FF – Wear a White Hat
Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Jennifer Pendergast back in April 2015.
This week I used lots of “tham thars” to add an authentic Wild West feel. I hope I didn’t overdo it 😉
If you want to read a more sensible tale, here’s the story I wrote back in the day.
Copyright Jennifer Pendergast
“Quick, Jed, through tham thar railroad cars an’ inta that thar desert!”
Blam!
“They’s gettin’ closer, Herb!”
“Shuddup an’ run, Jed! Darn, I’m right regretting tham thar grits I ‘ad fer breakfast, all this runnin’.”
“Quit bellyachin’, them varmints is a-comin’ closer!”
Blam!
“Why they shootin’ at us, Herb? We ain’t done nothin’ wrong!”
“I tol’ ya, ya shouldn’t’a bought that thar black hat. I bet in years ta come, bad folks’ll be wearing tham thar black hats in them new-fangled movin’ pictures. Yer ahead-a yer time!”
“Yer red shirt ain’t helpin’!”
Blam!
Splat ☹
Sharing My World 27-07-2020
Here is my post for Melanie’s Share Your World.
Are you a clean or messy person?
Yes. By which I mean, both. Stuff tends to get left lying around at home until it annoys me to the point where I tidy it up. At work, I’m very tidy and organised.
If I asked you to describe yourself in five words – what would they be?
Unobjectionable. Just the one word required! I win.
Do you enjoy being out in nature?
Yes. Rambling about, taking the occasional photo. We have a lot of country roads around the village. Here’s a mysterious little opening just off the road I’ve never seen before.
What could you spend all day talking about?
I can’t really talk for long about anything. Except to myself.
FF – Worth Another Look
Here is my sort-of story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. The photo was contributed by Jean L Hays – way back in 2013!
Yes, it’s summer rerun time. This photo’s from December, as I found out as I started my search in January 2013…
Copyright Jean L. Hays
“Hey, dude. We get a freebie this week.”
“What’s that then?”
“It’s summer rerun time. We can use our story from seven years ago.”
“Isn’t that, like, cheating?”
“Of course not! The very idea.”
“But that story was from ages ago. From ‘The Before Time’.”
“The what?”
“’Before.’ Before we wrote the good stuff.”
“The good stuff? High quality weed?”
“No. You know. Our trademark blend of humour, sensitivity and horrific dismemberments.”
“Oh, yeah. Let’s have a read, then. Hey! This could work! It’s mildly horrific.”
“It is! Let’s go for it.”
Read it here – Dry Clean Only.
Sharing My World 20-07-2020
Here is my post for Melanie’s Share Your World.
Where Do You Not Mind Waiting?
I don’t mind waiting in most places as long as whatever the scheduled appointment is starts more or less on time. You have 5 minutes people. Then I start getting tetchy.
What Is In Your Fridge Right Now?
Fizzy drinks. Chilled water. Various meats. A variety of sauces (mainly hot). Loads and loads of different cheeses.
If You Could Only Speak One Word Today, What Would It Be?
Pardon?
Dammit, what a waste.
Would You Rather Be Trapped In An Elevator Full Of Men With BO Or Three Soaked Dogs? (this is with the codicil that C-19 doesn’t exist)
I wouldn’t be as I wouldn’t be in a lift. I don’t do lifts. I use the stairs. But if I had to choose, definitely not the dogs, wet or no.
FF – Not To Be
Here is my contribution for Friday Fictioneers. Rochelle hosts, and also provided this week’s photo.
I’m a bit late this week. I finally got a little holiday now that furloughed staff are back in the office, and I forgot what day it was!
Copyright Rochelle Wisoff-Fields
“Ah, darling, the roar of the greasepaint, the smell of the crowd…”
“I’d say you had that backwards, lovie-darling, but have you seen the audience tonight?”
“Plebs to a man.”
“Why let such riff-raff in? We are Actors. The hoi polloi have no right to enjoy our supreme talent, lovie.”
“Agree, darling, agree.”
Um, guys, your mics are on…
“Oh, um, well, lovie, that’s enough rehearsal for next week’s play, ‘The Arrogance of Actors’, um, um, oh.”
Guys, you know it’s the ‘El Lobo’ cartel’s annual get-together tonight, right…?
…
“To be… or not to be, that is the…”
Rat-a-tat-a-tat-bang-bang-rat-a-tat!
