No Happy Endings
Here is my contribution for Barbara Beacham’s Mondays Finish the Story.
We get a photo and a starting sentence and then 150 words on top. It appears to be fairy tale time this week, so that’s what I’ve written! Thanks to my rather odd sense of humour, my story makes me laugh. Ha ha.
To read this week’s other stories, click on the blue froggy. The supplied sentence is in bold in my story.
Copyright Barbara W. Beacham
Once upon a time in a land far, far away there lived a pixie called Mike. Pixie Mike.
All the other pixies made fun of him. They all had cool pixie names while Pixie Mike was stuck with “Mike”. Floats With Flowers, Runs With Unicorns and Sleeps With Fairies never stopped taunting him.
Pixie Mike was very upset.
One day a great evil came to Pixie Land and all the other pixies ran to hide. Pixie Mike saw his chance to save Pixie Land! The other pixies would never make fun of him again. All he had to do was cross the Chasm of Terror and retrieve the Orb of Light.
He stepped tentatively onto the bridge and inched across. “I’m going to make it!” he thought.
But halfway across he slipped, fell into the chasm and broke both his legs. Because real life’s not a fairy tale. Bad things happen.
And nobody lived happily ever after. Especially not Pixie Mike, who finally got his pixie name. Stumbles and Splatters.
Sharing My World 2015 Week 13
Here is my contribution to Cee’s Share Your World, the weekly challenge where we answer four questions posed by Cee.
What was your favourite subject in school?
Definitely not maths or Latin. Yuckity yuck yuck!
I enjoyed Physics, which is what I went on to study. I also really liked English Language – that’s the grammer/composition part. I didn’t like English Literature. Wordsworth, Shakespeare, Dickens, Austen, Bronte(s). I know these are the “classics” but life’s too short. Sorry.
Now if this gang had written “The Taming of the Vampire”, “A Midsummer Night’s Werewolf” or “Wuthering Decapitations” I might be interested.
“Life is not measured by the number of breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breath away” (George Carlin). When have you had such a moment?
Hmm. I’m not sure I ever have. I’ve seen lovely landscapes and such which were “breathtaking” but I never got a massive emotional reaction from them to the extent that this question suggests, just a feeling of contentment. I don’t like sudden highs and lows anyway.
What’s your choice: jigsaw, crossword, or numeric puzzles?
I’ve never tried numeric puzzles – my maths is horrendous. I have no general knowledge whatsoever so I can’t do crosswords (unless they’re aimed at kids). So that leaves jigsaws, though the last one I did was a Star Trek one and that was a few decades ago.
If I did a jigsaw I’d have to put it in a frame, though. I wouldn’t be able to spend hours making something only to tear it apart immediately.
If you found an obviously abandoned car with $50,000 in the back seat, what would you do?
I’d call the police. This amount of money in an abandoned car? It must belong to drug dealers or the mob, and they’d miss even a single dollar, I reckon. Plus it would take ages to convert it all to pounds without “attracting attention”.
Even if it doesn’t belong to anyone, taking it would be theft. The concept of “finders – keepers” doesn’t exist in law (in the UK anyway). I wouldn’t do well spending time at “Her Majesty’s Pleasure”. I’m too pretty :-).
Mind the Step
It’s Friday Fictioneers time, hosted by Rochelle. Here’s a rather silly story befitting quite a mad photo, which came to us from Lauren Moscato by way of Amy Reese.
You’d think I’d have a million ideas for this photo, but no. Or perhaps the problem is that I have a million ideas but no decent ending. Here’s what I decided on in the end.
To see this week’s other stories, click on the blue froggy.
Copyright Lauren Moscato
Sitting in their van, the builders watched as a dog shot out of the doggie door, pedalled its legs comically in mid-air and then crashed to the ground.
“When he said ‘add a second storey’, d’ya think he meant ‘on the top’?” asked one.
“Dunno,” said the other. “If that’s what he wanted, he should have said so. I taped a sign to his door, just in case.”
“What’d it say?”
“Mind the step.”
“Nice.”
The door opened and a very irate owner stared out.
“Did he pay up front?”
“Yup.”
“Good. Let’s get out of here before he finds a ladder.”
Never Happy
Here is my contribution to Mondays Finish the Story, hosted every week by Barbara Beacham. We get a photo, a starting sentence and 150 words.
I was very busy at work and couldn’t think of a story so I’ve done some dialogue. A little snippet of life, between two old friends, perhaps, meeting for lunch. Or maybe a husband and wife.
