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Tolerance Wood – a COW story
Another year, another February and it’s time for the Contest of Whatever hosted by Evil Squirrel over at the Nest.
Ah, February. Not the best month, with audits and long work days. Nevertheless, I have popped something together! It’s not the best but I’m sure you will applaud my mastery of Photoshop.
This year we had to incorporate elements from three different pictures chosen by ES. Here is my entry, “Tolerance Wood”. In the true spirit of the Nest, it’s not family friendly 🙂
It was a quiet and peaceful day in Tolerance Wood, when suddenly…
“Dada, Dada!”
“What is it, dog I found wandering lost I’ve asked not to call me ‘dad’ but won’t listen?”
“I saw the most awful thing in the woods. A man and a… a pig in a bath tub. Knowing each other. In a carnal fashion.”
“Are you sure, dog?”
“Yes, Dada, yes! Well, if the expression on the man’s face was any judge. It is etched into my memory.”
“Well, dog. We live lives of understanding and acceptance here in Tolerance Wood and I’m sure that all is well. Let’s go and see if the brothers Nintendo know what is happening.”
And so, teddy bear and dog went to visit the brothers Nintendo. They soon found them bouncing up and down on mushrooms catching coins and power-ups and whatever else they do. I’ve not played the game myself.
“Brothers Nintendo! Dog has seen a most wondrous thing in the woods! A liaison twixt man and beast, and our tolerance and acceptance demands that we greet those involved and welcome them to our forest.”
And so off they all went, and soon found the pair together in their little house.
“Hello and welcome to Tolerance Wood! I am Teddy, this is dog and these are the brothers Nintendo. And a strange green thing.”
“Thank you! We are new here, and much in love, but have been hounded from place to place on account of our unconventional love. We thought that a wood called ‘Tolerance’ would be just perfect.”
“Here in Tolerance Wood, all are welcome. We are accepting of all, and love between man and pig is no exception… wait, what am I saying? This is an affront to nature! String them up!”
“String them up! Lynch mob! Lynch mob!”
And so, with the bodies of man and beast swinging merrily in the trees, everyone went home and had a nice cup of tea. Because evidently ‘Tolerance’ will only go so far.
Sharing My World 2018 Week 8
Here is my post for Cee’s Share Your World.
How do you like your eggs?
Any old way! Not raw, though. I often fry them when I have sausages and bacon. I make omelettes sometimes. And if the eggs are on the verge of their use by date, I pop them in water and if they still sink I hard boil them. I don’t know of that extends their “run time” but it couldn’t hurt 🙂
Have you ever met anyone famous?
Not really. At one of my graduations, I think the PhD one, I kind of met (and possibly shook hands with) HRH The Duke of Kent, as he is my old university’s Chancellor.
What was the first thing you bought with your own money?
It was a cassette tape of the album “Super Trouper” by Abba. I still listen to the album but it’s a digital version now.
What inspired you or what did you appreciate this past week? Feel free to use a quote, a photo, a story, or even a combination.
I appreciated that we’re getting there at work during our ultra-busy time.
FF – Unethical Productions Ltd
Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Marie Gail Stratford.
Copyright Marie Gail Stratford
“The last flower on Earth. Already dying. That’s why we at Save The Beautiful But Endangered Bees rely on your donations… no! The planet relies on your donations to save our pollinators…”
“Cut!”
“What’s wrong?”
“There are living flowers in the shot. We need to…”
Bzz! Bzz!
“Eek! A bee! A bee!”
“I thought your charity loved…”
“Kill it before it stings me!” (Flail! Thwap! Stomp! Stalks away angrily.)
“Wow. Not a great advert for his charity. Tell me you got that on film.”
“Yup.”
“Great. It’ll be perfect for our other charity client, Kill The Nasty Noisy Vicious Bees.”
Sharing My World 2018 Week 7
Here is my post for Cee’s Share Your World.
Are you a practical jokester?
No. I like jokes, but not practical jokes. I haven’t seen much sign of them since leaving school, though. Practical jokes often seem to be about humiliating or scaring people.
Who cuts your hair? You, a friend, or professional.
A professional. She’s a “gentleman’s barber” and I’ve been going to her for years. I’m not sure how you can cut your own hair. Presumably you’d need a series of mirrors or maybe a video camera set up so you can see round the back?
Did you have a stuffed animal when you were a kid, if so what kind?
I had two or three but the only one I can remember was a little yellow elephant. I believe it was called Jumbo and I had a dressing gown cord around its neck so I could drag it around behind me.
What inspired you or what did you appreciate this past week? Feel free to use a quote, a photo, a story, or even a combination.
Gaah. It’s an insanely busy month. I appreciate just getting through the week.
FF – Sudden Reversal
[QUICK INFO!] – none of my comments are showing up on others’ blogs and my spam folder was full of others’ comments this morning. Check your spam folders 🙂
Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Dale.
