Literary Lion – A Day in the Life
Just under the wire (and in a hurry), here is my contribution to Laura’s Literary Lion challenge. This week’s prompt word is “king”. Sorry there’s no photo, I’m doing this in my lunch break and don’t have time to find something suitable. So, with very little proof-reading, here we go.
A Day in the Life
It’s not easy being King. Some days it feels like the whole world and his wife is after me for something. It’s always, “Sign this, Your Majesty!” or, “The palace sewers are backed up again!” Like I’m a plumber. I’m the King, dammit! Here we go…
“Your Majesty, Drimmen’s let his cows graze in moi fields again.”
I don’t care.
“I’ll send someone over. Next!”
“Your Majesty, the milk’s turned sour. It’s witches!”
Saints preserve us.
“You left it in the sun again, didn’t you, Breevor? Next!”
“Your Majesty, my daughter’s run off with the milliner’s son! What shall I do?”
How should I know? She’s your daughter.
“Prepare for a wedding. Next!”
And so it goes on. And on. And on. Day in, day out. Don’t I have people for this? It’s not right. Ah, here comes a royal messenger.
“Your Majesty, King Matchett of Greater Gribdovia has crossed the border! It’s war!”
At last, something I can sink my teeth into. Something Kingly!
“Call my generals, sound the alarms, bring me troop…”
“Whoops, sorry, your Majesty. Wrong piece of paper, he hasn’t crossed the border after all. Just a little novelette I’m writing. Ahem. I meant to say that the royal chickens have burrowed under the wire and escaped into the woods again. What shall we do?”
Buggerit.
Sharing My World 2015 Week 28
It’s time for my Share Your World post, with questions posed as ever by Cee.
What is your favourite comfort snack food?
That would have to be chocolate, I guess! Ice cream works too. I don’t know that I’d call it comfort food, exactly. Sometimes my body just says, “hey, give me sugar, dude!”.
If you had to spend one weekend alone in a single store but could remove nothing, which store would you pick? (except food or beverage)
I guess a shop with video games and such. I’m sure that would keep me busy for a couple of days!
What was the largest city you have been to? What is the one thing you remember most?
London. I remember getting lost in Harrod’s, which is also the largest shop I’ve ever been to! I also remember how much I hate the underground (=subway). Too cramped, too many people all pushing and shoving.
Finish this sentence: It has recently come to my attention that…
… my back garden is getting out of control. I guess that’s my job for this morning.
Friday Fictioneers – Blow the Doors Off!
Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Sandra Crook, and this week’s other stories can be found by clicking on the blue froggy.
I don’t usually do this, but the photo reminded me of the original “Italian Job” film. I apologise, but my “punchline” won’t work (at all) if you haven’t at least heard the famous Michael Caine quote. However, I’m very short of time this week and it’s today or never.
Here is a link to the quote on YouTube, which made me laugh once again.
According to the photo’s title, the photo is actually Dijon which is in France. Imagine them naming a town after a mustard :-).
Copyright Sandra Crook
“Wowee!” shouted Grant as Davies steered the Mini at speed through the narrow streets. “This is all a bit ‘Italian Job’!”
“Yeah!” yelled Davies as he manoeuvred around a bicycle, narrowly avoiding a street stall. “Whoa, that was close.”
“Watch out for those tourists!”
Davies screamed into a side-street.
“Boxes! On the right!”
Davies steered through the boxes, knocking them flying.
“Awesome!” shouted Grant as Davies screeched to a stop outside the newsagent. As they watched, the shutters came down.
“Dammit!” cursed Grant. “Too late. They’re shut.”
“Well,” said Davies, affecting a “Michael Caine” accent. “We could always blow the bloody doors off!”
Feel free to either groan or look blank, depending on whether or not you’ve seen the film :-).
MFTS – Second Chance
Here is my story for Barbara Beacham’s Mondays Finish the Story. We get an opening sentence which this week was written by Martin Furman, and a photo courtesy of Barbara herself.
To read this week’s other stories click on the blue froggy. My story is a little longer than 150 words (sorry) but I did manage to get it down from nearly 200. The opening line (which isn’t part of the word count) is in bold in my story.
Copyright Barbara W Beacham
Delphine always wanted to pilot her father’s plane and when he forgot his keys on her tenth birthday, she knew that taking off would be easy.
