What was that again…?
So here’s the thing. My head’s been all over the place today and yesterday evening. No concentration or motivation.
I’ve been reading and clicking “like” on people’s FF stories but not commenting – apologies to you guys for that. I had no idea what to write for this week’s Friday Fictioneers (hosted as always by the talented Rochelle). I decided to give it a miss.
Then I wrote a story based around not having a story. I’ve seen people do that from time to time. It would be a shame to miss a week, I thought. So here it is :-(.
Copyright Rochelle Wisoff-Fields
Did you ever have an idea, a great idea, so awesomely fantastic that more than being just a light bulb moment, it was a whole chandelier full of light bulbs?
And did you ever think to yourself, “Well, I’m quite tired after all that thinking, so I’ll sleep on it”?
And did you ever wake up next morning knowing that you’d had an amazing idea, like it was some new propulsion system or the cure for the all world’s ills, but that’s all you remember?
Like, I’m sure I had a great chandelier-based story in mind last night. Awesome, it was. You’ll have to use your imagination.
MFTS: Reboot – Earth 2.0
Here is my contribution to Barbara Beacham’s Mondays Finish the Story. We get a photo and an opening sentence (which is in bold in my story). Then we have 150 words or so to finish the story. The opening sentence this week was contributed by Eric Wickland of Momus News.
Click on the blue froggy for this week’s other contributions.
Copyright B.W. Beacham
At first, it looked like an ordinary marble, but it was far from it.
Merrax opened the protective covering to reveal a small blue and green globe. He handed it to the planetary mechanic (No Planet Too Small – Call Now!).
“Hmm, yes, funny smell coming from this,” said the mechanic.
Merrax nodded. “I popped some two-legged creatures on there for a science project and now it smells real bad.”
“Yep,” said the mechanic knowingly. “They’ve stunk the place up. Gases, oils, chemicals… expensive to fix.” His eyes gleamed.
“Isn’t there a cheap option?” asked Merrax. His mum was going to be so mad.
“Well,” said the mechanic. “We could reboot the whole… “
“Earth,” said Merrax.
“Whatever. Start anew. Wipe it all off. Much cheaper.”
Merrax had a think. “We’ll do that,” he decided.
“No worries.” The mechanic popped Earth in a machine and pressed a button. If you listened carefully, you could hear the screams of the dying emanating from the little globe.
“There you go, just like new!” said the mechanic. “Factory reset. Earth 2.0!”
Sharing My World 2015 Week 23
Here’s a quick Share Your World, which is hosted by Cee. Just three questions this week, as there was also a poll. I voted but it’s a secret!
For your blog do you basically use Mac or Windows applications. What type of device laptop, desktop,tablet, phone or pad?
I always use my laptop. I find phones and such too small and my fingers are too big to type properly. For a post like this, I type it straight in (I use the “classic” post editor, I’ve never seen this new “beep boop” one). For fiction, I write it in MS Word and then paste it in for preview and editing.
If you were to treat yourself to the “finer things” what would you treat yourself to?
I’m not really sure what I would consider the “finer things”. Weird and expensive food when I would rather have a pizza? Maybe I’d get one of the supermarket’s “premium” pizzas, just for a treat :-).
Although I wouldn’t right now, because my oven is broken :-(. I’ve needed a new cooker for a while as the grill is broken, but now that I’ve lost the oven as well I have re-prioritised it from “at some point” to “immediate”. For yesterday’s Saturday Pizza I had to do an emergency cheese omelette with chilli.
Can you change a car tyre?
Yeah, probably :-). I haven’t had to do it for years. I always jack the car up first, then realise I can’t get the wheel nuts off like that and have to jack it back down again. Duh.
To be honest, if I needed to change my tyre I’d probably root around in the boot for the jack, see if I can find the jack points and ultimately call the AA (Automobile Association). I pay them a fortune and haven’t called them out since 2002. For the near £1000 they’ve had off me in that time, the least they can do is change my tyre.
Literary Lion – In the Dark of the Night
This week Literary Lion has offered up the words “story in the woods” for our prompt. This challenge is hosted by Laura at “I Smith Words” and allows up to 400 words.
Here is my dark and chilling “story in the woods”! Well, okay, it’s a bit silly (again).
Copyright me
In the Dark of the Night
If you go down to the woods today, you’re sure of a big surprise…
“Are you rolling, Jeff? Good. We’re here in the depths of Deacon Woods. Tonight’s a very special night. A secret gathering, we’ve heard. We’re going to try to film it. Follow me Jeff, quietly!”
If you go down to the woods today, you’d better go in disguise!
“There they are, just up ahead! No-one’s ever got this close before. This is… this is amazing! Are you getting this, Jeff? I see campfires, trestle tables, lots of tables. And snacks. Lots of snacks. Buns, honey, this is incredible! Let’s get a bit closer, Jeff. Oh, don’t be such a fraidy cat! Yes, I know we don’t look like Teddy Bears, it’ll be okay.”