Not to be, evidently.
Sharing My World 13-07-2020
Here is my contribution for Melanie’s Share Your World. There’s a new image this week!
What song always gets you out on the dance floor?
No song whatsoever, thank you so very much. And if one were to come close, it would be a traditional song with actual music in it rather than a thumpy-thumpy “dance” track.
What’s your favourite sleeping position?
There are two ways to go, but I prefer dangling upside down from a pole with arms crossed, in a dark cupboard just in case I sleep past dawn and burst into flames.
I find coffins a bit constricting.
If you could snap your fingers and instantly make the world better, what would you do?
I would make myself Absolute Super Supreme leader (wHole Of Life and Everything). Once I am supreme leader of the world, things would definitely get better.
For me.
Don’t worry, I would be a patient and kind supreme dictator.
What’s the scariest thing you’ve ever done, and why did you do it?
Go on a roller coaster. I’ve never done that. On account of it being too scary. What was the question again?
If I’ve ever done anything scary, my brain has blocked the memories to protect myself.
FF – You Can’t Get the Staff
Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Jean L. Hays.
Copyright Jean L Hays
“Ooh, a surprise by the gate, I wonder what it could be?”
Nancy excitedly opened the box. She peeled back the lid and froze. Eyes wide, she dropped it, screaming. Her husband’s head rolled out, dead eyes staring at her as she sank to her knees.
Her fists clenched, resolve fixing her features. Trey Walker. She would track him down. She would track him down, by God, and she would… have very stern words with him.
She’d told him specifically to leave the head round the back.
Out of sight.
You just can’t get the staff these days.
Sharing My World 06-07-2020
Here is my post for Melanie’s Share Your World.
In your opinion, what’s the closest thing to real magic?
Ever since I watched the excellent multi-part documentary “Star Wars” I’ve been intrigued by the “Force”. There’s some incredible things you can do with it. However, I have tried and failed to move so much as a paper clip. I guess my midi-chlorian count isn’t high enough 😦
Where is the worst smelling place you’ve been?
I don’t really know. When they put manure on the fields, that’s pretty smelly though. It gets right into the office. That’s the thing about living in a rural area.
What are some things that you’ve heard in your own life, which sounded like compliments but were actually insults?
I can’t really recall much in the way of passive-aggressive stuff in real life. Unless it’s coming from me. The best stuff is heard around the dinner table in Downton Abbey. They really knew how to politely insult people back then!
What incredibly common thing have you never done?
I’m sure some things are thought of as “incredibly common” to some people that aren’t to others. I’ve never been to a gym? That seems a bit common. I’ve never been to America or Spain – lots of people I know have.
I’ve never risked reversing up to the edge of a drop like this van in the village. Okay, there’s a bit of a lip but even so, I’m sure I’d find a way to topple over.
FF – Problem Solved
Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by A. Noni Mouse. Hey, that’s how I spell it too!
Copyright A. Noni Mouse
That’s the dishes done. Maybe I should put everything away. You’re ever a stickler for cleanliness, aren’t you dear? Oh, how you shout when I do something wrong. And your fists… oh, your fists…
No, I’m going to leave them be. Let them drip dry. I don’t suppose you’ll mind, will you dear? Not after that lovely treat I added to your supper last night.
Speaking of which, I do believe you’re starting to smell. I think I’ll pop you in the garden. Under the new patio, with a nice view of the compost heap.
You always loved the garden, didn’t you dear?
Sharing My World 29-06-2020
Here is my post for Melanie’s Share Your World.
Must we have evidence to know the truth?
As a scientist by training, I feel obliged to answer “yes”.
How much control does a person have over their life?
Maybe 50%? You start off in some circumstance which may not be in your control, for example where you were born, you might lose your job etc, then it’s up to you to take it from there. Hey, life’s all about damage control!
What is gravity and how does it work?
I’m glad you asked! As a physicist, I can answer this.
There was this chappie called Isaac Newton and one day an apple fell on his head. That made him think – how useful! Up until now everything everywhere tended to float away. Everyone had to always tie stuff down or it would disappear off into space. So he got a big bag and he captured a bunch of gravity and sold it to all his mates and made a fortune.
It’s basically a bit like Velcro.
Can a person be happy if they have never experienced sadness? How about vice versa?
I reckon so. They just might not recognise it.
Gratitude
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