Kidz in Luv
Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Jean L. Hays.
I have attempted to recreate the language of the “youff of today”. Unfortunately I’m (ahem ahem) years too old, and when I was a kid, kids didn’t talk like this. Maybe they still don’t!
(I’ve made a reference in my story – it is said that when the apes leave the Rock of Gibraltar, so will the British, so it implies the end of something.)
To read this week’s other contributions, click on the blue froggy.
Copyright Jean L. Hays
“Yo, bitches, get gone, I need ta talk ta ma girl!”
All but one of the girls gave her a surly look and moved away.
“So, girl, wuzzup? What dis ‘bout yo man Jazz?”
“Me ‘n Jazz still good, yo. Why, what ya heard?”
“Seen, girl. Seen. I seen Jazz wiv his old squeeze, and dey look happy.”
“No way! Me ‘n Jazz is solid! Solid like da Rock o’ Gibraltar, ya dig me?”
“Da monkeys is leavin’ da Rock. You got ya head in da sand, girl.” She walked away, shaking her head. “Head in da sand.”
5 Day Challenge – DraliTips for Your Bathroom
Here I am with Day 2 of the Five Day challenge. Gill at In Touch With Emma nominated me, and the rules are:
“Post a photo each day for five consecutive days and attach a story to the photo. It can be fiction or non-fiction, a poem or a short paragraph (and each day nominate another blogger for the challenge – I’m not doing that bit).”
I’m also posting this in response to Marilyn’s challenge over at Serendipity, which is weekly and is also to post a story, or some words, accompanying a photo.
Today, DraliTips is proud to present some help on cleaning your bathroom. I have managed to take a fairly neutral picture of my bathroom, and it has just been cleaned after all!
- First, and most important, don’t leave it for months between cleans. It’s amazing how long it takes if you do that! Clean that sucker even when you don’t have your parents visiting.
- Once your shower curtain has achieved more than 50% mould cover, replace it. See my lovely new shower curtain? Nice.
- That hard-to-reach black mould above the shower? Leave it alone. You’ll only hurt yourself trying to reach it, and it’s perfectly harmless(a)!
- Before you start, be sure to don the appropriate protective gear. Gloves, goggles and an apron are a must. Some form of breathing apparatus is also recommended.
- Though it is tempting, do not use your toothbrush to clean the grouting between the tiles. It will make it taste funny! Use someone else’s instead.
- Above all, have fun! Remember, look after your bathroom and it will look after you.
(a) May not be perfectly harmless.
5 Day Challenge – Stairway To Heaven
Gill over at In Touch With Emma challenged me a few days ago to post a photo for five consecutive days and to write something to go along with it. Here is the blurb:
“Post a photo each day for five consecutive days and attach a story to the photo. It can be fiction or non-fiction, a poem or a short paragraph and each day nominate another blogger for the challenge.”
I’m not going to nominate anyone (feel free to join in) but I will attempt the challenge. Five consecutive days? We shall see…
This picture was taken today at Lydford Gorge, in Devon. For Day 1 I’ll write a little story.
Stairway To Heaven
Paul Jeffries (recently deceased) looked at the glowing figure. The glowing figure looked back.
Paul Jeffries (recently deceased) looked down at his bullet-riddled recently deceased body. His bullet-riddled recently deceased body looked back sightlessly through milky eyes.
“So I’m dead then,” said Paul.
“Yup,” replied the glowing figure. “Looks that way.” He regarded Paul’s body. “Looks like it was painful.”
“Hurt like a bitch,” said Paul, shuddering his insubstantial shoulders at the memory. “Hey, are you smirking?”
“Um…” said the glowing figure, quickly covering its mouth with its hand.
“So, you’re an angel?” asked Paul. He couldn’t help noticing that the glowing figure’s eyes had a somewhat red glow to them.
“Um…” said the glowing figure, and quickly changed the subject. “Say, look at this!” He gesticulated and a stairway appeared. “It’s your Stairway to Heaven. Off you go!”
Paul regarded the Stairway suspiciously. “So, and I acknowledge that I may not wish to know the full answer to this question, if that’s a Stairway to Heaven, why is it going DOWN?”
“Um…” said the glowing figure.
MFTS – Cruel and Unusual
Here is my story for Barbara Beacham’s Mondays Finish the Story. The supplied opening sentence is in bold in my story, and to read this week’s other contributions, click on the blue froggy.
Copyright B. W. Beacham
The Mayor and the town manager waved as their next victim approached.
But Agent Simon Wilkins had come prepared. He’d seen what had happened to the others who’d received an invitation. They wandered around town with dead eyes, occasionally clutching their heads screaming, “No more, please, no more!” before slipping once more into a listless half-dead state.
Simon adjusted his body armour. At the small of his back was a handgun. He had antidotes to every mind and mood-altering chemical known. He’d get to the bottom of this.
