MFTS – A Stoner’s Soul
It’s Mondays Finish the Story time, hosted by Barbara Beacham. This is the one where we get a photo and an opening sentence.
This is the final part of “The Stoner Trilogy”. If you remember, in “The Highest Spirits“, Chad and Brad lost their souls, and in “Fool Me Twice” they were conned into a “Trial” by the lead spirit, Basil.
This was the best I could do, given the number of words and while attempting to make each story reasonably standalone. Here is the cast of characters:
Chad – a stoner
Brad – another stoner
Basil – a cunning head spirit
and introducing special guest star ZEUS as ZEUS, a powerful and currently quite irritated god.
The opening sentence is in bold in my story, and other contributions may be found by clicking the blue froggy.
Copyright B.W. Beacham
ZEUS was not having a good day and he made sure everyone knew it.
First his “soldiers” were too wide for his boiled eggs, now the spirits of Miners Hill had taken it upon themselves to capture souls!
The sky lit up as if on fire as ZEUS vented his rage. Spirit Chad looked suspiciously at his insubstantial joint.
“Thunder and lightning for the Trial, dude,” explained Spirit Brad.
“Heavy,” said Chad. Rain began to fall, extinguishing his joint. His face fell.
“BASIL!” screamed ZEUS to the lead spirit. “STEALING SOULS WITHOUT MY PERMISSION?”
“Um,” stuttered Basil. “Um…”
ZEUS fired more lightning which narrowly missed Chad, clipping and reigniting his joint.
“Epic!” said Chad, taking a puff.
“RETURN THEIR SOULS AT ONCE!”
With a wave of Basil’s hand, it was done.
“This calls for a celebration!” said Brad, reaching into his underpants for his special hidden stash.
Against all odds Chad and Brad lived to a ripe old age. And although our stoners could remember almost none of it, they both agreed (on their smoke-shrouded death bed) that they’d had a stonkingly Epic Time.
Sharing My World 2015 Week 22
It’s sharing my world time again, and this week Cee has posed some “finish these sentences”, um, sentences. It can be fact or fiction!
Never In My Life Have I…
…accidentally shot myself in the face while playing an ill-advised game of Russian Roulette while smashed on tequila shots. Not even as a student! That’s one for the bucket list. Probably should be the last item.
My neighbour wants me to help her…
…not have to keep asking me to cut back the undergrowth that gets in her way, probably. I’ve managed to pre-empt her this year by being proactive in my shrubbery cutting. Yay me! Why the shrubbery can’t just stay within the confines of my borders, I don’t know. Damn you, shrubbery.
When I was little I wanted…
…to be a football player (that’s football football, not American football), a train driver and a spy. Maybe I could win the cup final on the weekend, drive trains during the week and do my spying at night. That’s do-able, right? At least to a ten year old.
Will you come here to…
…read my little stories and see my photos? I hope you will :-).
To Boldly Go
Laura Gabrielle Feasey over at I Smith Words has started a new flash fiction thingummy called “Literary Lion”, because Literary Lion looks after the prompts, you see. This one is for up to 400 words (wow, yeah, I know right, 400 whole words!) and this week the prompt is “Space”.
I’ve gone completely literal – the first thing I think of when I hear “Space” is Captain Kirk’s famous words at the beginning of Star Trek: “Space: the final frontier. These are the voyages of the starship Enterprise. Its five-year mission: to explore strange new worlds, to seek out new life and new civilisations, to boldly go where no man has gone before.”
I know this is my third fiction this week, but although fairly long this one is all dialogue and so quite easy to wade through :-).
I got to thinking – I bet it wasn’t that polished when he spoke those words the first time. So let’s take a look, shall we, and see how it went?
Taken from Wikipedia, Copyright probably Desilu/Paramount
“Space, the final frontier,” began Kirk. The bridge crew looked around expectantly. “These are the voyages of the star ship Enterprise,” he continued. “Its five year mission, to…”
“Five years? FIVE YEARS?” cut in a Russian voice. “I told my mum I’d be back for Sunday lunch!”
“Mr Checkov,” admonished Kirk. “Do you mind? I’m trying to give an inspirational speech here.”
“Sorry, Keptin.”
“To continue,” said Kirk, “…explore strange new worlds, to seek out new life and new civilisations…”
“And shoot them!” laughed the security guard by the turbolift.
Kirk looked at him. “You’ll be dead soon enough, red-shirt cannon fodder uncredited person, so I’ll let you have your fun this time.” The security guard turned a funny shade of green, which clashed rather abominably with his red jumper.
“As I was saying,” continued Kirk, “…to boldly go where…”
“You’re splitting your infinitive, Captain.”
“What’s that, Mr Spock? Splitting my infinitive, you say? I’ll damn well split my infinitive if I like, you pedantic fool. Are you the captain? No, I’m the captain. Besides, it will probably be the most famous split infinitive in the English language by the time I’m finished. If I may?”
