah Learner.

Is that the moon in the photo? Is it though?

Copyright Gah Learner

 

“Inexhaustible energy” was the claim. “Draw our energy directly from the source. We could do anything, colonise the universe! Ultimate power, unstoppable!”

Decades of work had seen “solar extractors” positioned in orbit around the sun. Pure energy, dragged from the sun’s gravitational pull and transmitted to Earth.

But you can’t mess with Nature. There’s a delicate balance, an order to things.

The sun darkened and died as its nuclear furnace burned the last of its fuel, a billion years before its time.

And Mankind, which months ago had fancied itself gods, drifted into frozen obscurity, just another flawed, forgotten mistake.

 

Sharing My World 2018 Week 35

September 2, 2018 26 comments

Here is my post for Cee’s Share Your World.

share-your-world2

Do you prefer eating foods with nuts or no nuts?
No nuts for me. I’ll eat the occasional nut, mostly in chocolate. I won’t miss out on a nice bit of chocolate just because it has nuts in it.

Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed?
I have one wardrobe. I have, once and for all, tried to work out what a “closet” actually is. Someone told me once that it’s a wardrobe which is built into the wall, but it’s not that clear-cut – you can also have a walk-in wardrobe. Then you can add “cupboards” and “cabinets” into the mix! So, unless you live in America where “closet” is used a lot, I’ll stick to “wardrobes” for my clothes, “cupboards” for bits and bobs and “cabinets” for dishes and whatnot.

What was the question again? Oh yes. Closed. It’s tidier that way.

Are you usually late, early, or right on time?
I’m usually early. Way too early, in fact. I can’t remember the last time I was late for anything. I’m usually waiting in the car for whatever it is to start.

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FF – A Safe-ish Place

August 29, 2018 75 comments

Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Nathan Sowers, Dawn Miller’s grandson.

I quickly wrote this in my lunch break so that I at least had something, but had no time to write anything else.

Copyright Nathan Sowers, grandson of Dawn M Miller!

 

Have you ever woken up in the morning with little recollection of the night before? Was there perhaps a suspicious puncture wound on your neck?

Did you open your curtains to let the sunshine in, only for your head to burst into flames?

Did you check the fire damage in a mirror only to find you HAD NO REFLECTION?

If you’ve answered “yes” to all these questions, then Vampires Anonymous could be for you. If you’re newly turned and have nowhere else to go, pop along for a bite. You’re not alone!

Free blood and cookies at your first meeting!

 

Sharing My World 2018 Week 34

August 26, 2018 19 comments

Here is my post for Cee’s Share Your World.

share-your-world2

Which taste better: black or green olives?
Both! I love olives. Black and green have quite different tastes but I like them both. I like when they roll them out in some restaurants before the meal, and I like just munching them too, with meat and cheese.

What’s your favourite room in your home?
The living room. That’s were all my stuff is – TV, PS4 and so on. The other rooms are just “utility” rooms really. Cooking, sleeping and so on.

What fictional family would you be a member of?
Hmm. Most families in things I watch and read are either entirely dysfunctional or are in some way involved in something (post-) apocalyptic. I’m thinking maybe the Skywalker family. That way I get to ride around in an X-Wing and use the Force. The light side of the force would probably be the best, though I’d quite like to be able to fire lightning from my fingertips and that seems like a dark power.

Here is my X-Wing, though maybe it will be made of metal and carbon composites rather than Lego, which would be more likely to fall apart under stress. There’s me on top, checking on my astro-droid before flying off.

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