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It’s Unicorn Appreciation Day!

January 11, 2015 34 comments

It’s January 11th, and we all know what that means, don’t we?

Yes, it’s Unicorn Appreciation Day (UAD)! We will be celebrating here with pictures, poems and fun facts. So, let’s begin with a picture of the magnificent beast.

Unicorn

The unicorn, in all its magnificence

Hmm, I don’t think the DraliDoodle team has quite captured its full majesty. Apparently they “don’t do horsies”. Never mind, let’s have the first of our poems. This one’s from the DraliDoodle team.

Tablet ready
Stylus in hand, sketching, colouring
pointy horn.

Well, that was an epic fail, both words and picture.

FUN FACT! After being hunted almost to extinction, unicorns numbers are increasing as they are a protected species. They are only hunted by the residents of a certain populous island, and only for “research purposes”.

JOKE! What do you call a unicorn without a horn? A horse! Ha ha ha.

Blogs are expensive to run and “draliman on life” is no exception, so please bear with us while we hear from our sponsor.

UniBurgersInc

 

Oh no. That wasn’t very appropriate, was it? I do apologise. But we need the money. Let’s move quickly on to the second of our poems, this time contributed by the DraliRomance team.

I dream
of your glossy coat, your liquid eyes, your huge
pointy horn.

The DraliRomance team has only ever had one outing on this blog and now we know why. Back in your box, DraliRomance team! Let’s try one from the DraliHorror team.

Rearing high in dark shadows
Hooves smashing, vicious ripping
pointy horn.

Yeah, that’s more like it!

FUN FACT! Did you know that a baby unicorn is correctly called a “babycorn”?

I wonder how people celebrate UAD? Here’s a picture of UAD celebrations in a typical English town. I bet everyone is having a fun time!

Unicorn Celebrations

It doesn’t really look like family fun. At least they are all wearing the traditional unicorn headpiece, even if one enterprising chap is using it as a weapon. Let’s hear from the DraliKids team.

Glossy, cuddly
Friend to kids and bunny wabbits, catching rainbows with
pointy horn.

See, that’s more like it. At least they’re getting in the mood.

FUN FACT! Unicorns can be safely approached in the wild, but beware if they have their babycorns with them. Don’t approach during the mating season, as no-one likes to be disturbed while they’re having the rumpy pumpy.

We’ll end our unicorn fun with a poem from the DraliOffice fire marshals.

Burning, hot tongues blazing
Flesh melting, all that’s left
pointy horn.

Yoinks! It appears that all the fire marshals are members of the DraliHorror team.

I hope you all enjoyed our look at that most magical of holidays, Unicorn Appreciation Day!

On the First Day of Christmas…

December 23, 2014 18 comments

On the first day of Crizz-muzz, my true love sent to meeeeeeee,

A bill for a pretty pe-nneeeeeee.

WaterBill

 

Well Merry f*cking Christmas to you too, Water Company.

😦

Have any of you got home all excited to see mail on your doorstep right before Christmas, only to have reality come crashing back in?

 

Categories: Just Silly Tags:

It’s Unicorn Appreciation Day!

December 7, 2014 22 comments

This is part of a bloggity hop and I was tagged by Goldfish to write all about her favourite holiday – Unicorn Appreciation Day.

Goldfish has asked me a few questions about what I’ll be up to. However, first of all we need to sort out the date. It takes place on “1/11” (because of how the “1” looks likes a Unicorn horn, you see) which is 1st November. However, Goldy is in the US and I believe in the US dates are always written the other way round, so I’m thinking that “1/11” is actually 11th January. Which means it’s coming up soon! Yay!

Will you celebrate Unicorn Appreciation Day by wearing the traditional horn and stilts this year?

Well, of course. Everyone I know will be! Please be careful though people. Last year seven people fell off their stilts and impaled passers by with their horns. There’s nothing like having someone stick their horn in you to spoil your day.

There are also those who like to take Unicorns home with them. Here is some advice from the Society for the Protection of Unicorns and Cryptids (SPUnC).

“Unicorns are not pets. They like to run free. By all means feed them treats, but don’t take them home with you! For more information, please check out our website or search our related knowledge base  – the Creature Or Cryptid Knowledgebase. Just search for “C.O.C.K.” in your favourite search engine and you’ll be sure to find us!”