“Of course, Captain,” said Spock, unfazed.
“…to boldly go…” Kirk paused, glaring around the bridge as if daring someone to object, “… where no man has gone bef…”
“’Person’, Captain. Or ‘one’. ‘Man’ is a bit sexist, don’t you think?”
“Oh, good God! Janice, shortly I will be involved in America’s first interracial TV kiss with the lovely Uhura.” He winked at the Lieutenant, who ducked her head and pretended she hadn’t heard. “One thing at a time. Baby steps, Yeoman, baby steps. Now, …no man has gone before!”
He looked triumphantly around the bridge, one arm held dramatically above his head. Everyone clapped.
“Now, Mr Sulu, ahead, warp factor… what’s a sensible warp factor do you think?”
“Um, two, Captain?” hedged Sulu.
“Very good, Mr Sulu. Fast enough that we mean business, not so fast that it looks like we’re rushing about like headless Ferengi. Warp factor two it is!”
And so the Enterprise went boldly towards the distant stars, the Captain’s speech but a distant, somewhat embarrassing memory.
Life Without Parole
It’s Friday Fictioneers time again, the weekly 100 word photo prompt hosted by Rochelle. Congratulations are due this week on the new arrival to the Pendergast family :-).
The photo this week was contributed by C. Hase, and the other stories will appear during the week on the page reached by clicking the blue froggy below.
Copyright C. Hase
Life Without Parole
Trapped. Hemmed in. Chained down. How has it come to this? Can’t breathe…
I can’t breathe!
Sweat trickling down my face. I feel so closed in. Helpless.
So much I’ll never do again. And so many things I’ve never done. That fishing trip with the lads we planned but never got around to. Watching tennis at Wimbledon. Climbing Mount Everest. Running a marathon. So many opportunities wasted.
Help me, somebody. Take me away from here! How has this happened? How…
“Sir? Sir?”
“Uh, yes, sorry. Ahem. I do.”
“I now pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss the bride.”
MFTS – Fool Me Twice
Here is my contribution for Barbara Beacham’s Mondays Finish the Story for this week. For this challenge we get 150 words or so plus a photo and an opening sentence.
I must confess, I’m twenty-odd words over this week. Sorry :-(. This week’s story picks up pretty much where last week’s left off, as we rejoin newly-deceased stoners Chad and Brad, their souls ripped from their bodies after mistaking tales of alcoholic beverages with spirits of the ghostly variety.
To read this week’s other stories, click on the blue froggy. The supplied opening sentence is in bold in my story.
Copyright B.W. Beacham
“What a tangled web we weave, when first we practise to deceive, dude.”
So saying, Chad jabbed the lead ghostly spirit (Basil by name), his fingers coming away covered with ectoplasm, sticky and insubstantial as a spider’s web.
“I’M SURE I DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN,” intoned Basil.
“You lured us here with talk of spirits,” complained Chad. “Vodka, whisky…”
“Advocaat,” added Brad, puffing on a joint.
“AND SPIRITS YOU FOUND!” laughed Basil. “DON’T YOU JUST LOVE HOMONYMS!”
“Chad, calm down!” said Brad, offering him an insubstantial joint. Chad took a puff.
“Dude!” he exclaimed happily.
“Dude,” agreed Brad.
“We want back in our bodies, dead Dude,” said Chad, pointing at his corpse.
“PERHAPS… THERE IS A WAY,” pondered Basil. “WOULD YOU CONSENT TO… TRIAL IN COURT?”
“Hell yeah!” said Chad before Brad could stop him. “No jury in the world will rule against us!”
“BWAHAHA!” laughed Basil. “TRIAL BY COMBAT! IN THE COURT OF THE DAMNED! FOOLED YOU AGAIN, GULLIBLE STONERS!”
“Dude,” said Chad.
“Dude,” agreed Brad. “You know what we need?”
“Yeah!”
And so the pair set off in search of more ghostly weed, the better to endure the trials ahead.
Sharing My World 2015 Week 21
Everything has changed this week for Cee’s Share Your World! This week Cee has provided a list of list topics, and we must choose four list topics from this list of list topics and make a list of four things answering the question posed in the list topic we have chosen from the list.
Goodness!
Favourite Songs
This list changes over time. I’ve bought a couple of new albums recently so a couple of songs are from those. There are many classics of course which always remain favourites of mine, so these songs are more the ones I currently listen to on a daily basis.
- End of the Dream – Evanescence
- Froot – Marina and the Diamonds
- House on a Hill – The Pretty Reckless
- Wrong Side of the Sun – Sophie Ellis-Bextor
Favourite types of animals
Cute and fluffy :-).
- Monkeys!
- Kitty cats!
- Lemurs!
- Koalas!
Movies to cheer you up
It’s strange the things that make me laugh out loud… though maybe you won’t be surprised if you’ve read some of my stories. Warning – none of these are technically comedies.