“Come in, dear boy, come in!” said the mayor jovially. Simon followed the mayor into his study where the town manager was waiting.
“Please, sit down,” said the mayor. Simon steeled himself, ready for action as the manager dimmed the lights.
As night fell, Simon lurched out of the house. Tears trickled from dead eyes as he joined the other townspeople in living death. Not even his Special Forces training had prepared him for five hours of the mayor’s holiday snap slide-show, with running commentary.
St Nectan’s Glen
Here are the promised photos I took on my trip to St Nectan’s Glen. It’s not that far away, but the roads got smaller and smaller and there were lots of tractors, so it took a good while to get there.
First there was a pleasant walk along a little road.
Sharing My World 2015 Week 25
Here is my contribution to Cee’s Share Your World.
What did you or did not like about the first apartment you ever rented?
That was a room in student housing on-campus. Which was, well, a room in student housing on-campus. So leaving that one alone, I rented a house with three other students in my second year at university.
What a laugh we had! Our landlord was Iranian, claimed to be the “agent” for the mysterious owner back in Iran, insisted on rent paid in cash and was dodgy as hell. He used to come round, complain about the mess and then get down on his hands and knees with a dustpan and brush to “demonstrate” how to clean. Hilarious.
We lads fought, laughed, cried, argued… ah, I miss those days.
What kind of art is your favourite? Why?
I’m going with music. That’s an art form. Not classical music, I don’t like that. Rock, pop and whatnot.
Some paintings are okay. I particularly like the ones where paint seems to have been just chucked on the canvas. I don’t like portraits particularly, but I do like scenes of wind-swept moors and mountains and raging seas.
How many siblings do you have? What’s your birth order?
I have one brother. The birth order? Ooh, I thought that was a top secret. We were born into the Grand Order of the Peanut.
Oh, I see. My brother is 18 months younger than me.
Complete this sentence: I’m dreaming of a white …. (and no you can’t use Christmas as your answer)
Ummm… white out? Well, technically “Wite-Out”. That stuff is amazing. Covers up all your mistakes. I could do with some of that stuff on my life. Magic!
Cee’s Which Way Challenge 2015 Week 25
I’ve not done this challenge before, but I went to St Nectan’s Glen a couple of days ago and it occurred to me that I have the perfect pictures. This is one of many fun challenges hosted by Cee, the goal being to take a photo featuring a path, road, bridge or whatever, in which it is the main focus.
I have many more photos of the actual glen, which I will post soon!
A New World
Here is my contribution to this week’s Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle.
To read the other contributions, click on the blue froggy. This week’s photo was contributed by Kent Bonham.
Copyright Kent Bonham
Trak. Surveillance for the paranoid age. Keep Track on Your World with TRAK!
Husbands watching wives. Wives watching husbands. Lovers, friends. Employees can’t take a leak without employers knowing. Employers, in their turn, watched by their staff.
Everyone’s watching everyone else. And Trak gets richer. They have no competition. Trak shut them down. Because Trak was watching them.
But who watches the watchers? Trak.
Trak watches everyone. The new World Order.
So come on in and buy a package. It’s your turn to watch your loved ones twenty-four seven.
Because you know they’re watching you.
3 Quotes Day 3
Here is my final quote for the “three quotes in three days” challenge. I think we can all get behind this one. Thanks, Bill and Ted, and Party On Dudes!
MFTS – Chad and Brad Make a Film (Almost)
Here is my contribution to Mondays Finish the Story, hosted by Barbara Beacham. We get a photo, an opening sentence and 150ish words. Yes, Chad and Brad are back!
The opening sentence is in bold, and to read the other contributions, click on the blue froggy.
Copyright BW Beacham
“Hey boys, how ’bout y’all makin’ yer Ma some wind chimes?”
With those words she raises the vicious stick threateningly. Terrified, the exhausted boys crawl back to their workspaces in the tiny, sealed room and begin to build the wind charms with trembling fingers…
“Wait, wind chime sweat shops?” Chad grabbed Brad’s smoke and sniffed it suspiciously.
“Yeah, dude!” said Brad, grabbing his weed back and puffing furiously. “They’re rife! We have to make this film to raise public awareness!”
“There’s no such thing,” said Chad. “How about ‘Save the Whales’?”
“Why would we want to save Wales?” asked Brad.
“Dude,” said Chad sadly, puffing away furiously.
“‘Dream Catcher Sweats Shops – the Untold Story’?” tried Brad. Chad shook his head. Brad took another drag. Chad went to the “special” cupboard to fetch the bong.
“That’s it!” cried Brad. “Exposé – The Horrors of the Bong Sweat…”
“NO!” said Chad. “Dude, seriously. Let’s just watch a film instead.”
“Bill and Ted?” asked Brad hopefully.
“Party on dudes!” they chorused happily.
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I totally didn't win!
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