FF – Second Chance?
Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo comes from – ooh, I just checked, Rochelle as well!
I’m afraid I’ve gone eco-warrior again. You know, one of those ones who pontificates from their armchair before roaring off in their 6 litre 3 miles to the gallon pimp-mobile.
Copyright Rochelle Wisoff-Fields
“Wow, Mum! This virtual reality headset you got me’s great! The sky’s all blue!”
“That’s the colour it was on Old Earth, apparently.”
“Is it like that still?”
“No. That’s one thing everyone agrees on. Nobody can live on Old Earth now. It’s all destroyed.”
“How, Mum?”
“We’re not sure. The record tapes were damaged when the first refugees arrived here and nobody remembers. It must have been quite the disaster, though. Now, come inside, quickly. It’s looking like rain and with the wind coming from the Factory District we don’t want another of your t-shirts dissolving, do we?”
Evil Squirrel’s Competition – Grandpaw’s Story
Here is my entry for Evil Squirrel’s Fourth Annual Competition of Whatever.
He has been running a series called “Shelf Critter Theatre” and has invited us to have a go! We just need to anthropomorphise at least two objects and make sure that at least one isn’t using a personality ascribed to it by the media (for example a “Mickey Mouse” toy would have a different personality to that usually ascribed to “him”).
I think that’s correct, rule-wise. So here goes. Warning – it’s a bit rude and gory 🙂
Grandpup 1: Grandpaw, Grandpaw, tell us a story!
Grandpup 2: Yes, Grandpaw! Tell us about the time you got injured.
Grandpaw: I guess you’re old enough now, kids. Gather round and listen up. It was back in the Furry wars and I was a soldier.
Grandpup 1: A soldier? Wow!
Grandpaw: Yes! I’d just received a transfer to a new unit and I was very proud, yes, proud to be F.U.C.T.
Grandpup 1: Um, what did he just say?
Grandpup 2: I think he said…
Grandpaw: Yes, the Furry Unified Combat Troop. Tell you what, kids, I was previously a member of the Allied Research, Science and Exploration division. Boy, was I glad to put that acronym behind me!
Grandpup 1: Um…
Grandpaw (lost in his memories): Yes, everyone else was very jealous of me. I was the youngest soldier ever to be F.U.C.T… will you two stop giggling? Do you want to hear this story or not?
Grandpup 1: Sorry, Grandpaw.
Grandpup 2: Sorry.
Grandpaw: There were five of us chosen for the mission – myself, Sarge, Pengy, Tatty and Andy. We set out full of hope, single file to hide our numbers.
Grandpaw: Soon we reached our first hurdle – a vast mountain to climb down.
Grandpaw: This is where we lost a couple of team mates. Pengy was first, oh poor deluded Pengy…
(Pengy: I can fly down, I’m a bird!)
(Sarge: Pengy, no! Penguins can’t fly…)
Pengy: Wheeeeeeeee! SPLAT
Grandpaw: The rest of us took our time. Sarge was a great help.
Grandpaw: But Tatty took a tumble, landed on his head.
Grandpaw: At last we reached the bottom, but then we saw them coming…
Grandpup 1: Who, Grandpaw, who?
Grandpup 2: Yes, tell us Grandpaw, tell us!
Grandpaw: The Empire, that’s who. Shock troops, distant at first but coming closer, ever closer…
Grandpaw: … until soon we could see the whites of their bricks.
Grandpaw: That’s when we lost Sarge… he sacrificed himself… threw himself on top of them…
Grandpaw: (forgetting there were children present) …guts everywhere… blood… brains…
Grandpup 2: Urgh, I think I’m gonna… bleurghhhhhhh!
Grandpaw: Er, um, don’t tell your Mum about this… there were just two of us left, myself and Andy, when in a totally freak occurrence The Doctor showed up and decided to show off his sonic screwdriver. A wave of intense sound slammed into Andy. Everything ruptured…
Grandpaw: Realising his mistake, The Doctor swiftly left, leaving me alone.
Grandpaw: I tried to stop him, to make him pay but I tripped over and scuffed myself. And that’s the story of my injury, this scar on my paw.
Grandpup 1: That was a great story, Grandpaw, but…
Grandpup 2: … we were actually wondering about your eye.
Grandpaw: Oh, that! I got that years earlier, in ‘Nam.
Grandpup 1: You were in Vietnam? You really are old! How did it happen? The Vietcong? The NVA?
Grandpaw: No, kids. I was there ten years ago on holiday, got really drunk, slipped in the shower and poked it out on the tap.
Grandpup 1: Oh.
Grandpup 2: I liked your first story better.
Grandpaw: Me too kids. Me too. Now, give your old Grandpaw a kiss and off to bed with you!
The End
Sharing My World 2017 Week 8
Here is my post for Cee’s Share Your World.
When you cut something with scissors, do you move your jaw (as if you were about to chew)?
Huh? Is that a thing?
Does my ass spontaneously gyrate when I’m making a coffee?
Do my eyebrows jiggle up and down when I’m parking the car?
I’m answering “no” to all these questions.
Do you chew your pens and pencils?
I remember chewing pencils many many years ago when I used pencils. I remember bits of wood and paint in my mouth 🙂 These days I chew pens a little bit (the lid on the end). It’s that or my thumb 🙂
Are you a collector of anything? If so what?
No, I don’t really collect anything. When I was little I collected stamps.
What size is your bed?
I guess it’s a standard double, I can’t really remember. It has drawers underneath for spare pillows and duvet covers and whatnot.
FF – First World Problems
Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Sarah Potter.
I came up blank this week. I don’t do well when there’s nothing hilarious in the photo. So here’s a story which makes some sort of statement. Or whatever.