Come to think of it, landing would also be easy. Dead easy. With an emphasis on dead. But Delphine didn’t come to think of it and now she was soaring through the air, staring at a bewildering array of controls.
“Come on,” she thought. “I’ve seen Daddy do this enough times.” Heart pounding, she eased the stick forward as the ground came closer, closer. “I’m going to do it!” she thought excitedly. “Daddy will be so proud of…”
Trephos, Angel-In-Charge of Juvenile Admissions climbed down off his cloud.
“Well,” he said, shaking his head. “Made a bit of a pig’s ear of that landing, didn’t we?”
Delphine nodded sadly.
“Let’s see,” he continued, reaching for a large ledger. “Wow! You’re our one trillionth customer! That means you get a second chance!”
Suddenly Delphine was back home, alive, staring at her Dad’s keys. She grabbed them and ran out the door.
“I think I know what I did wrong last time!” she thought excitedly as she ran towards the plane.
Sharing My World 2015 Week 27
Here is my Share Your World, courtesy of Cee at her photography blog.
What is your favourite month of the year?
Mmm, tricky one. Let’s take a look.
- January – too cold, Christmas just over, back to work with a vengeance
- February – pointless
- March – rain, not quite Spring yet, still cold
- April – neither one thing nor the other
- May – not summer yet
- June – potentially warm but probably not, rain likely
- July – holidaymakers start arriving, add 15 minutes to evening commute
- August – holidaymakers everywhere, add 25 minutes to evening commute, can’t go anywhere because everywhere is full of holidaymakers
- September – rain
- October – rain, windy
- November – another pointless month
- December – has Christmas in it (yay), too cold, might snow or freeze so I’m constantly worried about driving
Conclusion – none of them.
Do you drink coffee at all?
Do I ever! Mmm, coffee.
What was one of your first moneymaking jobs (other than babysitting or newspaper delivery)?
I had a summer job for three months before going to university. I was working in the computer room at the county council. It was quite cool and allowed me to save up some pennies before leaving for my studies. Remember the old films with computers where you see flashing lights and big tapes in big machines whirring round? It was exactly like that! One of my jobs was to put the tapes in the machines.
List: If you play video/computer games list 5 games you like?
- Witcher 3 (that’s what I’m playing at the moment)
- The Mass Effect series
- The Elder Scrolls series (Oblivion, Skyrim)
- The Last of Us (“like” may not be the right word – I’m terrified of this game, it’s too realistic)
- Gears of War
Literary Lion – Not So Merry
Here is a story I’ve written for Literary Lion, hosted by Laura at I Smith Words. Laura has interrogated Literary Lion and he has delivered the following word for the prompt – “merry”. Now we have up to 400 words to write our story.
My story is pretty mad even for me this week, so don’t be expecting a clever plot :-).
Picture courtesy of disney-clipart.com
Not So Merry
Merry wasn’t. Merry, that is. Not living up to his name. In fact he’d change his name to “Grumpy” if that weren’t already taken.
Few people are aware that the Seven Dwarfs line-up has changed over the years. Merry was an original. Doc, Grumpy, Happy, Merry, Bashful, Sneezy and Myxomatosis.
“Merry” was deemed too confusing (given “Happy”). “Myxomatosis” was a non-starter. They were quickly replaced.
All the other dwarfs had made good lives for themselves. New stories, repeats, remakes – they were living the high life. Merry had nothing. A dank bedsit, no job… was it any wonder he wasn’t merry?
Even his showbiz friends had made it big. Okay, so Bambi had a drinking problem and Snow White had spent six years working in a meth lab to fund her crack habit, but she’d cleaned up her act and it had only helped her career in the long run.
What did poor Merry have?
Nothing. Zip. Nada.
Poor, poor Merry.
It came as no surprise when one day he snapped, strapped his shovel to his back and smashed his way into the studio, swinging his pick axe left and right. Chaos ensued.
Puff trampled the Ice Queen in his panicked attempt to escape. Cruella tripped over a Dalmation and took a shovel blow to the head. Road Runner ran into a wall. Visiting super-villain Ming the Merciless, Lord of the Universe, Destroyer of Worlds had an embarrassing panic attack in the corner.
