Sharing My World 2015 Week 1
It’s 2015 and it (was) the first week, which means it’s time for Share Your World 2015 Week 1, hosted by Cee on her wonderful photography blog.
It’s not Sunday, which is my traditional SYW day, but tomorrow has been designated “Unicorn Appreciation Day”, so I shall be busy appreciating unicorns!
How do you get rid of pesky phone calls from telemarketers?
Fortunately I get very few of these now since I registered with the Telephone Preference Service. I used to get so many I stopped answering the phone.
I wish I could be like my dad, who is quite rude to telemarketers, but I can’t bring myself to be nasty which is actually worse for them as they’re forced to speak for ages, wasting their own time, before I can get a word in to tell them that I’m not interested. Sometimes they’re quite nasty about it.
I once had one chap who talked for a full 2 minutes with no break whatsoever before I finally managed to say “actually I rent so I’m not interested in water pipe damage insurance, that’s my landlord’s responsibility”. Poor fellow :-(.
What are you a “natural” at doing?
Hmm, umm, I don’t think I’m really a “natural” at doing anything. Unless “slobbing around” counts. I seem to be able to manage that without too much effort!
How often do you get a haircut?
It used to be every 6 weeks, but now it’s every 5. My hair is quite short so it doesn’t take long to start looking messy, curling round my ears and whatnot.
My hairdresser used to be a “walk-in” type so I kept putting it off until my hair got ridiculously messy, but a year or so ago she started out on her own and only does appointments which forces me to go at a pre-arranged time which is a good thing, hair-wise.
What’s the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word “fun”?
Hmm, umm, ah. Well, nothing came immediately to mind. That’s a bit depressing, isn’t it?
Cash Cow
It’s time for my entry to Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo prompt is by Jean L. Hays.
I was going to do a dialogue based on all the “no parking” signs but ended up doing some even sillier dialogue concentrating on the banner which sort of says “Unthink”. I know it’s slightly bad form to write “500” rather than “five hundred” but I was having word count issues :-).
Read all the other contributions by clicking on the blue froggy.
Copyright Jean L. Hays
“UnThink Memory Wipes” – only 500 bucks, and if ever there was a year Bob wanted to forget, this was it.
“One memory wipe,” said the receptionist. “500 dollars, please.”
Presently Bob emerged looking confused, the last year erased.
“One memory wipe – 500 dollars please, sir.”
Bob paid up (again) and left.
“Heh heh!” smirked the receptionist. “Great scam.” He turned to the technician. “You want your cut?”
“Cut of what?”
“You stood too close to the machine again, huh?” asked the receptionist.
“What machine?” asked the technician.
“Uhhhh… never mind. One memory wipe – that’ll be 500 dollars please, sir. Heh heh.”
Off Mission
It’s time for Mondays Finish the Story! This challenge is hosted by Barbara Beacham and gives us 100-150 words to write a little story based on both a photograph and an opening sentence. The opening sentence does not count towards the word count!
This week’s picture features a helicopter. Is it on a rescue or scouting mission, or is it about to rain down fiery death on some unsuspecting person? What could it be? Read on to find out!
The supplied opening sentence is in bold in my story, which is called “Off Mission”.
Silently as the people watched, the black hawk helicopter lifted into the air.
Its pilot Jonas’ orders were clear – guns free, select targets of opportunity. As he flew off, keeping low to avoid radar detection, he knew exactly where he would plant his missiles.
They say “the female of the species is more deadly than the male”, and his chosen target certainly lived up to that. She was vicious, unforgiving, intractable. She destroyed lives, ripped families asunder, ground people into the dirt. Evil had a face, and it was hers.
He began to sweat as his HUD counted down the range – five kilometres, four, three… and there it was, the blacked-out customised SUV containing his nemesis.
She’d even had the nerve, the temerity, to phone him up yesterday to demand – demand! – that he “get up off his fat lazy arse” and sign the papers finalising their divorce.
“Finalise this, bitch!” he screamed as his finger tightened on the trigger.
Sharing My World Week 51
It’s week 51 of Share Your World for 2014. I probably should have made an effort to do this one at the beginning of the week so that it was posted in the correct year, but never mind.
