draliman on life

Laura Gabrielle Feasey over at I Smith Words has started a new flash fiction thingummy called “Literary Lion”, because Literary Lion looks after the prompts, you see. This one is for up to 400 words (wow, yeah, I know right, 400 whole words!) and this week the prompt is “Space”.

I’ve gone completely literal – the first thing I think of when I hear “Space” is Captain Kirk’s famous words at the beginning of Star Trek: “Space: the final frontier. These are the voyages of the starship Enterprise. Its five-year mission: to explore strange new worlds, to seek out new life and new civilisations, to boldly go where no man has gone before.”

I know this is my third fiction this week, but although fairly long this one is all dialogue and so quite easy to wade through :-).

I got to thinking – I bet it wasn’t that polished when he spoke those words the first time. So let’s take a look, shall we, and see how it went?

Taken from Wikipedia, Copyright probably Desilu/Paramount

“Space, the final frontier,” began Kirk. The bridge crew looked around expectantly. “These are the voyages of the star ship Enterprise,” he continued. “Its five year mission, to…”

“Five years? FIVE YEARS?” cut in a Russian voice. “I told my mum I’d be back for Sunday lunch!”

“Mr Checkov,” admonished Kirk. “Do you mind? I’m trying to give an inspirational speech here.”

“Sorry, Keptin.”

“To continue,” said Kirk, “…explore strange new worlds, to seek out new life and new civilisations…”

“And shoot them!” laughed the security guard by the turbolift.

Kirk looked at him. “You’ll be dead soon enough, red-shirt cannon fodder uncredited person, so I’ll let you have your fun this time.” The security guard turned a funny shade of green, which clashed rather abominably with his red jumper.

“As I was saying,” continued Kirk, “…to boldly go where…”

“You’re splitting your infinitive, Captain.”

“What’s that, Mr Spock? Splitting my infinitive, you say? I’ll damn well split my infinitive if I like, you pedantic fool. Are you the captain? No, I’m the captain. Besides, it will probably be the most famous split infinitive in the English language by the time I’m finished. If I may?”

“Of course, Captain,” said Spock, unfazed.

“…to boldly go…” Kirk paused, glaring around the bridge as if daring someone to object, “… where no man has gone bef…”

“’Person’, Captain. Or ‘one’. ‘Man’ is a bit sexist, don’t you think?”

“Oh, good God! Janice, shortly I will be involved in America’s first interracial TV kiss with the lovely Uhura.” He winked at the Lieutenant, who ducked her head and pretended she hadn’t heard. “One thing at a time. Baby steps, Yeoman, baby steps. Now, …no man has gone before!”

He looked triumphantly around the bridge, one arm held dramatically above his head. Everyone clapped.

“Now, Mr Sulu, ahead, warp factor… what’s a sensible warp factor do you think?”

“Um, two, Captain?” hedged Sulu.

“Very good, Mr Sulu. Fast enough that we mean business, not so fast that it looks like we’re rushing about like headless Ferengi. Warp factor two it is!”

And so the Enterprise went boldly towards the distant stars, the Captain’s speech but a distant, somewhat embarrassing memory.