Literary Lion – Not So Merry
Here is a story I’ve written for Literary Lion, hosted by Laura at I Smith Words. Laura has interrogated Literary Lion and he has delivered the following word for the prompt – “merry”. Now we have up to 400 words to write our story.
My story is pretty mad even for me this week, so don’t be expecting a clever plot :-).
Picture courtesy of disney-clipart.com
Not So Merry
Merry wasn’t. Merry, that is. Not living up to his name. In fact he’d change his name to “Grumpy” if that weren’t already taken.
Few people are aware that the Seven Dwarfs line-up has changed over the years. Merry was an original. Doc, Grumpy, Happy, Merry, Bashful, Sneezy and Myxomatosis.
“Merry” was deemed too confusing (given “Happy”). “Myxomatosis” was a non-starter. They were quickly replaced.
All the other dwarfs had made good lives for themselves. New stories, repeats, remakes – they were living the high life. Merry had nothing. A dank bedsit, no job… was it any wonder he wasn’t merry?
Even his showbiz friends had made it big. Okay, so Bambi had a drinking problem and Snow White had spent six years working in a meth lab to fund her crack habit, but she’d cleaned up her act and it had only helped her career in the long run.
What did poor Merry have?
Nothing. Zip. Nada.
Poor, poor Merry.
It came as no surprise when one day he snapped, strapped his shovel to his back and smashed his way into the studio, swinging his pick axe left and right. Chaos ensued.
Puff trampled the Ice Queen in his panicked attempt to escape. Cruella tripped over a Dalmation and took a shovel blow to the head. Road Runner ran into a wall. Visiting super-villain Ming the Merciless, Lord of the Universe, Destroyer of Worlds had an embarrassing panic attack in the corner.
In the end it took the concerted efforts of Alice, Aslan and the entire cast of “The Wizard of Oz” to bring him down.
And so now Merry lives in a padded cell, pumped full of exciting pharmaceuticals. And thanks to those pharmaceuticals, Merry finally is. Merry.
Friday Fictioneers – Closed for Business
Here is my contribution to Friday Fictioneers for this week, ably hosted by Rochelle over at Addicted to Purple. The photo this week was contributed by Stephen Baum.
My problem this week was too many ideas, but none of them “worked”. So for a change I started writing and just added bits now and then until I finished :-).
To read this week’s other stories, click on the blue froggy.
Copyright Stephen Baum
Harold had always suffered from tunnel vision, so it came as a surprise to no-one when he failed to notice the oncoming 0945 Kings Cross to Edinburgh express.
Drifting towards the light, he reflected on his life. People conned. Shops lifted. Speed limits smashed.
Oh, and that chap in the Golden Dragon he stabbed to death with a chopstick.
He wasn’t surprised when he arrived and found it quite hot and somewhat “flamey”. He was surprised to see a sign reading “Closed For Business by Court Order” above the door.
Apparently, there’s nothing Hell could contrive that humans haven’t already done, so it was shut down. It’s a copyright thing.
MFTS – Hedge Attack!
Here is my contribution to Mondays Finish the Story, hosted by Barbara Beacham. This week it is using my opening line!
We get around 150 words to finish the story based on an opening sentence (in bold in my story) and a photo.
To read the other stories, click on the blue froggy.
Copyright BW Beacham
The barista shook his head. That hedge couldn’t have moved closer overnight. Could it?
The next day it was half-way to the door. The barista rubbed his eyes but said nothing, fearing that the madness that had inflicted his late grandfather was taking hold.
Two days later, they were in the shop! Now everybody noticed. The barista’s relief that his sanity was intact was short-lived, however, as the hedge slithered towards him.
“Wha… what do you want?” he screeched, trembling.
“How rude!” said one of the hedge-people.
“Whatever happened to ‘Good morning, may I take your order’?” muttered another.
“Cappuccinos all round!” said a third. The barista breathed a sigh of relief. “And one more thing…” (the barista’s heart thumped in his chest) “… a plate of blueberry muffins!” The barista smiled and filled their order. All that worry and panic over nothing.
At their table, the hedge-people were talking.
“Lovely coffee, that!”
“Lovely. Delicious muffins!”
“Delicious! Right, everyone finished? Good. Okay, let’s kill these hedge-trimming human bastards. Who’s got the Huge Ball of Destruction?”
Lydford Gorge
Last week I went on a trip to Lydford Gorge, in Devon. Yes, I summoned up my courage and crossed the border! I took over 160 photos so I’ve chosen a few and put most of them into a slideshow, otherwise this would be a huge post.
It has a “spectacular” waterfall. Niagara Falls, eat your heart out.
One more, then we’ll slideshow the rest.
Sharing My World 2015 Week 26
It’s time once again to Share My World, courtesy of Cee over at her photography blog.
In a car would you rather drive or be a passenger?
Generally I’d rather drive. Possibly it’s a control thing. Though I don’t like driving to new places, especially big/busy places. It is nice once in a while to be a passenger so I can take in the scenery, but if it’s a long journey I’d definitely want to drive. I quite enjoy driving which I guess is why I spend so much each month on a fun car to drive.
If you were handed free opera tickets, would you go or sell them? Why?
I guess I’d go just to see what it was like. I went to see “Carmen” as a child at an open air theatre in Cornwall, but I don’t remember much. To be honest opera singing generally sounds like screeching to me and winds me up, but this sort of thing is often better when experienced live.
Describe your own outlook on life in seven words or less. (NOTE: does not necessarily have to be a sentence.)
Battle through it. You’ll be dead soon.
