FF – Miracle Face
Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Kelvin M. Knight.
A sombre and thoughtful piece this week. Only joking! It’s craziness 🙂
I have included a short glossary so you can understand what Mr Nutman is saying.
- Oi = I
- sarnie = sandwich
- Mouf = mouth
- peepholes = eyes
- monkey = £500
- fought = thought
Copyright Kelvin M. Knight
“Miracle” face appears in slice of bread!
Chiswick resident Bingo Nutman, 67, discovered the staggering phenomenon after opening his lunchbox. Nutman explains:
“Oi came ‘cross this ‘ere mir’cle face in me sarnie. Mouf, peepholes, ev’ryfink. There’ll be a monkey in this fer me if oi sells it to the tabloids, oi fought.”
Unfortunately for Nutman, it later transpired that his wife Imelda, 71, had been cutting heart shapes in his lunchtime treats because she “thought it would be romantic”.
Nutman, denied his payout, is understood to be seeking divorce, citing “irreconcilable differences” and “theft of bread with intent to starve”.
Pegman – Under New Management
Here is my story for What Pegman Saw. This week we’re in San Juan, Puerto Rico.
It took ages to find a reasonably old-fashioned-looking building. It’s all so new-looking! Also, sorry to be fixated on American oversees territories, but I needed to find a reasonable timeline with a starting point in Puerto Rico. I wanted to get in a dig at the British and their pie and mash and warm beer, but it was not to be 😦
I did a lot of Wiki research 🙂 and the timeline appears to be – Puerto Rico became American in 1898 (ex-Spanish), the Danish West Indies became American (American Virgin Islands) in 1917 and Guam became officially American in 1950. Apart from that, please ignore historical inaccurcies 🙂
Copyright Google
“Hey, Juan, yesterday we were Spanish, today we’re American! This world, eh? I’ll celebrate with a sangria!”
“Any excuse, Alejandro, you varmint.”
“Why are you suddenly talking like that? Urk, yeuch! What is this muck?”
“It’s called ‘Bud Light’. It’s what we serve here now.”
“Since when?”
“Since now.”
“Humph. Give me food to wash away the taste.”
“Today’s special. Enjoy. Ya varmint.”
“What? What is this? Where’s my paella? Stop saying ‘varmint’.”
“It’s called ‘hamburger’. It’s actually cow.”
“Amigo, this nationality conversion is playing havoc here at the taberna.”
“Bar, this is a bar now.”
“I can’t keep up. I’m moving to the Danish West Indies.”
19 years later…
“Hey, Viggo, yesterday we were Danish, today we’re American! This world, eh? I’ll celebrate with a mead…”
After finally getting fed up with hamburgers and Bud Light, Alejandro moves to Guam in 1949…
Sharing My World 2017 Week 37
Here is my post for Cee’s Share Your World.
What colour do you feel most comfortable wearing?
Dark blue. And black. So I can sneak around without being noticed. Like a ninja. But without the sword-waving.
What is your favourite type of dog? (can be anything from a specific breed, a stuffed animal or character in a movie)
The Lads.
List at least five favourite flowers or plants.
Five? I’m not sure I know the names of five. I like heather and lavender. These blue ones in my back garden are nice. I expect they’re bluebells because they’re blue and they look like bells. But they might not be.
These are nice too. There’s at least two different types of flowers here, so that makes five!
Some of these might be my favourite flowers (taken at Bodnant Gardens, North Wales)
What inspired you this past week? Feel free to use a quote, a photo, a story, or even a combination.
Oh boy, this again. Am I the only person who just goes through life, day to day, without getting particularly inspired? I blame fifty hours at work and then being very tired after all that.
FF – The Greatest Loss
Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo comes courtesy of Danny Bowman.
To read this week’s other stories, click on the blue froggy.
Copyright Danny Bowman
Agony. Terror.
These are not words which immediately spring to mind when exposed to such an idyllic scene. Endless, rolling hills, sky tinged red with the sunset, the gentle chirruping of insects…
Mind-chilling horror. Guts aflame, like a burning knife thrust deep in your innards. Brain melting as all you knew is ripped away…
These are not phrases one would associate with such a tranquil setting. Yet for one young man, not yet fourteen, it is something he must now face.
“Dad, something’s wrong! My Facebook’s not loading.”
“There’s no phone coverage out here, son.”
“BY ALL THAT’S HOLY, NOOOooooooo!”
Pegman – A New Age
Here is my post for What Pegman Saw, which this week takes us to The Poisson-Blanc area of Quebec.
I’m trying out a different writing style here. Partly because I’m really busy and this style of part-sentences took less than 10 minutes to type. Compose the general idea in your head and then just let the words tumble out, I say 🙂
Copyright Google
Thousands of miles across country, crammed into two small vans. Everywhere, signs of the Infection. Dead animals, dying plants. Rabid people. Food from tins only, all water boiled twice.
Not a nice way to live. Hardly living at all.
Onwards, always onwards, mile after mile, days into weeks into months.
At last, Canada. Rumours of safety. A sanctuary, hidden in the forests of Quebec. People there, real, live, uninfected people.
