Friday Fictioneers – Vera Versus the Devil
Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted as always by Rochelle. This week’s picture was contributed by FF stalwart Sandra Crook.
I’ve had a very odd and worrying week, so here’s a very odd story to go with it, best I can summon up right now.
Meet my heroine, doddery old Vera, as she sits on the beach enjoying a nice cup of tea. Feel free to apply a Northern English accent to her words :-).
To read the other stories, click on the blue froggy.
Copyright Sandra Crook
“Look at them cliffs, dearie. Lovely view!”
“I CARE NOTHING OF VIEWS! I AM COME…”
“Nice cup o’ tea?”
“… TO, um, TEAR YOUR REALM TO SHREDS…”
“And a tasty biscuit?”
“… um, AND DRAG YOU TO THE DEPTHS OF, um, yes, thank you… WAIT! I CARE NOTHING OF BISCUITS…”
“What did you say your name was, dearie?”
“Um, YOU WILL BURN, um, ‘Satan’, Ma’am.”
“Ooh, I knew some Seytons once, from over York way, are you related? Strange bunch. Nice bit o’ Madeira cake? Fresh this mornin’.”
“Um, BURN IN THE FIRES OF… oh, what’s the point.”
“Ooh, where’d he go? Odd fellow.”
Sharing My World 2015 Week 46
Here is my post for Cee’s Share Your World. Week 46! Christmas is coming. Bah humbug :-).
This week with added DraliDoodlesTM!
What type of popular candy you do not like to get?
I don’t know exactly what the word “candy” encompasses, my Americanese not being what it could be, but I’m going to assume it covers chocolate bars. Therefore I don’t like to get Marathon bars. Which changed their name to “Snickers” in 1990. Who knew? 🙂 Basically because I don’t like peanuts.
What do you feel is the most enjoyable way to spend $500?
One second while I convert that… beep… beep… beep… just over £330. That sounds about the right amount for an Xbox One, so I can also play all the games which are exclusive to that console.
I know people who have both a PS4 and an Xbox One for that very reason. It’s a lot of money and I wouldn’t do it, but if someone’s just bunging the money at me, then why not?
Where do you eat breakfast?
Nowhere. Real men don’t eat breakfast. Real men starve until lunchtime and occasionally faint from lack of food around mid-morning.
To be fair, for one reason or another I didn’t eat a thing for 24 hours on Thursday/Friday and felt no ill effects (and very little hunger). So breakfast can stuff it.
Would you rather ride one of the world’s longest zip lines or bungee jump one of the highest in the world?
This will come with a 5-day all expense vacation.
Ooh, a 5 day holiday (yes, while I don’t know the exact meaning of “candy”, I can translate “vacation”). I have explored both possibilities.
It doesn’t look like this will end well. I’ll go for zip line. I think there’s less chance of someone stuffing that up.
Friday Fictioneers – People in Glass Houses
Here is my little story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted every week by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by C.E. Ayr.
To read the other stories, click on the blue froggy.
Copyright C.E. Ayr
“What’s that, Daddy?” asked little Sammie.
“That,” replied Daddy, “is a cattle grate for ants.”
“Geoffrey!” snapped Mummy. “It’s a drain, Sammie.”
“Ooh,” said Sammie. “Is Daddy a liar then, Mummy?”
“Yes, Sammie,” replied Mummy, “he is. That’s why I’m divorcing him.”
“Gahhhh!” yelled Daddy, eyeballs bulging. “You &&*$^%^% what?!”
“Language, Geoffrey,” said Mummy calmly.
“What’s ‘divorce’, Mummy?” asked Sammie.
“That’s when Mummy loved Daddy very much, but Daddy turned out to be a womanising asshat so she’s throwing him out,” explained Mummy.
“Ooh,” said Sammie. “Should I call Uncle Frank ‘Daddy’ from now on, then?”
“Frank from Accounting?!” yelled Daddy.
“Gahhhh!” exclaimed Mummy.
Sharing My World 2015 Week 45
Here’s my post for Cee’s Share Your World challenge. Some tricky questions this week!
What’s the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word “fun”?
Oh no. Someone’s organising something “fun”. Will I have to participate? I want to go home, have tea and watch the telly. Maybe play some PS4. That’s what I’ll do.
I prefer “quietly enjoyable” to “fun”. Fun sounds like hard work.
What is your favourite time of day?
The morning, I suppose. I feel less tired in the morning (once I’ve got going). Though on a work day, the evening’s good!
Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want to have a evening with?
Ah, so many women, so little time :-). I really don’t know. Not someone I admire as an actor or whatever, as there’s the risk that I’ll be disappointed. It’s hard to know what these people are really like in real life. I’ll think I’ll have to pass on this evening.
Complete this sentence: Something that anyone can do that will guarantee my smile is…
… say something spontaneously funny (possibly rude and/or slightly inappropriate).
Friday Fictioneers – Those We Leave Behind
Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers on this Armistice Day. Friday Fictioneers is hosted by Rochelle, and this week’s photo was kindly supplied by J. Hardy Carroll.
Click on the blue frog for this week’s other stories.
Copyright J Hardy Carroll
Cynthia watched, eyes damp, as her twin daughters scampered over to the grave. She saw them solemnly place the flowers before heading back.
They’d never met their father – he’d been deployed overseas while they were still living safe and unaware beneath her heart. This year they were old enough to place the flowers. In a few years’ time they would understand the sacrifice their father had made. They’d understand why he wasn’t there, why he’d never been there for them. Why he’d had to go.
Cynthia understood. But that didn’t make it any easier. There were some wounds even time couldn’t heal.
FF – The Day Brian Killed the World
Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, the weekly 100 word flash fiction challenge headed up by Rochelle over at Addicted to Purple. This week’s photo comes courtesy of Connie Gayer, or Mrs Russell:-).