The questions are posed by Cee over at her Photography Blog.
Would you prefer snowy winters, or not, and why?
I love snow. It’s all magical and whatnot. But you can’t easily drive through it and I have an eighteen mile commute so unfortunately I’m going to have to say no to the snow.
If I didn’t have to drive in it, I would definitely like snow in the winter. We had snow a few years ago and that was actually okay, but then it froze and that was awful to drive on.
I should point out that where I live we rarely get snow and when it does snow it’s rarely more than a couple of inches.
So, you’re on your way out and it’s raining. Do you know where your umbrella is or do you frantically search for it all over your apartment/house?
I might have an “emergency” umbrella somewhere, I’m not sure.
Me and umbrellas don’t mix. I can’t control them, they blow inside out, they poke people in the eye. It’s a disaster. I have a little cap to wear in the rain.
Here’s a funny story which happened to my Mum a few days ago. She had one of those telescopic brollies and when she pushed the “open” button the end flew off and nearly hit someone :-). It must have been one of those KGB assassination brollies.
Do you prefer your food separated or mixed together?
Well, I definitely prefer to separate my main course and my dessert :-).
Otherwise, it comes as it comes. Some stuff is supposed to be mixed together, like stir fry, otherwise everything just goes on the plate and I eat it. A bit of meat, a bit of potato and a bit of veg on the fork. Into the mouth.
What is set as the background on your computer?
War of the Idiots
Here is my contribution for this week’s Mondays Finish the Story. This is hosted by Barbara Beacham and we need to write between 100 and 150 words in response to a photo, and using the supplied first sentence (which doesn’t count towards the word count, and is in bold in my story).
I have popped a little bit of history at the end just in case, but read the story first! This week’s other contributions can be found by clicking on the little blue froggy.
The house of Don Francisco sat in a remote part of the desert. A conspiracy theorist, he lived alone and had fortified his basement against “Commies”, terrorists, nuclear and biological attack, the government even. Shelves held canned foods, bottled water, a book or two to read. A small generator provided electricity. He was ready!
Years later he switched on the radio and was aghast to hear bulletins advising of an alien invasion. The world was in peril! He quickly ran to his basement and locked the door.
After long months, his supplies exhausted, Don Francisco finally emerged, emaciated and weak. He staggered to the road and hailed a passing car.
“Did… we win?” he stammered.
“Dude. Win what? You need an ambulance, dude?” asked the driver, a long-haired youth.
“Nine months ago… war… aliens… on the radio…” Francisco managed.
“You mean that Orson Welles retrospective? Dude, can you believe in 1938 people thought it was for real? How stupid… oh. Dude.”
In 1938, as part of “The Mercury Theatre on the Air” series, an adaptation of HG Wells’ “War of the Worlds” was broadcast on the radio as a series of mock news bulletins, apparently causing wide-spread panic as people believed it to be real. Dude! 🙂
Sharing My World Week 50
Here is my contribution for Share Your World, hosted by Cee at her photography blog. This week’s questions come to us courtesy of Dawn over at The Day After.
Do you have a signature dish? If not is there one in your family?
Here is my recipe for “Saturday Pizza”!
- Pre-heat oven to 190oC (because that’s the temperature I cook everything at)
- Remove pizza from freezer and take off plastic wrapping
- Bung in oven for 8 minutes
- Whip it out and add extra pepperoni and cheese
- Bung back in oven until cheese melted
- Take out of oven and eat
Does that count? No? Boo :-(.
Do you have a favourite board game?
Not really, as board games are a bit boring on your own. I quite like Monopoly, though. And also Trivial Pursuit because I don’t like games where you have to use any brain power, so “knowledge” games are good – you either know it or you don’t. (I don’t, I know virtually nothing about anything.)
Is there a household chore that you enjoy?
Is this a trick question? It is, isn’t it? No?
I actually used to quite like ironing. It was quite relaxing, with some music playing along. Of course, now that I’m alone again I haven’t done any ironing for six years. I don’t enjoy it that much. I have an iron and ironing board, but the ironing board (which I bought in 2008) is still in its plastic wrapping!