Wise words indeed.

If you had your own unicorn, what would you name it?

Goldfish would name her Unicorn Stanley. I would name mine Critchley, because it sounds like a good name for a Unicorn.

What three wishes will you ask the magical unicorn to grant you this Unicorn Appreciation Day?

Please Critchley, don’t let me fall off my stilts and impale anyone with my horn.
Please Critchley, let me have the biggest horn at the Unicorn party, as that’s how the lady Unicorns choose their boyfriends.
Please Critchley, don’t let anyone be mad at me – pretty much all my “taggable” bloggy friends have already taken part in this, so I don’t have anyone else to tag :-(. So I’ll leave it there, flouting all the rules of this hop.

Remember, take care this Unicorn Appreciation Day, and stay safe!

Categories: Just Silly

False Advertising

June 17, 2014 19 comments

I bought this bottle of Diet Coke yesterday. “Share a Diet Coke with Kirsty”.

Share a coke

I sat there drinking it for an hour. Did the promised “Kirsty” ever show up?

No, she did not.

What a scam.

Categories: Just Silly Tags:

Chocolatey Madness

April 21, 2014 36 comments

We’re all taught to share our stuff, yes?

Surely this doesn’t apply to chocolate? Chocolate has a special exemption. Here’s a photo of the back of a large-size (not what I’d call “large size”, in what crazy mixed-up universe is 100g of chocolate “large-size”?) Milky Bar I bought a couple of weeks ago.

Milky Bar

Great for sharing, apparently.

I bunged on an episode of Grey’s Anatomy and five minutes later the Milky Bar was in my tummy. All of it.

Great for sharing?”

As if.

(And if anyone thinks they’re getting a bite of my Easter eggs they can jog on.)

Categories: Just Silly Tags: , ,

Evil Squirrel’s Competition – Where’s My Nuts?

February 9, 2014 39 comments

Evil Squirrel over at the Nest is holding a competition! We get the chance to win UD$20 worth of squirrel-themed thongs, or some such, from his squirrel shop.

Squirrel-themed thongs, I hear you ask? No, I didn’t believe it either – click here for the proof.

According to the rules of the competition, the entry can be anything we like as long as it contains a squirrel, a possum and a unicorn. Sounds like the ideal opportunity to make a childish play on the word “nuts” to me (desperately hoping as I do so that it has the same slang meaning in the rest of the English-speaking world as it does in the UK).

So here is my cute little children’s story – “Where’s My Nuts?” (Warning – not suitable for children, unless they don’t know that “nuts” is slang for “testicles” in which case it’s fine.)

Read more…

Draliman’s Guide to Lists

October 13, 2013 31 comments

pftpep-s3ep10-shoppinglist

A shopping list (noun) is a list of items needed to be purchased by a shopper, a grocery list is a the most popular type of shopping list– including items that need to be procured on the next visit to the grocery store. It’s time to get extremely personal.  Share your grocery list with us! Scan it, snap a photo, or write it out.

Making a list can be a daunting prospect for the uninitiated. Without proper preparation, your list could go very badly wrong! I hope that this guide will help you to get the most out of your lists.

We’re going to concentrate today on one of the most common types of list – the “shopping list”. To explain, this is a “list” you might make before you go “shopping”.

Read more…

No Way In

September 25, 2013 37 comments

It’s time for Friday Fictioneers again! It’s hard to believe a whole week has passed already. Friday Fictioneers is hosted by Rochelle, and we all try to write a 100 word post in response to a photo prompt, which this week is supplied by Rich Voza.

This week’s prompt is rife with possibilities – and I got nuffin’! Therefore I’m going to try a spot of dialogue with a truly silly ending. I’m even popping it in my “Just Silly” category :-). A bit of mid-week madness, if you will.

To view others’ entries, click here!

100_7320-1

Copyright Rich Voza

“What the… what’re those doors doing sat there like that?”

“Dunno, man. Weird. What’re you doing?”

“Looking for the hidden cameras.”

“I don’t see any.”

“Me neither. Hey, what’s this chap up to?”

“Aaargh! No!” yelled the new arrival, skidding to a stop.

“What’s wrong, man?”

“Don’t you see? Look!”

“What, the weird doors?”

