FF – Ramblings from the Pub Part 3 – No Big Thing
Here is my contribution to Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by J Hardy Carroll.
Copyright J Hardy Carroll
“I say, what spiffing advertising! Look, darling! A car atop a plinth!”
“My, yes! Let’s go inside. I say, you, scruffy unkempt local person, where’s the door?”
“Up thar. In th’ car.”
“What ho, that’s pretty rum! Let’s fetch a ladder! What fun! Thanks, aged country bumpkin!”
“Jed, wha’re them city folks a-doin wi’ that thar ladder?”
“I tol’ ‘em the diner were up thar.”
“In th’ car?”
“Arr.”
“Dumb townies. Look, it’s-a startin’ ta fall unner the weight.”
Crump!
“Two less city folks, ah reckon.”
“Arr. No bad thing.”
“No bad thing.”
“Pint?
“Arr.”
Sharing My World 09-03-2020
Here is my post for Melanie’s Share Your World.
Are you a sweet, sour, tangy or other type of person? Take that as you will!
That depends on my mood. I like to think that I’m generally sweet 🙂
Does the whole coronavirus phenomenon worry you? Or are you more a “meh – it’s just another severe flu scare” type of person?
Initially I thought it was going to be another swine flu/bird flu virtual non-event. Evidently it’s a bit more than that so it’s hard not to be a little worried. For me, it’s business as usual, with a few sensible precautions. I’m more worried about my parents who are in their 80s, so I’m watching myself for signs of infection so I know not to go round there if I might be infected.
When was the last time you were snooping, and found something you wish you hadn’t?
I don’t really snoop. I bet nobody who ever snooped ever discovered anything positive.
What’s the most pleasant sounding accent in your personal opinion? Everyone has a pleasing accent to someone!
I quite like soft Irish, Scottish, Welsh and Australian accents. Also soft North of England 🙂
FF – Cure
Here is my contribution for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by CE Ayr.
I’m a bit late this week. A combination of too much work and lack of ideas. So I ended up with this one in the end. Don’t you just hate it when you have ideas for lots of stories, but can’t think of any actual endings…?
Copyright CE Ayr
He listened to the trickle of the fountain. The only sound.
Alone. All alone. Maybe the last human?
Virus had spread panic. They they came. Visitors.
From another world.
Promised a cure. Governments agreed.
They delivered the cure. People got better.
They had saved us! Cured the virus.
Their virus.
Then people stopped giving birth. Slowly. Surely. The population dwindled.
Hell of an invasion plan. Virus, to “cure”, to sterility, to… a nice empty planet, ripe for colonisation.
His breathing slowed, stopped. The last human?
If a fountain trickles and there’s no-one to hear it, does it make a sound?
Sharing My World 02-03-2020
Here is my post for Melanie’s Share Your World.
Can you bake a cake?
Pretty much anyone can bake a simple cake if they have a decent enough oven and a bowl. The one I make basically involves bunging equal amounts of everything in all at once and mixing them together. Very simple! Here’s a photo of one I baked last year.
What’s one thing that can instantly make your day better?
An unexpected and massive injection of cash suddenly turning up in my bank account. That’s never happened though, so I’ll have to settle for the laugh of a small child, the blooming of the flowers, the trilling of the birdies and so on and so forth.
When you were a kid, did you eat the crusts on your sandwich or not?
I can’t remember back that far 😦 I expect I would have been told to eat them whether I wanted to or not.
What’s something your family would be surprised to learn about you?
That I’m actually a highly sophisticated android, though I prefer the term “synthetic person”. My positronic brain is currently operating at 0.01% capacity – any higher and I might accidentally solve the mysteries of the universe thus giving myself away.
None of that is true. Just in case you were wondering.
FF – Salt of the Earth
Here is my contribution to Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This weeks’ photo was contributed by Roger Bultot.
Copyright Roger Bultot
“Tamatahs, 50p the pahhhhhnd…”
“Um excuse me, sir, you don’t have any, um, tomatoes…”
“It’s wot I say, guv’nor. How abaht some nice apples?”
“Oh, yes, please!”
“Why not make it da full staircase?”
“…?”
“Apples ‘n pears. Stairs.”
“Oh, yes, of course! You salt of the Earth chaps with your Cockney rhyming slang!”
“Salt of da WHAT?”
SMACK!
“Umph…”
Hey, Harry, that means grass roots working geezer!