Here is my cupboard under the stairs, in which I’ve marked the ironing board, iron and Hoover with blue arrows. In a few months they will probably be buried!
What is one thing you will never care about?
There have been some great answers to this in other people’s posts, and I don’t want to copy them.
I’m sure there are lots of things I will never care about, but since I don’t care about them I don’t think of them and therefore I don’t know quite what they are.
* Disclaimer to all prospective girlfriends who may be reading this – it’s all in jest! Obviously I’m constantly cooking delicious food and cleaning and ironing and whatnot 🙂
I hope everyone had a great Christmas/holiday and Happy New Year to everyone!
Secret Santa and the Christmas Market
Secret Santa has been! We do that every year at the work Christmas Party, and here is what I got.
That’s a massive bar o’ chocolate and a “talking” Chewbacca. He makes Chewie noises when you squeeze him! The little tag is my work avatar, Christmas-ified as a present tag.
I also went to the Christmas Market in the village hall. As well as sausages, bread and such I also bought this, ideal for keeping my tootsies warm.
And also this – a dinky chocolate-coated one-man Christmas cake in a little box.
I don’t really like Christmas cake all that much 🙂 but I couldn’t resist the cuteness of the little cake, so I also bought a pot of Cornish clotted cream to mask the taste.
Yum.
Merry Christmas, everyone!
Christmas Miracle!
It’s time for Friday Fictioneers again, hosted by Rochelle at her blog Addicted to Purple. This week’s photo, which inspires our 100-ish word stories has been contributed by Björn Rudberg.
This is probably the silliest, most pointless story I’ve written for FF but hey – it’s Crizzmuzz! There were so many ways I could have made this a gory tragedy – ah, how I smiled to myself – but no, it’s Crizzmuzz!
Click on the blue froggy for this week’s other stories.
Copyright Björn Rudberg
A swarm of excited kids poured out of the minibus. Christmas Eve trip to the Old Keep. What a treat!
“Careful now,” cautioned their teacher.
The kids didn’t listen. They ran off up the old steps to play “Normans versus Saxons”. The steps were wet and Little Jimmy slipped.
Down he plummeted, screaming. At the last second he fell into the waiting arms of Santa, who had skilfully manoeuvred his sleigh under the falling child before landing safely in the car park.
“It’s a Christmas Miracle!” yelled the kids, clapping.
Meanwhile the sleigh, which had landed in a disabled bay, got clamped.
“Bollocks,” said Santa.
Mondays Finish the Story – Triple Six
It’s time for Mondays Finish the Story – a weekly 100-150 word challenge run by Barbara Beacham where we write a story based on both a photograph and an opening sentence (the opening sentence is free, word-count-wise!).
Sorry if it sounds a wee bit clunky, I had to strip 50 words out :-(. And it’s not very Chrismassy, I’m afraid 😦 :-(.
Click on the blue frog to see other contributions for this week.
The supplied opening sentence is in bold in my story, which is beneath the photo.
As the year wound down to a close, they gathered around the table and raised their glasses.
“As is our custom at year’s end, let us welcome a new member. To Simeon!”
Simeon smiled. At last – inducted into the secretive “Order of the Triple Six”!
For years he had made himself useful to the Order. None knew what they did, only that their association made one rich, powerful.
As they toasted his entry, Simeon noticed that the others were sweating, nervous, scared even. As he watched, one of the Order gazed in horror at his drink, then choked, fighting for breath. He fell to the floor, twitching. Blood sprayed from his mouth and he spasmed, face black, eyes staring sightlessly at the ceiling.
Simeon dropped his glass in shock.
“There can be only Six,” intoned one.
“One in, one out,” added another.
“B…b…but why Triple Six?” stammered Simeon, shocked.
“Ah, yes. Triple Six. 666. Why don’t we take you to meet our patron?” smiled a third.
On the First Day of Christmas…
On the first day of Crizz-muzz, my true love sent to meeeeeeee,
A bill for a pretty pe-nneeeeeee.
Well Merry f*cking Christmas to you too, Water Company.
😦
Have any of you got home all excited to see mail on your doorstep right before Christmas, only to have reality come crashing back in?
Click for a random post!
Woohoo!
I totally didn't win!
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