Click on the blue froggy to read the other stories. The opening sentence is in bold in my story.
“Pizza anyone?”
“Mmm, pizza. Food of the gods.”
“Food of the gods?”
“Pizza – Italian, right? Italy, Rome, Roman gods – Zeus and such. QED.”
“’Jupiter.’ Zeus was Greek, moron.”
“Whatever. Dig in! Mmm. Argh! Wait! What is this nonsense?”
“What’s wrong now?”
“A strange taste… in my mouth… little black globes of death…”
“Olives.”
“Olives? Urgh.”
“If you don’t like them pick them off, for God’s sake. Stop making a meal out of everything.”
“Ha! ‘Meal.’ Well punned.”
“Can I have your olives, then?”
“If you’re sure you wanna risk it, go ahead.”
“If you don’t like olives, why did you order olives?”
“You gotta take the good with the bad.”
“But you’re picking the ‘bad’ off.”
“It’s the principal of the thing. Pass me the garlic bread.”
“’Please’ would be nice.”
“Mmm, garlic bread. Argh! A strange taste… in my mouth… little shredded cloves of death…”
“That’s the garlic. Shoot me now.”
Sharing My World 2015 Week 12
It’s time for me to participate in Cee’s Share Your World challenge. Here goes!
When was the last time you sat on a park or garden bench for more than ten minutes? Describe the occasion.
Ten minutes is actually quite a long time. When I’m out walking somewhere nice I generally only sit for a couple of minutes and then I’m keen to see what’s around the next corner.
I think the last time I sat for more than ten minutes was in my back garden last summer. I had bought a sun lounger and I sat out for about 45 minutes reading a book. Since it was “only 45 minutes” I didn’t use and sun tan lotion so I got a bit burnt on the legs :-(.
Would you ever be interested in observing a surgery or do you turn away when the nurse brings out the needle?
I’m not squeamish about needles. I often look as I’m intrigued by the blood suddenly spurting into the container. I watch surgeries on TV dramas (never reality, only fiction). I would not like to see surgery performed for real on an actual person, whether it be on TV or live.
In fact, having seen surgeries on TV I’m scared about having surgery in real life. The surgeons always seem to be chatting about their relationships or having meltdowns. I suppose that’s just required to advance the storyline, though!
Where’s your favourite place to take out-of-town guests?
Back to the railway station/airport. Begone, foul out-of-town guests bwa-ha-ha!
There are so many lovely places here. It would depend on their preference.
Woodland (Cardinham Woods):
Cliffs and whatnot (Tintagel):
Gardens (Trelissick):
If you had an unlimited shopping spree at only one store, which one would you choose? Why?
I would imagine I’d go for an electronics-type shop. That way I could get a whole bunch of computers and cameras and stuff.
Merby’s Beatles Competition!
Merbear over at Knocked Over by a Feather is having a competition! Thanks for the timely reminder about that today, Mer!
Merbear is a huge Beatles fan, and her challenge is to do a post based on one of several snippets of Beatles lyrics she has supplied. I have chosen this one, from “Across the Universe”. This song has now been stuck in my head all day!
Words are flowing out like
Endless rain into a paper cup
They slither wildly as they slip away across the universe.
Pools of sorrow waves of joy
Are drifting through my opened mind
Possessing and caressing me
I thought I’d take you back in time, back to 1960s Liverpool to watch two of the Fab Four at work as they come up with these lyrics. Imagine Flower Power. Imagine free love, the Campaign for Nuclear Disarmament and whacked out hippies. Let’s drop in on John and (not yet Sir) Paul and see what’s going on, shall we?
(Cue spooky music and swirly effect so we all know we’re going back in time…)
“I can’t think of a new song. The words keep slipping away from me, like all the way across the universe, man.”
“Hey, that’ll do for a title. ‘Across the Universe’. Profound. Take a toke on this and see if it helps.”
(Puff puff)
“So what do you see?”
“Wow. Colours. Lights. Rain falling into a paper cup.”
“Cool!”
“Yeah! And there’s words too. Slithering around the place.”
“We can work with that. What else?”
“There’s sorrow and joy in pools and waves, man.”
“Good, good…”
“My mind’s all, like, open, and it’s caressing me and all sorts…”
“Yes, yes, very sensual, I like it.”
“And then it’s all like ‘goo goo g’joob’.”
“Always with the walrus. What’s the matter with you?”
“Sorry, man.”
(Cue swirly effect again…)
And thus, “Across the Universe” was born. Thank you for your time.
