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It’s Unicorn Appreciation Day!

January 11, 2015 34 comments

It’s January 11th, and we all know what that means, don’t we?

Yes, it’s Unicorn Appreciation Day (UAD)! We will be celebrating here with pictures, poems and fun facts. So, let’s begin with a picture of the magnificent beast.

Unicorn

The unicorn, in all its magnificence

Hmm, I don’t think the DraliDoodle team has quite captured its full majesty. Apparently they “don’t do horsies”. Never mind, let’s have the first of our poems. This one’s from the DraliDoodle team.

Tablet ready
Stylus in hand, sketching, colouring
pointy horn.

Well, that was an epic fail, both words and picture.

FUN FACT! After being hunted almost to extinction, unicorns numbers are increasing as they are a protected species. They are only hunted by the residents of a certain populous island, and only for “research purposes”.

JOKE! What do you call a unicorn without a horn? A horse! Ha ha ha.

Blogs are expensive to run and “draliman on life” is no exception, so please bear with us while we hear from our sponsor.

UniBurgersInc

 

Oh no. That wasn’t very appropriate, was it? I do apologise. But we need the money. Let’s move quickly on to the second of our poems, this time contributed by the DraliRomance team.

I dream
of your glossy coat, your liquid eyes, your huge
pointy horn.

The DraliRomance team has only ever had one outing on this blog and now we know why. Back in your box, DraliRomance team! Let’s try one from the DraliHorror team.

Rearing high in dark shadows
Hooves smashing, vicious ripping
pointy horn.

Yeah, that’s more like it!

FUN FACT! Did you know that a baby unicorn is correctly called a “babycorn”?

I wonder how people celebrate UAD? Here’s a picture of UAD celebrations in a typical English town. I bet everyone is having a fun time!

Unicorn Celebrations

It doesn’t really look like family fun. At least they are all wearing the traditional unicorn headpiece, even if one enterprising chap is using it as a weapon. Let’s hear from the DraliKids team.

Glossy, cuddly
Friend to kids and bunny wabbits, catching rainbows with
pointy horn.

See, that’s more like it. At least they’re getting in the mood.

FUN FACT! Unicorns can be safely approached in the wild, but beware if they have their babycorns with them. Don’t approach during the mating season, as no-one likes to be disturbed while they’re having the rumpy pumpy.

We’ll end our unicorn fun with a poem from the DraliOffice fire marshals.

Burning, hot tongues blazing
Flesh melting, all that’s left
pointy horn.

Yoinks! It appears that all the fire marshals are members of the DraliHorror team.

I hope you all enjoyed our look at that most magical of holidays, Unicorn Appreciation Day!

On the First Day of Christmas…

December 23, 2014 18 comments

On the first day of Crizz-muzz, my true love sent to meeeeeeee,

A bill for a pretty pe-nneeeeeee.

WaterBill

 

Well Merry f*cking Christmas to you too, Water Company.

😦

Have any of you got home all excited to see mail on your doorstep right before Christmas, only to have reality come crashing back in?

 

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It’s Unicorn Appreciation Day!

December 7, 2014 22 comments

This is part of a bloggity hop and I was tagged by Goldfish to write all about her favourite holiday – Unicorn Appreciation Day.

Goldfish has asked me a few questions about what I’ll be up to. However, first of all we need to sort out the date. It takes place on “1/11” (because of how the “1” looks likes a Unicorn horn, you see) which is 1st November. However, Goldy is in the US and I believe in the US dates are always written the other way round, so I’m thinking that “1/11” is actually 11th January. Which means it’s coming up soon! Yay!

Will you celebrate Unicorn Appreciation Day by wearing the traditional horn and stilts this year?

Well, of course. Everyone I know will be! Please be careful though people. Last year seven people fell off their stilts and impaled passers by with their horns. There’s nothing like having someone stick their horn in you to spoil your day.

There are also those who like to take Unicorns home with them. Here is some advice from the Society for the Protection of Unicorns and Cryptids (SPUnC).

“Unicorns are not pets. They like to run free. By all means feed them treats, but don’t take them home with you! For more information, please check out our website or search our related knowledge base  – the Creature Or Cryptid Knowledgebase. Just search for “C.O.C.K.” in your favourite search engine and you’ll be sure to find us!”

Wise words indeed.

If you had your own unicorn, what would you name it?

Goldfish would name her Unicorn Stanley. I would name mine Critchley, because it sounds like a good name for a Unicorn.

What three wishes will you ask the magical unicorn to grant you this Unicorn Appreciation Day?

Please Critchley, don’t let me fall off my stilts and impale anyone with my horn.
Please Critchley, let me have the biggest horn at the Unicorn party, as that’s how the lady Unicorns choose their boyfriends.
Please Critchley, don’t let anyone be mad at me – pretty much all my “taggable” bloggy friends have already taken part in this, so I don’t have anyone else to tag :-(. So I’ll leave it there, flouting all the rules of this hop.

Remember, take care this Unicorn Appreciation Day, and stay safe!

Categories: Just Silly

False Advertising

June 17, 2014 19 comments

I bought this bottle of Diet Coke yesterday. “Share a Diet Coke with Kirsty”.

Share a coke

I sat there drinking it for an hour. Did the promised “Kirsty” ever show up?

No, she did not.

What a scam.

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Chocolatey Madness

April 21, 2014 36 comments

We’re all taught to share our stuff, yes?

Surely this doesn’t apply to chocolate? Chocolate has a special exemption. Here’s a photo of the back of a large-size (not what I’d call “large size”, in what crazy mixed-up universe is 100g of chocolate “large-size”?) Milky Bar I bought a couple of weeks ago.

Milky Bar

Great for sharing, apparently.

I bunged on an episode of Grey’s Anatomy and five minutes later the Milky Bar was in my tummy. All of it.

Great for sharing?”

As if.

(And if anyone thinks they’re getting a bite of my Easter eggs they can jog on.)

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Evil Squirrel’s Competition – Where’s My Nuts?

February 9, 2014 39 comments

Evil Squirrel over at the Nest is holding a competition! We get the chance to win UD$20 worth of squirrel-themed thongs, or some such, from his squirrel shop.

Squirrel-themed thongs, I hear you ask? No, I didn’t believe it either – click here for the proof.

According to the rules of the competition, the entry can be anything we like as long as it contains a squirrel, a possum and a unicorn. Sounds like the ideal opportunity to make a childish play on the word “nuts” to me (desperately hoping as I do so that it has the same slang meaning in the rest of the English-speaking world as it does in the UK).

So here is my cute little children’s story – “Where’s My Nuts?” (Warning – not suitable for children, unless they don’t know that “nuts” is slang for “testicles” in which case it’s fine.)

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Draliman’s Guide to Lists

October 13, 2013 31 comments

pftpep-s3ep10-shoppinglist

A shopping list (noun) is a list of items needed to be purchased by a shopper, a grocery list is a the most popular type of shopping list– including items that need to be procured on the next visit to the grocery store. It’s time to get extremely personal.  Share your grocery list with us! Scan it, snap a photo, or write it out.

Making a list can be a daunting prospect for the uninitiated. Without proper preparation, your list could go very badly wrong! I hope that this guide will help you to get the most out of your lists.

We’re going to concentrate today on one of the most common types of list – the “shopping list”. To explain, this is a “list” you might make before you go “shopping”.

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