- Planet Terror – laughed till I cried
- The Expendables – especially that one scene where the bloke’s head gets completely blown off
- Any apocalyptic zombie/”infected” film e.g. “World War Z”, “Resident Evil” series
- From Dusk Till Dawn – I’m including the Netflix series here, since one episode has heads being ripped off and everything – it’s hilarious!
Things I want to have in my home
Home upgrades.
- Massive home cinema system
- Sound-proof room in which to place said massive cinema system
- TARDIS-style relative dimensional system installed in home in order to accommodate sound-proof room
- Girlfriend with whom to watch films in newly-installed room – note, I also own less gory films e.g. “Pretty Woman”, “Miss Congenialty” and the like
Thanks for reading my world sharing for this week :-).
Extinction by Stupidity
Here is my contribution to this week’s Friday Fictioneers 100 word challenge, ably hosted by the talented Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Doug MacIlroy.
To read the other contributions, click on the blue froggy.
Copyright Douglas M. MacIlroy
Marvik and Grvox, father and son team from “WorldRenewals Inc” stepped onto Earth, freshly scorched and ready for new inhabitants.
“The flamers did a good job on this one,” said Grvox. He pointed at a charred skeleton. “What d’ya suppose that was?”
“Some sort of marine mammal, son.”
“And what about over there? Looks like the remains of a… city? Built by those Hoomans? Da, we’re not allowed to flame worlds containing intelligent life!”
“Son, you’ve read the report on this world, same as me. Plundering your planet’s resources to exhaustion to make ‘shiny new things’ isn’t a sign of intelligence.”
MFTS – The Highest Spirits
Here’s my story for Barbara Beacham’s Mondays Finish the Story.
To read the other stories, click on the blue froggy. The supplied opening sentence is in bold in my story.
Copyright B.W. Beacham
“The only residents remaining in the small town of Miners Hill are spirits.”
“That was the end of the myth? Heavy,” said Chad.
“Yep,” said Brad. “And there it is. Miners Hill.”
“Wow. It really is black and white. I thought it was just an old photo.”
They scrambled down the hill.
“Spirits, the myth says? What kind, d’ya think?”
“I’m hopin’ vodka, whisky, maybe even… the Good Stuff.”
“Wow. Advocaat? Heavy.”
Suddenly a host of ghostly apparitions appeared.
“Whoa!” Chad pulled the joint out of his mouth and stared at it suspiciously.
“I can see them too, and I’m not even high!” said Brad.
“Oh, dude, you gave up?” asked Chad sympathetically.
“Yeah, it’s kinda tough…”
“IF YOU TWO DON’T MIND?” broke in one of the spirits. “YOUR SOULS ARE FORFEIT.”
“No! Not my Nikes!” Chad looked in dismay at his footwear.
“SOULS. WITH A ‘U’.”
And so the lads joined the ranks of the dead, booze in hand, weed in mouth, the highest spirits of Miners Hill.
Sharing My World 2015 Week 20
It’s Sunday, which is the day I write my contribution to Cee’s Share Your World.
What is the most important thing that you ever learned? (I bet it’s not something you learned in school)
Crumbs. I don’t know. Maybe I haven’t learned anything? I suppose, that life happens. It can be shaped somewhat by your decisions for better or worse, but by and large it trundles along and it’s best to just go with the flow.
Some people shape the destinies of many others, but I prefer the path of least resistance. I’m happier that way.
What feeds your enthusiasm for life?
Netflix. Ha ha ha. No, seriously. Netflix. And nice walks around pretty locations.
What’s your most memorable (good or bad) airplane commercial or private flight?
I haven’t been on an aeroplane for years, but I used to travel a bit for work. I suppose it was my flight to a job interview in Cork (Ireland).
The weather was pretty bad. We circled for hours, then diverted to Shannon and landed. We stayed there long enough for a pint of Guinness, got back on the plane and finally arrived in Cork. The best bit was that I was so late there was no time to give my presentation (they’d been tracking me through the day and finally cancelled it) and we ended up having the interview in a very expensive hotel over dinner. And I got the job! Then I spent the weekend there, because it was cheaper to get a longer stay including hotel than the air fare there and back the same day.
If you were a great explorer, what would you explore?
I’d like to go to Central/South America and explore all the old Inca and Aztec temples and whatnot. They look quite impressive, though I would also get kidnapped and held for ransom, I expect, as that happens to everybody in films who go exploring such places.
Cee’s Black & White Challenge – Heads or Facial Features
Here is my contribution to Cee’s Black and White Challenge. This week’s topic is “heads or facial features”, and even art or mannequins are fair game.
Therefore, I have lovingly recreated the “heads” scene from the iconic music video “Bohemian Rhapsody” by Queen.
I’m sure you’ll agree it’s hardly distinguishable from the original, except that Queen’s version featured more world-class musicians and fewer teddy bears :-). Which obviously don’t belong to me since I’m all growed up and such ;-).
Click for a random post!
Woohoo!
I totally didn't win!
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