The Infection could only reach so far, couldn’t it? It had to stop eventually, didn’t it?
Arrival. At last, safety. Excited, over-excited, disembarking, shouting in joy! People coming to meet us!
Too excited… we fail to notice the shuffling gait, the too-pale skin. The smell. We fail to notice all these things and so we succumb. The Infection has us.
The last of the human race. Somebody had to be.
Goodbye Homo Sapiens. Welcome to the Age of Homo Infectus.
Sharing My World 2017 Week 36
Here is my post for Cee’s Share Your World.
What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?
Hmm. Maybe an early morning trip around a nice location, such as Godrevy, followed by lunch, an afternoon nap and then some more relaxing 🙂
Complete this sentence: My favourite place in the whole world…
Home, I guess. It’s nice to get out and about but also very nice to come home again.
Who was your best friend in elementary (junior) school (prior to age 12)?
He was called Michael. We met at around age 5 or 6 and were best friends until around early teens. I’m not sure what he’s up to now, we lost touch.
What inspired you this past week? Feel free to use a quote, a photo, a story, or even a combination.
Oh no, this question again 😦 It was very sunny the other day and I was inspired to close the curtains so I could see the TV properly. Ahem.
FF – How to Fix Your House
Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s picture was sent in by Roger Bulltot.
I hope my story works okay, I had to cut a lot out 😦
To read this week’s other stories, click on the blue froggy.
Copyright Roger Bulltot
“What is this, oh Ghost of Future?”
“This is your manor two hundred years from now. Broken, dilapidated, your family living in poverty.”
“What must I do, oh Ghost?”
“Stop being a doormat! Take control!”
“I will, I will! I shall start whipping the servants immediately!”
“Good.”
With that, the “ghost” vanished, appearing two hundred years later inside a very well appointed mansion. He stepped out of the time bubble and looked around.
“Well, that worked.”
A drop of water dribbled through the ceiling. He checked his bank balance and frowned.
“Hmm, now to do something about great-grandfather’s investment portfolio…”
Pegman – Spies Like Him
Here is my story for What Pegman Saw. It’s tricky this week, as we’re off to North Korea, and there’s quite a lack of pictures. Practically no photos and, of course, no Street View. All we ever seem to get from there are official photos of Kim Jong-un grinning as his tanks rumble past, or another missile test takes place (which may or may not suddenly drop out of the sky).
Copyright Google
Unbelievable. Branded a spy! He’d barely escaped, racing across the (thankfully) almost-empty square and into a storm drain. So he’d accidentally caught some missiles and blueprints in the background of a couple of (hundred) snaps. They shouldn’t leave their rockets just lying around in their top secret high security labs where just anyone might stumble over them.
Okay, maybe they had a point.
He’d tried to use Street View to navigate his way out but apparently Google’s Street Cars were as persona non grata as he was.
So here he was, hiding with a parachute in the nose-cone of a missile. It had launched for testing a couple of minutes ago. He just had to time his bail-out correctly to make the submarine rendezvous. As long as the Korean scientists had got it right this time and the missile didn’t explode in mid-…
BANG!
Bugger. It was gonna be a long swim.
Sharing My World 2017 Week 35
Here is my post for Cee’s Share Your World. Cee is on holiday, so this week’s guest host is Emilio! Thanks for stepping into the breech 🙂
Have you ever been pulled over by a cop?
No. Yes. Sort of. It was one of those checkpoint-type things while I was living in Ireland. I don’t know what they were looking for, if anything in specific, but I just rolled down the window, gave him my best grin, said “hi!” and he waved me on.
What have you always wanted? Did you get it?
What I’ve always wanted has changed over the years. Various toys when I was a kid – I got some of them. I always wanted to be a top spy when I was little. That didn’t happen. It’s probably for the best. There’s nothing I particularly want right now. Except maybe a supermodel for a girlfriend. That’s probably not going to happen either. That’s probably for the best too.
What is your perfect pizza?
Every pizza is my perfect pizza! How can any pizza not be perfect? It’s pizza! Here’s one I made earlier…
Yum
What inspired you this past week? Feel free to use a quote, a photo, a story, or even a combination.
Nothing, as usual. The week came, the week went.
FF – Unhappy Camping
Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. The photo was contributed by Jan Wayne Fields.
I had real trouble with this one 😦 . Here is what I ended up with.
For this week’s other stories, click on the blue froggy.
Copyright Jan Wayne Fields
Jeremy scowled into his beer. Three days they’d been here and he hadn’t shot anything. Fairground fun for the kids, hunting for Dad. Huh.
Hearing a crashing in the bushes he grabbed his hunting rifle. The foliage parted to reveal a bear! Taking aim, he fired. The bullet ripped through the bear’s head.
Stuffing flew everywhere.
“Muuuummmy! Daddy shot Teddddyyyyy!”
“For God’s sake, Jeremy, how could you be so stupid? And reckless? She only just won that!”
“Thought it was coming at me,” mumbled Jeremy.
“It’s wearing a bow tie!”
“I’m still gonna strap it to the front of the car.”
“Whaaaaaaa!”
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