Hmm. That came out darker than I expected. How about:
Live life and be happy. Party on!
Which would you prefer: a wild, turbulent life filled with joy, sorrow, passion, and adventure–intoxicating successes and stunning setbacks; or a contented bordering on happy, secure, predictable life surrounded by friends and family without such wide swings of fortune and mood?
Content, predictable, routine. No surprises, please!
5 Day Challenge – First Draft
This is the final post of the Five Day Challenge, which Gill over at In Touch with Emma nominated me for. The rules are:
“Post a photo each day for five consecutive days and attach a story to the photo. It can be fiction or non-fiction, a poem or a short paragraph (and each day nominate another blogger for the challenge – I’m not doing that bit).”
This is very exciting – an early draft of the “rose by any other name” speech from Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet has been discovered. As you can see, it’s very rough, and shows that even the great bard didn’t always get it right the first time.
No roses here (my front garden last week)
That which we call a rose
By any other name may not be a rose
As with ‘nother name
‘Tis reasonable to assume
May not be a rose at all
But some pretender flower
And may or may not smell as sweet
Depending ‘pon its genus. Forsooth.
A note in the margin shows the bard’s disgust at what he has just written:
Gadzooks! ‘Tis a paltry verse I hath writ. Needs work methinks, lest mine agent leteth me go, yea verily!
That’s it for the challenge! Normal service will now be resumed. And I don’t think you can libel someone who’s dead but just in case, this is all made up!
5 Day Challenge – Odd Jobs
Odd Jobs. No, not this guy.
Picture from 007james.com
This is Day Four of the Five Day Challenge, which Gill over at In Touch with Emma nominated me for. The rules are:
“Post a photo each day for five consecutive days and attach a story to the photo. It can be fiction or non-fiction, a poem or a short paragraph (and each day nominate another blogger for the challenge – I’m not doing that bit).”
I have two photos for you today.
Ever since I moved in, the grill in my cooker has been a bit iffy and finally it broke. Then a couple of weeks ago the oven broke as well, leaving only the hob functional. But you can’t cook a pizza on the hob :-(. So here is my new cooker. I’ve helpfully labelled the different sections.
(a) – Chilli heating section
(b) – Cheese grilling apparatus
(c) – Pizza cooking compartment
I also needed to fix one of the steps leading to my house. So armed with some quick-drying mortar and tools borrowed for here and there, I gave it a go. My first ever attempt at such a job! It’s not very neat, but my main aim was to make sure it was solid so I smeared the mortar everywhere.
Job done :-).
5 Day Challenge – Serenity
It’s Day Three of the five photos and stories in five days challenge, which Gill over at In Touch with Emma nominated me for. The rules are:
“Post a photo each day for five consecutive days and attach a story to the photo. It can be fiction or non-fiction, a poem or a short paragraph (and each day nominate another blogger for the challenge – I’m not doing that bit).”
A little Haiku (or Haiku-like poem) for today. This is another photo taken at Lydford Gorge.
From source to destination
Flow with serenity
Follow your calm
Kidz in Luv
Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Jean L. Hays.
I have attempted to recreate the language of the “youff of today”. Unfortunately I’m (ahem ahem) years too old, and when I was a kid, kids didn’t talk like this. Maybe they still don’t!
(I’ve made a reference in my story – it is said that when the apes leave the Rock of Gibraltar, so will the British, so it implies the end of something.)
To read this week’s other contributions, click on the blue froggy.
Copyright Jean L. Hays
“Yo, bitches, get gone, I need ta talk ta ma girl!”
All but one of the girls gave her a surly look and moved away.
“So, girl, wuzzup? What dis ‘bout yo man Jazz?”
“Me ‘n Jazz still good, yo. Why, what ya heard?”
“Seen, girl. Seen. I seen Jazz wiv his old squeeze, and dey look happy.”
“No way! Me ‘n Jazz is solid! Solid like da Rock o’ Gibraltar, ya dig me?”
“Da monkeys is leavin’ da Rock. You got ya head in da sand, girl.” She walked away, shaking her head. “Head in da sand.”
5 Day Challenge – DraliTips for Your Bathroom
Here I am with Day 2 of the Five Day challenge. Gill at In Touch With Emma nominated me, and the rules are:
“Post a photo each day for five consecutive days and attach a story to the photo. It can be fiction or non-fiction, a poem or a short paragraph (and each day nominate another blogger for the challenge – I’m not doing that bit).”
I’m also posting this in response to Marilyn’s challenge over at Serendipity, which is weekly and is also to post a story, or some words, accompanying a photo.
Today, DraliTips is proud to present some help on cleaning your bathroom. I have managed to take a fairly neutral picture of my bathroom, and it has just been cleaned after all!
- First, and most important, don’t leave it for months between cleans. It’s amazing how long it takes if you do that! Clean that sucker even when you don’t have your parents visiting.
- Once your shower curtain has achieved more than 50% mould cover, replace it. See my lovely new shower curtain? Nice.
- That hard-to-reach black mould above the shower? Leave it alone. You’ll only hurt yourself trying to reach it, and it’s perfectly harmless(a)!
- Before you start, be sure to don the appropriate protective gear. Gloves, goggles and an apron are a must. Some form of breathing apparatus is also recommended.
- Though it is tempting, do not use your toothbrush to clean the grouting between the tiles. It will make it taste funny! Use someone else’s instead.
- Above all, have fun! Remember, look after your bathroom and it will look after you.
(a) May not be perfectly harmless.
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Woohoo!
I totally didn't win!
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