draliman on life

Here is my post for Melanie’s Share Your World.

What is worse than a dentist with bad breath?
A proctologist with a power drill.

Have you ever been rejected by someone that you liked, or been told that you were not good enough for somebody else?
Ha!

“Um… fancy going out for a drink after work?
“Yeah, sounds good!”
woohoo!
“Great, place round the corner at 6?”
“Yep. Who else is coming?”
Nooooooo!

Did you ever want to have toast for breakfast, only to find that all your bread was covered in green mould?
Result. Extra penicillin, set you up for the day.

Did you ever sneeze so hard that your whole body hurt?
Not my whole body but my head. Makes me worry I’ve burst a blood vessel 😦

Did you ever buy clothing on the internet that did not fit, but you wore them anyway, since you didn’t want to pay the £5 shipping charge to send them back?
No. I only buy clothes on the internet if they’re a known brand and I understand their sizing system. Most places these days have a handy size chart, as obviously one company’s “XL” is another company’s “M”.

Here is my post for Melanie’s Share Your World. We have a new COVID-themed image this week!

Is cereal soup? Why or why not?
What? No. Surely not! Milk makes me throw up anyway so all that leaves is the dry Rice Crispies. Not very soup-like.

I suppose if you wait for the cereal to get soggy and mash it all up you’d get a soup-like substance. Like gruel. Yum.

What are some interesting ways to answer everyday questions like “how’s it going” or “what do you do”?
“What’s ‘it’? You’re talking nonsense, man. You need to define your terms. Moron.”

“What do I do when? At night? During the day? When I’m out and about? Be more precise! Moron.”

(Taken from my upcoming book “How to lose friends and piss everyone off”.)

What was your favourite toy growing up?
I remember two. There was my bike. I’d cycle all around town visiting friends. The other was a cool castle my Dad made for me and my brother out of wood. Battlements, a drawbridge, it had everything!

If you have a pet, and you could ask it three questions, what would you ask?
I don’t but I’ve had cats so let’s go with a cat.

“Why are you peeing on the carpet?”
“Are you taking the piss? If you are, please take it off the carpet and outside.”
“When you look at me are you thinking about how I’d make good eating?”

Here is my post for Melanie’s Share Your World.

Do you like or dislike surprises? Why or why not?
I’m not a big fan of surprises. I like to know what’s coming so I can sort out my reaction in advance. I wouldn’t want to go into shock or burst into tears or whatever, that would never do 🙂

What’s your favourite zoo animal?
I’ve not been to a zoo for many years, and I’m not a big fan of animals being in zoos. They’re not as bad as they used to be of course with the tiny cages they used to have. I quite like the penguins.

What three things do you think of the most each day?
Hahaha oh goodness. Best not to say 😉

Let’s go for three other things. Work, what’s for tea, what shall I watch next.

When, if ever, is taking a human life justified?
To protect yourself or others.

Or when someone’s getting a bit annoying, obviously.

Here is my post for Melanie’s Share Your World.

Which meal is your favourite: breakfast, lunch, or dinner?
Tea, which is “dinner”, if you like (I’m not posh enough to call it “dinner” unless it’s a meal out).

I like to choose something good to watch and relax and eat. I don’t eat breakfast at all. Even when I’m in a hotel and it’s “included” I rarely eat any. I just don’t feel hungry.

Who do you admire most in the world?
Me. I’m awesome.

No, wait, that sounds a bit arrogant and self-obsessive.

No one person. Traits and actions from lots of people.

Especially from me 😉

With the obvious restrictions in place, what do you regret not doing in the last year?
Nothing much, really. A couple of birthday family get-togethers were missed, and I haven’t been able to babysit my godson and his siblings, but apart from that, I was never really one for going out.

Here is my post for Melanie’s Share Your World.

What’s the tallest building you’ve been to the top of?
I have no idea. It wouldn’t have been very high, though. Maybe a few storeys. A multi-storey car park or something.

What do you do to keep fit?
What is this “keeping fit” of which you speak?

What’s your jack-o-lantern carved to look like?
I’ve never carved one. I’ve never known anyone who carved one. Or bought a pumpkin. Halloween is getting bigger in the UK but has never been a big thing.

Fortunately it was largely cancelled this year, for obvious reasons. In fact, trick-and-treating was illegal in much if the UK due to various local lockdown restrictions.

Nothing says “super-spreader event” quite like going round loads of houses taking sweets from dozens of strangers!

Do you have hope or have you lost it?
I hope I have hope.

Hey, looks like I do have hope!