For every bear that ever there was will gather there for certain, because…
“I think they’re all here. Every single last one of them! Eating, having fun, this is fantastic television! Keep filming, Jeff. There’s a Pulitzer in this! I think… wait, a couple of them are looking this way. They’ve seen us!”
…today’s the day the Teddy Bears have their picnic.
“They’re stopping their picnic, coming towards us. Jeff, we need to move, now! We need to outrun them [puff puff] they look really angry round this next bend, Jeff, we’ll hide in the trees what the hell, what was that? Throwing stars? They’re Teddy Bears for God’s sake! Keep running Jeff, oh Hell, Jeff, your leg, oh God oh God, give me the camera, I’m sorry, I’ll come back for you I think I can escape… oh no, no no no, they’re all around me, dressed all in black, this is incredible, scary, what will they do? one of the Teddy Bears is approaching me…”
“I WILL TAKE THE CAMERA, HUMAN, IF YOU PLEASE. YOUR ADVENTURE IS AT AN END. AS IS YOUR LIFE.”
“Damn you, you cute furry murderous Teddy Bear ninja bastards.”
Diner of DOOM
It’s Friday Fictioneers time again, hosted by Rochelle, and this week the photo was contributed by Raina Ng. We get around 100 words to write about a picture, and you can read this week’s other stories by clicking on the blue froggy.
Be afraid. Be very afraid, as I present to you “The Diner of DOOM”.
Copyright Raina Ng
Kat and Jed exchanged anxious glances as they hid behind the diner’s counter. Outside the noise was getting worse – banging on the door and windows, groaning, breaking glass.
“They’re still out there. What are we going to do?” asked Kat, trembling.
“What can we do? Call someone? Who’s going to come? We’re on our own.”
“Barricade the doors,” said Kat. “If they get in here… it’ll be carnage.”
“We could distract them. Throw them some burgers.”
“Urgh! The thought of watching them mindlessly rip into the meat…” shuddered Kat. “Animals!”
“Well,” said Jed, “it was your idea to do a Student Happy Hour.”
Luv and Hat
A little wee while ago, Anxious Mom over at Strong Enough to Break nominated me for this Love/Hate challenge. “Love” and “hate” are quite strong words so I’m toning it down a bit by using Sideshow Bob’s tattoos from The Simpsons (because they only have three fingers, you see).
Things I Luv
- Sunny early mornings with the smell of flowers and grass and such.
- My job. Well, maybe “luv” is too strong a word, but I don’t mind going, it’s a good job and I enjoy it. That’s more than many people can say.
- Reading great books. Lots and lots of books!
- Being all growed up so I can make my own decisions.
- Writing again after so long – years and years and years.
- My little car
- Afternoon naps
- Quiet walks out in The Nature
- My little house – mine, all mine bwahahaha! (And the bank’s.)
- Netflix, and its wealth of quality entertainment 🙂
Things I Hat
- Spiders
- Inconsiderate people.
- Computers answering phone calls when people should be answering phone calls.
- Traffic slowing down for no reason and then speeding up again and you never know why.
- Crowded places.
- Marketing cold calls. No, I don’t want any, thank you. Oh, you’re a computer.
- Changing my routine.
- Intolerant people.
- When people randomly waste stuff, like water or electricity or plastic bags.
- More spiders
I’m not going to nominate people, and I know many people have done this one already. Feel free to join in if you like!
MFTS – A Stoner’s Soul
It’s Mondays Finish the Story time, hosted by Barbara Beacham. This is the one where we get a photo and an opening sentence.
This is the final part of “The Stoner Trilogy”. If you remember, in “The Highest Spirits“, Chad and Brad lost their souls, and in “Fool Me Twice” they were conned into a “Trial” by the lead spirit, Basil.
This was the best I could do, given the number of words and while attempting to make each story reasonably standalone. Here is the cast of characters:
Chad – a stoner
Brad – another stoner
Basil – a cunning head spirit
and introducing special guest star ZEUS as ZEUS, a powerful and currently quite irritated god.
The opening sentence is in bold in my story, and other contributions may be found by clicking the blue froggy.
Copyright B.W. Beacham
ZEUS was not having a good day and he made sure everyone knew it.
First his “soldiers” were too wide for his boiled eggs, now the spirits of Miners Hill had taken it upon themselves to capture souls!
The sky lit up as if on fire as ZEUS vented his rage. Spirit Chad looked suspiciously at his insubstantial joint.
“Thunder and lightning for the Trial, dude,” explained Spirit Brad.
“Heavy,” said Chad. Rain began to fall, extinguishing his joint. His face fell.
“BASIL!” screamed ZEUS to the lead spirit. “STEALING SOULS WITHOUT MY PERMISSION?”
“Um,” stuttered Basil. “Um…”
ZEUS fired more lightning which narrowly missed Chad, clipping and reigniting his joint.
“Epic!” said Chad, taking a puff.
“RETURN THEIR SOULS AT ONCE!”
With a wave of Basil’s hand, it was done.
“This calls for a celebration!” said Brad, reaching into his underpants for his special hidden stash.
