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FF – Neat and Tidy
Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Dale Rogerson.
“There we go. Ta-da!”
“Hmm, very neat and tidy. Not very safe-looking, though. Propped up like that.”
“Rubbish, it’s fine.”
“Look, your mum’s at the window.”
Creeeeak
“Boys, you’ve been working very hard! Do you fancy a snack? I can whip up…”
CRAAAAASH! Aaaargh!
“Oh, God, nooooooo! Why, God, whyyyyyy? Now we’re gonna have to make our own snacks.”
“Well, shit.”
“Bollocks to that. Pub?”
“Yep. I’m sure she’ll be fine.”
Grooooan…
FF – A Beautiful View
Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Ted Strutz.
Dave and little Maggie walked up on deck and looked out over the impressive vista before them.
“Oh, Daddy, isn’t it beautiful?”
“It is, Maggie.”
“I wish Mummy was here to see it.”
“Me too.”
Mummy had been held up. She’d missed the boat. Dave and Maggie’s home, since the waters rose. Maggie had been only six months then.
“Those are trees, aren’t they, Daddy?”
“That’s right, Maggie.”
“Daddy?”
“Yes, dear?”
“I heard some of the others talking. Why are they calling this place the ‘Sahara Desert’?”
“That’s a story for another time. Come on, let’s go back below.”
FF – Back Down to Earth
Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Jennifer Pendergast.
“Look, dear, Billy’s done some artwork! I’m in it! I am at the centre of everything. The intersection of the Venn Diagram. I am his beginning and his end. I am the centre of his universe. I AM HIS GOD!”
“That’s all very nice, darling, but Billy’s only four years old. I’m not entirely sure that’s what he’s trying to say.”
“Hey, Billy, come and explain your artwork to me!”
“Well, Daddy, the yewow dinasouwus is gonna eat you, and you is vewy scared and you has done a little poo poo.”
“Humph.”
“Don’t worry, darling, you’re still the centre of my universe.”
FF – Alien Attack!
Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Douglas M MacIlroy.
Looking at the title of the photo, I think this was taken at an observatory.
“What did the general say?”
“Not much, but I could hear shouting in the background. They’ve locked in the coordinates we got from our telescope. The military has been scrambled. Missiles have been launched at the unknown object we reported.”
“That’s not so good, then.”
“And I gather from all the screaming, Russia and China think we’re about to attack them and have mobilised their own militaries.”
“So when do we tell him that what we saw was the result of a seagull crapping on the lens?”
“Maybe we’ll leave it for a bit. They sounded very busy. Pint?”
“Yep.”
FF – First Date Mishap
Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo appears to be a beautiful painting by Rochelle herself 🙂
“Goodness, a home-cooked meal!”
“I like to make an impression on a first date!”
“I’ll just add a bit of salt, pepper, some ketchup…”
“What are you doing.”
“Huh?”
“You haven’t even tasted it yet.”
“I, um…”
“Let me take a quick photo of you (snap) I just need to send a text, one sec…”
tappity tappity here is photo of target tappity tappity usual terms tappity tappity make it look like an accident tappity tap send
“… there we go. So, where were we? You were telling me about your job? It sounds fascinating!”
“Um.”
“Eat up!”
“Um.”
FF – Carousel of Doom!
Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Brenda Cox.
I decided to use the American word (carousel) for the merry-go-round/roundabout, though I went for “candyfloss” as I draw the line at “cotton candy”.
The carousel began to spin as the last child clambered aboard. Parents looked on proudly, camera phones at the ready.
Brashnorag looked on, smiling. This was exactly what he’d come up from Hell for.
He snapped his fingers.
The carousel span faster and faster, leaving its once-sedate pace far behind. Children screamed as one by one they flew off.
One landed in a vat of candyfloss. Another in the arms of their parent. Yet another in a sandpit.
An afternoon of “miraculous escapes”.
Brashnarog smiled again. He may be a demon from the pits of Hell, but he wasn’t a complete bastard.
