draliman on life

Here is my post for Melanie’s Share Your World.

Do you snore? How do you know it, if you do?
I don’t know. I had a girlfriend once who said I did. But I don’t have any proof.

What do you find funny?
The usual stuff. Just thinking of some of the films I’ve seen… fictional people getting gorily killed in a funny way. Fictional people’s heads exploding in a funny way. Zombie hordes getting shredded by helicopter blades. All in good fun 🙂

What was the last furry thing you touched?
The removable inner lining of my North Face coat yesterday. I went to the village market in the storm, safe in the knowledge that it would keep me dry. So I ended up warm and dry from the waist up and soaked through from the waist down. Didn’t really think that through.

How do you handcuff a one-armed man?
I suppose you could cuff his arm to his leg. Though that might be considered “cruel and unusual”.

Here is my post for Melanie’s Share Your World.

When was the last time you tried something new?
Though it’s a bit of a reach as it’s not entirely new. I tried slow cooking for the first time in October. Generally I prefer to avoid new things.

If you were forced to eliminate every physical possession from your life with the exception of what could fit into a single backpack, what would you put in it?
Oh boy. Is this going to be long term? First of all I’d make sure the backpack was super huge. Then I’d make sure it had stuff like phone, money, laptop and Kindle in it. Actually, it doesn’t need to be that big, does it? Once those things are in you don’t really need much else nowadays.

What simple fact do you wish more people understood?
I wish people understood that their lives are not their own. They’re being lived for the greater glory of the Grand Regis of Nexis Four, capital planet of the Glorg Imperium. The Glorgians took over hundreds of years ago, but every time I try to tell people I get locked up “for my own safety”.

Wise up, people. (All praise Emperor Gliffn, the Wise and Mighty.)

What food item do you go through fastest in your house?
Cheese goes pretty fast. So does Tabasco sauce. And chocolate, when I have any in. I tend not to buy any as I immediately scoff it down. It’s like it has some sort of power over me. Much like the Glorgians (All praise Emperor Gliffn, the Wise and Mighty).

Here is my post for Melanie’s Share Your World.

What age would you like to live to?
749. Yes, I know what you’re thinking. 749? Are you mad? Why not 750? That’s a nice round number. But that would be pushing the realms of possibility, don’t you think? Let’s not go nuts.

What mystery do you wish you knew the answer to?
The greatest mystery of all time. A mystery which has plagued people the world over ever since they started doing laundry.

Where do all the socks go?

Does absolute power corrupt absolutely?
It must be hard not to go a bit nuts when in possession of absolute power. Start with good intentions and before you know it you’re ruling with an iron fist. No transgressions will be tolerated!

That said, I think the majority of rulers/governments who are the hardest on their citizens/minions are those who are the most scared and insecure. Or they’re just fundamentally assholes.

What outdoor activity haven’t you tried, but would like to?
I’ve always fancied skiing. And after I’ve broken both my legs I could always work from home!

Here is my post for Melanie’s Share Your World.

Where do you get your news?
While I’m making my packed lunch for work I get Alexa to play the BBC headlines. Then at lunchtime while I’m eating my lunch at work I read the BBC news website. Sometimes for a laugh I read one of the commercial news websites as well.

What ‘old person’ thing do you do?
I’m already getting on a bit so the stuff I do isn’t “old person” stuff, it’s “normal stuff” 🙂

When was the coldest you’ve ever been? The warmest?
I really can’t remember. Possibly back when I lived in Germany. Being mid-continent and away from the sea the temperature varied between -15 and 30-odd, which you don’t get in Cornwall. We get more like -2 to mid-twenties. Currently being mid-winter it’s hovering between around 4 and 9 degrees, so not too cold.

Do you eat food that’s past its expiry date if it still smells and looks fine?
Yes, of course. One of the biggest reasons for wasted food is people chucking food away the moment it hits its expiry date. Hard cheese? Doesn’t go off. Eggs? Float test (and a sniff when you crack them). One of the biggest is “eat within 3 days of opening”. What a massive lie. I’ve eaten perfectly good stuff 2 weeks after opening.

Then there’s people who mix up “best before”, “sell by” and “use by”. “Sell buy” is an instruction for the shop, and food is fine after “best before”, it’s just not necessarily at its best.

Juts know what to watch out for. Any mould anywhere on bread? Throw the loaf away, the spores will be everywhere. Soft cheese – mould permeates inside, so you can’t just cut if off. Stuff like that. You can tell by sniffing something and a tiny taste if something’s gone off, usually.

Use your common sense, people! And obviously, if you’re feeding small children, be a lot more careful – best not to take chances with the little ones!

Here is my post for Melanie’s Share Your World.

What’s something your brain tries to make you do, which you have to will yourself NOT to do? (could be a bad habit, a physical response to something…your interpretation is as good as mine!)
Much as I hate going the same way as many others, eating! Specifically chocolate. I still have a big bar of chocolate from Christmas I’m a bit scared to open, as technically it should be eaten over an entire week but I might not be able to stop myself eating it all in one go. It my absolute favourite, too.

Here’s the chocolate bar in question.

I love how it says “More to Share”. Like, get your own chocolate bar. This is my chocolate bar. You can’t have any.

When someone finds out what you do, or where you are from, what question do they always ask you?
They don’t. Their eyes just glaze over as all interest fades. IT does that to people. Either that or they describe some problem they have with their computer and ask me to fix it. Yeah, sure mate. £20 per hour.

What’s something terrifying that we’ve all come to accept as a fact of life?
This is not exactly terrifying, but…

I was walking into town yesterday around 0845 and I walked down a street with a lot of jewellers. Their windows were full of people putting out the displays – rings, necklaces and the like. And it was all totally normal.

Then I thought, why? The only reason they have to remove the displays overnight is because of the risk of theft. We buy insurance which covers theft. We lock our houses, cars, bikes. We buy security cameras and alarms. We password protect everything. It costs us a fortune. All because of the risk some bastard who’s too lazy to get a job is going to help themselves to our stuff. And we accept it as normal.

Should governments make laws to protect people from harming themselves? Could that even work?
In general, no. Not once they’re adults. And it doesn’t always work. If someone really wants to do something they’ll find a way. One big exception that really did work was making it law to wear a seat belt in a car. Saved a lot of lives, that did. Also spared a lot of emergency workers the trauma of having to scrape splattered body parts up off the pavement.

Tiny poll: I’m curious what type of questions YOU, the reader, would like to see more of? Less of? Has SYW gotten too philosophical and less fun in nature?
I’m happy with the questions 🙂