Against all odds Chad and Brad lived to a ripe old age. And although our stoners could remember almost none of it, they both agreed (on their smoke-shrouded death bed) that they’d had a stonkingly Epic Time.
Sharing My World 2015 Week 22
It’s sharing my world time again, and this week Cee has posed some “finish these sentences”, um, sentences. It can be fact or fiction!
Never In My Life Have I…
…accidentally shot myself in the face while playing an ill-advised game of Russian Roulette while smashed on tequila shots. Not even as a student! That’s one for the bucket list. Probably should be the last item.
My neighbour wants me to help her…
…not have to keep asking me to cut back the undergrowth that gets in her way, probably. I’ve managed to pre-empt her this year by being proactive in my shrubbery cutting. Yay me! Why the shrubbery can’t just stay within the confines of my borders, I don’t know. Damn you, shrubbery.
When I was little I wanted…
…to be a football player (that’s football football, not American football), a train driver and a spy. Maybe I could win the cup final on the weekend, drive trains during the week and do my spying at night. That’s do-able, right? At least to a ten year old.
Will you come here to…
…read my little stories and see my photos? I hope you will :-).
To Boldly Go
Laura Gabrielle Feasey over at I Smith Words has started a new flash fiction thingummy called “Literary Lion”, because Literary Lion looks after the prompts, you see. This one is for up to 400 words (wow, yeah, I know right, 400 whole words!) and this week the prompt is “Space”.
I’ve gone completely literal – the first thing I think of when I hear “Space” is Captain Kirk’s famous words at the beginning of Star Trek: “Space: the final frontier. These are the voyages of the starship Enterprise. Its five-year mission: to explore strange new worlds, to seek out new life and new civilisations, to boldly go where no man has gone before.”
I know this is my third fiction this week, but although fairly long this one is all dialogue and so quite easy to wade through :-).
I got to thinking – I bet it wasn’t that polished when he spoke those words the first time. So let’s take a look, shall we, and see how it went?
Taken from Wikipedia, Copyright probably Desilu/Paramount
“Space, the final frontier,” began Kirk. The bridge crew looked around expectantly. “These are the voyages of the star ship Enterprise,” he continued. “Its five year mission, to…”
“Five years? FIVE YEARS?” cut in a Russian voice. “I told my mum I’d be back for Sunday lunch!”
“Mr Checkov,” admonished Kirk. “Do you mind? I’m trying to give an inspirational speech here.”
“Sorry, Keptin.”
“To continue,” said Kirk, “…explore strange new worlds, to seek out new life and new civilisations…”
“And shoot them!” laughed the security guard by the turbolift.
Kirk looked at him. “You’ll be dead soon enough, red-shirt cannon fodder uncredited person, so I’ll let you have your fun this time.” The security guard turned a funny shade of green, which clashed rather abominably with his red jumper.
“As I was saying,” continued Kirk, “…to boldly go where…”
“You’re splitting your infinitive, Captain.”
“What’s that, Mr Spock? Splitting my infinitive, you say? I’ll damn well split my infinitive if I like, you pedantic fool. Are you the captain? No, I’m the captain. Besides, it will probably be the most famous split infinitive in the English language by the time I’m finished. If I may?”
“Of course, Captain,” said Spock, unfazed.
“…to boldly go…” Kirk paused, glaring around the bridge as if daring someone to object, “… where no man has gone bef…”
“’Person’, Captain. Or ‘one’. ‘Man’ is a bit sexist, don’t you think?”
“Oh, good God! Janice, shortly I will be involved in America’s first interracial TV kiss with the lovely Uhura.” He winked at the Lieutenant, who ducked her head and pretended she hadn’t heard. “One thing at a time. Baby steps, Yeoman, baby steps. Now, …no man has gone before!”
He looked triumphantly around the bridge, one arm held dramatically above his head. Everyone clapped.
“Now, Mr Sulu, ahead, warp factor… what’s a sensible warp factor do you think?”
“Um, two, Captain?” hedged Sulu.
“Very good, Mr Sulu. Fast enough that we mean business, not so fast that it looks like we’re rushing about like headless Ferengi. Warp factor two it is!”
And so the Enterprise went boldly towards the distant stars, the Captain’s speech but a distant, somewhat embarrassing memory.
Life Without Parole
It’s Friday Fictioneers time again, the weekly 100 word photo prompt hosted by Rochelle. Congratulations are due this week on the new arrival to the Pendergast family :-).
The photo this week was contributed by C. Hase, and the other stories will appear during the week on the page reached by clicking the blue froggy below.
Copyright C. Hase
Life Without Parole
Trapped. Hemmed in. Chained down. How has it come to this? Can’t breathe…
I can’t breathe!
Sweat trickling down my face. I feel so closed in. Helpless.
So much I’ll never do again. And so many things I’ve never done. That fishing trip with the lads we planned but never got around to. Watching tennis at Wimbledon. Climbing Mount Everest. Running a marathon. So many opportunities wasted.
Help me, somebody. Take me away from here! How has this happened? How…
“Sir? Sir?”
“Uh, yes, sorry. Ahem. I do.”
“I now pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss the bride.”
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