“Yeah! Someone’s stolen my house!”

“Your house?”

“Yeah! They’ve just left the doors!”

The new arrival looked thoughtful and then began to laugh.

“What’s so funny? Someone’s just stolen your house!”

“The joke’s on them!” he giggled. “How are they gonna get in without the doors?”

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Sparkly Awesomesauce Ponies Away!

September 8, 2013 17 comments

Awesomesauce Alice over at aliceatwonderland has started a new club! It’s called “Sparkleponies” and has quite a daunting list of prerequisites but once you’ve joined, you get this amazing badge!

Sparkleponies

Isn’t that the most amazing thing you’ve ever seen? Lamentably, I cannot join. I promised Alice I would chop off my left leg in lieu of one of the terms and conditions of joining (“watch Twilight 5,000 times” – that wasn’t ever gonna happen), but I remembered that my left leg operates the clutch in my car so I sort of need it attached.

Isn’t Alice over at aliceatwonderland amazing? I’ve been following her wonderful writing since June, around the time when I wrote this, this and this!

You may be wondering why I seem to be sucking up to Alice over at aliceatwonderland quite a lot. You may also be wondering why I keep linking across to her amazing and wonderful blog.

Alice has this friend, Sparky by name, and he’s the “Wonder Blogger”. He’s come up with a whole load of hints and tips for the new blogger-about-town. Two of these, as you may have guessed by now, are:

  1. Link drop
  2. Worship certain bloggers

Alice has also offered a prize – this is my entry to her competition! All we have to do is write a post that Sparky would be proud of, one which embodies all of his qualities and utilises his underhanded clever hints and tips.

I’ve certainly dropped a lot of links! I’ve also shown my worship of Alice. Sparky also says we should throw awards around like confetti! Now, Alice already has awards – of course she does, she’s awesome! She’s been featured on “Freshly Pressed”, for goodness sake.

However, Alice got her kids (“The Things”) to help out making the competition prize. How great is that? So I’ve done a new award, especially for awesome kids! Here it is.

Awesome Kids AwardThat’s supposed to be a rainbow, the team over at DraliDoodles(TM) had a bit of bother getting the colours right. I’m no Alice! There are no rules for this award – if you are a kid and you are awesome, or if you have awesome kids, proudly display this award!

Hi ho Sparkleponies, away!

Categories: Just Silly Tags:

Yo Dude, Milord

July 17, 2013 10 comments

Weekly Writing Challenge: Mind the GapEmails – Where do you stand on the grand salutation question?

Dear Sir/Madam. Hey man! Hi Frank!

Which to use and when? A knotty question. In the age of email, does it even matter? This isn’t a letter, after all.

However, emails are used as a faster form of letter. Standard post has been dubbed “snail mail” as it’s slower, but faster delivery should not necessarily mean one may be lax during composition.

Here is my handy guide. I find it’s often easiest to learn by example, so let’s look at some scenarios.

An email of complaint

In this scenario, we have bought defective goods. Maybe we should write a letter, but who has the time? Such an email needs to be fairly formal – “Hi Mr Managing Director” will not do. Take a look at a model example below.

email of complaint

Notice the formal wording and the polite salutation. However, this email contains an error. The sign-off should read “Yours sincerely”, as you have used the recipient’s name! Shocking. This one’s going straight into the digital trash. Be more careful!

An email to a friend

Of course, not all emails need to be quite so formal. You could be composing an invitation to a good friend, inviting them round to your abode for tea and biscuits, or some other healthy pursuit. For example:

email to a friend

As you can see, the content of this email is much less formal than in our previous example. As it is written to a close acquaintance it is still perfectly acceptable, of course!

An email to your boss

Often-times you may find yourself needing to write an email to your boss. Some formality is required here, of course – your career may be at stake. However, the chances are you know your boss quite well, so it need not be as formal as our “complaint” example. It also couldn’t hurt to pay said boss some compliments – maybe it could help win you that promotion!

email to the bossNote that the author is not afraid to blow his own trumpet, and has signed off in such a way as to show all due respect – that promotion is in the bag!

Conclusion

I hope you have seen, through the examples presented here, the different and various ways one may compose one’s email depending on the situation. Please feel free to use any of these examples as a template for your own use.

Happy emailing!

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