In the end it took the concerted efforts of Alice, Aslan and the entire cast of “The Wizard of Oz” to bring him down.
And so now Merry lives in a padded cell, pumped full of exciting pharmaceuticals. And thanks to those pharmaceuticals, Merry finally is. Merry.
Friday Fictioneers – Closed for Business
Here is my contribution to Friday Fictioneers for this week, ably hosted by Rochelle over at Addicted to Purple. The photo this week was contributed by Stephen Baum.
My problem this week was too many ideas, but none of them “worked”. So for a change I started writing and just added bits now and then until I finished :-).
To read this week’s other stories, click on the blue froggy.
Copyright Stephen Baum
Harold had always suffered from tunnel vision, so it came as a surprise to no-one when he failed to notice the oncoming 0945 Kings Cross to Edinburgh express.
Drifting towards the light, he reflected on his life. People conned. Shops lifted. Speed limits smashed.
Oh, and that chap in the Golden Dragon he stabbed to death with a chopstick.
He wasn’t surprised when he arrived and found it quite hot and somewhat “flamey”. He was surprised to see a sign reading “Closed For Business by Court Order” above the door.
Apparently, there’s nothing Hell could contrive that humans haven’t already done, so it was shut down. It’s a copyright thing.
MFTS – Hedge Attack!
Here is my contribution to Mondays Finish the Story, hosted by Barbara Beacham. This week it is using my opening line!
We get around 150 words to finish the story based on an opening sentence (in bold in my story) and a photo.
To read the other stories, click on the blue froggy.
Copyright BW Beacham
The barista shook his head. That hedge couldn’t have moved closer overnight. Could it?
The next day it was half-way to the door. The barista rubbed his eyes but said nothing, fearing that the madness that had inflicted his late grandfather was taking hold.
Two days later, they were in the shop! Now everybody noticed. The barista’s relief that his sanity was intact was short-lived, however, as the hedge slithered towards him.
“Wha… what do you want?” he screeched, trembling.
“How rude!” said one of the hedge-people.
“Whatever happened to ‘Good morning, may I take your order’?” muttered another.
“Cappuccinos all round!” said a third. The barista breathed a sigh of relief. “And one more thing…” (the barista’s heart thumped in his chest) “… a plate of blueberry muffins!” The barista smiled and filled their order. All that worry and panic over nothing.
At their table, the hedge-people were talking.
“Lovely coffee, that!”
“Lovely. Delicious muffins!”
“Delicious! Right, everyone finished? Good. Okay, let’s kill these hedge-trimming human bastards. Who’s got the Huge Ball of Destruction?”
Lydford Gorge
Last week I went on a trip to Lydford Gorge, in Devon. Yes, I summoned up my courage and crossed the border! I took over 160 photos so I’ve chosen a few and put most of them into a slideshow, otherwise this would be a huge post.
It has a “spectacular” waterfall. Niagara Falls, eat your heart out.
One more, then we’ll slideshow the rest.
Sharing My World 2015 Week 26
It’s time once again to Share My World, courtesy of Cee over at her photography blog.
In a car would you rather drive or be a passenger?
Generally I’d rather drive. Possibly it’s a control thing. Though I don’t like driving to new places, especially big/busy places. It is nice once in a while to be a passenger so I can take in the scenery, but if it’s a long journey I’d definitely want to drive. I quite enjoy driving which I guess is why I spend so much each month on a fun car to drive.
If you were handed free opera tickets, would you go or sell them? Why?
I guess I’d go just to see what it was like. I went to see “Carmen” as a child at an open air theatre in Cornwall, but I don’t remember much. To be honest opera singing generally sounds like screeching to me and winds me up, but this sort of thing is often better when experienced live.
Describe your own outlook on life in seven words or less. (NOTE: does not necessarily have to be a sentence.)
Battle through it. You’ll be dead soon.
Hmm. That came out darker than I expected. How about:
Live life and be happy. Party on!
Which would you prefer: a wild, turbulent life filled with joy, sorrow, passion, and adventure–intoxicating successes and stunning setbacks; or a contented bordering on happy, secure, predictable life surrounded by friends and family without such wide swings of fortune and mood?
Content, predictable, routine. No surprises, please!
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Woohoo!
I totally didn't win!
Share Your World
Friday Fictioneers
draliman on life 