FF – Shops of Death
Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Roger Bultot.
“Look at this!”
“Boy, huge glasses. What’s that all about?”
“And all this, what would you call it?”
“Bric-a-brac.”
“Yep, bric-a-brac.”
“Trash.”
“What do they think they’re doing?”
“No idea. In fact, this whole high street is rubbish.”
“It’s a shit street.”
“Every shop a disaster.”
“Let’s go back to the car.”
…
Bric-a-brac shop calling all shops. We have been dissed. DESTROY THEM!
…
“Yes, Officer sob sob the shop sign just fell on him sob sob sliced his head clean off sob sob freak accident sob sob”
FF – The Little Things
Here is my post for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Dale Rogerson.
I nearly did quite a sombre thoughtful story, but luckily I caught myself just in time!
“So the cult’s taken over this church?”
“Yes, Sarge.”
“Let’s take a look. See that flash of light in the steeple? Sniper.”
“Good spot, Sarge!”
“And that bump on the roof? Observation post.”
“Nice, Sarge!”
“And the way that tree’s branches aren’t moving with the wind? Hunter’s trap.”
“Wow!”
“Okay, I’m going in!”
Whuuuump! Aaaaargh!
“Ouch. Poor Sarge.”
“What happened, Constable?”
“Sir! It’s weird how the Sarge noticed the little things but not the big picture. Like that huge sign that says ‘Keep out – DANGER – minefield’.”
“Sounds like my wife.”
“Um. ‘Little things’ or ‘danger’, Sir?”
“Both, Constable. Both.”
Sharing My Squirrely World
Here is my post for Melanie’s Share Your World, with a special bonus question midweek. This week, the questions were posed by various members of the Nest, a place where many wondrous and hideous things can happen!
Chip (a chipmunk)
If you were to be cast as part of a comedy double act, which part would you play…. the straight man or the funny one, and why?
I reckon I’d be good as the straight man. I’m very good at staring straight ahead with an expression on my face which clearly says “who is this fool?”
Buster (the serial death possum)
If you were to be reincarnated on Earth as any non-living/inanimate object of your choosing, what would you come back as and why?
I’d be an internet router. Think of all the secret and damning information I would be privy to that I could use to blackmail people with!
If I wasn’t just an internet router…
Fleabag (the yappy doggie)
We all know how dogs mark their territory. How do you mark your territory?
I piss on everything too.
Shadow (the mysterious other-dimensional being)
If you were on a trivia show and had to correctly answer ten questions in one subject to win a million dollars (or whatever currency is used in your locale), what would you hope the category would be?
From the point of view of winning the money, the life and times of me! Is that allowed? On the other hand, maybe it’s better not to have TV researchers going through the life and times of me with a fine tooth comb…
Uncle Sam (the corrupt politician) (is the word “corrupt” redundant here?)
In democratic societies, do you believe that the right to vote is merely a privilege or a duty for all citizens?
It’s a privilege (and not “merely”). Not voting is still a choice. What’s the point in letting people have a choice in the future if they don’t even have the choice in choosing? Besides, if voter numbers are down, that’s useful information too.
Troll (the dogsbody)
Would you rather have a huge head of hair or be completely bald? No middle ground!
Having seen Troll, I’ll go bald, thanks.
FF – A World of Wonder
Here is my post for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Liz Young.
Lights flickering, reflections, so beautiful, so mesmerising. Enticing me from everyday life into another world, a world of light, a world of fascination and wonderment. A world of endless possibilities, a world where I can be who I want to be.
I am removed from this mundane world! Away from crass consumerism! I am a child of light! I am…
… ooh ooh ooh, Trickles Department Store has a two for one on cosmetics! Gotta let everyone know! Twitter, Facebook, Instagram…
Tappity tappity tap…
Now, where was I? Oh yes. A child of light, floating in dreams…
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Woohoo!
I totally didn't win!
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