Copyright Sarah Potter
Snowflakes fluttered down through the darkness, silent, gentle, already a centimetre deep. The people of England were beginning to panic.
“How will I get to work?”
“The kids’ school is half a mile away! What will we do?”
“What if we run out of food?”
“This is a DISASTER!”
Half a world away Amira dodged through an underpass to avoid the roving gangs, bread clutched to her chest. Gunfire sounded, but a few streets over. She took a chance and raced across the square into her half-collapsed bedsit.
Home safe, food for the babies. Today had been a good day.
Sharing My World 2017 Week 7
Here is my post for Cee’s Share Your World.
Do you sleep with your sheets tucked in or out?
Sheets? Is that those things we used in the 80’s? Okay, they still use them in hotels and guest houses and the like. On the rare occasions I’m in one of those places I always untuck the sheets before going to sleep. After decades of using a duvet tucked-in sheets feel very constraining.
Have you stolen a street sign before?
Nope. I saw a good number of student rooms at university with street signs in but I never nicked one myself.
Could be dangerous to steal a street sign blah blah blah could be warning of danger ahead blah blah blah very expensive those things blah blah blah who ends up paying we do the tax payer that’s who blah blah blah ought to be locked up blah blah blah…
Do you cut out coupons but then never use them?
No, I don’t think I’ve ever cut out a coupon in my life. I know there are lots of people who save a fortune by doing that but they seem to spend most of their day doing it. I’d have to decide whether my time per hour spent finding and cutting out coupons is worth what I’d be saving…
Do you have freckles?
No, no freckles at all.
FF – Future Relationships
Here is my post for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s picture was contributed by Liz Young.
There’s been a lot of talk recently of the great strides in AI and robotics…
To read this week’s other stories, click on the blue froggy.
Copyright Liz Young
“Live, damn you, live! One-one-thousand, two-one-thousand…”
“What the hell are you doing?”
“Push the fluids! Another amp of epi! Charge to 360! Clear!”
“Stop! Um… she’s gone.”
“Gone? How do you know?”
“Firstly, her body is over here and her head is over there.”
“Can’t we just, you know, reattach it? With some glue?”
“Actually, yes. Because this is First Aid training and you just broke the Resusci Annie.”
“But she was so young! What have I done? Why, God, whhhhyyyyyyy…?”
“Hello, is that St Winifred’s Home for the Permanently Baffled? We have another one… mistaken Resusci Annie for his robotic girlfriend…”
Sharing My World 2017 Week 6
Here is my post for Cee’s Share Your World series.
Regarding your fridge, is it organised or a mess inside?
Both, really. It’s not particularly tidy, but everything is in its correct position. I always know where everything is, and everything is always where its supposed to be.
Here is a photo. Yesterday was shopping day, so it’s at max capacity.
Do you prefer your food separated or mixed together?
I put it all on the same plate and eat it. Sometimes it mixes a bit, ‘cos the plate’s not big enough. But I don’t stick my fry-up in a blender and drink it through a straw or anything.
Do you prefer reading coffee table books (picture), biographies, fiction, non-fiction, educational?
Fiction, always. I learn stuff at work, I deal with reality all day. Why would I want more of the same when I’m trying to relax?
Close your eyes. Listen to your body. What part of your body is seeking attention? What is it telling you?
Well, I have little aches around the place but that’s what happens when you start to get old. Not quite sure when that happened. It’s asking for coffee. I’ll sort that in a sec 🙂
FF – On the Thoughts of Trees
Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Ted Strutz.
Work is mad but I spent the end of my lunch break hammering out a little story. Well, not really a story. It’s a bit weird as you can probably tell from the title. Hey ho.
Here goes 🙂
Copyright Ted Strutz
What am I doing out here? would be a sensible question for a chair in this situation to ask, if a chair could ask such a question.
I wonder where all the people have gone? might be a reasonable thought for a chair, if a chair could think reasonable thoughts.
Maybe it had been left here as a prank, back when there were pranks, and kids to play them?
These questions are best left to the trees, ancient and indomitable, thinking thoughts lasting decades. And after all those decades of a world without humans, they reach the same conclusion.
Peace at last.
Sharing My World 2017 Week 5
Here is my post for Cee’s Share Your World series.
What is the most incredible natural venue that you’ve ever seen in person?
Ooh, too much to choose from! I’ll just state “Cornwall” (I have’t been around many places).
How many siblings do you have? What’s your birth order?
I’m the older of two brothers.
If you were a shoe, what kind would you be and why?
I don’t want to be a shoe, to be trodden on all day. But if I had to be I’d be something comfortable. A pair of those fluffy slippers which look like bunny rabbits.
What is the strangest/weirdest thing you have ever eaten?
I’m not at all adventurous when it comes to food. In Cornwall we’re all about pasties and fish and chips. I do eat very spicy stuff, but not exotically spicy, just spicy sauces on normal food.
I did go out on a limb once and tried calamari. Didn’t like it.
FF – Release
Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. The photo was contributed by Roger Bultot.
My story this week is a real downer. Yay!
Copyright Roger Bultot
Frank grimaced as his pain-racked body refused to cooperate. Why won’t they just let me go? he wondered. I’m an old man, crippled, in agony. Even the pill bottle he’d acquired had failed him, his fingers too gnarled, too weak.
The cold just made it worse.
Cold? They’ve left the window open…
He dragged himself slowly, painfully across the room and hauled himself onto the sill. One more metre…
The pain fell away, an incredible lightness overtook him. I can fly! He shot upwards, spiralling, joyful, pain-free!
Far below, someone screamed. A crowd gathered. Mobile phones recorded the scene.
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Woohoo!
I totally didn't win!
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