Copyright Dale Rogerson
The snow lay heavy on the ground. All was silent, sound muffled, like the whole world held its breath. Nearby a street lamp cast a warm, welcoming glow.
Josh smiled, lay down and waved his arms and legs around. He stood and admired his snow angel.
How beautiful. What a fantastic…
The world shook, then turned upside-down! Josh screamed as he was catapulted against the house opposite. It shook again until at last he lay breathless on the ground, both legs shattered. It began to snow.
Get miniaturised! they said. Have a peaceful holiday in a snow globe! they said.
Bollocks.
Pegman – Entrepreneur
Here is my story for What Pegman Saw. This week we are in Terni, Italy.
This was the birthplace of Saint Valentine, celebrated on February 14th. I chose a rather idyllic scene from the outskirts of the town. Let’s see how it all began!
Copyright Google
Valentinus looked over his lands and smiled. Life was good.
It had started out slow. He’d carried a love letter from a suitor to his sweetheart. Once others heard, his services were in demand.
Ever the entrepreneur, he’d monetised it. Charged people to take part. Hired a local artisan to build little boxes, each with two sections. If someone liked someone else they placed some papyrus with their name on in the corresponding person’s right-hand section. If the names matched in two right-hand sections, Valentinus would arrange a meeting (for a small extra fee, of course). The left-hand box and he’d let them down gently.
Easy peasy.
He called it “Tinderus”. It sounded catchy, he thought. He was providing an essential service. A service to love. (What a great strapline, he thought.)
He ought to be canonised after he died, he reckoned. “Saint Valentinus” had such a nice ring to it.
Sharing My World 2018 Week 6
Here is my post for Cee’s Share Your World.
What would be your ideal fantasy way to spend Monday?
After an extended lie in, me and my supermodel actress wife, Princess Bethany of Muldrongia, would go for a bit of a sail on the yacht to our private island where we’d spend the rest of the day being pampered. I expect our private Michelin-starred chef would manage a good old feast for our tea!
What one person that you are out of contact with would you like to say thank you to?
Well, there was this one girl from many years ago…
List your favourite toys or games as a kid?
Pretty much the standards. Monopoly, card games, Lego (I liked the space Lego).
What inspired you or what did you appreciate this past week? Feel free to use a quote, a photo, a story, or even a combination.
I appreciated getting to work safely when we had a spot of snow. Now, don’t laugh, I know it’s only a couple of millimetres. But it was early in the morning and there was frozen hail underneath so it was pretty slippery.
And remember, this happens once every few years in my area so we’re not set up for it, and not used to it. The last time we had lying snow was 2010, I believe.
FF – Misplaced Sympathy
Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by JS Brand.
Copyright JS Brand
Five scuba gear-clad heads appeared above the glassy ocean.
“There’s the target, lads. We can’t mess this up. Danny ‘Drug Man’ Davis is responsible for hundreds of deaths. Check your explosives.”
“Wait a sec. He’s staying there? What a dump!”
“Yeah, it looks like someone picked up a load of houses and stacked them on top of one another.”
“From high class casinos and Lamborghinis to this pathetic shambles?”
“How the mighty have fallen. Poor bastard.”
“He’s suffered enough. Do we abandon the mission?”
“Nope.”
“Is he even in there?”
“Who cares? That shameful excuse for a hotel’s gotta go.”
Sharing My World 2018 Week 5
Here is my post for Cee’s Share Your World.
If you had an unlimited shopping spree at only one store, which one would you choose? Why?
I either chose Amazon or some sort of IT shop last time we had this question. This time I’m shooting for the stars and going for a Ferrari main dealer.
I’ll bring me mates and we’ll clean that place out. Ferrari’s for everyone!
What is the worst thing you ate recently?
I don’t really eat bad things. I make my own meals and it’s hard to screw up a sandwich. I did have a tin of soup last week which was pretty uninspiring but I wouldn’t call it bad.
Name five things you like watching…
I like watching the waves, running water and my godson having fun with his toys. I also like watching all things sci-fi and fantasy.
What inspired you or what did you appreciate this past week? Feel free to use a quote, a photo, a story, or even a combination.
Just getting through the week. And next week promises to be even busier!
FF – Something Stirred
Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. She also provided the photo.
I was completely stumped (hahaha, that’s the only funny you get this week from me) by this photo. So I bashed something out late in the day.
Copyright Rochelle Wisoff-Fields
Danny looked around him. Everywhere he looked the forest had been transformed into a barren field. He lay down his chainsaw and opened his rucksack. Pulling out his water bottle, he took a long draw and sighed contentedly.
They said we had to preserve the trees. They said they were a valuable habitat. They said they converted ‘cardom diproxide’ to air, or something. He didn’t really listen and didn’t care.
Sometimes he thought, when he cut into a tree, he could hear it scream. So what if it did? It was only a tree.
Deep within the Earth, something stirred.
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I totally didn't win!
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