Moving On
Here is my contribution to Friday Fictioneers, the weekly 100-ish word flash fiction challenge hosted by Rochelle. This week’s picture comes from David Stewart.
I’m still in a weird mood but here’s a bit of odd dialogue for you. I had a whole run of comedies and then recently it’s all gone a bit sombre. Hey ho.
For this week’s other stories, click on the little blue froggy. Here he is!
Copyright David Stewart
“The horn player’s out of tune.”
“He is a bit. You’re right.”
“That used to be me, you know. Before my lungs began to fail.”
“I know. You were good.”
“I was. I was good. Not like that fellow.”
“I’m sure he’ll improve with time. You weren’t always good, were you?”
“I suppose not. Will there be a brass band where I’m going?”
“I don’t know.”
“Why don’t you know? You’re an angel.”
“‘Facilitator’. I told you. I help you move on. That’s all. Where you go is a mystery to me. But I’m sure you’ll find your brass band.”
Life’s a Stage
Here’s a cynical look at humanity to thrill and depress you for this week’s Mondays Finish the Story, a weekly 150 word photo/opening sentence challenge hosted by Barbara Beacham. The opening sentence, in bold in my story, doesn’t count towards our word count.
Click on the blue froggy to read this week’s other stories.
When the team heard the dam explode, they knew they had limited time to make it to safety.
Barry glanced behind at the raging wall of water as they desperately tried to steer towards the shore. He saw figures on the river bank.
“Help!” he screamed.
The figures were holding up phones. Were they calling for help? He could hear snatches of their excited shouts.
“Awesome… stats through the roof… YouTube sensation…”
A wave struck and he fell from the boat, smashing his head on a rock. Nigel was next, flying into the torrent, water filling his lungs.
There were more figures on the bank now, all holding up phones. Sebastian was thrown from the front of the boat, impaled and twitching on a tree branch.
Whoops of excitement issued from the bank. Finally the boat capsized to cries of “awesome!” and “mega!”
The onlookers didn’t see the final wall of water as it smashed their bodies to pulp. Fortunately, their final footage was already uploading to the cloud for the guilty pleasure of the masses.
Sharing My World 2015 Week 11
It’s time for Share Your World again, hosted by Cee.
List 2 things you have to be happy about?
Oh goodness, I’m not so good with this sort of question. A good job in a great company, and living in a country where I don’t have to worry about very much at all compared to some.
Do you prefer ketchup or mustard or mayonnaise?
Yes. Also Tabasco, Worcester sauce, horseradish sauce, mint sauce etc etc. The way I “cook”, it’s usually best not to be able to taste the food.
This is all I have in at the moment. I hope it will do.
If you were to paint a picture of your childhood, what colours would you use?
Golly gosh! I don’t know. I had a happy childhood so something bright, I suppose. Yellow, maybe.
Do you prefer a bath or shower?
A shower. Leaving alone the fact that after a bath I feel all sweaty and in need of a shower, baths are too expensive. I had an ex once whom I allowed to stay on in the place I was renting while she finished her finals at university (big mistake but that’s another story). She switched from showers to baths and tripled my water bill. Tripled!
Here’s a bonus for this week. I entered and won Evil Squirrel’s Second Annual Contest of Whatever, and here is what I got for my prize – a cool t-shirt direct from ES’s CafePress shop. This is also my very first selfie :-). And here’s a shameless link drop to my winning entry.
I tried one using the mirror and then I had a go by aiming the camera at myself and using the mirror to see what I was pointing the phone at.
Memories of a Breaking World
It’s Friday Fictioneers time again, the weekly 100-ish word flash fiction photo challenge hosted by Rochelle. This week the photo was contributed by Rachel Bjerke. I’d love to know where this is, it looks lovely!
I’m not sure what genre to place my story in. I’ll go for “boring” as nothing actually happens. I’m sure there’s a proper literary word for it. I chose a rather pretentious title to spruce it up a bit, though :-).
To read this week’s other stories, click on the blue froggy.
Copyright Rachel Bjerke
Gronedd gazed around the ruins, admiring the damp moss glistening as the sun reflected from early morning dew. At the sight, memories from centuries past rose in his mind.
Gwyneth having her first child. Haffard placing logs on the huge fire. Dafvidd taking his first, faltering steps. Such memories this place brought him; though he had seen billions of years these had been his happiest.
Bound as an Observer to this world since its birth, Gronedd would remain until its end. Seeing wars, disease, hunger, pollution, all around him… he knew his final sleep at last approached. He would spend his final days here.
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Woohoo!
I totally didn't win!
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