“Ah, shit. Sorry. Here’s some apples on da haaas, I’ll stick ‘em in dis bag wiv yer teef.”
“Umph…”
“’Av a good suck on dem ‘til yer mouf is fixed…”
“Umph…”
“Tamatahs, 50p the pahhhhhnd…”
Sharing My World 24-02-2020
Here is my post for Melanie’s Share Your World.
Oh boy and lawks a-lordy. When I read a couple of other SYW posts earlier this week and saw the questions I knew I’d have to be on my game vis-a-vis avoidance tactics this week. There’s no way I’m answering a couple of these – far too personal for this bloggie 🙂
What do you think of best friends of the opposite sex? Or to put it another way “Can men and women ever be platonic friends? Doesn’t sex always get in the way?”
I’ve had several platonic female friends. How could they ever resist me, you ask? It’s a strange old world, and no mistake.
What is the greatest struggle you’ve overcome?
It was back in and I was in the and the said and it was pretty . Lucky to have that one, as you can imagine.
I hope the redaction didn’t spoil your understanding of my struggle 🙂
What is the darkest thought you’ve ever had? What about the darkest thing you’ve done that you’ve never told anybody about?
There was that terrifying time I was thinking about a coal mine. That was pretty dark.
What is your least favourite food?
I’m not a big fan of seafood. Shrimp, prawns and so on. I’m okay with fish, though. As long as it’s not one of those posh restaurants where they’ve left the head on 😦
FF – Dead but not Forgotten
Here is my contribution to Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Dale Rogerson.
“I say, Carruthers, this is jolly good!”
“It is, Pinkerton! Who would have guessed that reanimated bodies could put on such a show? It’s a theatrical revolution, by Jove!”
“They found the reanimation artefact in an Egyptian tomb?”
“Indeed so, Pinkerton. Undead actors are just the start… look, the final dance number!”
“Oh, I say, that actor’s leg just fell off. Been dead too long?”
“What ho, you’re right! I SAY, POOR SHOW DOWN THERE, JOLLY POOR SHOW!”
Unseen eyes watched Carruthers from backstage. His heckling had crossed a line. And it did look like they’d need a new actor…
Sharing My World 17-02-2020
Here is my post for Melanie’s Share Your World.
How can someone win a gold star (i.e. win your approval and/or admiration) with you?
They could give me loads of money. Money is good. I like money. I’m shallow like that. And it wouldn’t be a gold star from me, that sounds expensive. I would cut a star out of an old newspaper. Which someone else bought. Newspapers are expensive.
If you didn’t have to sleep, what would you do with the extra time?
I would spend the time trying to get people to give me money. Money is good. I like money. I would also be cutting stars out of old newspaper to give to the people who give me money.
Do you have a favourite type of exercise?
I don’t have any type of exercise. Another SYW participant had a great idea – a private pool would be great. I don’t feel confident enough to go to a public pool but I’d love to do a few laps in my own pool in the morning.
Do you sleep with a top sheet? Why or why not?
No. I’m sure it would keep slipping off the duvet. And my duvet is a high enough tog rating that it wouldn’t make any difference anyway.
The Seventh Annual Content of Whatever
Yes, folks, it’s that time of year again. Time for Evil Squirrel’s Annual Contest of Whatever!
This year the talented folks at DraliDoodlesTM have got a little pen to draw on their Surface Pro, and unfortunately they’re not afraid to use it. So they’ve used it exclusively.
No complicated rules like “it has to include two possums, a priest, a dinosaur and the Titanic” this year. The theme is simply “Murphy’s Law” (anything that can go wrong, will go wrong).
FF – Ramblings from the Pub Part 2
Here is my contribution to Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Dawn Miller.
“Yeah, he had total tunnel vision.”
“Wow.”
“He couldn’t see anything unless it was right in front of his face.”
“Sounds nasty.”
“Yeah. The latest fad. Gym every night. Then no more gym. Night clubs every night. Then no more night clubs.”
“So what happened to him?”
“Hit by a bus. Never saw It coming. Very sad.”
“Very sad… sorry, I didn’t think you meant literal, medical tunnel vision.”
“What? No! Got obsessed with an online dating app. Head buried in his phone, didn’t like the look of someone, swiped left, BAM!”
“Karma.”
“Karma. Pint?”
“Yep.”
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Woohoo!
I totally didn't win!
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