I could have done with another 50 words for this one, but them’s the breaks. Hopefully I haven’t stripped out too much. And I thought this was a pipe rather than a wire at first glance.
To read this week’s other stories, click the blue froggy.
Copyright Connie Gayer
“What’s that?” asked Brian.
“Dunno. Some pipe. There’s a sign. What’s it say?”
“No idea.” Brian tugged at the pipe until one end came free. With a sound reminiscent of air escaping a balloon, Earth deflated to the size of a marble. Trees, cars and dead people floated off into space.
“WHAT A MESS!” boomed a voice from the darkness. “I’M NOT CLEANING THIS UP. WHO’S RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS PLANET?” The Angelic Host appeared. One of their number raised a wing.
“Me,” he mumbled. “But, but, I left a sign. Look!”
Emergency Planet Release Valve
Authorised Angelic Personnel Only
DO NOT TOUCH!
MFTS – Live By the Coin…
Here is my story for Barbara Beacham’s Mondays Finish the Story. The supplied opening line is in bold in my story.
I had trouble merging a constantly nervous and tense woman with coins, but here it is all the same! Click on the blue froggy for all this week’s other stories.
Copyright B.W. Beacham
She lived a life that some would describe as being on edge. She was constantly panicking, especially when it came to make a decision. Watching Batman, she was terribly impressed by “Two Face”, making all his decisions by flipping a coin. Her salvation!
Rummaging around at the back of the sofa she found one, depicting a bison. Everything changed.
Everything was in the lap of fate. “No bison” – she binned her boyfriend. “Bison” – she stayed at her appalling job. “Bison” – she took an axe and found a family, letting the husband live, killing the wife, sparing the toddler and killing the teenager. The bison had spoken.
Karma caught up when the judge, staring her straight in the eye, flipped a coin, declared “bison” and sent her to the chair. Arriving at the gates of Heaven, the angel flipped a coin, declared “no bison” and sent her downstairs. Fate is a jealous mistress – once you give yourself to Her, She’ll never let you go.
Sharing My World 2015 Week 43
Here’s my weekly post for Cee’s Share Your World.
If you were on a debate team, what general subject would you relish debating?
This wouldn’t be a very good idea for me. You don’t want to get me started on something.
I’m thinking maybe
“Is it okay to illegally steal music and films off the web rather than pay for them like a law-abiding citizen? If you feel something in a shop is too expensive, do you steal it instead? DISCUSS!”
You can see by the slightly (!) biased way I phrased the question where I stand :-). I’ve already started my debate in the question, even!
The trouble is I might have to argue the opposite to what I believe on a debate team. Maybe I could do that, maybe not.
What’s your strongest sense?
My eyesight is pretty poor (though fine with corrective lenses). My sense of taste isn’t what it was thanks to decades of Tabasco abuse. My sense of touch is somewhat desensitised (at least on my thumbs) thanks to chewing on them. My sense of smell isn’t great either. So I’ll go for hearing, which is fine apart from the usual age-related degradation.
What would you name the autobiography of your life?
“Was that it, then? The life and times of draliman.”
List your favourite flavours or types of tea.
I don’t really like “normal” tea. I sometimes drink “fruity” tea, like blackcurrant and stuff. I suppose technically that’s a “fruit infusion” rather than a tea. Here is what’s in my cupboard right now. The worktop thingy I put it on for this picture was one of my birthday presents from my friends from round the corner. I have another flavour in my drawer at work.
Friday Fictioneers – Pioneer Monkey
Here is my story for this week’s Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo is by Dale Rogerson. Thanks, Dale!
To read this week’s other contributions, click on the blue froggy.
Copyright Dale Rogerson
“What-ho, Simpkins, our submersible prototype returns!”
“Indeed, Pendergast. But wait, it is full to the brim with water!”
“Dash it. Quickly, retrieve the monkey.” They opened the hatch and pulled out a rather waterlogged simian.
“How fares he, Simpkins?” asked Pendergast.
“Speak to me, Chester!” shouted Simpkins, hammering on the monkey’s chest. Water spouted from its mouth.
Ook.
“Thank Heavens! Chester lives!”
“A palpable success, Simpkins,” said Pendergast. “I’ll wager you’re glad to be out of there, Chester!”
Ook! Ook!
“Tomorrow,” said Simpkins, “we shall trial our rocket ship, powered only by the flatulence of cattle. To the stars, Chester!”
Ooooook.
MFTS – Musings of a Dead Man
Here is my story for this week’s Mondays Finish the Story, conceived and hosted by Barbara Beacham. We are given a sentence to start us off, plus a picture. The supplied opening sentence is in bold in my story below.
To read this week’s other stories, click on the blue froggy. My story this week is a little bit gruesome! I blame the photo :-).
Copyright B W. Beacham
I watched the vulture looking at me hungrily as I lay on the ground bleeding and injured.
Well, “injured” is putting it mildly. I’ve been dead for days, but here I lie, waiting for… whatever. Maybe they’ve forgotten about me?
What’s that damn vulture up to now? Here it comes, right on my face. Great. There goes the other eyeball. I hope you choke on it, you stupid bird. Now I can’t see anything at all.
What happened to the chorus of angels? What happened to the bright light? Come to think of it, how will I even see the bright light with no eyeballs?
What’s that now I hear? Howling? Well, that’s just bloody brilliant, that is. Wolves. Marvellous. Here they come. At least they’ve scared the vulture away, the bastard. Yes, that’s it, feast on my intestines. No shoving, there’s enough for everyone. Bollocks.
Not that I have either of those left. The vulture had them yesterday.
Hello? Hello? Angels? Anyone? Is there anybody up there…?
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Woohoo!
I totally didn't win!
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